Hi, I am here now. I have been on the family board for 2 or 3 years because I live with a drug addict. It has caused me great stress and I turned to wine. My dad was an acute alcholic and so were both my grandfathers. I drank socially and to excess as teen and in college. I was never one to drink at home until I was in my late 20's and I discovered wine. Still, not much. Over the last two years my sleeping has gotten bad and I would use wine to take me away from dealing with my boyfriend. This summer got really stressfull and I found myself really drinking large quanitites at one sitting. I starting feeling guilty, embarassed, ashamed, hungover, etc.
So a week and a half ago I stayed up all night drinking wine. The next day I slept all day. Than I saw my therapist and we talked about it. I went to alanon but don't have an aa book. I am not allowing myself to get ruined by alchohol. So I have put it away for now. I am concerned about social settings but so far have managed to steer clear of them even over labor day weekend.
Any advice? I was drinking every other day to every two days this summer. Always at night and always more than the norm. I just started Lexapro a month ago (anti-depressant). I haven't had the urge to drink except for last night when I was bored. Still too tired to and not want to do it so I stayed in. I don't know that I will never drink again but I do know that I can not use it as a crutch and that I have the gene! I also know it was progressing and I was getting very emotional when I drank. I lost my long time pet in June and that really set me off on a downward spiral. I can't do that to myself.
Thanks,
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer... the patterns you are describing when you drink are very familiar to me... I admire you for having the courage to stop before it gets to be a real problem... I couldn't and carried on for years....
Well done!
Izzy X
Well done!
Izzy X
Hey Jennifer give AA a go as you know the system via Alanon so meetings shouldn't be a problem and they will help immensely also get phone numbers and contacts in AA that you feel comfortable talking to.
Keep posting whatever is happening and forget about what other people are or aren't doing as you have to concentrate on yourself and your recovery
light and love Zac
Keep posting whatever is happening and forget about what other people are or aren't doing as you have to concentrate on yourself and your recovery
light and love Zac
Hi, made it 13 days and had wine tonight. I haven't gone totally overboard and can't the stores are closed. I have had a crazy week with vet visits and such. It seems today wore me out and I had a glass of wine with a friend and than got some for home. It could go way more than now but I didn't let it. I am going to bed. I have an AA book but from 04!
Totally willing to go to meetings. Need to know where they are in MA/
Trying.
Jennifer
Totally willing to go to meetings. Need to know where they are in MA/
Trying.
Jennifer
Jenniferlee: Here is the link to an AA meeting locator: http://www.step12.com/meetings.html
Also, if you have a "Big Book" ~ blue cover with Alcoholics Anonymous embossed on the front cover ~ the one you picked up in 2004 it will do just fine. I find the first 164 pages a manual for living for me...the book refers to it as a "design" for living.
Also, if you have a "Big Book" ~ blue cover with Alcoholics Anonymous embossed on the front cover ~ the one you picked up in 2004 it will do just fine. I find the first 164 pages a manual for living for me...the book refers to it as a "design" for living.
Jennifer...
I am proud of you for your honesty...your taking steps by posting on here, reaching out and your willingness to go to meetings...Click on the above that VW posted and find yourself a meeting. You will be welcomed with open arms...One day at a time, my friend...keep sharing as it helps so much....
((((((hugs))))))
Take care,
Stacey
I am proud of you for your honesty...your taking steps by posting on here, reaching out and your willingness to go to meetings...Click on the above that VW posted and find yourself a meeting. You will be welcomed with open arms...One day at a time, my friend...keep sharing as it helps so much....
((((((hugs))))))
Take care,
Stacey
I am back. I have been doing better was back up to twice per week. Saturday and Thursday were rough or more so Sunday and Friday with the hangover. i went to my therapist tonight and told him I had 5 days without the urge to drink at all but that I was worked up and hyper and had the urge to get wine and go home and work on the computer.
Instead he looked up meetings for me and I went to one in the next town. It was great besides this one guy asking me out and haunting me after the meeting. I got rid of him and got two women's phone numbers. I am going to a woman's meeting tomorrow night in this town and they will be there. When is a good time to find a sponser and how does it work? I also have a book./ Anyway the meeting helped because I haven't had a drink today! Back to not wanting one.
Thanks all!
Jennifer
Instead he looked up meetings for me and I went to one in the next town. It was great besides this one guy asking me out and haunting me after the meeting. I got rid of him and got two women's phone numbers. I am going to a woman's meeting tomorrow night in this town and they will be there. When is a good time to find a sponser and how does it work? I also have a book./ Anyway the meeting helped because I haven't had a drink today! Back to not wanting one.
