11 days that is how long it's been from my last up the nose Oxy baby. Yuck! and I say again Yuck but I'm no quitter ( hum one t or two) Oh well that doesn't matter right now could someone please tell me if I'll every be able to sleep agian and when this whole body suffering will start to get better so I might feel that there is hope again for me to have back my life and my personality the person ppl like not the one I have become, someone even I don't know looking back in the mirror at me. One script and then opps out of pills waiting begging from so called friends lining up the pill thinking each month I'll do better next month I'll make them last I'll stop crunching them up and putting them up my nose.. Yea LIer Lier Lier next month worse then last oh that's right up the dosage hey doc I need more the pain is worse yea it sure is but you what I don't it was my pain it's the stupid pills pain and I want it gone forever. So the pills have to go and they did so 11 days and I'm sure wishing I could sleep I sure do miss sleeping tell me someone that this hell will stop and I will get back what is mine ( my life)
You'll get it back. If you stay clean!
Sleep comes when it comes...try not to attach to much to how bad you feel right now. It is a process. You could try over the counter sleep aids...benedryl, that might help. It didn't really help me, and I just watched movies.
You have to pay for the lifestyle you have been keeping. We all do. So, it is better to suffer a little, that will help you stay clean in the future...or at least, it has helped me.
Are you seeing anyone to help you understand your addiction? Do you go to meetings or have any kind of support?
What was your dosage and how long were you using?
How did you get your pills? Drs?, on the street?
Have you told all your sources you don't intend to use anymore? It is very important for us to cut off all our sources...if we want to stay clean.
Have you ever quit before?
I know these are a lot of questions, but it really helps us to help you. Everyone here has been where you are...and some of us will be again. The important thing is to talk about it...tell your story. You cannot shock anyone here!
I won't be around for a while....but someone else will come along to share with you. Please keep posting!!! And WELCOME!
not feeling clever
Sleep comes when it comes...try not to attach to much to how bad you feel right now. It is a process. You could try over the counter sleep aids...benedryl, that might help. It didn't really help me, and I just watched movies.
You have to pay for the lifestyle you have been keeping. We all do. So, it is better to suffer a little, that will help you stay clean in the future...or at least, it has helped me.
Are you seeing anyone to help you understand your addiction? Do you go to meetings or have any kind of support?
What was your dosage and how long were you using?
How did you get your pills? Drs?, on the street?
Have you told all your sources you don't intend to use anymore? It is very important for us to cut off all our sources...if we want to stay clean.
Have you ever quit before?
I know these are a lot of questions, but it really helps us to help you. Everyone here has been where you are...and some of us will be again. The important thing is to talk about it...tell your story. You cannot shock anyone here!
I won't be around for a while....but someone else will come along to share with you. Please keep posting!!! And WELCOME!
not feeling clever
Welcome to the board Totaleclipse! I'm so happy that you have decided to take your life back...you will find some wonderful people here who have been through wd too...Sarah asked all the questions that I would have. Keep on posting.
I broke my neck on Jan 5 1999 right at the the first verts c1 thought c5 crunch I was a quad at first for four months I fought for what was mine as I'm doing now. My doc wants to put me on Morphine I"m on oxy 20's 4xday plus 4x10's took them my mouth at first for the say three to four years then friend showed me the nose trick some friend. the pain I feel is very real as alot of the ppl on the forms is but the pain I don't like is what I call the pain of the pill. I have told the only person in my life what I'm doing and why and my doc is my pill supply. I don't go to support this is it for me at least for now. I'm what you might call a bit of a interavert the only time being different is when I pull out my Mitsy and head for the street races then well personality 2 My cars are fast and ppl liked me they used to come to me and ask for my help which I aways was willing to take time and share the so called secrets of the fast Jap cars. But the Mitsy is cover in my garage now and has been there for some time alot like me hidden under a cover hideing. I pulled the cover off my Mitsy and myself I have no intent on failure my heart goes out to each and every letter writen from ppl like myself fighting the monsters in there closets. I find for myself much form the writensing of others for they fill what I feel they know as I know the secrets we all kept inside for so long. I feel no shame for what I have done only loss of myself and the the pain I feel in my heart for the hurt I caused the ppl I love so much. I let them down when they needed me for I was not me I was just simply a addict and only that. My heart goes out to the pains poured out on the post of those working so hard to keep there monsters in the closet in chains. I ask for no pitty I got back just what I put into my life and now I shall pay and even if I don't like it, I will pay my price for what I have made of my life. Second, for everyone who post here You inspire in me to again be Me and I mean everyone who post even if your having a bad time you know sometimes when you share that it helps ppl like myself to know that I'm not the only person who suffers a pain not just of the body but from deep inside what was once a man that many loved and enjoyed has become a stranger to all.
