Hi guys,
At ten today, I get my cast off and have my pre-op. I have an air cast and crutches to use till Thursday (surgery day). Its gonna suck because today is a really busy day. Tom has his Kindergarten party at 1:45, then I'll come home and rest for a bit, then Nicky has her graduation ceremony (8th grade) at 6pm and an after grad party till 9pm.
When I abuse, I abuse to feel good and to chase the energy I feel I need to get things done enthusiastically. This is going to be different. I'm going to be laying in bed for at least three weeks so, I've been thinking, as long as I'm in bed anyway, doing nothing but reading and watching tv, why not withdrawl then? I'll be sick and in bed anyway. I mean, I know I'll need pills, but if I can take them very sparingly, ONLY for severe pain, then maybe I can get at least a start on this addiction and getting away from the pills. To me, in my addicted mind, to abuse pills and lay in bed is a waste. I want to be up and around doing things while I'm high. So why get high? And if I can maintain that thinking and get by with just a few when I absoloutely need them, do you think this could be a blessing in disguise? I also have a bunch of na/aa literature to read, and my bible. And I'll have someone move the computer in the bedroom for me to get on here and let you guys know how things are going. What are your thoughts or am I nuts?
Hey You.I think all of us on here are alittle loopey anyways.But you seem to really want this for yourself.Do you have someone who can hold those pills for you?If you do than I think you may be able to do this.I see your point that being in bed anyways.But you do know you will need some kind of help with the pain right?Of course you know that.Im going to say go for it.stock up on the list of stuff from here(OTC stuff)& go for it.The worst that will happen is you cant do it,but youll never know if you dont try right?
Are you getting nervous about the surgery?I know I was scared sh tless with mine...mj
Are you getting nervous about the surgery?I know I was scared sh tless with mine...mj
Briar,
Come on now you know you cant do it. You love being a drug addict. You even said in on of your recent posts that you really dont want to stop, and that you only 1/2 assed want to stop. So you know you dont want to stop your drug use. You love being a drug addict.
So until your serious then we can all help you.
Come on now you know you cant do it. You love being a drug addict. You even said in on of your recent posts that you really dont want to stop, and that you only 1/2 assed want to stop. So you know you dont want to stop your drug use. You love being a drug addict.
So until your serious then we can all help you.
Molly,
Thanks for the encouragement, your right, doesn't hurt to try. I love ya girl, and yes, I'm terrified.
Kiwi,
I've said that I only do things half assed, thats just me. Never said I LOVED BEING A DRUG ADDICT. Don't put words in my mouth, pisses me off.
I've given you so many chances and tried to see the good things in you. From now on, stay off my posts. What, gotta pick on me today, Elvis isn't up yet?
I'm having major surgery in two days and certainly don't need your negative comments. You know what you remind me of? A dry drunk. Can put the pills down, but the addict personality stays.
Thanks for the encouragement, your right, doesn't hurt to try. I love ya girl, and yes, I'm terrified.
Kiwi,
I've said that I only do things half assed, thats just me. Never said I LOVED BEING A DRUG ADDICT. Don't put words in my mouth, pisses me off.
I've given you so many chances and tried to see the good things in you. From now on, stay off my posts. What, gotta pick on me today, Elvis isn't up yet?
I'm having major surgery in two days and certainly don't need your negative comments. You know what you remind me of? A dry drunk. Can put the pills down, but the addict personality stays.
