I had decided that this hopeless junkie who ruined so many lives and just couldnt get clean didnt deserve to live........I parked my car by the park, threw my works down the sewer, worte goodbye notes to my children and ex husband apologizing for so many things and then proceeded to take numerous handfuls of sleeping pills...........well nodded off and on, but kept waking up to vomit.........pissed myself and just wouldnt sleep for good...........so after many hours of this...i sauntered home defeated..........couldnt get clean and couldnt even kil myself........it was this event that changed my life...........next day headed out at 6am to find help.........copped early then spent all day going from rehb to rehab trying to get in.......finally at 9pm that night was admitted to a pysch ward...........spent a few days here and what did i do first day out........got high..........this last time i got high produced a heroin induced tachycardia or however you spell it.....my heart was beatng so fast i was rushed to the hospital where they had to stop my heart then restart it........it was then my true journey began.........spent 10 days in cardio unit under suicide watch, then off to pysch hospital then to a rehab where i had to fight tooth and nail to stay for 28 days.............my actual "clean" date is june 8th.........I just wanted to write and express my gratitude to God for sparing my life and giving me a second chance and say that despite al the insanity of my life i beleive my life was spared for a reason and god has a plan........many days not sure what the hell that plan is.but i am here, alive and have the chance to do better.I know how blessed i am to havehad those days away....rec'd so much knowledge on my addiction and was eased through the detox process..I so admire those on here who do it on thier own, i was never strong enough.but as hopeless as i felt I will celebrate three yrs clean in a week or two. Just wanted to share this as when i woke up today and realized what day it was.............I continually pray for all those clean and in active addiction to find thier way and some peace in their hearts...........
Tres...you have given me nothing but help,a laugh&strength on this forum..so just wanna say what a great kindhearted lady you are..and thanks for letting us know it can be done even given the barriers you faced.All the best as ever and heres to the future..good luck
Davey is right Tres. You are absolutely lovely. I doubt a kinder heart can be found anywhere. I'm so glad your suicide attempt didn't work. The world would be a much poorer place without you. You have helped so many on here, and today I have no doubt there will be even more.
God Bless you Tres.
Beck
God Bless you Tres.
Beck
Tres ~ I'm so glad I've gotten to know you. Beck, nice post and tribute, that really says it all. I'll mark June 8th on my mental calendar.
Peace and Love~:~ MomNMore~:~
Peace and Love~:~ MomNMore~:~
Ohhhhhhhh does this break my heart...........and has it rejoice at the same time.
My dear, dear friend........loved ya pre-dope, and during dope, and was so proud of ya for kicking........getting clean.
It's surreal that ya actually were doing that.....AND called me right before ya did it....and the cop/detective/dungeon master wouldn't even tell me ya called.......I never dreamed you'd do it although ya spoke of it so often.
BUT BUT BUT here ya are........one of the strongest people I will ever know...and funny knowing ya growing up girl you were the opposite.......this time though it was well worth it......the fighting.........and you with that nurse sitting there just looking at ya........LOL......you had 24/7 on watch ya ol' nut.
And to add to that miracle..........I mean come on.........you're under suicide watch and whose face is on the TV...........I mean come on.........talk about synchronicity........somebody was watching out for us........cause how many times were we there copping????? Right?
Congrats my dear friend.........I love you.......and I have never been prouder of anyone in my life..........everyone here already knows how good you are.....and how kind and sensitive, and non-judgemental.........I'm just so fortunate and Blessed I get the real live you whenever I want.........had you by my side since we were kids...........and I KNEW then that ya lived you'd really live.......make something of yourself.........that's YOU babes, and I am mighty proud.
My dear, dear friend........loved ya pre-dope, and during dope, and was so proud of ya for kicking........getting clean.
It's surreal that ya actually were doing that.....AND called me right before ya did it....and the cop/detective/dungeon master wouldn't even tell me ya called.......I never dreamed you'd do it although ya spoke of it so often.
BUT BUT BUT here ya are........one of the strongest people I will ever know...and funny knowing ya growing up girl you were the opposite.......this time though it was well worth it......the fighting.........and you with that nurse sitting there just looking at ya........LOL......you had 24/7 on watch ya ol' nut.
And to add to that miracle..........I mean come on.........you're under suicide watch and whose face is on the TV...........I mean come on.........talk about synchronicity........somebody was watching out for us........cause how many times were we there copping????? Right?
Congrats my dear friend.........I love you.......and I have never been prouder of anyone in my life..........everyone here already knows how good you are.....and how kind and sensitive, and non-judgemental.........I'm just so fortunate and Blessed I get the real live you whenever I want.........had you by my side since we were kids...........and I KNEW then that ya lived you'd really live.......make something of yourself.........that's YOU babes, and I am mighty proud.
thaks so much for everyone's kind words.........only hope i can live up to them, and i am truly grateful today........
and my dear bryn..ALWAYS there for me through thick and thin.i am so proud of you too.........I can remeber that day so vividly.calling you to ssay goodbe and the "dungeon master" hanging up...no junkie freinds calling you.........and i do remeber the divine intervention.......j dying that night and the other one getting pinched...........seems so long ago but can never forget that despair and the hope I feel today..........Thanks to everyone on this board for your freindships and being there and to my girl again for sharing this board with me ;-)
and my dear bryn..ALWAYS there for me through thick and thin.i am so proud of you too.........I can remeber that day so vividly.calling you to ssay goodbe and the "dungeon master" hanging up...no junkie freinds calling you.........and i do remeber the divine intervention.......j dying that night and the other one getting pinched...........seems so long ago but can never forget that despair and the hope I feel today..........Thanks to everyone on this board for your freindships and being there and to my girl again for sharing this board with me ;-)
HAHAHAHA............"Pinched".........sounds like you're in an episode of The Little Rascals.........them or The Bowery Boys.
Pinched that's a riot..........more like led the cops on a high speed chase, and ditched your ride and the kid..........and slam into a pole.........we shan't ever speak of it again...........never.......cept I told ya ain't nobody named an initial.
You get on with your bad self girlie......don't get pinched for giving extra hots on the side now.......pinched!
Pinched that's a riot..........more like led the cops on a high speed chase, and ditched your ride and the kid..........and slam into a pole.........we shan't ever speak of it again...........never.......cept I told ya ain't nobody named an initial.
You get on with your bad self girlie......don't get pinched for giving extra hots on the side now.......pinched!
