hi all- i've been quietly reading not posting, not much to say. in a funk, got the blues...my therapist says i'm depressed and i'd say i am.
i have been sick as well with lots going on in my personal life too much to post here. but my question that i'm throwing out to everyone is this; i just passed my 3 month mark and it seems to be getting harder.... no more 'jones', but the yearning is awful, painful sometimes. i think about weed a lot and i feel that all i've relearned or found how to cope i can't do. like i'm back at the beginning with cleaning and working and my creative tools. i still can't think straight and i have absolutely no motivation.
i'm wondering if anyone has words of wisdom, hope, comparison.....?
i'm feeling really lost. i don't think calling the weed dude will help but i think about it often in the course of a day.
3 months in, i don't want to turn back now!
i hope you all are fine. WW i love your posts. you insights, your learning, your growth and your wealth of information on all things. you are just amazing to me. when i read your posts i get hopeful and often they keep me clean so know that okay?
jojo
hey girl-
Yea I was thinkin that this was 3 months, congrats to ya. My three months was just before the cali trip, and my taper was so gradual, from some clean time each day, to some stoned time each day then each week, that these milestones are somewhat different for me than the cold turkey crowd. Even though you are not one of those...and the rest of this is not postable, you will get it soon, tomorrow maybe?
Yea I was thinkin that this was 3 months, congrats to ya. My three months was just before the cali trip, and my taper was so gradual, from some clean time each day, to some stoned time each day then each week, that these milestones are somewhat different for me than the cold turkey crowd. Even though you are not one of those...and the rest of this is not postable, you will get it soon, tomorrow maybe?
JoJo, you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Look at you at three months !!!!! (/) (/) (/)
I don't want to presume anything about your depression (perhaps the last thing you want to do is read a book) Concentration can be a b**** !
However, the book, "The Road Less Travelled" came to mind while reading your post.
I'm proud of you for getting some support from a therapist, there is no way one can do this alone, and certainly no way we expect our spouses to comprehend the mind torment, during those particularily bleak days.
Please, please take care and don't give up !
Love,
Diana
I don't want to presume anything about your depression (perhaps the last thing you want to do is read a book) Concentration can be a b**** !
However, the book, "The Road Less Travelled" came to mind while reading your post.
I'm proud of you for getting some support from a therapist, there is no way one can do this alone, and certainly no way we expect our spouses to comprehend the mind torment, during those particularily bleak days.
Please, please take care and don't give up !
Love,
Diana
thanks for your vote of confidence ww i appreciate it. concentrate? ha i'll have to send you an e- to let you know what is going on with me personally.....
i too am really interested in the chakras. i have done reading and some studying on how they can both block and release you. i am interested in your drumming. i could bang on a drum all day! (and nod to todd rundgren)!
jojo
ps. hippie i anxiously await your unpostable words. my guru.
i too am really interested in the chakras. i have done reading and some studying on how they can both block and release you. i am interested in your drumming. i could bang on a drum all day! (and nod to todd rundgren)!
jojo
ps. hippie i anxiously await your unpostable words. my guru.
Jo~ Just wanted to say CONGRATS! Even though you may not feel well you are getting alittle stronger each day. I hope you know we are all rooting for ya! Things are actually good here right now. I am looking forward to the future, trying to stay positive, & feeling the best I ever have. I am sending you all my postive energy & I hope you will take extra precious care of yourself. Love you!
AEA
AEA
jo look how far you have come.
the pink cloud fades quickly and we are left by ourselves to adjust, it will get better.
just think 3 mo ago you were depressed with a monkey on your back, now you are just depressed.
i wish i had some great words of wisdom but i am "slap out".
hang in there, we are all very proud of you.
the pink cloud fades quickly and we are left by ourselves to adjust, it will get better.
just think 3 mo ago you were depressed with a monkey on your back, now you are just depressed.
i wish i had some great words of wisdom but i am "slap out".
hang in there, we are all very proud of you.
wow thanks aea, hippie, ww, jamv..... you are the best..... and you are right. that's why i come here..... i'd be lost without you all. thank you.
i'm hanging in. let's see what the next few months bring.......
-jojo
i'm hanging in. let's see what the next few months bring.......
