How do I become normal again? confused, lonely, hurt and isolated are what I'm feeling.
Hi again,
I had written my first story on my bf of 6 years on an earlier post. I had love and support from everyone, thank you again, it means so much to me.
Update: It's the 2nd day being broken up with him, but I'm feeling worse today than yesterday..It feels like my heart's been ripped apart and I have no feelings or burst of energy to do anything really. I had such a hard time keeping a neutral face on at work, being a nurse and trying to help and manage other peoples lives, I had a horrible time on my shift. When I got home, I cried myself until i couldn't cry anymore, then felt stupid because i'm sure the ex bf wasn't or isn't thinking one bit about me..but then again, why should i care right? Gosh i'm in such a pickle with my feelings right now. I am so torn. I do not, i repeat DO NOT want to get back with him ever or turn back to the past, but I really need some guidance and distraction from this heart ache. It's like..6 years of catering and being someone's everything, living together, spending time 24/7 together, but now apart because of this nasty drug addiction- this is what I get back in return?? This is how i get repaid? I haven't felt this hurt ever. like ever in my life. I had no idea how hard it would be to leave a meth user that I was and seem to still care about.
Can anyone lend me a helping hand and shower me with some helpful tips and answers on how to mend my broken soul. I literally feel like it's going to never be the same. I've been so isolated and stripped away from the world, I had become SO accustomed to his needs and lifestyle, but now that I'm actually F R E E, I'm lost and can't function properly in the head.
These forums and 24 hour help hotlines are the only thing keeping me sane.
Thanks again y'all.
xoxo
You're grieving hon. Of course you feel miserable. You're grieving the loss of 6 years of hopes and dreams gone down the drain, even though it was just a fantasy. You can't have a normal life with a meth addict. Just give yourself time. Cry, scream, hang around in your jammies watching Lifetime movies, yell at the tv... whatever it takes to get yourself through that grieving process. Just give it a little time and when you're ready, move on and don't look back. Go out with friends. Even if you have to force yourself to go out, do it. Go for a walk. Get out and smell the roses as the saying goes.
You've spent all these years catering to his every whim, every need, so focused on his addiction that you probably don't even remember who YOU are anymore. You've got to find her again. What do you enjoy doing? What did you do before you surrendered yourself to his addiction? It's time to focus on yourself. Go get a mani pedi, or a new haircut. Be kind to yourself.
Do you have any friends or did you lose them to his addiction? Do you have any family in the area, or that you could call? Try to surround yourself with people who care about YOU and can give you some support.
you'll get through this and come out stronger on the other side. I promise.
hugs,
Laurie
You've spent all these years catering to his every whim, every need, so focused on his addiction that you probably don't even remember who YOU are anymore. You've got to find her again. What do you enjoy doing? What did you do before you surrendered yourself to his addiction? It's time to focus on yourself. Go get a mani pedi, or a new haircut. Be kind to yourself.
Do you have any friends or did you lose them to his addiction? Do you have any family in the area, or that you could call? Try to surround yourself with people who care about YOU and can give you some support.
you'll get through this and come out stronger on the other side. I promise.
hugs,
Laurie
Themom,
You're right, sigh and I've been doing exactly that, taking walks, eating healthier and trying to keep myself occupied but in the back of my mind it's still there and it will be there for awhile. You're super right about everything an I've also read your stories on other posts, I hope you're doing better and coping too!
I have no friends, I use to be such a great catch but now I'm all mopey and paranoid about even meeting or making friends. He made me believe everything I did was wrong and I was "crazy" when someone keeps saying it to you, u tend to believe it in a way. I started questioning my pyscho attitude when he would piss me off, like "oh maybe I AM just trippin" but now that I'm stepping back from the relationship, it was just him all along manipulating me. I was always angry and talking crap about his lifestyle because he was an addict and yes I may have flipped out but hey, who wouldn't once in awhile right? It's so hard to maintain a steady productive day. The only family I have is my oldest brother and his two baby boy and girl. They are honestly the only things keeping be functional through out the day. Along with a glass of wine and a walk or jog in the evening.