Hey there. Welcome and the pain will go away. Oxy is one tough drug to get better from, but make this your only kick.
Lots and lots of hot baths, any exersize you can, some 5Http and adrenal gland supplements from the health food store..oh and some vit B won't hurt, either.
You can do this; just know that it will go away soon. It takes about three weeks to feel normal; you ARE ALMOST THERE!!!
Congrats on taking your life back.
Lots and lots of hot baths, any exersize you can, some 5Http and adrenal gland supplements from the health food store..oh and some vit B won't hurt, either.
You can do this; just know that it will go away soon. It takes about three weeks to feel normal; you ARE ALMOST THERE!!!
Congrats on taking your life back.
TotalE, Welcome, love the screen name..
If you google insomnia, there is a ton of information on it and natural methods to help.
Melatonin is one of them.
Do you work? That is the hardest for most of us I think, having insomnia then having to function the next day. Not something I do well at, working or trying to function on 50%, with very little sleep the night before.
Keep trying different things, long hot herbal baths, (aromatherapy) with candles and music works. I do know if you think about not sleeping, or do not look forward to going to bed, it makes it worse.
If you google insomnia, there is a ton of information on it and natural methods to help.
Melatonin is one of them.
Do you work? That is the hardest for most of us I think, having insomnia then having to function the next day. Not something I do well at, working or trying to function on 50%, with very little sleep the night before.
Keep trying different things, long hot herbal baths, (aromatherapy) with candles and music works. I do know if you think about not sleeping, or do not look forward to going to bed, it makes it worse.
HANG IN THERE! You are at day 11!!! Wow, actually so am I and I couldn't be happier, but its not my first attempt (2nd 3rd or 4th for that matter) at trying to quit! It IS THE LAST, and each day I want to scream with excitement that I AM IN CHARGE! The worst thing is the aches, pains, sweating,and I knew it would happen. The best thing? Each day I wake up, even still hurting, I know that I am at least 2% better than the day before. That sounds like trying to save for a bike with a penny a day, but it sure beat my option, as I was goin straight to hell.
I couldn't post here till my 8th day, I was so scared of a relapse. Now I am just a freak about passing another day. Right now I wuldn't take a pill for anyamount of money or pain. It's going to take a long time for me to sort out what really still hurts. I wouldn't let myself evaluate the situation before. The next attemp at quitting is ALWAYS much worse, and that is an awful thought that kept me chasing 6 months longer than i planned. I waited till my winter vacation....I knew
I couldn't post here till my 8th day, I was so scared of a relapse. Now I am just a freak about passing another day. Right now I wuldn't take a pill for anyamount of money or pain. It's going to take a long time for me to sort out what really still hurts. I wouldn't let myself evaluate the situation before. The next attemp at quitting is ALWAYS much worse, and that is an awful thought that kept me chasing 6 months longer than i planned. I waited till my winter vacation....I knew
Pants is this screen name yours?
