From all that know me from my other posts: "Hi!"
******(if your interested you can read "slow medically supervised detoxing off methadone")******
for those of you who don't I am a just turned 34 year old female who has taken methadone illicitly for 2 years and then medically (supervised treatment center) for approx 4 years.
My highest dose was 130mg (which was way, way too much for me) I worked my way down to about 120mg at my first clinic and rapid detoxed cause I couldn't pay anymore: went from 120mg to 15mg in 18 days and was in HELL!!!!!
Finally gave up along the detox (literally wanted to kill myself then) and called around and found out that there are methadone clinics that take medicaid. Transferred to second clinic but only went up to 30mg and felt better instantly! Never went up more cause in my mind its just more to taper off of.
Was at second clinic for almost two years. Then in March 2015 I 21 day detoxed from 28mg's, going down a mg a day/ 7 mg's a week, it wasn't easy but I had to for legal reasons as well....I'll explain that later.
Anyways long story short: It's been 31 days since I took that last dose of 1mg methadone on 3-30-2015!!!!
Feeling pretty good.
Still having diarrhea...
Sneezing,
Muscle twitches,
Some brain/body zaps (but I think thats due to dehydration),
Sporadic energy.
I'm sleeping pretty normal at this point. Taking multivitamin everyday, (trying to) drinking lots of water, eating healthy and exercising. Exercise and water seem to be the KEY things that REALLY help anymore.
Things I'm noticing: Sex drive is back to normal!!! YAY! (b/f is sure happy), emotions are coming back, and forgetting all the stress and bureaucracy of that stupid, stupid 2nd methadone clinic! Oh, how I hated that place!!!!! One day for holiday take outs I had to wait in line for 4 HOURS!!! Can you believe that!?!?! People were giving up and saying "F*ck it i'm gonna just go score..." and I was sitting there thinking "hmmm i don't blame em"....
I have searched relentlessly on internet for FOLLOW UP METHADONE stories to see how long it took them to get "normal" or how they maintained sobriety or what they did when they relapsed or had a slip up and I can't find much. Its really disheartening. So I wanna change that by putting my stuff out there.
Don't be offended by the things I say (its just an opinion) and ENJOY! Hope this helps SOMEONE out there!!!!
This material was developed from Relapse Prevention seminars hosted by Terence Gorski, MS. I recommend his excellent Staying Sober and its accompanying workbook for anyone interested in following the subject further. Many of these concepts are Mr. Gorskis, adapted by me for a series of relapse prevention lectures.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many of the problems associated with early sobriety do not stem directly from drugs and alcohol. Instead, they are associated with physical and psychological changes that occur after the chemicals have left our bodies. When we use, our brains actually undergo physical change to cope with the presence of the drug in our body. When we remove the drugs, our brains then demand more to satisfy the desire caused by the changes. The extreme symptoms that we experience immediately after we stop using are called acute withdrawal.
Acute withdrawal, unfortunately, is not the whole story. Our bodies make initial adjustments to the absence of the drug, and the major symptoms ease up. However, the changes that have occurred in our brains need time to revert back to their original state (to the extent that they ever do). During the period of time while this is occurring, they can cause a variety of problems known as Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS).
All we addicts and alcoholics suffer from damage to our bodies and nervous systems from drug/alcohol use, accidents, and malnutrition. We may also suffer from chronic diseases such as diabetes and hepatitis, and we usually bring to early recovery a broad array of other problems. As one alcoholic put it, When I got sober, things didnt get any easier, but they got real ing clear!
Recovery causes a great deal of stress. Many addicts and alcoholics never learn to manage stress without alcohol or drug use, or do so only after many attempts at sobriety. Our ability to deal with it depends on our willingness to take care of ourselves and maintain a healthy physical, emotional and spiritual lifestyle. Repairing the damage to our nervous systems usually requires from six months to two years with a healthy program of recovery. PAWS is the cause of most relapse in early recovery.
Symptoms
PAWS symptoms reach a peak from three to six months after we get clean. Any use of drugs or alcohol, even in small quantities or for a short time, will effectively eliminate any improvement gained over that time, as it will keep the brain from healing. There are a variety of symptoms. Not everyone will experience all of them. Here are some of the main ones.
Inability to solve problems
Inability to solve problems leads to lowered self-esteem. We feel embarrassed, incompetent, and not okay. Diminished self-esteem and fear of failure lead to living and working problems. These all add to our stress, and the stress further exaggerates the other problems. Six things contribute to this: trouble thinking clearly, emotional overreaction, memory problems, sleep disturbances, physical coordination problems and difficulty managing stress.
Inability to think clearly
Our brain seems to work properly only part of the time. Sometimes our head just feels fuzzy because of the changes that occurred in our brains while we were using. The changes take time to improve. It is also due to the simple fact that we are trying to process a lot more information than we did before. While using, we mainly thought about getting more, using, and turning off our brains. Now we are considering the myriad things necessary to truly live our lives. To begin with, it can be a bit much.
Inability to concentrate
Abstract reasoning suffers, and we find our minds, like a confused cowboy, jumping on its horse and riding off in all directions. Also related to the reasons above.
Rigid, repetitive thinking
Thoughts go around and around in our heads, and we are unable to put them into useful order. We have not yet developed the ability to channel our thoughts and concentrate on one thing at a time.
Memory problems
We may hear something, understand it, and 20 minutes laterits gone! This sort of thing complicates our lives in many ways. It upsets supervisors, annoys significant others, and makes us wonder if were losing our minds.
With memory problems it is hard to learn new skills and absorb new information. We learn by building on what we have already learned, and memory difficulties can make it very difficult (if not impossible) to do that. Again, these difficulties add to stress, especially if we do not understand whats happening to us. We may think, This sucks! I might as well be high.
Emotional overreaction or numbness
People with emotional problems in early sobriety tend to over-react. When this overreaction puts more stress on our nervous systems than we can handle, we react by shutting down our emotions. We become emotionally numb, unable to feel anything. We may swing from one mood to another. These mood swings may baffle us, seeming to come without any reason, and may even be misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder. If we have developed insulin resistance or diabetes as a result of our drugs and drinking, this can become extreme. (See H.A.L.T. below)
Sleep disturbances
Disturbed sleep is common in recovery. It may last only a short time, or a lifetime. Often, this depends on what we consider to be a problem. If we are night owls who used alcohol or pills to get to sleep in the daytime, we may discover that the only solution is to make significant changes in our schedule, and perhaps even in our occupations. Sleep deprivation stresses the body, prevents our minds from working well, and generally exaggerates any other difficulties we may be experiencing.
We may experience changes in our sleep patterns, sleeping for long periods at a time, or getting sleepy at different times of the day. Although these may persist, we are usually able to adjust to them. The important thing is to be willing to adjust. We may not be able to keep to our old sleeping habits.
Stress
Difficulty managing stress is the most difficult part of post acute withdrawal, and of early recovery in general. Early on, we may not be able to distinguish between low and high stress situations, because for so many years we managed stress by using mood-altering substances.
Worst of all, the other PAWS symptoms become worse when we are under stress, and this causes the stress to increase! There is a direct relationship between elevated stress and the severity of PAWS. Each amplifies the other.