-jojo
Note to self : Must check out Todd Rundgren. ;-)
Please send me an e when you feel up to it.
I highly recommend a book by Karla McLaren, called Your Aura & Your Chakras The Owner's Manual. :-)
Meanwhile, hubby, just as he is heading out of town for the night just informed he lost a joint "somewhere" around the house. Oh great ! My stomache just sank. Concern over kids finding it or ME finding it, if I'm really lucky the really super duper noisy cricket will find it, smoke it and take a nap. :-) Did you see that ? From panic to despair to humour, what's a girl to do ? LOL
hope you have a pleasant evening, JoJo. Healing being channelled to you, tonight, dear friend.
Please send me an e when you feel up to it.
I highly recommend a book by Karla McLaren, called Your Aura & Your Chakras The Owner's Manual. :-)
Meanwhile, hubby, just as he is heading out of town for the night just informed he lost a joint "somewhere" around the house. Oh great ! My stomache just sank. Concern over kids finding it or ME finding it, if I'm really lucky the really super duper noisy cricket will find it, smoke it and take a nap. :-) Did you see that ? From panic to despair to humour, what's a girl to do ? LOL
hope you have a pleasant evening, JoJo. Healing being channelled to you, tonight, dear friend.
i've been feeling quite good, haven't given a serious thougth to weed for a bit. went to vegas three weeks ago for a business meeting and my wife tagged along, since we have had the best marriage and love the last 3 wks ever. Good, because considering she was putting me through a living hell, almost right up to the trip. hope it lasts.
i see clearly that i was living weak in my pot life. i am so much sharper, having some troubles with changes in industry patterns in my business, and i need a clear mind to keep on top of everything and to keep swimming, instead of sinking. of course, i hope i'm not sinking because i straight finally.
then, i have a casual friend of a few years, whom i teach a boy scout merit badge class with, and we are birding buddies, (one of my hobbies), he is a h.s. assistant principal and turns out, on a birding trip conversation got aroudn to the drugs in his h.s., and he let it out he smokes, and then that he had caught a whiff of me while we were out a year ago. not that i am encouraging the "smoke", but he is a totally cool middle-aged guy, like me<g>, and this just cemented our friendship even more, because I totally outed myself to him, but he doesn't have the problem with non-stop chronic smoking like I do, once i pick up.
life is so much easier now, sneaking like i did ALL DAY LONG is damn hard work and so much brain energy goes into getting and being high, hiding it, relaxing in it, and being smoked out. i don't miss it. although i did have some very bad anxiety the first six weeks, that is ALL gone now.
I had a checkup with my doctor about 6 wks ago and my cholesterol is a bit high, so i don't want to take drug/pills/meds, so i did quite a bit of research on vitamins, and that was a followup to my research i did trying to cure my mental problems and anxiety i had in withdrawal. I found out that fish oil is truly a miracle drug and am a good medical researcher on medline.gov and there is study after study showing benefit in depression, anxiety, bipolar, schizophrenia, and all kinds of stuff. I am on that, plus some other basics, and I feel physically so good. also I am watching my diet more than ever and that helps too. feel very clear, clean and energetic.
have been hanging some at the MA chat room, which sometimes hit the spot. just wanted to give a report. - the hardcharger.
i see clearly that i was living weak in my pot life. i am so much sharper, having some troubles with changes in industry patterns in my business, and i need a clear mind to keep on top of everything and to keep swimming, instead of sinking. of course, i hope i'm not sinking because i straight finally.
then, i have a casual friend of a few years, whom i teach a boy scout merit badge class with, and we are birding buddies, (one of my hobbies), he is a h.s. assistant principal and turns out, on a birding trip conversation got aroudn to the drugs in his h.s., and he let it out he smokes, and then that he had caught a whiff of me while we were out a year ago. not that i am encouraging the "smoke", but he is a totally cool middle-aged guy, like me<g>, and this just cemented our friendship even more, because I totally outed myself to him, but he doesn't have the problem with non-stop chronic smoking like I do, once i pick up.
life is so much easier now, sneaking like i did ALL DAY LONG is damn hard work and so much brain energy goes into getting and being high, hiding it, relaxing in it, and being smoked out. i don't miss it. although i did have some very bad anxiety the first six weeks, that is ALL gone now.
