24gordon/stacey

Hi Stacey. I am just wondering how you are today? I'm sorry I won't be able to stick around but I will try to check back later. I'll be on and off all day tomorrow, too.

I hope to hear from you.

Hi Jodi...
Physically I'm not to bad off...bad headache, chills and sweats but mentally, this is the tough part...seems like every hour I get this horrible craving, want to just say f*ck it, my mind keeps trying to convince me that I need it so I can get some work done but since I usually work my butt of, I'm just going to do the least I need to..My first impulse was to say I was fine but I'm not, i'm tired, i'm crying off and on and sometimes, I want some pills...I guess i can't stop the craving but i don't have to act on it...so that's where I'm at...
One thing, though, thank you for calling for me.....I need to be accountable otherwise I will talk myself right back into using and I really, really want to quit...too many times I've done this back and forth game over the last year and it is killing me, literally.
You are in my thoughts, in fact, earlier when i was thinking about the pills, i then thought about you, MJ, Atlas, Rach and Redd and how I really want to kick this....
Gotta go back to work for awhile...but I do have over 24hrs in....
Take care...i hope to talk to you later...
Stacey
ps...I'll e-mail you tomorrow when your husband goes back to work....
Hey Gordon Im sorry for butting in but Im online for a bit if you want to talk & maybe that will help.
I know just how hard those mental cravings can be.Doesnt it stink how our own minds can work against us like this.Im so sorry your having a hard time.But Im here please if I can help yiou through it PLEASE sweety let me know OK?????mj
All I can say is STICK WITH IT. It is so very doable. It is amazing that these horrible feelings you are having now DO go away. I tapered and when I was finally down to none I would say those first few days were tough but then all of a sudden after day 4 or so, you wake up realizing you actually got some sleep and you actually have some energy to actually feed your family again lol. I remember saying thank you God, THIS is what I have been wanting. To be able to get up and have the energy to face the day. Please allow yourself these few days of feeling crumby, Tell everyone you have the flu and to leave you alone lol. Truly I mean that. If you can stick with this, by Sunday or Monday you will be amazed how you are actually feeling normal again. Sleep may take longer but it does come. You can easily find things to help you sleep like sleepytime tea, melatonin, and perhaps a light sleeping pill if that is what will get you thru. Get your body off those killer opiates though. We all know what you are going thru and we also know that in days you will feel so much better. Let us know the day you start to see "the other side" again.
Molly...
Please, please keep butting in...yeah, you're right about the mind, too bad we couldn't flip the switch and have all those thoughts go away...it's almost if there are two people in my brain...one wants to be free and one wants the drugs...
I keep playing the tape to the end...thankfully I have done pills for so long that I don't get the high or the energy, i just don't get dope sick...
Donna...
Unfortunately, or the other way around, I have experienced that freedom, just to stupid to stay on track & relapsed...still pi*sed at myself but life goes on....so I can sleep (but I so remember the 1st detox with very little sleep for over 3 weeks) but it's the mental part that's trying to get me to cave...Physically it isn't too bad...everyone here at work thinks I have a migraine...which I really do have a headache...so they're leaving me be as much as they can....

Molly...
Your right, talking about it helps alot...So are you going to a therapist? When's your next doctor's appt.? How's the headache?
Talk to you soon
Take care
Making calls about therapist.Im thinking of going to the same spot my oldest goes to just not the same Dr.Headache is still here but not as bad.Its so funny that you said what you said about taking the pills not to get sick.When my mom & I were talking yesterday I was telling her that even though at the end of my Ultram use I was up to 20 pills I was no longer getting a buzz(that I knew of)I was just not getting sick)
Hey would you like to give me your email addy & than I can send you mine?That way ANYTIME you are starting to get that feeling you have me along with other to write to.If you dont feel right giving it out I understand but I would like to be able to try & help.Talk about books or whatever....mj
Gordon I need to sign off for a bit Im so sorry sweety but I will try to get back on later.Please keep trying to do the best you can.For everyday your one step closer huny & though it may not seem like it YOU WILL & CAN DO THIS I BELIVE IN YOU & ALOT OF OTHERS DO
I hope we talk soon....mj
Molly...
Thanks for everything today...and yes, I will hold on today cause that's all I have to do, one day at a time...you are one of my heros....
Take care
I put my e-mail on my settings so after you write it down, I'm going to go back and delete it...let me know if you have trouble getting through....s.newberry@us-ac.com
Talk to you soon....
Thanks all...
I'm going home for the night..leaving a little early...gonna take a nap & go to my son's baseball meeting tonight....

Thanks for everyone's support today...i made it through another day....Talk to you tomorrow...
Take care