Hey Kiwi how are you?Listen Im not trying to start anything with you cause I like my nose where it is but didnt you ever have a time when you felt that way?I dont know your story.I see you post & alot of times as harsh as it may sound you are usually right.Blunt & right,but didnt you ever stuggle?I really dont know your story as far as addiction.I know for me for years I went back & forth about trying to get better was it the same for you????mj
go for brair.like you said you'll be in bed anyway..
but don't forget, if you're in awful pain take the pills,or just one when needed..
if you take one then you shouldn't get high..but it should help the pain so
it will be tolarable..give someone the pills to hold. and give you only1 every
say 6 hrs.that would keep it in your system so thr pain won't be uncontrooable, and you'll also be tapering a bit.kills two birds w/ one stone.hope that makes sence
to you.. i'm a lil loopey to..
good luck keep us informed...dj
but don't forget, if you're in awful pain take the pills,or just one when needed..
if you take one then you shouldn't get high..but it should help the pain so
it will be tolarable..give someone the pills to hold. and give you only1 every
say 6 hrs.that would keep it in your system so thr pain won't be uncontrooable, and you'll also be tapering a bit.kills two birds w/ one stone.hope that makes sence
to you.. i'm a lil loopey to..
good luck keep us informed...dj
Thanks DJ,
Your right, that is excatly what i plan to do. I hope I can, I think I can, I thought I could until I read Kiwi's post.
Your right, that is excatly what i plan to do. I hope I can, I think I can, I thought I could until I read Kiwi's post.
Well I do think it is a blessing in disguise. If you're gonna be in bed for 3 weeks, by the end of the 3 weeks you'll be over the w/d and getting your energy back! You are lucky to have an opportunity like this, I would have jumped at the chance to lay in bed for that amount of time while w/ding! Hugs and prayers,Kim
Don't listen to Kiwi, if you want it, you can do it. Everyone deserves encouragement, even someone like you Kiwi.
Don't listen to Kiwi, if you want it, you can do it. Everyone deserves encouragement, even someone like you Kiwi.
Oh Briar I still love yea,
IF you are gonna try quitting in bed, atleast get some Clonidine from your doc. You'll love me. Helped alot with my withdrawls.
Hey if you do it, all the power to you. But I just get this vibe from you that you really dont want to do it... Id like to have you prove me wrong but its your life mate.
As for Elvis - that was kinda funny actually. Hmm. Not sure what time it is in australia yet. She's probably got the ruler out measuring her Xanax bar and trying to cut off one quarter of it...
IF you are gonna try quitting in bed, atleast get some Clonidine from your doc. You'll love me. Helped alot with my withdrawls.
Hey if you do it, all the power to you. But I just get this vibe from you that you really dont want to do it... Id like to have you prove me wrong but its your life mate.
As for Elvis - that was kinda funny actually. Hmm. Not sure what time it is in australia yet. She's probably got the ruler out measuring her Xanax bar and trying to cut off one quarter of it...
Brair I remember being on the edge the way you are.Knowing I was killing myself with the pills yet such a chicken sh t that I couldnt let myself stop.As long as you keep trying there is hope.Nobody can take that from you.Maybe you are ready this time.Maybe not that doesnt mean your any less a human.We all are with the same feelings & such.Kiwi I think is trying to help it just comes across real harsh sometimes.You just please keep beliving you can do this.You have a hard time comming up but that old saying...hard times make you stronger so you just keep on keeping on...mj
Kiwi,
Sorry I blew up at ya. Still love ya too. That was kinda funny actually. And you know what MATE? I am going to prove you wrong. Then I'm gonna rub your nose in it!!!!!!!!
Sorry I blew up at ya. Still love ya too. That was kinda funny actually. And you know what MATE? I am going to prove you wrong. Then I'm gonna rub your nose in it!!!!!!!!
Briar I hope that your surgery goes well for you.I guess its normal to be scared huh?3 weeks is along time to be laid up like that.Hope you got somethings to do so you dont go totally loopey.