I had a checkup with my doctor about 6 wks ago and my cholesterol is a bit high, so i don't want to take drug/pills/meds, so i did quite a bit of research on vitamins, and that was a followup to my research i did trying to cure my mental problems and anxiety i had in withdrawal. I found out that fish oil is truly a miracle drug and am a good medical researcher on medline.gov and there is study after study showing benefit in depression, anxiety, bipolar, schizophrenia, and all kinds of stuff. I am on that, plus some other basics, and I feel physically so good. also I am watching my diet more than ever and that helps too. feel very clear, clean and energetic.
have been hanging some at the MA chat room, which sometimes hit the spot. just wanted to give a report. - the hardcharger.
Hey HC,
You know sometimes I come to this board and there appears to be some synchronicity going on. That's pretty cool.
I still have to take some pills, but it's not forever. I long to be pill free someday. Damn Chrohn's disease ! I take 4000 mg of anti-inflammatory meds/day !
I saw a nutritionist today, learned some new things about certain foods I need to watch out for that can do a number on my system. AND she said eat some fish !!! :-) Your fish oil idea sounds like something I'd like to try. Is this a capsule you buy ? Apparently tuna, salmon,bluefish and mackerel and shellfish are all high in protein and fat. But fat is soooo not good for me. (triggers my illness) Are there any fish that aren't fatty? Also, regarding high cholesterol, did you know that a quarter teaspoon a day of cinnamon reduces that problem?
That's awesome to hear about you and your wife. Congratulations ! I really want things to work out with my husband and I, it's really more or less up to him, now. I just keep trucking along in my recovery. I'd appreciate any marital advice from couples that are making it work !
Oh and I had this dream last night that I grew a pear tree and a peach tree. Now, you see I live in a climate that is not so conducive to the productivity of these fruits. Anyway, I dreamt that I bit into this one pear and it was awful.
So, today, I get this pamphlet from the nutritionist from the Chrohn's and Colitis Foundation of Canada to read when I get home. In it reads "About 30 percent of the general population cannot tolerate sorbitol - a sugar found in fruits such as plums, PEARS, PEACHES and grapes."
I love it when my dreams tell me the answers to questions I don't even know I have yet. LOL
DREAMING !!!!! Just one more reason why I do NOT miss pot one little bit and it feels amazing !!!!!!
You know sometimes I come to this board and there appears to be some synchronicity going on. That's pretty cool.
I still have to take some pills, but it's not forever. I long to be pill free someday. Damn Chrohn's disease ! I take 4000 mg of anti-inflammatory meds/day !
I saw a nutritionist today, learned some new things about certain foods I need to watch out for that can do a number on my system. AND she said eat some fish !!! :-) Your fish oil idea sounds like something I'd like to try. Is this a capsule you buy ? Apparently tuna, salmon,bluefish and mackerel and shellfish are all high in protein and fat. But fat is soooo not good for me. (triggers my illness) Are there any fish that aren't fatty? Also, regarding high cholesterol, did you know that a quarter teaspoon a day of cinnamon reduces that problem?
That's awesome to hear about you and your wife. Congratulations ! I really want things to work out with my husband and I, it's really more or less up to him, now. I just keep trucking along in my recovery. I'd appreciate any marital advice from couples that are making it work !
Oh and I had this dream last night that I grew a pear tree and a peach tree. Now, you see I live in a climate that is not so conducive to the productivity of these fruits. Anyway, I dreamt that I bit into this one pear and it was awful.
So, today, I get this pamphlet from the nutritionist from the Chrohn's and Colitis Foundation of Canada to read when I get home. In it reads "About 30 percent of the general population cannot tolerate sorbitol - a sugar found in fruits such as plums, PEARS, PEACHES and grapes."
I love it when my dreams tell me the answers to questions I don't even know I have yet. LOL
DREAMING !!!!! Just one more reason why I do NOT miss pot one little bit and it feels amazing !!!!!!
WW - Crohn's disease is something i know little about. But I do have specialized knowledge and I would be happy to talk to you offline.