Thanks all!
Jennifer
Hi Jen...Congrats on going to your first meeting...the women's meeting is an excellent idea...My best meetings, learning, and growth happened in 2 different women's meetings...As for a sponser...the sooner the better even if its a temp sponser...Keep getting phone numbers and picking up the phone...and reading The Big Book....Just try to keep it in the day...or the moment...and pick up the phone before you take that first drink...one is never enough but always too much...
As for the guy...went through it myself...just remember some are sicker than others...I stuck with the women as much as possible....
Love Gina
As for the guy...went through it myself...just remember some are sicker than others...I stuck with the women as much as possible....
Love Gina
Hi Jen...
You're doing awesome and I am glad you're going to a woman's meeting...for me, it took a bit to get a sponsor as I didn't know what I was doing, so many questions so my friend, Kat on the PP site suggested I pick up one of the free pamphlets they have at the meetings on how to find a sponsor...I believe that's what the pamphlet is titled to "How to find a sponsor"...I read it three times and I prayed and prayed for my HP to help me pick my sponsor and then I heard her speak at a couple different meetings and approached her after about the 4th time I heard her share and asked if she'd be my temporary sponsor, which now we've ditched the temporary part....What worked for me was to quite worrying about it (because I was) and let my HP lead the way....
I am so happy for you Jen and please, if you have any questions at all, feel free to post them here and we will all help...I know I'm still early into the program of AA and I'm asking a bunch of questions...
Let us know how your woman's meeting goes...have a blessed day!
Take care,
Stacey
You're doing awesome and I am glad you're going to a woman's meeting...for me, it took a bit to get a sponsor as I didn't know what I was doing, so many questions so my friend, Kat on the PP site suggested I pick up one of the free pamphlets they have at the meetings on how to find a sponsor...I believe that's what the pamphlet is titled to "How to find a sponsor"...I read it three times and I prayed and prayed for my HP to help me pick my sponsor and then I heard her speak at a couple different meetings and approached her after about the 4th time I heard her share and asked if she'd be my temporary sponsor, which now we've ditched the temporary part....What worked for me was to quite worrying about it (because I was) and let my HP lead the way....
I am so happy for you Jen and please, if you have any questions at all, feel free to post them here and we will all help...I know I'm still early into the program of AA and I'm asking a bunch of questions...
Let us know how your woman's meeting goes...have a blessed day!
Take care,
Stacey
Hey Jennifer great to hear from you and good on you for having the willingness to change and sticking at it.
Hey not all the men in AA are 13th steppers (on the pull) so try and get some mixed meetings in just for a change now and then. :)
The sponsor one is really important and you will intuitively hear or see someone at a meeting a woman of course as it is recommended to have a same sex sponsor, just listen to them share and give it a couple of meetings before you approach them.
I have to add that i haven't got a sponsor as the one i picked i done to quickly and he was an as*hole real negative, so i used the meeting as my learning place and had a lady i knew who i could talk to over coffee as friends. You guys are lucky to have such big meetings and a choice as our little meetings are small 4 at most lately.
Jennifer good on you the world will open up for you and living life on lifes terms does have its ups and downs but you now are collecting and learning the skills to live it sober.
Light and love Zac
Hey not all the men in AA are 13th steppers (on the pull) so try and get some mixed meetings in just for a change now and then. :)
The sponsor one is really important and you will intuitively hear or see someone at a meeting a woman of course as it is recommended to have a same sex sponsor, just listen to them share and give it a couple of meetings before you approach them.
I have to add that i haven't got a sponsor as the one i picked i done to quickly and he was an as*hole real negative, so i used the meeting as my learning place and had a lady i knew who i could talk to over coffee as friends. You guys are lucky to have such big meetings and a choice as our little meetings are small 4 at most lately.
Jennifer good on you the world will open up for you and living life on lifes terms does have its ups and downs but you now are collecting and learning the skills to live it sober.