At times of low stress, the symptoms of post acute withdrawal may lessen or even go away completely. When we are well-rested, relaxed, eating properly and getting along well with others, we seem to be fine. It is easy to see how we can get careless at these times, and many a relapse has occurred when things seemed to be going just fine.
Abstinence
Recovery from the damage caused by our addictions requires total abstinence. Abstinence means avoiding drugs and alcohol completely, unless we are under the care of a physician who understands both addictive disease and pharmacology. This specifically includes herbal remedies which, in many cases, are just as powerful and dangerous as prescription drugs.
Understanding and recognizing PAWS symptoms
Because we are addicts and alcoholics, and because repeated relapses will eventually be fatal, we must realize that understanding PAWS is, literally, a matter of life and death. It is absolutely essential that we gain an understanding of post acute withdrawal, be able to recognize its symptoms when they appear, and know what to do about them. We must understand these things well enough that we are able to put them into effect even during periods when our addict instincts are telling us that we dont want or need to!
We need also to learn about PAWS, and means of controlling it, when our stress levels are low, in order to be able to prevent the symptoms or be able to recognize and manage them if they occur.
Stabilizing our episodes of PAWS
When we begin to experience PAWS, we need to bring it under control as soon as possible. Here are five steps that can help.
Talk!
We need to talk about whats happening, to people who will listen and not criticize us. In addition to badly needed support, it helps us to clarify our feelings, look at them more realistically, and helps us recognize our symptoms. When we are in our own heads, our thoughts just go around and around. When we force ourselves to tell someone else, we often find that it puts them into order and they begin to make sense.
Ventilate!
We need to express as much as we can about what we are feeling, even if we think it sounds dumb or irrational.
Get a reality check!
We need to ask someone if we are making sense not just in what were saying, but also our behavior. We must be sure our perception of what is happening matches up with reality.
Set a goal
What can we do right now to improve our situation? Taking action and changing things is our choice.
Think back
over what has happened. How did the episode start? What triggered us? What could we have done to reverse it sooner? Were there other options that might have worked better?
Self Defense
We are responsible for protecting ourselves from anything that threatens our sobriety, including anything that triggers post acute withdrawal symptoms. No one else can do it, because no one else can feel the warning signals. Learning about addictive disease, working a program of recovery, finding out more about PAWSall of these things reduce the guilt, confusion and stress that intensify the symptoms and lead us to relapse. If we learn to do these things, we will begin to accept our own needs, and learn to be firm about letting other people, places and situations push us into reactions that threaten our sobriety.
We must identify our own stress triggers. Then we must learn to change them, avoid them, change our reactions, or interrupt the process before our lives get out of control again. If our Aunt Frizzy is blaming us for all the family problems, and letting us know it every chance she gets, we may need to avoid her for a while (a few years, a lifewho knows?) If we find ourselves walking past the beer cooler too often in the store, or past a certain street corner, we need to recognize that, and change our routes through the store and the neighborhood.
Tools
Here are some things that will help us avoid PAWS, or control it when it sneaks up (which it will). They may be the most important things we will learn in the first few months of our sobriety. They are so important that we encourage you to print out this article, and to share it with others who may need it too.
Nutrition
With our organ systems damaged by alcohol and drugs, we were notand may still not beable to absorb nutrients properly. This, combined with our inattention to diet, has created deficiencies that we must deal with. All active alcoholics (and most other addicts) suffer from malnutrition to one degree or another, and we may continue to feel the effects for months after adopting a healthier lifestyle. Malnutrition contributes to poor health, and poor health contributes to stress. Unless we consciously improve our diets and properly supply our nutritional needs, the poor eating habits that have carried over from our using days guarantee that we will continue to fail at getting the nutrients needed to recover. Our bodies are repairing themselves, and they need the proper materials to do so effectively.
It isnt necessary to load up on stuff from the health food store. It is much better to spend all that money on good healthy food at the market (although theyll never tell you that at the health food store). However, we should take a good multivitamin every morning with breakfast. Yes, you will be eating breakfast.
Hypoglycemia the secret demon of relapse (H.A.L.T.)
Were tired and hungry. Its been a long day, and we wont be able to have dinner for a couple of hours. A candy bar is just what we need to pick us up and get us through. Forty-five minutes after eating the candy we are angry at our boss, arguing with our co-workers, suffering with tense muscles and a nasty headache, and life sucks again. Were thinking about using.
Has this ever happened to you? Then you already know something about hypoglycemia.
Our brains use glucose, a kind of sugar, for fuel. If our brains are completely deprived of glucose, we will die just as quickly as we would if our air were shut off. Fortunately, our blood carries glucose to our brain, and as long as our heart is beating we dont usually have to worry about its fuel supply. Usually.
Glucose is manufactured by our bodies from the carbohydrates that we eat. Carbohydrates (carbs) are a class of nutrients that include several kinds of sugars, pasta, bread, potatoes, and similar starchy foods. Practically all foods contain some carbs, but the most concentrated sources of them are sugars and alcohol.
In addition to fueling our brains, glucose provides energy for every cell in our bodies. Without glucose in the right quantities, our bodies just dont work right. The carbohydrates most easily converted into glucose are the sugars. This is why we like them so much. Our bodies recognize that they are a ready source of energy.
The problem arises when we are in need of food and our bodies get a big jolt of sugar. The sugar is quickly converted into glucose. The amount of glucose in our blood rises very quickly, and we feel a burst of energy. We may feel some mood alteration as our brains receive a huge jolt of fuel.
We just received a reward for eating some sugar.
The big dose of sugar on an empty stomach causes our blood glucose to rise rapidly. A center in our brain detects the rise, and signals the pancreas to produce more insulin to help our cells absorb the extra sugar, but it produces too much. The insulin causes us to burn the extra glucose rapidly, and our blood sugar comes down, but because there is too much insulin, our glucose levels drop too far. (In diabetics and people who are insulin-resistant the mechanism is different, but the effect is the sameor worse.)
Our bodiesand our brainsare now low on glucose. The brain is running out of fuel. Waste products build up in our muscles. Along with inefficient signals from the brain, this causes tightness and muscle tremors. Partial paralysis of facial muscles may make it difficult or impossible to smile. Our heads begin to ache. Thinking gets fuzzy. Energy levels drop. We push people away, if we dont scare them away. We may feel sudden bursts of rage, that seem quite reasonable. We begin feeling sorry for ourselves. . We are HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY and TIRED.
The big catch? Most of us, in our addictions, knew all too well how to quell those nasty feelingsby using. Poor mepoor mepour me a drink
Important Point: We taught ourselves to interpret the symptoms of low blood sugarhungeras needing to use.
So, how do we avoid the trap? Easy in principle, but it involves some attention, some learning, and some effort. Basically, we dont let ourselves get hungry.
Diet for Recovery:
Three nutritious snacks each day,
between meals and at bedtime
Avoid Sugar and Caffeine
Meal Planning
We are trapped in a culture that tells us Three Square Meals A Day is the way to eat. Many of us interpret that as one round meal at breakfast timea doughnut, or bowl of cereal, and a cup of coffeeone rectangular meal for luncha sandwich and another cup of coffeeand one huge meal in the evening. Since these arent really spreading the fuel around too well, we fill in the low spots with candy bars and some more coffee. Our poor pancreas! For, in addition to all that sugar in fits and spurts, caffeine also causes blood sugar swings!
