I replyed to a posts but I thought I would share this with anyone else who might take somthing out of it to help them!
I am a 39 year old woman, who as you has let myself been held back, down anyway you want to put it by Vicodin ES, I have been taking them for 20 years, the last ten years hard 30-35 pills a day sleeping only 3 hours a night.
They altered every part of my life, I have been arrested 3 times, lied to everyone and used the ones I needed to obtain my drugs. I also have broken the hearts of the people that love me. I have never had a clean day during the 9 years of my sons life.
You see the thing was I could (what I thought), FUNCTION I looked "normal" I fooled myself thinking that I had it all under control even after doing things that should have made me come to my senses but I just was not at the point that for me I needed to get to.
After my last arrest in August, something just hit me, I was turning 39, I had just moved into the home of my dreams with a Man I love, my son who fills my heart with such joy, I can't tell you how but it all just hit me with everything in me I wanted to STOP, I wanted these pills out of my life, for the first time I don't just want to taper, to slow down I wanted nothing to do with them. They now were my enemy, then it fill my being "MAYBE I SHOULD STOP TAKING THESE DAME THINGS!" the last day I took a Vicodin as February 14th, I know the subutex is helping with some my soul is taking care of the rest.
After finding this site, I learned everything I could about Subutex, for me it was the way to get my life back, for me it was the answer, today it is 46 days! 46 days without lying, looking, & stealing to get Vicodin, I have not even thought about them! I can't tell you how GREAT it feels to be on the path back to start to find my life again. Prior to this I could not go on vacation because I might run out of pills, I could not leave the house because the police might come by and my boyfriend did not know I was arrested or even that I had a problem with the pills, I came clean with everyone, he was shocked, told me he was shocked that he didn't even see one sign!
I read your story, and I hope that in sharing mine, you can find something that might help you find the help that is out there, but it will only work if you are ready. I can share that I did not even know if I was able to live without pills, but I have found that I can, a happy life! After everything my only regret is that I was not ready to do this sooner, I regret the time I pissed away just because I didn't know I could do it.
Good luck to you and to all who still suffer!
Please talk to the person on the FeelingMiserable thread.
Bless you! Thanks for giving your story to KL!
Hi my name is Connie. I know how you feel except Mine was Lortab, until I found methadone on the street. Now I have lost everything in my life, but I'm doing my best to get it back. Thanks for your story, I thought I had it under control and found out the hard way, It's controlling me.
Ohblondie39,
Thanks for your story. It does take us to say those words--ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Before I came clean with my pill use, I used to ask and say to myself at the same time, I can stop--this is no problem--or I would see other friends that drank to much, or snorted to much coke--whatever it was--and I always thought whenI was reday I could walk away. And I did walk away from alot of things...friends...jobs....family....pain...feelings...everything but my pills.
And on Sept 20 2004 I said enough--I took my last pill----and It is rare that I think about using anymore--I asked for help. I hit either an AA or NA meeting everyday--sometimes more--I listen to what the old timers say--I try to live a clean good honest life ( that is the hardest for me )...but I am doing it--and so are you. You made me laugh when you said that you were afraid to go on vacation because you might run out of pills---I travel often for work, and I have been to hundred's of drugstores in the US. I too was so driven by those pills.
I am happy you have stopped, please start working on a foundation of support---AA./NA meetings are a great start---you took pills for a reason, and at some point that reason is going to surface--and when it does---be ready to deal with it--not run back to pills.
Mike
Thanks for your story. It does take us to say those words--ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Before I came clean with my pill use, I used to ask and say to myself at the same time, I can stop--this is no problem--or I would see other friends that drank to much, or snorted to much coke--whatever it was--and I always thought whenI was reday I could walk away. And I did walk away from alot of things...friends...jobs....family....pain...feelings...everything but my pills.
And on Sept 20 2004 I said enough--I took my last pill----and It is rare that I think about using anymore--I asked for help. I hit either an AA or NA meeting everyday--sometimes more--I listen to what the old timers say--I try to live a clean good honest life ( that is the hardest for me )...but I am doing it--and so are you. You made me laugh when you said that you were afraid to go on vacation because you might run out of pills---I travel often for work, and I have been to hundred's of drugstores in the US. I too was so driven by those pills.
I am happy you have stopped, please start working on a foundation of support---AA./NA meetings are a great start---you took pills for a reason, and at some point that reason is going to surface--and when it does---be ready to deal with it--not run back to pills.
Mike