I think it would be great if you can prove Kiwi wrong & Im sure he agrees.I dont know how to say this..but alot of stuff he says seems right(Ruded as hell)but right.But I also know that it isnt always that easy to stop....Good luck to you
If you want to give your email up Ill mail you mine so if you want to write during your bedrest you can.Hell you can always vent on me....mj
I think it would be great if you can prove Kiwi wrong & Im sure he agrees.I dont know how to say this..but alot of stuff he says seems right(Ruded as hell)but right.But I also know that it isnt always that easy to stop....Good luck to you
If you want to give your email up Ill mail you mine so if you want to write during your bedrest you can.Hell you can always vent on me....mj
MD Girl,
You are right, its a blessing in disguise. I've said before that if I could be left alone and lay around for awhile to get over the w/d's, I could get over them.
Well, I have no choice, I'll be laying around for quite awhile and I think this is a perfect opportunity. So many people on here have so much stuff to do and are scared of w/d's, like me, that if they were given an opportunity to lay around and do nothing and be alone if they want I bet they'd try too. I will try. And yes, I have my friend/neighbor holding the pills for me so she's right around the corner and will only bring me a very small quantity at a time. So I'm trying to look at this as an opportunity for myself. Like I said, I've got lots of reading material on addiction, the computer (if I can get someone to bring it in for me) and I am going to focus on getting my ankle better and my whole self better. Actually, as afraid of the surgery as I am, I am going to make it a positive for myself, I mean, when will I ever have a chance to lay around like this again?
Love ya girlie,
Roe
You are right, its a blessing in disguise. I've said before that if I could be left alone and lay around for awhile to get over the w/d's, I could get over them.
Well, I have no choice, I'll be laying around for quite awhile and I think this is a perfect opportunity. So many people on here have so much stuff to do and are scared of w/d's, like me, that if they were given an opportunity to lay around and do nothing and be alone if they want I bet they'd try too. I will try. And yes, I have my friend/neighbor holding the pills for me so she's right around the corner and will only bring me a very small quantity at a time. So I'm trying to look at this as an opportunity for myself. Like I said, I've got lots of reading material on addiction, the computer (if I can get someone to bring it in for me) and I am going to focus on getting my ankle better and my whole self better. Actually, as afraid of the surgery as I am, I am going to make it a positive for myself, I mean, when will I ever have a chance to lay around like this again?
Love ya girlie,
Roe
Briar, honey, I'm sorry, but I disagree. You are having major surgery and you will need the pain meds. If your neighbor is holding them, what are you going to do when you wake up at 2:30 a.m. and are in serious pain? Maybe you should take your meds as prescribed the first week, and then start tapering in weeks 2 and 3. Just my thoughts for you, sweetie, I've had knee surgery (replacement) and they give you those meds for a reason!!!!!! Good luck whatever you do!!
Thanks MJ,
My email is ibrosyt@msn.com. Write me anytime. Your a good friend.
Love,
Roe
My email is ibrosyt@msn.com. Write me anytime. Your a good friend.
Love,
Roe
Briar,
You can do it.
I remember like 3-4 yrs ago. I had 4 surgeries in 6 months. Dunno if you know much about this, but I had a COMPLETE RECTAL PROLAPSE.
You wanna talk about pain, suffering, swallowing your pride, etc...
Basically I couldnt eat for 3 days before, had to drink this stuff so horrible you threw it back up BUT it cleaned you out. So picture me puking my guts out and s***ting my pants at the sametime. Oh yea the 1st time I did this was on my birthday of all days.... So before I even went to surgery I was wishing I was dead...But when your guts are literally coming out of your butt when you try and have a bowel movement and you have to push them back in with your fingers. Surgery in the only way.... Oh yea I was only 23 at the time...
Anyone after getting my guts torn out of my bum, cut and stitches back up and put back in. After that went I went home after a week in the hospital (still not allowed to eat), I wasnt even able to sit down yet the pain was so bad, I had to wear a diaper, was in so much pain and I didnt even take pain pills. (What was I thinking).