We really need to get this thing under control! Hunger produces stress. Blood sugar swings produce stress. Stress aggravates PAWS and, as we have seen, is extremely dangerous to our sobriety when combined with hypoglycemiawhich is caused by poor eating habits, too much sugar, and caffeine. Are we beginning to see a trend here?
Alcoholics and addicts in early recovery literally take our lives in our hands each time we plan our daily meals.
A quick word about diet:
Our diets should consist of a balanced mix of vegetables, fruit, carbohydrates, (such as potatoes, whole-grain rice, and dark breads,) protein (not necessarily meat), fat, and dairy products. A nutritionist can be a great help in the beginning, and there are thousands of books on nutrition and meal-planning that may be consulted. If we dont know how to shop and cook, now is a good time to learn.
The US Department of Agricultures Choose My Plate page is a good place to begin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many of the problems associated with early sobriety do not stem directly from drugs and alcohol. Instead, they are associated with physical and psychological changes that occur after the chemicals have left our bodies. When we use, our brains actually undergo physical change to cope with the presence of the drug in our body. When we remove the drugs, our brains then demand more to satisfy the desire caused by the changes. The extreme symptoms that we experience immediately after we stop using are called acute withdrawal.
Acute withdrawal, unfortunately, is not the whole story. Our bodies make initial adjustments to the absence of the drug, and the major symptoms ease up. However, the changes that have occurred in our brains need time to revert back to their original state (to the extent that they ever do). During the period of time while this is occurring, they can cause a variety of problems known as Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS).
All we addicts and alcoholics suffer from damage to our bodies and nervous systems from drug/alcohol use, accidents, and malnutrition. We may also suffer from chronic diseases such as diabetes and hepatitis, and we usually bring to early recovery a broad array of other problems. As one alcoholic put it, When I got sober, things didnt get any easier, but they got real ing clear!
Recovery causes a great deal of stress. Many addicts and alcoholics never learn to manage stress without alcohol or drug use, or do so only after many attempts at sobriety. Our ability to deal with it depends on our willingness to take care of ourselves and maintain a healthy physical, emotional and spiritual lifestyle. Repairing the damage to our nervous systems usually requires from six months to two years with a healthy program of recovery. PAWS is the cause of most relapse in early recovery.
Symptoms
PAWS symptoms reach a peak from three to six months after we get clean. Any use of drugs or alcohol, even in small quantities or for a short time, will effectively eliminate any improvement gained over that time, as it will keep the brain from healing. There are a variety of symptoms. Not everyone will experience all of them. Here are some of the main ones.
Inability to solve problems
Inability to solve problems leads to lowered self-esteem. We feel embarrassed, incompetent, and not okay. Diminished self-esteem and fear of failure lead to living and working problems. These all add to our stress, and the stress further exaggerates the other problems. Six things contribute to this: trouble thinking clearly, emotional overreaction, memory problems, sleep disturbances, physical coordination problems and difficulty managing stress.
Inability to think clearly
Our brain seems to work properly only part of the time. Sometimes our head just feels fuzzy because of the changes that occurred in our brains while we were using. The changes take time to improve. It is also due to the simple fact that we are trying to process a lot more information than we did before. While using, we mainly thought about getting more, using, and turning off our brains. Now we are considering the myriad things necessary to truly live our lives. To begin with, it can be a bit much.
Inability to concentrate
Abstract reasoning suffers, and we find our minds, like a confused cowboy, jumping on its horse and riding off in all directions. Also related to the reasons above.
Rigid, repetitive thinking
Thoughts go around and around in our heads, and we are unable to put them into useful order. We have not yet developed the ability to channel our thoughts and concentrate on one thing at a time.
Memory problems
We may hear something, understand it, and 20 minutes laterits gone! This sort of thing complicates our lives in many ways. It upsets supervisors, annoys significant others, and makes us wonder if were losing our minds.
With memory problems it is hard to learn new skills and absorb new information. We learn by building on what we have already learned, and memory difficulties can make it very difficult (if not impossible) to do that. Again, these difficulties add to stress, especially if we do not understand whats happening to us. We may think, This sucks! I might as well be high.
Emotional overreaction or numbness
People with emotional problems in early sobriety tend to over-react. When this overreaction puts more stress on our nervous systems than we can handle, we react by shutting down our emotions. We become emotionally numb, unable to feel anything. We may swing from one mood to another. These mood swings may baffle us, seeming to come without any reason, and may even be misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder. If we have developed insulin resistance or diabetes as a result of our drugs and drinking, this can become extreme. (See H.A.L.T. below)
Sleep disturbances
Disturbed sleep is common in recovery. It may last only a short time, or a lifetime. Often, this depends on what we consider to be a problem. If we are night owls who used alcohol or pills to get to sleep in the daytime, we may discover that the only solution is to make significant changes in our schedule, and perhaps even in our occupations. Sleep deprivation stresses the body, prevents our minds from working well, and generally exaggerates any other difficulties we may be experiencing.
We may experience changes in our sleep patterns, sleeping for long periods at a time, or getting sleepy at different times of the day. Although these may persist, we are usually able to adjust to them. The important thing is to be willing to adjust. We may not be able to keep to our old sleeping habits.
Stress
Difficulty managing stress is the most difficult part of post acute withdrawal, and of early recovery in general. Early on, we may not be able to distinguish between low and high stress situations, because for so many years we managed stress by using mood-altering substances.
Worst of all, the other PAWS symptoms become worse when we are under stress, and this causes the stress to increase! There is a direct relationship between elevated stress and the severity of PAWS. Each amplifies the other.
At times of low stress, the symptoms of post acute withdrawal may lessen or even go away completely. When we are well-rested, relaxed, eating properly and getting along well with others, we seem to be fine. It is easy to see how we can get careless at these times, and many a relapse has occurred when things seemed to be going just fine.
Abstinence
Recovery from the damage caused by our addictions requires total abstinence. Abstinence means avoiding drugs and alcohol completely, unless we are under the care of a physician who understands both addictive disease and pharmacology. This specifically includes herbal remedies which, in many cases, are just as powerful and dangerous as prescription drugs.
Understanding and recognizing PAWS symptoms
Because we are addicts and alcoholics, and because repeated relapses will eventually be fatal, we must realize that understanding PAWS is, literally, a matter of life and death. It is absolutely essential that we gain an understanding of post acute withdrawal, be able to recognize its symptoms when they appear, and know what to do about them. We must understand these things well enough that we are able to put them into effect even during periods when our addict instincts are telling us that we dont want or need to!
We need also to learn about PAWS, and means of controlling it, when our stress levels are low, in order to be able to prevent the symptoms or be able to recognize and manage them if they occur.
Stabilizing our episodes of PAWS
When we begin to experience PAWS, we need to bring it under control as soon as possible. Here are five steps that can help.
Talk!
We need to talk about whats happening, to people who will listen and not criticize us. In addition to badly needed support, it helps us to clarify our feelings, look at them more realistically, and helps us recognize our symptoms. When we are in our own heads, our thoughts just go around and around. When we force ourselves to tell someone else, we often find that it puts them into order and they begin to make sense.
Ventilate!
We need to express as much as we can about what we are feeling, even if we think it sounds dumb or irrational.
Get a reality check!