Learn to do you own research. I am not anti-medical but am anti Big Pharma. Unfortunately most Doc's get all/most of their medical information from sales marketing reps for drug companies and have a terrible long standing bias against any nutritional over the counter product that is not a drug.(note i know someone very close who is an FP and I know what goes on, he has told me he has received >20K of kickbacks per year)
I have never really been into vitamins although I am in the healthcare industry. But because of my own problems in recovery I have been searching out information to first help with the anxiety and high blood pressure that I did have, gone now, and also a tad elevated high cholesterol. I am astounded by the information that I am finding.
Fish oil for instance. Unbelievably, without a doubt, proven to be extremely healthy for the heart. Garlic is a lesser effect, but also extremely good for you. A combo of those will help many people with mildly elevated lipid and bp levels, for $12/month, but everyone is given $120/mo Lipitor instead. Same for St. John's Wort, seriously, who would think that a $8/mo. herb could be helpful for depression etc. Also fish oil has been proven as a treatment for depression, schizophrenia and bipolar disease. Just look it up yourself in the medical literature. Well, I have found out how to do the research and what I have found is going to change my life and many others. But this list is not about all that.
For your Crohn's disease. Go to medline.gov and plug in "Crohns disease fish oil", then do same with "Crohns disease omega 3". Look at all the studies in prominent medical journals and you will "see for yourself" what your doctors might be totally ignoring. Click on all the studies, ignore all the complicated numbers, read the first few sentences and the last few sentences of the studies. Ignore the animal studies and others that don't really apply, download cutepdf3.1, and print to PDF those abstracts that apply and that you want to refer to. I recommend that you take at least 1200mg of DHA+EPA per day, for regular fish oil that is 4 pills and concentrated it is 2 pills. That is about $10/month. I would recommend you try that first and see how you tolerate it, if you tolerate it physically, I recommend you double it, and then are some other anti-inflammatory things you can add. Contact me offline. bargainbooksfast@hotmail.com
check this link out for studies that might encourage you:
http://www.oilofpisces.com/inflamma...weldisease.html
Learn to do you own research. I am not anti-medical but am anti Big Pharma. Unfortunately most Doc's get all/most of their medical information from sales marketing reps for drug companies and have a terrible long standing bias against any nutritional over the counter product that is not a drug.(note i know someone very close who is an FP and I know what goes on, he has told me he has received >20K of kickbacks per year)
I have never really been into vitamins although I am in the healthcare industry. But because of my own problems in recovery I have been searching out information to first help with the anxiety and high blood pressure that I did have, gone now, and also a tad elevated high cholesterol. I am astounded by the information that I am finding.
Fish oil for instance. Unbelievably, without a doubt, proven to be extremely healthy for the heart. Garlic is a lesser effect, but also extremely good for you. A combo of those will help many people with mildly elevated lipid and bp levels, for $12/month, but everyone is given $120/mo Lipitor instead. Same for St. John's Wort, seriously, who would think that a $8/mo. herb could be helpful for depression etc. Also fish oil has been proven as a treatment for depression, schizophrenia and bipolar disease. Just look it up yourself in the medical literature. Well, I have found out how to do the research and what I have found is going to change my life and many others. But this list is not about all that.
For your Crohn's disease. Go to medline.gov and plug in "Crohns disease fish oil", then do same with "Crohns disease omega 3". Look at all the studies in prominent medical journals and you will "see for yourself" what your doctors might be totally ignoring. Click on all the studies, ignore all the complicated numbers, read the first few sentences and the last few sentences of the studies. Ignore the animal studies and others that don't really apply, download cutepdf3.1, and print to PDF those abstracts that apply and that you want to refer to. I recommend that you take at least 1200mg of DHA+EPA per day, for regular fish oil that is 4 pills and concentrated it is 2 pills. That is about $10/month. I would recommend you try that first and see how you tolerate it, if you tolerate it physically, I recommend you double it, and then are some other anti-inflammatory things you can add. Contact me offline. bargainbooksfast@hotmail.com
check this link out for studies that might encourage you:
http://www.oilofpisces.com/inflamma...weldisease.html
That's awesome, thank you ! I'll be doing a little research for the next few days !
wholehealthmd.com is a GREAT website, run by MD's with nutritional advice based on science. Check out what they say about Crohn's. Good Luck.