Congrats to you brendidi but unlike you I would just love ohh just say one more little pill, BUT I know all to well that it would never end there it never has and like you this is not my first time to go off the pills But I pray to the father in heven it's my last. This is a rode I wish to never travel again. never in my life has anything got a grip on my like pain killers or people killers as I call them now. Stay with me and we shall stay clean and count our days together. But please be understanding I in know way would trust myself with a rattle of pills in my thank God emply bottle I now have.I would be out in my place crunching up and lining up and well you know I'm sure. You could say I'm still learning to live without the meds. They became such a part of my life that just not doing them doesn't yet seem right. In time I'm sure this will past 7 years I spent in the fog and now the fog seems more normal then the sunlight this will past as well I know but for now I wear my sunglasses just to feel at home. You know I just read what I wrote it's been 8 years in two monthes Wow where did my life go.I'm glad I"m getting clean and I thank everyone for the kind words and understanding I will do my best not to let you or me down.
Welcome..you are on your way! One thing that has helped me...the "relapse queen"....has been therapy and meetings...I would highly suggest seeing at the very least a counsellor...what you have accomplished so far is amazing....now try to get to the bottom of that medicating!! It has given me a such insight.
I swore that last time I c/t'd that I would never go down that road again! The pain and horror of w/d lasted for weeks on end...I realished every moment of it..so that I would never have to feel it again! Ha...it didn't work..and a few months later this stinking desease started creeping in and telling me that one wouldn't hurt...yada yada yada!!! So what I am saying...lol...is that getting clean is the easy part..staying that way is much harder!!
Good luck and stick around!
I swore that last time I c/t'd that I would never go down that road again! The pain and horror of w/d lasted for weeks on end...I realished every moment of it..so that I would never have to feel it again! Ha...it didn't work..and a few months later this stinking desease started creeping in and telling me that one wouldn't hurt...yada yada yada!!! So what I am saying...lol...is that getting clean is the easy part..staying that way is much harder!!
Good luck and stick around!
Sorry reddog TotalEclipse is my handle I build High Out Put Eclipses or I did before I started What I call Crunching ( my pain pills that is) I'm going back to cars and sailing the coast in my boat like I used to and to answer your question Brooke Is sailing work say to the caribeans if so yes I work if not no I don't. I've sailed many nights without sleep and it stinks it's like am I dead or alive brain stall. I love to sleep when it's time but sadly that is one of the reason I got in this mess in first place I couldn't sleep I have what is called nerological pain from the broken neck sometimes ilts like ants crawling all over me when I lay still for more them say 30 seconds yes seconds not minutes. So I have a float tank now I meditate for like two hours i'ts like 4 to 6 hours sleep in a bed because there is no sound or feeling or sight your floating with no feelings of hot or cold it's set to my skin temp. It's pretty kewl thing I used it before the broken neck instead of sleep and for learning. I must say though it's not as efective right now with the withdrawl Yuck! I"m tired of swetting does this ever stop Yuck!
Total Eclipse:
I am sorry to hear of your accident. It sounds to me like you have regained some or all of your mobility, I sure hope so. I would like to know more about that...if you don't mind sharing.
I understand exactly how you feel about having wasted so much time in the haze of opiates. You know, after I came here...I read all over the boards, not just the pain pill site, and I realized, all of us...every addict, no matter the drug, are the same. We all have the same fight for our sobriety on our hands.
I had a rough time initially...Past the time when my physical body had begun to "feel" normal, my head was in a bad place. I had cravings really badly, and I was tortured with regret. I had to get some help with that. I rekindled a relationship with a therapist, one I had seen in the past...and came clean about my addiction. As a matter of fact I came clean to everyone in my immediate life, because I knew I would need to support, and the space to do my work. Getting off drugs can be a very selfish time...you have to put yourself first, because this is damn hard work. I had to live in my head a while, to figure out why, why, why....?
I needed help sorting all that out. Our physical pain, the thing that put the pills in our hands, is only one aspect...there is the line that we crossed into abuse...habituation and then addiction. That is the stuff I wasn't sure about. I mean at a certain point, I was still killing pain...it just wasn't physical anymore.