We need to ask someone if we are making sense not just in what were saying, but also our behavior. We must be sure our perception of what is happening matches up with reality.
Set a goal
What can we do right now to improve our situation? Taking action and changing things is our choice.
Think back
over what has happened. How did the episode start? What triggered us? What could we have done to reverse it sooner? Were there other options that might have worked better?
Self Defense
We are responsible for protecting ourselves from anything that threatens our sobriety, including anything that triggers post acute withdrawal symptoms. No one else can do it, because no one else can feel the warning signals. Learning about addictive disease, working a program of recovery, finding out more about PAWSall of these things reduce the guilt, confusion and stress that intensify the symptoms and lead us to relapse. If we learn to do these things, we will begin to accept our own needs, and learn to be firm about letting other people, places and situations push us into reactions that threaten our sobriety.
We must identify our own stress triggers. Then we must learn to change them, avoid them, change our reactions, or interrupt the process before our lives get out of control again. If our Aunt Frizzy is blaming us for all the family problems, and letting us know it every chance she gets, we may need to avoid her for a while (a few years, a lifewho knows?) If we find ourselves walking past the beer cooler too often in the store, or past a certain street corner, we need to recognize that, and change our routes through the store and the neighborhood.
Tools
Here are some things that will help us avoid PAWS, or control it when it sneaks up (which it will). They may be the most important things we will learn in the first few months of our sobriety. They are so important that we encourage you to print out this article, and to share it with others who may need it too.
Nutrition
With our organ systems damaged by alcohol and drugs, we were notand may still not beable to absorb nutrients properly. This, combined with our inattention to diet, has created deficiencies that we must deal with. All active alcoholics (and most other addicts) suffer from malnutrition to one degree or another, and we may continue to feel the effects for months after adopting a healthier lifestyle. Malnutrition contributes to poor health, and poor health contributes to stress. Unless we consciously improve our diets and properly supply our nutritional needs, the poor eating habits that have carried over from our using days guarantee that we will continue to fail at getting the nutrients needed to recover. Our bodies are repairing themselves, and they need the proper materials to do so effectively.
It isnt necessary to load up on stuff from the health food store. It is much better to spend all that money on good healthy food at the market (although theyll never tell you that at the health food store). However, we should take a good multivitamin every morning with breakfast. Yes, you will be eating breakfast.
Hypoglycemia the secret demon of relapse (H.A.L.T.)
Were tired and hungry. Its been a long day, and we wont be able to have dinner for a couple of hours. A candy bar is just what we need to pick us up and get us through. Forty-five minutes after eating the candy we are angry at our boss, arguing with our co-workers, suffering with tense muscles and a nasty headache, and life sucks again. Were thinking about using.
Has this ever happened to you? Then you already know something about hypoglycemia.
Our brains use glucose, a kind of sugar, for fuel. If our brains are completely deprived of glucose, we will die just as quickly as we would if our air were shut off. Fortunately, our blood carries glucose to our brain, and as long as our heart is beating we dont usually have to worry about its fuel supply. Usually.
Glucose is manufactured by our bodies from the carbohydrates that we eat. Carbohydrates (carbs) are a class of nutrients that include several kinds of sugars, pasta, bread, potatoes, and similar starchy foods. Practically all foods contain some carbs, but the most concentrated sources of them are sugars and alcohol.
In addition to fueling our brains, glucose provides energy for every cell in our bodies. Without glucose in the right quantities, our bodies just dont work right. The carbohydrates most easily converted into glucose are the sugars. This is why we like them so much. Our bodies recognize that they are a ready source of energy.
The problem arises when we are in need of food and our bodies get a big jolt of sugar. The sugar is quickly converted into glucose. The amount of glucose in our blood rises very quickly, and we feel a burst of energy. We may feel some mood alteration as our brains receive a huge jolt of fuel.
We just received a reward for eating some sugar.
The big dose of sugar on an empty stomach causes our blood glucose to rise rapidly. A center in our brain detects the rise, and signals the pancreas to produce more insulin to help our cells absorb the extra sugar, but it produces too much. The insulin causes us to burn the extra glucose rapidly, and our blood sugar comes down, but because there is too much insulin, our glucose levels drop too far. (In diabetics and people who are insulin-resistant the mechanism is different, but the effect is the sameor worse.)
Our bodiesand our brainsare now low on glucose. The brain is running out of fuel. Waste products build up in our muscles. Along with inefficient signals from the brain, this causes tightness and muscle tremors. Partial paralysis of facial muscles may make it difficult or impossible to smile. Our heads begin to ache. Thinking gets fuzzy. Energy levels drop. We push people away, if we dont scare them away. We may feel sudden bursts of rage, that seem quite reasonable. We begin feeling sorry for ourselves. . We are HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY and TIRED.
The big catch? Most of us, in our addictions, knew all too well how to quell those nasty feelingsby using. Poor mepoor mepour me a drink
Important Point: We taught ourselves to interpret the symptoms of low blood sugarhungeras needing to use.
So, how do we avoid the trap? Easy in principle, but it involves some attention, some learning, and some effort. Basically, we dont let ourselves get hungry.
Diet for Recovery:
Three nutritious snacks each day,
between meals and at bedtime
Avoid Sugar and Caffeine
Meal Planning
We are trapped in a culture that tells us Three Square Meals A Day is the way to eat. Many of us interpret that as one round meal at breakfast timea doughnut, or bowl of cereal, and a cup of coffeeone rectangular meal for luncha sandwich and another cup of coffeeand one huge meal in the evening. Since these arent really spreading the fuel around too well, we fill in the low spots with candy bars and some more coffee. Our poor pancreas! For, in addition to all that sugar in fits and spurts, caffeine also causes blood sugar swings!
We really need to get this thing under control! Hunger produces stress. Blood sugar swings produce stress. Stress aggravates PAWS and, as we have seen, is extremely dangerous to our sobriety when combined with hypoglycemiawhich is caused by poor eating habits, too much sugar, and caffeine. Are we beginning to see a trend here?
Alcoholics and addicts in early recovery literally take our lives in our hands each time we plan our daily meals.
A quick word about diet:
Our diets should consist of a balanced mix of vegetables, fruit, carbohydrates, (such as potatoes, whole-grain rice, and dark breads,) protein (not necessarily meat), fat, and dairy products. A nutritionist can be a great help in the beginning, and there are thousands of books on nutrition and meal-planning that may be consulted. If we dont know how to shop and cook, now is a good time to learn.
The US Department of Agricultures Choose My Plate page is a good place to begin.
(PART II....wouldn't let me post whole thing.... was too long.)
Scheduling
We should try to plan our schedules so that we do not skip mealseverand so that we can have nutritious snacks between meals.
We must not snack on candy, donuts, soft drinks, (incredibly high in sugar,) potato chips, or other high calorie, low nutrient foods.
We should carry raw vegetables, wheat crackers, a half sandwich (peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat is excellent; easy on the jelly), nuts, or even a package of cheese and crackers.
These, along with a glass of water or milk, will keep our blood sugar steady and our moods elevated until time for the next meal. Having a nutritious snack before we begin to feel hungry will prevent our craving for sweets, as well.
Its a good idea to actually schedule our snacks, halfway between meals and about hour before bedtime. We must not miss breakfast!