Light and love Zac
Way to go Jen! Each day of victory over alcohol and drugs is huge! Idgie's idea about the sponsorship pamphlet is a really good idea. I read it before I started taking my Sponsee through the Steps and it was really helpful....good job on staying sober!
kEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. GET UP IF YOU FALL. BE HUMBLE AND LET GOD LEAD AND HELP YOU
Hi everyone, thanks for your words of advice and encouragement. I missed the woman's meeting last wednesday because a girl who works for me had her mother get admitted to the hospital and I wound up helping her out until after the meeting had ended. I stayed in most of the weekend and was lazy. I can't sleep at all. But this has been going on for a while. It is getting worse again. I haven't had a drink for 12 days. I really felt the calling to it on Sunday but was with a good friend and I did get a new meeting book at the meeting I was at so I found a meeting and went directly there from her house. Last night I just stayed home most of the day tired. Tonight I went to my therapist and than attempted to go to the same meeting I went to last Tuesday. No one was there and I thought "Great excuse to get some wine" I am noticing coffee as a trigger. Well, instead I told myself just get to a meeting first and than deal with this urge later. I was going back and fourth of getting wine after the meeting! I found a meeting in another town (took me 1/2 hour to find the place and being Halloween and all the traffic and kids....It was another excuse to have a drink. I didn't. I went to the meeting 1/2 hour late and heard 3 really good speakers. I wanted to stick around after and talk but it was a big meeting and everyone seemed to know eachother. I felt silly just standing there and didn't give anyone enough time to talk to me. I got in the car and left. I again wrestled with the wine calling but told myself it would be silly. So I got some food and came home. I am really reved up tonight but I didn't want to be upset with myself tomorrow. I don't know if my crazy drinking was due to depression or if I am an alcoholic. I know it is in my genetic makeup. I did get the sponsor pamphlet and I am certainly going to a lot of different meetings this week. I am going to try to go tomorrow. I actually like it. It can get a little hangy at times but overall I am really happy to be there.
When is someone ready to be a sponsor? How much time do they have to have? How many people can they sponsor at one time? I do have the pamphlet and I am pulling it out now.
I really need to get educated on alcholism and where I fit into the scheme of things. I have no idea what I am supposed to be feeling physically or mentally right now. All, I know is that i want to be healthy and happy. I love wine and I hate it. I can't imagine never drinking again and I also can't imagine staying like I have been or getting worse!
I didn't have any dt's. I do have that little wine devil on my shoulder throughout the day. Does anyone know of any good books on understanding alcholism and this process?
Thanks again, once I get more time hopefully I can contribute more. I know more about my boyfriends addiction than I do about this. That is another story. I am thinking that if I stay healthy and productive I will feel better about myself and be strong enough to leave.
Jennifer
When is someone ready to be a sponsor? How much time do they have to have? How many people can they sponsor at one time? I do have the pamphlet and I am pulling it out now.
I really need to get educated on alcholism and where I fit into the scheme of things. I have no idea what I am supposed to be feeling physically or mentally right now. All, I know is that i want to be healthy and happy. I love wine and I hate it. I can't imagine never drinking again and I also can't imagine staying like I have been or getting worse!
I didn't have any dt's. I do have that little wine devil on my shoulder throughout the day. Does anyone know of any good books on understanding alcholism and this process?
Thanks again, once I get more time hopefully I can contribute more. I know more about my boyfriends addiction than I do about this. That is another story. I am thinking that if I stay healthy and productive I will feel better about myself and be strong enough to leave.
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer,
Wow, you are doing so good...I have a book called the "Recovery Book" by the Eisenbergs and Mooney. It is very good and explains each phase of recovery; it is an advocate of the 12 Step program of recovery for the most part. In regard to sponsorship, the pamphlet will pretty much answer all your questions. Good job on your vigilance in finding the meeting tonight and getting to more than one meeting! I was told early on if I put half as much energy into my recovery as I did into my drinking I had a good shot at staying sober. I was relentless to find a store open in the wee hours to get my bottle. Remember it's okay to be tired, this too shall pass and not sleeping will pass as well...so hang in there...it's gets better, it does, if it didn't I wouldn't be here to tell you so...again, great job!
Wow, you are doing so good...I have a book called the "Recovery Book" by the Eisenbergs and Mooney. It is very good and explains each phase of recovery; it is an advocate of the 12 Step program of recovery for the most part. In regard to sponsorship, the pamphlet will pretty much answer all your questions. Good job on your vigilance in finding the meeting tonight and getting to more than one meeting! I was told early on if I put half as much energy into my recovery as I did into my drinking I had a good shot at staying sober. I was relentless to find a store open in the wee hours to get my bottle. Remember it's okay to be tired, this too shall pass and not sleeping will pass as well...so hang in there...it's gets better, it does, if it didn't I wouldn't be here to tell you so...again, great job!
You said: " I love wine and I hate it. I can't imagine never drinking again and I also can't imagine staying like I have been or getting worse!"
Just try one day at a time - its a lot easier than worrying about the life sentence.