To make a long story stort, the surgery didnt work, the ColoRectal Surgeon was a complete ego a$$hole. So I went back and repeated the exact samething 2 more times with this guy. PURE HELL for 1 month each time. After he couldnt fix it, i demanded to see the ONLY other COLORectal Surgeon in the city. He agreed and said I needed the surgery again for a 4th TIME. By this time Im pretty much going nuts. Ive lost 35 pounds, still cant go to the bathroom without my guts getting in the way AND I knew I had to do this ALL OVER AGAIN!!!
SOOO. After begging the doc to do to surgery before he left for holidays (this was the summer already), he lied and got me in 2 days later on a waiting list. SO I sat in the hospital for 4 DAYS looking outside a window watching people enjoy their summer, while I was sitting in a hospital room waiting for a horrible surgery that I was already supposed to have done!
End of story....7 months later, 4 surgeries, even seeing a phyciatrist. I could finally have a good poop without my guts coming out. I did it all without pain pills. Not a single one. Too this day it still bother me alot...but what can I doo. I had alot of time to thing, thats forsure. SO I made it. Hopefully you can too.
When I was in the hospital, I had nothing to do but sit there. So sometimes when I was really down, depressed and sad. Id get up, grab my IV pole and my cathader and walk around the hospital. I thought my life was sooo bad until I walked past the cancer ward.... Id see all these kids with no hair, getting cancer treatment but they still had a smile on their face... So then I thought life wasnt so bad.
I don't know why I told you all that. I guess because it was the HARDEST time in my young life. I lost basically 1 good year of my life and I made it. SOO hopefully you can too.
You can do it.
I remember like 3-4 yrs ago. I had 4 surgeries in 6 months. Dunno if you know much about this, but I had a COMPLETE RECTAL PROLAPSE.
You wanna talk about pain, suffering, swallowing your pride, etc...
Basically I couldnt eat for 3 days before, had to drink this stuff so horrible you threw it back up BUT it cleaned you out. So picture me puking my guts out and s***ting my pants at the sametime. Oh yea the 1st time I did this was on my birthday of all days.... So before I even went to surgery I was wishing I was dead...But when your guts are literally coming out of your butt when you try and have a bowel movement and you have to push them back in with your fingers. Surgery in the only way.... Oh yea I was only 23 at the time...
Anyone after getting my guts torn out of my bum, cut and stitches back up and put back in. After that went I went home after a week in the hospital (still not allowed to eat), I wasnt even able to sit down yet the pain was so bad, I had to wear a diaper, was in so much pain and I didnt even take pain pills. (What was I thinking).
To make a long story stort, the surgery didnt work, the ColoRectal Surgeon was a complete ego a$$hole. So I went back and repeated the exact samething 2 more times with this guy. PURE HELL for 1 month each time. After he couldnt fix it, i demanded to see the ONLY other COLORectal Surgeon in the city. He agreed and said I needed the surgery again for a 4th TIME. By this time Im pretty much going nuts. Ive lost 35 pounds, still cant go to the bathroom without my guts getting in the way AND I knew I had to do this ALL OVER AGAIN!!!
SOOO. After begging the doc to do to surgery before he left for holidays (this was the summer already), he lied and got me in 2 days later on a waiting list. SO I sat in the hospital for 4 DAYS looking outside a window watching people enjoy their summer, while I was sitting in a hospital room waiting for a horrible surgery that I was already supposed to have done!
End of story....7 months later, 4 surgeries, even seeing a phyciatrist. I could finally have a good poop without my guts coming out. I did it all without pain pills. Not a single one. Too this day it still bother me alot...but what can I doo. I had alot of time to thing, thats forsure. SO I made it. Hopefully you can too.
When I was in the hospital, I had nothing to do but sit there. So sometimes when I was really down, depressed and sad. Id get up, grab my IV pole and my cathader and walk around the hospital. I thought my life was sooo bad until I walked past the cancer ward.... Id see all these kids with no hair, getting cancer treatment but they still had a smile on their face... So then I thought life wasnt so bad.