Losing Weight While Eating Six Times A Day
These eating habits are not inconsistent with meal planning for weight loss. Competent dietitians and honest diet doctors know that several smaller meals are more conducive to weight loss than three larger meals, since the body more easily uses the smaller quantities of food, and is less likely to store it as fat. Properly planned meals will contribute to our health, energy and feelings of well-being, and make it easier for us to engage in exercise, (the real secret to weight control.) Our hunter-gatherer ancestors ate fruits and berries during the day, and gorged on game when they could kill something. Metabolically, we arent very far from those folks. The big difference between us and them?
Exercise
Exercise helps our bodies to rebuild themselves and maintain proper functioning. It also helps control our metabolism and prevent unnecessary weight gain. (Weight gain due to increased muscle mass may precede any loss due to burning fat.) Exercise produces chemicals in our brains that act as natural tranquilizers and relieve pain, anxiety and tension. It greatly improves our chances of getting a good nights sleep.
Our ancestors lived together in small tribes of no more than twenty or so adults and a few children. They walked from place to place, following the food supply, eating whatever they could find. They carried everything they owned with them.
This lifestyle, during the eons preceding the beginnings of agriculture, is the lifestyle for which our bodies are best suited. Humanslike the herds we have followed since the beginning of our historywalk.
So, how much should we walk? Simple. We should walk fast enough and far enough to work up a sweat, and continue walking for at least 20 minutes thereafter, followed by a slower cool-down of 5 to 10 minutes. We should do that at least three times a weekpreferably every other day.
We can walk at the mall; walk to the store; walk to the park. We can walk with a friend. When were walking we can chat, unlike most other forms of exercise. All we need is decent shoes and, if were over 50 or under a doctors care, our physicians permission. And while we do it, were continuing a tradition that goes back thousands of years. How about that, sports fans?
Relaxation = stress reduction
Playing and relaxation are absolutely essential to a successful recovery.
Playing is not so much what we do as how we do it. Playing is having fun, laughing, and being childlike and free. Playing is not working at preparing for a marathon, participating in competitive sports at which we must win, or taking chess lessons. Of the 37 definitions I quickly scanned, perhaps the one that best describes it is participating in an activity for amusement. If it isnt funif we have to work at itit isnt play.
Other ways of relaxing include bubble baths, our walk (by ourselves or with a friend), a massage, a swim, and watching children and animals at play. Whatever we do, if we dont feel better after doing it, it was the wrong choice.
Meditation
Meditation is part of the 11th Step: Sought, through prayer and meditation, to improve our conscious contact with god, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
Regardless of how we feel about god, we need to meditate. We need to learn to calm our minds, and to allow our subconscious to help us solve problems by serving up whatever it may have processed during the rest of the day. The only way to do that is to meditate in one form or another.
Think thats too hard to learn? You already do it. Daydreaming is meditation. All we need to do is apply the skills we already know, whenever we want to.
One of the best relaxation exercises is also one the simplest. We find a comfortable sitting position. We move our bodies until our weight is centered, so that we can nearly go limp without changing position. We begin counting our breaths in our mind. We count up to ten, and then start over. We think only about breathing. In comes the fresh air and werelaxand breathe the tension out. If other thoughts come in, we dont fight them, we just recognize that they are there, and go back to counting breaths, always silently.
This is one of the oldest and most-used relaxation techniques in the world. It goes back at least 3500 years. We can do it for five minutes, then ten, working up to thirty minutes or more. It might be a good idea to set an alarm, in case we fall asleep sitting up. It happens.
Spirituality
Spirituality is an active relationship with a power greater than us, which gives our lives meaning and purpose. When we work a spiritual program, we consciously try to become a part of something bigger, greater and more powerful than we are, whether that be a 12-step group, our family, other humans generally, or that god as we understood him.
Trust in a higher power gives us a peace of mind and serenity that comes from awareness that there is something that is not restricted by our own weaknesses and limitations. Through spiritual development, we develop new confidence in our own abilities and develop a sense of hope. Through a spiritual program we can reach toward the future with hope and a positive attitude.
Spiritual discipline is uncomfortable for many recovering people.
We have lived lives of immediate gratification, and discipline is the reverse of that. Many of us have trouble with the concept of a higher power, as well. We may have been brought up as atheists or agnostics. Perhaps the god of our childhood was a vengeful god whom we cannot even begin to contemplate in the light of some of our past behavior.
This is why we say that our higher power can be god, as we understand god, or our recovery group, or the great outdoors whatever. Recognizing a higher power is simply admitting that we arent perfect and dont know everything. We let all those grandiose feelings go, substituting a bit of humility instead, and becoming willing to listen to the ideas and advice of others. In a sense, it is not so much recognizing the presence of a god as it is the realization that we arent one.
Spiritual discipline should always include meditation, fellowship, and regular inventory of spiritual growth. It is about our relationship with the human spirit. It is not about someone elses idea of a relationship we should have with a god. That is religion. While religion may be an important part of our recovery, it cannot take the place of spirituality.
In working on our spirituality, it is important that we use the principles of our 12-step programs. They provide guidelines for increasing our conscious contact with god (as we understand god). We do not have to have any particular image of, or belief in, a god to increase our conscious contact. We have only to be willing to recognize the possibility of a higher power, be willing to experiment at listening, and opening ourselves up to others and their ideas.
Many people joke about having a tree as your higher power. The writer had that sort of relationship with a majestic Casurina tree for some time. He used it to remind himself that he was not nearly as good at taking care of himselfyetas that beautiful tree. Did it work? Who knows? At the time of this writing, he is 20 years clean and sober. Something did.
Peace and Contemplation
It is important that we structure our lives in such a way as to spend time alone each day. We need to examine our values, and look within ourselves to determine whether our lives are in harmony with those values. Perhaps we can combine this with our meditation, contemplating life issues and then meditating to let our subconscious come up with some answers.
Journaling
We strongly recommend keeping a journal, and writing in it every day without faileven if we only write the date. Forcing ourselves to organize our thoughts and put them on paper clears our minds. Reading what we wrote some years later can be highly instructive, and lets us see how we have grown in our recovery.
Balanced Livingthe aim of recovery
Balanced living means that we are healthy physically and psychologically, and that we have healthy relationships with others and, more importantly, with ourselves. It means that we are spiritually whole. It means that we are no longer focused on just one aspect of our lives. That is no longer necessary. It means we are living responsibly, giving ourselves time for our jobs, our families, our friends, and time for our own growth and recovery. It means allowing a higher power to work in our lives, even if that is only the influence of people around us. With balanced living, we addicts and alcoholics give up immediate gratification as a lifestyle, in order to attain fulfilling and meaningful lives.
It means a balance between work and play, between fulfilling our responsibilities to other people and our own need for self-fulfillment. It means functioning at our optimum stress level: maintaining enough stress to keep us functioning in a healthy way, but not overloading ourselves so that it becomes a problem.
Stress, in and of itself, is not necessarily bad. It can be the tension that keeps life interesting. But stress is unsafe for us until our new found ways of dealing with it are second nature. Until then, when it arises we run the risk of returning to our old ways of stress management.
Balanced living requires loving ourselves and taking care of ourselves. Nutrition, rest and exercise all receive the proper focus in our lives to provide energy, manage stress, allow freedom from illness and pain, fight fatigue, and rebuild our damaged bodies.