Only you can diagnose yourself as an alcoholic.
Regarding sponsors - well pick someone who has a lot of sober time, several years at least and someone you trust and feel comfortable with. Most people pick sponsors of the same sex too.
edited to say: My sponsor has 9.5 years sober.
If you're looking for reading material have you got a copy of the AA Big Book?
all the best
Idgie
Just try one day at a time - its a lot easier than worrying about the life sentence.
Only you can diagnose yourself as an alcoholic.
Regarding sponsors - well pick someone who has a lot of sober time, several years at least and someone you trust and feel comfortable with. Most people pick sponsors of the same sex too.
edited to say: My sponsor has 9.5 years sober.
If you're looking for reading material have you got a copy of the AA Big Book?
all the best
Idgie
Hey Jennifer alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful addiction wants you to drink and reading your post is confirmation of addiction for this alky
There is no right or wrong way to feel in recovery the point is YOU ARE FEELING and without the aid of an addictve substance and that deserves a standing ovation and a pat on the back. Keep going to the meetings and things will start to take shape give it time and your honesty and trust in your god
Light and love Zac
There is no right or wrong way to feel in recovery the point is YOU ARE FEELING and without the aid of an addictve substance and that deserves a standing ovation and a pat on the back. Keep going to the meetings and things will start to take shape give it time and your honesty and trust in your god
Light and love Zac
Hi Everyone, it is Sunday and I wasn't able to go to a meeting wed-tonight even though I wanted to because I got a bit sick. Touch of the flu but it hasn't really turned into anything. I have been eating like a pig, starving. Not sure if that is to do with the abstaining or hormonal or having a bit of a flu. Craving icecream was my big issue thursday night and friday night. actually went out and bought some late night. Total insomnia.
To be totally honest I had 3 glasses of wine in the last 18 days. They all occured on Wednesday. I didn't beat mysel up though because I didn't get drunk or do anything nuts and I haven't had any since. That is clear that I need to go to meetings if I am going to stay away from wine long enough to evaluate my issue with it and my entire life. Its just a bit hard knowing that sometimes I like to go out for drinks with friends and am not into the water thing while out yet.
What are sober clubs they were mentioned in the sponsor pamphlet but I haven't heard of any. Is it even somewhere I would want to go? How is everyone doing? Thanks for your help!
To be totally honest I had 3 glasses of wine in the last 18 days. They all occured on Wednesday. I didn't beat mysel up though because I didn't get drunk or do anything nuts and I haven't had any since. That is clear that I need to go to meetings if I am going to stay away from wine long enough to evaluate my issue with it and my entire life. Its just a bit hard knowing that sometimes I like to go out for drinks with friends and am not into the water thing while out yet.
What are sober clubs they were mentioned in the sponsor pamphlet but I haven't heard of any. Is it even somewhere I would want to go? How is everyone doing? Thanks for your help!
Hey Jenniferlee life is pretty cool for for this kiwi, thanks for asking.
I found that anything that feels good i crave and yep icecream is a goody and NZ icecream is the best yum yum.
In my mind alcohol was the saviour when i was craving and the executioner when i was drunk and when i gave up i needed something to replace it and that was generally food. So i do have to be carefull and watch i don't comfort eat too much when fearful or as a endless treat at times
Keep posting and remember 1 is to many and a 1000 is not enough, certainly the case for me anyway
Light and love Zac
I found that anything that feels good i crave and yep icecream is a goody and NZ icecream is the best yum yum.
In my mind alcohol was the saviour when i was craving and the executioner when i was drunk and when i gave up i needed something to replace it and that was generally food. So i do have to be carefull and watch i don't comfort eat too much when fearful or as a endless treat at times
Keep posting and remember 1 is to many and a 1000 is not enough, certainly the case for me anyway
Light and love Zac
Hi Jen...
I was thinking of you and wondering how you were doing...when you can, check in...
Take care,
Stacey
I was thinking of you and wondering how you were doing...when you can, check in...
Take care,
Stacey
Hi Stacey,
Jen is ok....
Sick in bed, with her antibiotics and kitty cats, but ok. The soap channel is keeping her happy. So not sure why, or how. Something about a wedding on One LIfe to Live....I got dissed cause of that. LOL
Take good care of you,
Love,
Tina
Jen is ok....
Sick in bed, with her antibiotics and kitty cats, but ok. The soap channel is keeping her happy. So not sure why, or how. Something about a wedding on One LIfe to Live....I got dissed cause of that. LOL
Take good care of you,
Love,
Tina