You sound like you are really ready to stop this madness...good for you! There are so many success stories here...you can pull what you need from each that is willing to share with you. You may not agree with all methods, but there is something in each one of us that will help you. We are all here for support, but we are also here to extend a hand to the addict who wants to stop. These words I write to you are the most important words in my life right now...besides the ones where I am telling the people in my life that I love them, and I am grateful for them.
When these days are dark...sleep is elusive, and exhaustion is wearing you down...it is good to make a gratitude list. Write down the things you are grateful for...no matter how big, or how small. It helps the brain, the body, the spirit.
Somewhere in that process, I began to be grateful for the addiction. (I know that sounds crazy, and probably is, but here is why): I realized that this crazy ride I had been on, has taught me to not take my life for granted. To cherish each and every day that I can look at myself in the mirror, and know I am doing my best, giving my best, and receiving the best. This addiction has taught me to slow down...and feel my pain, pain can be a teacher as well. It usually means something needs to be eradicated from our lives. It taught me to slow down and feel the joy in my life. The pills were numbing the pain...but they were also numbing the joy...and I had to come to terms with the fact that I deserve joy as well. My addiction has taught me how to become a better listener. There are people in the world, such as you, that really need me to pay attention to their words...
None of this would be possible were I still using. That racing, busy, buzzed, numb mind that the pills create just cannot hear...it cannot reason, and it cannot be still.
The road isn't that long...because we walk it ONE DAY AT A TIME. You make one good choice at a time...and if you make one, you have a shot at making two...and so on.
I am here to listen and offer any support and information that I can...or just listen. Keep sharing with us.
Peace.
Sarah
I am sorry to hear of your accident. It sounds to me like you have regained some or all of your mobility, I sure hope so. I would like to know more about that...if you don't mind sharing.
I understand exactly how you feel about having wasted so much time in the haze of opiates. You know, after I came here...I read all over the boards, not just the pain pill site, and I realized, all of us...every addict, no matter the drug, are the same. We all have the same fight for our sobriety on our hands.
I had a rough time initially...Past the time when my physical body had begun to "feel" normal, my head was in a bad place. I had cravings really badly, and I was tortured with regret. I had to get some help with that. I rekindled a relationship with a therapist, one I had seen in the past...and came clean about my addiction. As a matter of fact I came clean to everyone in my immediate life, because I knew I would need to support, and the space to do my work. Getting off drugs can be a very selfish time...you have to put yourself first, because this is damn hard work. I had to live in my head a while, to figure out why, why, why....?
I needed help sorting all that out. Our physical pain, the thing that put the pills in our hands, is only one aspect...there is the line that we crossed into abuse...habituation and then addiction. That is the stuff I wasn't sure about. I mean at a certain point, I was still killing pain...it just wasn't physical anymore.
You sound like you are really ready to stop this madness...good for you! There are so many success stories here...you can pull what you need from each that is willing to share with you. You may not agree with all methods, but there is something in each one of us that will help you. We are all here for support, but we are also here to extend a hand to the addict who wants to stop. These words I write to you are the most important words in my life right now...besides the ones where I am telling the people in my life that I love them, and I am grateful for them.
When these days are dark...sleep is elusive, and exhaustion is wearing you down...it is good to make a gratitude list. Write down the things you are grateful for...no matter how big, or how small. It helps the brain, the body, the spirit.
Somewhere in that process, I began to be grateful for the addiction. (I know that sounds crazy, and probably is, but here is why): I realized that this crazy ride I had been on, has taught me to not take my life for granted. To cherish each and every day that I can look at myself in the mirror, and know I am doing my best, giving my best, and receiving the best. This addiction has taught me to slow down...and feel my pain, pain can be a teacher as well. It usually means something needs to be eradicated from our lives. It taught me to slow down and feel the joy in my life. The pills were numbing the pain...but they were also numbing the joy...and I had to come to terms with the fact that I deserve joy as well. My addiction has taught me how to become a better listener. There are people in the world, such as you, that really need me to pay attention to their words...