If we are under a physicians care, and have been told to take certain medications, we do so. We do not stop taking them without consulting the physician. We communicate with our physicians regarding the effects that we perceive, the ways that we feel, and function as partners with her/him in our own treatment. We do not take the advice of amateurs, in the rooms of recovery or out of them, in place of the counsel of doctors with twenty-plus years of education. Thats just plain dumb. However
We always tell our health providers that we are in recovery, and always double-check their suggestions regarding medications with a person knowledgeable about their effects on recovering people. Doctors are not pharmacists. They do not have time to study drugs and the details of their action. A good relationship with a pharmacist has saved the butt of many an addict/alcoholic.
Summary
Freedom from physical distress allows psychological growth. When we feel good, it is easier to do the work we need to do, eliminate denial, guilt and anger, and move on to self-confidence, self-esteem and learning to feel good about ourselves.
Balanced living requires a strong social network that nurtures us and encourages a healthy, recovery-oriented lifestyle. This network provides a sense of belonging. It includes relationships in which we are a valuable part of a whole: immediate family members, friends, relatives, co-workers, counselors, therapists, employers, 12-step group members, and sponsors.
Recovery is not about quitting alcohol and drugs. It is about learning to live a life that does not require mood-altering chemicals to be worth living.
Scheduling
We should try to plan our schedules so that we do not skip mealseverand so that we can have nutritious snacks between meals.
We must not snack on candy, donuts, soft drinks, (incredibly high in sugar,) potato chips, or other high calorie, low nutrient foods.
We should carry raw vegetables, wheat crackers, a half sandwich (peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat is excellent; easy on the jelly), nuts, or even a package of cheese and crackers.
These, along with a glass of water or milk, will keep our blood sugar steady and our moods elevated until time for the next meal. Having a nutritious snack before we begin to feel hungry will prevent our craving for sweets, as well.
Its a good idea to actually schedule our snacks, halfway between meals and about hour before bedtime. We must not miss breakfast!
Losing Weight While Eating Six Times A Day
These eating habits are not inconsistent with meal planning for weight loss. Competent dietitians and honest diet doctors know that several smaller meals are more conducive to weight loss than three larger meals, since the body more easily uses the smaller quantities of food, and is less likely to store it as fat. Properly planned meals will contribute to our health, energy and feelings of well-being, and make it easier for us to engage in exercise, (the real secret to weight control.) Our hunter-gatherer ancestors ate fruits and berries during the day, and gorged on game when they could kill something. Metabolically, we arent very far from those folks. The big difference between us and them?
Exercise
Exercise helps our bodies to rebuild themselves and maintain proper functioning. It also helps control our metabolism and prevent unnecessary weight gain. (Weight gain due to increased muscle mass may precede any loss due to burning fat.) Exercise produces chemicals in our brains that act as natural tranquilizers and relieve pain, anxiety and tension. It greatly improves our chances of getting a good nights sleep.
Our ancestors lived together in small tribes of no more than twenty or so adults and a few children. They walked from place to place, following the food supply, eating whatever they could find. They carried everything they owned with them.
This lifestyle, during the eons preceding the beginnings of agriculture, is the lifestyle for which our bodies are best suited. Humanslike the herds we have followed since the beginning of our historywalk.
So, how much should we walk? Simple. We should walk fast enough and far enough to work up a sweat, and continue walking for at least 20 minutes thereafter, followed by a slower cool-down of 5 to 10 minutes. We should do that at least three times a weekpreferably every other day.
We can walk at the mall; walk to the store; walk to the park. We can walk with a friend. When were walking we can chat, unlike most other forms of exercise. All we need is decent shoes and, if were over 50 or under a doctors care, our physicians permission. And while we do it, were continuing a tradition that goes back thousands of years. How about that, sports fans?
Relaxation = stress reduction
Playing and relaxation are absolutely essential to a successful recovery.
Playing is not so much what we do as how we do it. Playing is having fun, laughing, and being childlike and free. Playing is not working at preparing for a marathon, participating in competitive sports at which we must win, or taking chess lessons. Of the 37 definitions I quickly scanned, perhaps the one that best describes it is participating in an activity for amusement. If it isnt funif we have to work at itit isnt play.
Other ways of relaxing include bubble baths, our walk (by ourselves or with a friend), a massage, a swim, and watching children and animals at play. Whatever we do, if we dont feel better after doing it, it was the wrong choice.
Meditation
Meditation is part of the 11th Step: Sought, through prayer and meditation, to improve our conscious contact with god, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
Regardless of how we feel about god, we need to meditate. We need to learn to calm our minds, and to allow our subconscious to help us solve problems by serving up whatever it may have processed during the rest of the day. The only way to do that is to meditate in one form or another.
Think thats too hard to learn? You already do it. Daydreaming is meditation. All we need to do is apply the skills we already know, whenever we want to.
One of the best relaxation exercises is also one the simplest. We find a comfortable sitting position. We move our bodies until our weight is centered, so that we can nearly go limp without changing position. We begin counting our breaths in our mind. We count up to ten, and then start over. We think only about breathing. In comes the fresh air and werelaxand breathe the tension out. If other thoughts come in, we dont fight them, we just recognize that they are there, and go back to counting breaths, always silently.
This is one of the oldest and most-used relaxation techniques in the world. It goes back at least 3500 years. We can do it for five minutes, then ten, working up to thirty minutes or more. It might be a good idea to set an alarm, in case we fall asleep sitting up. It happens.
Spirituality
Spirituality is an active relationship with a power greater than us, which gives our lives meaning and purpose. When we work a spiritual program, we consciously try to become a part of something bigger, greater and more powerful than we are, whether that be a 12-step group, our family, other humans generally, or that god as we understood him.
Trust in a higher power gives us a peace of mind and serenity that comes from awareness that there is something that is not restricted by our own weaknesses and limitations. Through spiritual development, we develop new confidence in our own abilities and develop a sense of hope. Through a spiritual program we can reach toward the future with hope and a positive attitude.
Spiritual discipline is uncomfortable for many recovering people.
We have lived lives of immediate gratification, and discipline is the reverse of that. Many of us have trouble with the concept of a higher power, as well. We may have been brought up as atheists or agnostics. Perhaps the god of our childhood was a vengeful god whom we cannot even begin to contemplate in the light of some of our past behavior.
This is why we say that our higher power can be god, as we understand god, or our recovery group, or the great outdoors whatever. Recognizing a higher power is simply admitting that we arent perfect and dont know everything. We let all those grandiose feelings go, substituting a bit of humility instead, and becoming willing to listen to the ideas and advice of others. In a sense, it is not so much recognizing the presence of a god as it is the realization that we arent one.
Spiritual discipline should always include meditation, fellowship, and regular inventory of spiritual growth. It is about our relationship with the human spirit. It is not about someone elses idea of a relationship we should have with a god. That is religion. While religion may be an important part of our recovery, it cannot take the place of spirituality.
In working on our spirituality, it is important that we use the principles of our 12-step programs. They provide guidelines for increasing our conscious contact with god (as we understand god). We do not have to have any particular image of, or belief in, a god to increase our conscious contact. We have only to be willing to recognize the possibility of a higher power, be willing to experiment at listening, and opening ourselves up to others and their ideas.