I don't know why I told you all that. I guess because it was the HARDEST time in my young life. I lost basically 1 good year of my life and I made it. SOO hopefully you can too.
Kiwi You actually made me cry on that.For alot of reasons.See I have Chrons & all those feelings you said I live.Im very lucky that it hasnt gotten to the point that you have had to deal with.But drinking that nasty stuff,having strangers look at my private parts the bleeding,the not eating things,My goodness my heart goes out to you as far as that.Wow you must be made of steel huh?No really..Have you ever been addicted?I ask because you say NO pain pills with what you went through.Kiwi I have sat on the bowl & prayed to GOD to make that pain stop.How the heck did you do what you did with NO pain control????
If I wore a hat I would take it off to you....mj
If I wore a hat I would take it off to you....mj
Hate to keep harping on this. But here's another positive. My foot doctor stressed to me alot of times that if I smoke during my recovery, it'll take longer to heal. He says he's not just saying that, that its true, especially with bones. He's putting a healing device inside my foot to help it heal faster and he'll take it out later when he takes out the rods, but he really stressed the smoking.
Now for me. When I abuse pills, I smoke like a chimney, and I'll have no access to them, I mean I'm sure if I can catch my husband walking thru the bedroom with a cig, he'll sneak me a puff, but thats it. And thats gonna be hard, the kids will be home, they're last day is the day of my surgery and they will FREAK if they see me smoke. So here's how I'm looking at it.
1. Why get high if you can' t enjoy it?
2. Why get high if I can't smoke, which I do alot of while on pills.
3. Why not withdrawl while going thru this? I'll be in bed anyway with nothing to do but read, and won't be bothered much.
4. Add all those up and why not just do it this time for good?
Just thinking out loud guys, don' t mean to keep rambling on, gotta go get ready for the doctor's appointment, takes me awhile, gotta wrap up the cast in plastic and stuff, so I'll come on later.
Ladies, you'll understand this: I am looking SOOOOOOOO forward to shaving that leg!!!!!!!
Love to all
Now for me. When I abuse pills, I smoke like a chimney, and I'll have no access to them, I mean I'm sure if I can catch my husband walking thru the bedroom with a cig, he'll sneak me a puff, but thats it. And thats gonna be hard, the kids will be home, they're last day is the day of my surgery and they will FREAK if they see me smoke. So here's how I'm looking at it.
1. Why get high if you can' t enjoy it?
2. Why get high if I can't smoke, which I do alot of while on pills.
3. Why not withdrawl while going thru this? I'll be in bed anyway with nothing to do but read, and won't be bothered much.
4. Add all those up and why not just do it this time for good?
Just thinking out loud guys, don' t mean to keep rambling on, gotta go get ready for the doctor's appointment, takes me awhile, gotta wrap up the cast in plastic and stuff, so I'll come on later.
Ladies, you'll understand this: I am looking SOOOOOOOO forward to shaving that leg!!!!!!!
Love to all
I know that you've told me that story before, Kiwi, but it still makes me cry...
I wanna be just like you when I grow up.
Briar.... don't have much to say about your upcoming surgery except that I love you and will be thinking about you, alot. Are you not using right now? I sure hope not, I worry about them being able to put you under.
Please keep posting after the surgery so we don't sit around and worry.
cg
PS..still waiting on the email..whenever you're ready. :)
I wanna be just like you when I grow up.
Briar.... don't have much to say about your upcoming surgery except that I love you and will be thinking about you, alot. Are you not using right now? I sure hope not, I worry about them being able to put you under.
Please keep posting after the surgery so we don't sit around and worry.
cg
PS..still waiting on the email..whenever you're ready. :)
Hey Briar...good luck on that one...he he...I couldn't do it. But, that is me. If pills were around, no matter my intentions, I just couldn't follow the plan...
I will keep praying for you in your surgery and keep us posted...
Kerry
I will keep praying for you in your surgery and keep us posted...
Kerry