None of this would be possible were I still using. That racing, busy, buzzed, numb mind that the pills create just cannot hear...it cannot reason, and it cannot be still.
The road isn't that long...because we walk it ONE DAY AT A TIME. You make one good choice at a time...and if you make one, you have a shot at making two...and so on.
I am here to listen and offer any support and information that I can...or just listen. Keep sharing with us.
Peace.
Sarah
Sarah..you amaze me! I remeber those days and everything you typed I can so relate to! I was exactly 10 days behind you...you quit June 11th...I was June 21st...look at what you have done....wow....your awesome women!
Hi and thnx kee kee I'm going to stick around and yes I know the yada yada just one will not hurt me story I feel like I wrote story myself tomarrow I will start a new post How to Face and Tell the doc on friday he's created a addict who wants but does not need the pills this will be a good one. Yea right Please everyone help though this Office call this is the part where I get lost. I"m going to walk in say hey doc don't give me thoughs pill I love and want you to give me Yea Right I may need some help with this one I still want the Pills and I'd be lieing to myself and you all if I said different I hate the craving grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I"m going to beat this
You know ppl don't understand that haveing been there
I don't understand just yet but I'm leariing
thnx again to everyone for the kind and understanding help
TotalEclipse
I"m going to beat this
You know ppl don't understand that haveing been there
I don't understand just yet but I'm leariing
thnx again to everyone for the kind and understanding help
TotalEclipse
Hey:
Can you call ahead, before you go into his office and tell them? I think that may better prepare him...and take some of the "pressure" off of you.
Can you call ahead, before you go into his office and tell them? I think that may better prepare him...and take some of the "pressure" off of you.
kee kee...
thank you! we do this together, right? all the support and great information i have gotten from the members of this forum have definitely been a healthy addition to my plan.
now, about that bum wiping........eeeeeeeeeewwww....*smile*
you can tell i haven't raised a child! hahaha...but, i admit, i clean up dog throw-up and worry about how they are feeling! fix em scrambled eggs or rice with broth. i am a sucker for a dog!
hugs!
s.
thank you! we do this together, right? all the support and great information i have gotten from the members of this forum have definitely been a healthy addition to my plan.
now, about that bum wiping........eeeeeeeeeewwww....*smile*
you can tell i haven't raised a child! hahaha...but, i admit, i clean up dog throw-up and worry about how they are feeling! fix em scrambled eggs or rice with broth. i am a sucker for a dog!
hugs!
s.
TE............of the heart.................
welcome to the board...........
keep posting..........
God Bless you
thumper
welcome to the board...........
keep posting..........
God Bless you
thumper
Yea welcome to the board. I was kidding by the way. Good luck we are here if you need help.
Red
Red
Welcome Total,
11 days is incredible. Congratulations.
Your injury and mine are very similar. I am the proud owner of a titanium plate in the same cervical area. My accident didn't completely break my neck but 3 disks exploded (among ather things). I lost my ability to walk and move in general for 5 or 6 weeks after the surgery. The doctors told me I woulden't be able to move but it sure scared the poop outa me anyway. The pain frightened me more than anything.
I am so happy today being pill free. It's like a 5000 Lb load of bricks has been lifted off my back. I have my sprit back.
I know you don't feel to great today but everyday you will feel better and better. I am looking forward to your post tomorrow.
Catherine
11 days is incredible. Congratulations.
Your injury and mine are very similar. I am the proud owner of a titanium plate in the same cervical area. My accident didn't completely break my neck but 3 disks exploded (among ather things). I lost my ability to walk and move in general for 5 or 6 weeks after the surgery. The doctors told me I woulden't be able to move but it sure scared the poop outa me anyway. The pain frightened me more than anything.
I am so happy today being pill free. It's like a 5000 Lb load of bricks has been lifted off my back. I have my sprit back.
I know you don't feel to great today but everyday you will feel better and better. I am looking forward to your post tomorrow.
Catherine
why did you say that reddog?........
why did you ask TE if this was pants screen name?
why did you ask TE if this was pants screen name?