Many people joke about having a tree as your higher power. The writer had that sort of relationship with a majestic Casurina tree for some time. He used it to remind himself that he was not nearly as good at taking care of himselfyetas that beautiful tree. Did it work? Who knows? At the time of this writing, he is 20 years clean and sober. Something did.
Peace and Contemplation
It is important that we structure our lives in such a way as to spend time alone each day. We need to examine our values, and look within ourselves to determine whether our lives are in harmony with those values. Perhaps we can combine this with our meditation, contemplating life issues and then meditating to let our subconscious come up with some answers.
Journaling
We strongly recommend keeping a journal, and writing in it every day without faileven if we only write the date. Forcing ourselves to organize our thoughts and put them on paper clears our minds. Reading what we wrote some years later can be highly instructive, and lets us see how we have grown in our recovery.
Balanced Livingthe aim of recovery
Balanced living means that we are healthy physically and psychologically, and that we have healthy relationships with others and, more importantly, with ourselves. It means that we are spiritually whole. It means that we are no longer focused on just one aspect of our lives. That is no longer necessary. It means we are living responsibly, giving ourselves time for our jobs, our families, our friends, and time for our own growth and recovery. It means allowing a higher power to work in our lives, even if that is only the influence of people around us. With balanced living, we addicts and alcoholics give up immediate gratification as a lifestyle, in order to attain fulfilling and meaningful lives.
It means a balance between work and play, between fulfilling our responsibilities to other people and our own need for self-fulfillment. It means functioning at our optimum stress level: maintaining enough stress to keep us functioning in a healthy way, but not overloading ourselves so that it becomes a problem.
Stress, in and of itself, is not necessarily bad. It can be the tension that keeps life interesting. But stress is unsafe for us until our new found ways of dealing with it are second nature. Until then, when it arises we run the risk of returning to our old ways of stress management.
Balanced living requires loving ourselves and taking care of ourselves. Nutrition, rest and exercise all receive the proper focus in our lives to provide energy, manage stress, allow freedom from illness and pain, fight fatigue, and rebuild our damaged bodies.
If we are under a physicians care, and have been told to take certain medications, we do so. We do not stop taking them without consulting the physician. We communicate with our physicians regarding the effects that we perceive, the ways that we feel, and function as partners with her/him in our own treatment. We do not take the advice of amateurs, in the rooms of recovery or out of them, in place of the counsel of doctors with twenty-plus years of education. Thats just plain dumb. However
We always tell our health providers that we are in recovery, and always double-check their suggestions regarding medications with a person knowledgeable about their effects on recovering people. Doctors are not pharmacists. They do not have time to study drugs and the details of their action. A good relationship with a pharmacist has saved the butt of many an addict/alcoholic.
Summary
Freedom from physical distress allows psychological growth. When we feel good, it is easier to do the work we need to do, eliminate denial, guilt and anger, and move on to self-confidence, self-esteem and learning to feel good about ourselves.
Balanced living requires a strong social network that nurtures us and encourages a healthy, recovery-oriented lifestyle. This network provides a sense of belonging. It includes relationships in which we are a valuable part of a whole: immediate family members, friends, relatives, co-workers, counselors, therapists, employers, 12-step group members, and sponsors.
Recovery is not about quitting alcohol and drugs. It is about learning to live a life that does not require mood-altering chemicals to be worth living.
Last two posts are taken from pretty-cool-so-far website: "whatmesober.com"
I know its long but everything it talks about I can relate to at this point.
....and I thought the physical symptoms were hard.......
I know its long but everything it talks about I can relate to at this point.
....and I thought the physical symptoms were hard.......
ok its been like 43 freaking days since quitting methadone and i am still experiencing:
-Excess sneezing
-Diarrhea (most days)
-Sensitivity to light (especially when I first go outside! Yikes its BRIGHT!!! Hurts my eyes SOOOO much!!!)
-Muscle twitches most the time now
-STILL no energy
-overall brain fog/memory problems
Sidenote: I have decided that Kratom DOES help but then I learned that your NOT supposed to take it everyday do to some tolerance issues and other side effects. I am on day two of taking a break from it and as soon as I stopped all my withdrawal symptoms came back....so i'm really not sure if it was just prolonging the inevitable or that i just should take it longer.... not sure.
Anyways at this point i am just feeling frustrated about not feeling "normal" yet. it HAS felt MUCH longer than 43 days though so maybe i am just losing patience again.
-Excess sneezing
-Diarrhea (most days)
-Sensitivity to light (especially when I first go outside! Yikes its BRIGHT!!! Hurts my eyes SOOOO much!!!)
-Muscle twitches most the time now
-STILL no energy
-overall brain fog/memory problems
Sidenote: I have decided that Kratom DOES help but then I learned that your NOT supposed to take it everyday do to some tolerance issues and other side effects. I am on day two of taking a break from it and as soon as I stopped all my withdrawal symptoms came back....so i'm really not sure if it was just prolonging the inevitable or that i just should take it longer.... not sure.
Anyways at this point i am just feeling frustrated about not feeling "normal" yet. it HAS felt MUCH longer than 43 days though so maybe i am just losing patience again.
43 days, yes the whole 'wanting to feel Normal'. I pretty Much cold turkied and don't even think I was at that stage yet. I felt crazy as s*** but too out of mind to care, btw been almost year and half for me. you will feel normal,you will! Then you might start to feel nuts/outta control again. The severity will not last as long or be as intense. You are doing amazing and don't forget that! You brought back memory bout lights, I remember watching a movie with sunglasses on. I'm probably babbling but if u have any questions..it's different each day u know..
thanks mary. knowing what you've been thru makes me assured I AM NOT GOING CRAZY... which sometimes i feel like i am.
i have an appointment next week to see a psychotherapist next week to address the reasons for my using in the first place. i have severe chronic depression and have history of very bad mental illness in my family.
for me at this point its feeling all these senses again at their normal levels but have been "doped up" for so long and numb everything seems to assault the senses.
lights are too bright, noises seem jumbled sometimes, clothing feels different on my skin, and i smell EVERYTHING now.... which is horrible because i'm stuck taking the bus till after my court ordered DUII diversion classes.
being completely sober is going to definitely take some getting used to. my boyfriend is getting to the point of: "shouldn't you be better by now?" and i have to keep explaining about how all the chemicals in my brain are so messed up its probably like swiss cheese "up there" (with all the drugs i've done i have no doubt i have at LEAST SOME permanent brain damage.)
so thank you. and if anyone else knows when it gets better(back to normal) please let me know.
at this point just taking it literally one day at a time.
i have an appointment next week to see a psychotherapist next week to address the reasons for my using in the first place. i have severe chronic depression and have history of very bad mental illness in my family.
for me at this point its feeling all these senses again at their normal levels but have been "doped up" for so long and numb everything seems to assault the senses.
lights are too bright, noises seem jumbled sometimes, clothing feels different on my skin, and i smell EVERYTHING now.... which is horrible because i'm stuck taking the bus till after my court ordered DUII diversion classes.
being completely sober is going to definitely take some getting used to. my boyfriend is getting to the point of: "shouldn't you be better by now?" and i have to keep explaining about how all the chemicals in my brain are so messed up its probably like swiss cheese "up there" (with all the drugs i've done i have no doubt i have at LEAST SOME permanent brain damage.)
so thank you. and if anyone else knows when it gets better(back to normal) please let me know.
at this point just taking it literally one day at a time.