Thanks again, appreciate you listening and reading my story, I'll be posting soon about my Ex's parents being in denile texting and asking me if I did anything to him or gave him any "special" antipsychotic medicine. So stupid. Like ok great that's the easiest target to put blame on, the dedicated gf future physician. Yeah I'm the "bad" one here. Makes me want to punch some pillows! Anyways, take care and keep in touch!
<3
You're right, sigh and I've been doing exactly that, taking walks, eating healthier and trying to keep myself occupied but in the back of my mind it's still there and it will be there for awhile. You're super right about everything an I've also read your stories on other posts, I hope you're doing better and coping too!
I have no friends, I use to be such a great catch but now I'm all mopey and paranoid about even meeting or making friends. He made me believe everything I did was wrong and I was "crazy" when someone keeps saying it to you, u tend to believe it in a way. I started questioning my pyscho attitude when he would piss me off, like "oh maybe I AM just trippin" but now that I'm stepping back from the relationship, it was just him all along manipulating me. I was always angry and talking crap about his lifestyle because he was an addict and yes I may have flipped out but hey, who wouldn't once in awhile right? It's so hard to maintain a steady productive day. The only family I have is my oldest brother and his two baby boy and girl. They are honestly the only things keeping be functional through out the day. Along with a glass of wine and a walk or jog in the evening.
Thanks again, appreciate you listening and reading my story, I'll be posting soon about my Ex's parents being in denile texting and asking me if I did anything to him or gave him any "special" antipsychotic medicine. So stupid. Like ok great that's the easiest target to put blame on, the dedicated gf future physician. Yeah I'm the "bad" one here. Makes me want to punch some pillows! Anyways, take care and keep in touch!
<3
Girl.... You can't worry about what his parents think. You know the truth. And they are in denial. It's easier to blame someone else. Your doing the right thing. Keep working on YOURSELF!! Your #1 right now. Chin up!!
Lisa
Lisa
Dear Lisalisa,
You are absolutely right! It's just so hard to recover and even begin to build up my personality and life all over again. Thank you for your words and support!! means so much, i just want to cry, these forums really do help.
keep in touch-
xoxo
You are absolutely right! It's just so hard to recover and even begin to build up my personality and life all over again. Thank you for your words and support!! means so much, i just want to cry, these forums really do help.
keep in touch-
xoxo
The addict is addicted to the substance.
The co-dependant is addicted to the addict.
You are feeling much the same withdrawl that the addict feels when they try to get clean/sober.
You have basically the same work ahead of you as the addict does to get your life back.
The 12 Steps of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can help you if you work them.
The 12 Steps will help you work through your physical/mental/emotional/spiritual issues.
The 12 Steps can restore you to sanity.
All the best.
Bob R
The co-dependant is addicted to the addict.
You are feeling much the same withdrawl that the addict feels when they try to get clean/sober.
You have basically the same work ahead of you as the addict does to get your life back.
The 12 Steps of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can help you if you work them.
The 12 Steps will help you work through your physical/mental/emotional/spiritual issues.
The 12 Steps can restore you to sanity.
All the best.
Bob R
papa bear,
you're so right. I realized today that not only is the addict going to have a long journey to recovery but so do the loved ones. I am struggling so much coping with stress at home as well as my personal life. I never smile anymore. I can't believe my life is like this. I am always an optimistic person but for some reason I'm feeling so rotten and down inside.
thanks for your advice
you're so right. I realized today that not only is the addict going to have a long journey to recovery but so do the loved ones. I am struggling so much coping with stress at home as well as my personal life. I never smile anymore. I can't believe my life is like this. I am always an optimistic person but for some reason I'm feeling so rotten and down inside.
thanks for your advice
trying2cope,
6 years is a long time, addict or not it is going to hurt. He was part of your life for a long time so I can't even imagine how it must feel. You just need time. Things will get easier. He might always have a place in your heart, but maybe you're better off without him. Don't let the years spent convince you that you're supposed to be with him. You have to do whats best for your self.
staystrong19
(btw I'm going to school for nursing, I think it's so cool that you're a nurse! Now I know why you're so compassionate towards him. Just remember when it comes to addiction the addict has to do it all themselves. We can give them support but in order to recover they have to want it.)
