Hello Eveyone.......
i would first like to share that i am 3 weeks and 1 day clean!!!!! It has been a rollar coaster of emotions and urges and all the crap in between. I am lonely as ever and hurting, but atleast i can feel good about being clean when i lay my head down at night!!! I dont know how i am supposed to be feeling right now and its been a while since i have been off it for this long of a stretch. Although i feel good about it, I am also feeling oalot of anger and deep sadness. I have become really sensative and if anyone says anything out of sorts with me I flip my lid if you know what I am saying. Here it is the begginjing of a new year and I should be setting goals and feeling good and planning for a busy summer, but instead I am hateing my life.....or is it myself???? I know every day is a new day and i am supposed to take things one day at a time but does it ever get easier???? I am also aware that i am (only) three weeks clean and with time I will heal and become a "whole" person again, but right now i cant even grasp the idea. As far as my husband and i go,..(for those of you who dont know, we r seperated)...he left his girlfriend for a while and from what i could tell was cleaning up his act and he finally started some anger mngmt. classes but as of yesterday, when i called to check on him, he was back with her and who only knows what else. I know that he is not my problem and that I shouldnt worry about him but in all honesty, it weighs on my heart......I cant find the energy to get even the smallest things done around my house and all i want to do is sleep....is this normal????? I could go on and on but i know this has been long enough.....So to all of you out there I hope you are all well and making healthy choices and keep praying for yourself and I if you can find it in your hearts to think of me.....Thank you for letting me vent!!!!!!!!! Hope my guardian angels are watching over me!!!!!
The short quick answer .....is yes it DOES get easier, and everything you are feeling is normal . meth takes 3 days or so to get out of your system but then depending on how long you have been using it and how hard you have been to your body....you might be hitting the worst of the recovery now ......that being said ....congrats on 22 days ..major kudos to you . Try to get up and do something each day (just a walk or something) drink lots and lots of water , ..try to eat a balanced diet along with a daily multivitamin. ( A trick I used since I was too tired to always make much to eat was use ultra-slim fast , it is very well balanced nutritionallly , along with containing fiber ....in with the good / out with the bad hahaha ) ( oh , not as a meal substitute either , ) Many others find going to meetings a big help , me personally removed myself from all sources of meth and dont go to meetings because I dont want to meet people that have access to it yet .....yesterday was 4 months since last using for me .... after using for 35 years .. so I know all to well what you are feeling ... I remember one night asking , no ...begging a friend I knew who had gone through a rehab program "tell me please .... it does get better... I wont always crave like this will I?" IT DOES !!! it really does ......come here when you are angry , or confused .... just type out what you feel ,....or read other posts ...it feels better when you see you arent alone in what you feel , and it is time better spent than hunting down and using that next bag of meth . 12 step programs preach a day at a time .....well go for a minute at a time without using if you have to , and look at every moment passed as an accomplishment ......cause it is .......minutes become hours...... hours become days , then months ....dont fool yourself tho.....the cravings will always come back .....every once in a while ,. but they get to be a lot easier to ignore .... be strong ,hang in there with love and respect ; AL aka justonemore
...HELLO....
thank you JOM, i knew i could count on you to share with me....you are the best....you do alot for this site and help alot of people....:)....as afr as to day i am feeling numb and have been crying uncontrolably....i am trying to think more about my babies and i and not him or the meth......trying to make today a lil better or easier than yesterday....i just dont wanna break down and go get some.....well i need to get off here for a minute but i wanted to thank you my friend again....and thank everyone else who shares and cares............
i will be back later to check in and get a grip.......:)
JAIME
thank you JOM, i knew i could count on you to share with me....you are the best....you do alot for this site and help alot of people....:)....as afr as to day i am feeling numb and have been crying uncontrolably....i am trying to think more about my babies and i and not him or the meth......trying to make today a lil better or easier than yesterday....i just dont wanna break down and go get some.....well i need to get off here for a minute but i wanted to thank you my friend again....and thank everyone else who shares and cares............
i will be back later to check in and get a grip.......:)
JAIME
Come here for your breakdowns , for one it helps a lot , and second .....it is a lot cheaper hahaha ,... seriously , it does help so much to vent it out here .happy, sad, giddy or angry . Thank you for your kind words , as Linda would say .....I got a big cheesy smile now . hang tough , I promise you it does get better . with love and respect .. .. AL
Dear Lonely Mother, Man, it took me about 45-50 days to start feeling energy again. I forced myself to get up and do things. Things I'd put off while using, volunteering in my community, and going for walks. I'd feel a little better each day. I don't know if you're in a group, n.a. or not. If you are you should have a call list. When it gets really bad call a member. They've been there. They know what it is like. I commend you for taking the time and effort to post your concerns. Take care of yourself and your babies. Really, it does get better and easier. Bad times decrease and the cravings and thoughts lessen. Sure, we are human and still have bad days. There is no magic switch that makes us "o.k.". It takes effort and time. Good luck to you, with care and support,,,Linda
LonelyMother,
Remember the brain is a muscle and it is being retrained in a new excercise.
It needs time to build up. Specifically, your brain chemicals have been adjusting to meth for so long that parts of the system have atrophied and being sober is a very tough excercise for the atrophied parts. Yes, time will heal the brain, and but you need to excercise that brain. Find those activities that do not support your addiction but are enjoyable to you. Then use these activities as deliberate excercises to strengthen that brain.
JustOneMore,
That tip on slim fast is probably a very good tip, and one that I will remember.
Remember the brain is a muscle and it is being retrained in a new excercise.
It needs time to build up. Specifically, your brain chemicals have been adjusting to meth for so long that parts of the system have atrophied and being sober is a very tough excercise for the atrophied parts. Yes, time will heal the brain, and but you need to excercise that brain. Find those activities that do not support your addiction but are enjoyable to you. Then use these activities as deliberate excercises to strengthen that brain.
JustOneMore,
That tip on slim fast is probably a very good tip, and one that I will remember.