I didn't tell you ironically we are same age,I had just turned 33 when I quit,and methadone for bout same, so kinda trippy! Yeah smells were horrible! Taste buds changed only wanted warm or hot food for Longest time. Always smoked camel filters hAted menthol, took drag off someone's Newport one day& That's all I smoke now,strange. with your boyfriend, I was in same boat.I remember having to go to court less then 30 days off& he was saying I looked like I was on drugs etc, totally tore me down. We broke up&I'm back with sons father. I don't know how much knowledge he has with subject but if little can you get him to read up on it? Everyone loses patience with us, as we are trying to be patient ourselves & that makes it that much harder,causing more stress and less healing. Good luck with your appointment, I don't know if you are taking antidepressants or going to. If not look into amino acids if haven't already. Most are dangerous when taken in combination. If you have questions on those let me know.
marykat,
thanks for the support. last few days since i last posted where hard again. those lingering withdrawal symptoms seem to back off and then come back in waves...the diarrhea/stomach cramping was pretty bad yesterday, sneezing, muscle twitches are crazy, headaches. i am very lucky to be able to sleeping an average of 7 hrs nightly with no help. how that happened with my luck i'll never know.
my boyfriend is 27 years sober. his d.o.c. was grain alcohol and cocaine. he says he detoxed in jail and it was hell but i honestly don't think he remembers just how s***ty it makes you feel. i told him we all forget what pain feels like once its gone. he kinda just shrugs it off. the problem is really i'm getting just as impatient with me as he is. its like when will my stupid body/brain go back to normal?
at this point i feel like its not necessarily the methadone that has messed me up this bad, its all the consecutive years of drug use leading up to it.... i can honestly say i can't remember just how much drugs i've taken over the (11- 12???) years cause i forgot.
just bought a bottle of 5-htp(amino acid) at GNC. i heard it helps with withdrawals/depression/brain-body zaps. but i have surgery end of the month for tubal ligation (just don't feel its fair to bring anymore kids into my f-ed up life) and i can't take them because its on the list of things you can't take 2 weeks before surgery. sucks cause i was excited to try it to see if it would make a difference.
anyways, i'm 49 days since my last dose of methadone. is it normal to still feel this poopy?
thanks for the support. last few days since i last posted where hard again. those lingering withdrawal symptoms seem to back off and then come back in waves...the diarrhea/stomach cramping was pretty bad yesterday, sneezing, muscle twitches are crazy, headaches. i am very lucky to be able to sleeping an average of 7 hrs nightly with no help. how that happened with my luck i'll never know.
my boyfriend is 27 years sober. his d.o.c. was grain alcohol and cocaine. he says he detoxed in jail and it was hell but i honestly don't think he remembers just how s***ty it makes you feel. i told him we all forget what pain feels like once its gone. he kinda just shrugs it off. the problem is really i'm getting just as impatient with me as he is. its like when will my stupid body/brain go back to normal?
at this point i feel like its not necessarily the methadone that has messed me up this bad, its all the consecutive years of drug use leading up to it.... i can honestly say i can't remember just how much drugs i've taken over the (11- 12???) years cause i forgot.
just bought a bottle of 5-htp(amino acid) at GNC. i heard it helps with withdrawals/depression/brain-body zaps. but i have surgery end of the month for tubal ligation (just don't feel its fair to bring anymore kids into my f-ed up life) and i can't take them because its on the list of things you can't take 2 weeks before surgery. sucks cause i was excited to try it to see if it would make a difference.
anyways, i'm 49 days since my last dose of methadone. is it normal to still feel this poopy?
Yes TOTALLY normal to still be feeling crappy@49 days physically and all. I think for me sneezing had subsided by then...diarrhea lasting for sooo long! What's your energy like? At that time for me& before 49 days I was manic everyone thought I was tweaking. As far as people forgetting what pain feels like, I will NEVER forget the pain physical /mental thato methadone caused, and I've quit many drugs,though methadone on longest. Try not to think you've caused brain damage from past drugs, did so many from early teens until was pregnant at 25. Was cleanser for almost 2 years and during that time felt 'normal' this is a long process. About brain zaps, had them all the time, went away for awhile,forgot about them then several months later felt 1. Check this out I STILL occasionally get now which for life of me can't understand why since all methadone has left bone marrow after 1 year. 5-htp, I swore by that for first few months. Good luck with surgery ¬ my business but is this something you decided to do before or after quitting? Your sleeping good that's awesome! Sam-e is another to look into, in fact I recently started taking again. Stay strong! -Mary
mary,
i'm feeling MUCH better today... not sure why... its just been weird like that.
also i am glad to hear that its "normal" to still feel the physical withdrawals at this point cause i was truly worried.
as for getting my tubes tied i've been wanting to do it for a long, long, long time. i come from a very big family (7bro and 2sis) and i do not want to end up like my mom in a million years. besides i consider myself more than lucky to have a happy healthy boy(teenager now...yikes!). i have absolutely no doubt that i am done having bio children. if i want more some day i want to adopt there are too many wonderful little babies and children that need someone to love them.
ttyl
thanks again for your help!
i'm feeling MUCH better today... not sure why... its just been weird like that.
also i am glad to hear that its "normal" to still feel the physical withdrawals at this point cause i was truly worried.
as for getting my tubes tied i've been wanting to do it for a long, long, long time. i come from a very big family (7bro and 2sis) and i do not want to end up like my mom in a million years. besides i consider myself more than lucky to have a happy healthy boy(teenager now...yikes!). i have absolutely no doubt that i am done having bio children. if i want more some day i want to adopt there are too many wonderful little babies and children that need someone to love them.
ttyl
thanks again for your help!
Glad your feeling good today,yeah ups&downs last long time. Main reason I joined this planned to post thread about that,but yet to do. But everyone is different & think my downfall was once I started getting active again & lost my house, and stopped exercising etc& let depression set in. Reason I asked bout your surgery is because when I kicked I made SO many impulsive decisions,impulsive thoughts, good to know this is something you've been planning and mad respect for you going adoption route if you ever want another child! Yes too many little ones need a family
just had surgery on the 28th. in pain. but wanted to say thank you (mary) for making sure i wasn't making "impulse" decision to get a tubal. its a big decision and i hate to think someone out there could have avoided making a hasty decision just by someone inquiring about their frame of mind.
not sure if i'm making any sense. pretty full up on pain meds.... i know slippery slope but have a cut off date for myself.
talk to ya'll laters.
not sure if i'm making any sense. pretty full up on pain meds.... i know slippery slope but have a cut off date for myself.
talk to ya'll laters.
Hey, yeah I didn't mean to be invasive when asked you about that, I just know I made some crazy decisions when I quit. Really none my business none the less. I'm glad to hear (assuming ) went smoothly. Hope you're feeling better far as that goes soon. Glad you have cut off date w/meds for yourself, I had broken hand and lots of dental work done right after,so nothing close to your procedure. Both times doctors prescribed me norcos even after I explained my situation, don't like how a lot of doctors won't respect that. Anyway rambling, take care. -Mary