6 years is a long time, addict or not it is going to hurt. He was part of your life for a long time so I can't even imagine how it must feel. You just need time. Things will get easier. He might always have a place in your heart, but maybe you're better off without him. Don't let the years spent convince you that you're supposed to be with him. You have to do whats best for your self.
staystrong19
(btw I'm going to school for nursing, I think it's so cool that you're a nurse! Now I know why you're so compassionate towards him. Just remember when it comes to addiction the addict has to do it all themselves. We can give them support but in order to recover they have to want it.)
Staystrong19,
yes you are right, agh..i guess i need to hear it from another person like you or someone going through a similar issue to help me really understand this whole situation. It's my first and last time getting involved in this area in a relationship. I also read what you wrote on my other post about the parents. Yeah I'm going to try to let it go and maybe i was in his life to show him that he does need to change and what he took for granted. His father is an alcoholic and the mother is a workaholic cheater. No one is ever home when i visit. My bf would be cooped up in his room smoking and coughing while i would wait in the living room tired as heck, just wanting to go out like a normal couple - bars, dinners, etc. Anywho I'm rambling! But woohoo nursing school! What are you looking to become? I'm a nurse specializing in emergency medicine and cardiology I'm attending my phd program next year. Keep it up!! it will pay off. I was SO close to quitting and dropping everything just to keep my relationship with my bf, but in the end all i'm getting is hurt and even more stress on top of my school & work schedule.
Keep in touch!
xoxo
yes you are right, agh..i guess i need to hear it from another person like you or someone going through a similar issue to help me really understand this whole situation. It's my first and last time getting involved in this area in a relationship. I also read what you wrote on my other post about the parents. Yeah I'm going to try to let it go and maybe i was in his life to show him that he does need to change and what he took for granted. His father is an alcoholic and the mother is a workaholic cheater. No one is ever home when i visit. My bf would be cooped up in his room smoking and coughing while i would wait in the living room tired as heck, just wanting to go out like a normal couple - bars, dinners, etc. Anywho I'm rambling! But woohoo nursing school! What are you looking to become? I'm a nurse specializing in emergency medicine and cardiology I'm attending my phd program next year. Keep it up!! it will pay off. I was SO close to quitting and dropping everything just to keep my relationship with my bf, but in the end all i'm getting is hurt and even more stress on top of my school & work schedule.
Keep in touch!
xoxo
trying2cope,
I know everything is hard right now, but as the days go on everything will get easier! You'll be able to look back on this experience and see how strong you become as a person. Try and do whatever you can to get your mind off things or come up with ways to help yourself recover. This website is AMAZING and has helped me so much but try to come up with other things too!!! I want to go for pediatric/psychiatric nursing! I'm so excited!!! Emergency medicine and cardiology sound so interesting!!! Kudos to you for going for a PhD. THAT IS SUCH AN AMAZING ACHIEVEMENT! You are such a strong individual. Keep your head up!!
staystrong19
I know everything is hard right now, but as the days go on everything will get easier! You'll be able to look back on this experience and see how strong you become as a person. Try and do whatever you can to get your mind off things or come up with ways to help yourself recover. This website is AMAZING and has helped me so much but try to come up with other things too!!! I want to go for pediatric/psychiatric nursing! I'm so excited!!! Emergency medicine and cardiology sound so interesting!!! Kudos to you for going for a PhD. THAT IS SUCH AN AMAZING ACHIEVEMENT! You are such a strong individual. Keep your head up!!
staystrong19
staystrong19,
thank you, and same for you! don't ever give up on what makes you happy, or makes you feel happy..keep me updated! is there any other way we can keep in touch? I went on your other page but there was no info where I can direct message you or talk to you. would love to share experiences with each other and help us BOTH go though this day by day <3
take care!
thank you, and same for you! don't ever give up on what makes you happy, or makes you feel happy..keep me updated! is there any other way we can keep in touch? I went on your other page but there was no info where I can direct message you or talk to you. would love to share experiences with each other and help us BOTH go though this day by day <3
take care!
