My wife and I ,just don`t know what to do . Our 37 yrs. old son just keeps relapsing , he has found a construction job that pays him $1400.00 net each week and he`s just using it all on crack cocaine
He looks so bad , I try to talk to him with calm ,or have a conversation , nothing he just lies 100% , goes to his room and sleeps , gets up ,cleans up the fridge , I mean he takes a lot food and goes to work ,sometimes we don`t see him for couple days.
It`s just destroying me internally to see him in those conditions . He has such good qualities ,with people .
Last week he was the Godfather of my grandchild , which he`s the uncle , what a great honour and that didn`t help.
Everyone in the family loves him ,talk to him wish well , but to me , he tries to avoid me .
My guess he`s afraid of me , because he knows ,that he can`t manipulate me .
So he tries to avoid me , he doesn`t want to have a confrontation with me .
I don`t yell or swear at him , I just ask how`s he doing ,if everything`s ok .
He replies , yes , everything ok while walking away.
The two yrs. that he was ok , I consigned with a lease of a new Ford F150 , which he lives in there, it`s a pig style in there, no one can`t go in there .
My wife tries not to talk about him , but I know it hurts as much it hurts me to see him in those conditions .
He`s never been in jail ,because stole money from me and he he`s very manipulative with people on how to get money on loan .
I just don`t know what to do .
Your son lives with you I presume from your post. Why? If he is making that kind of money, he can certainly be living on his own.
As parents, we often do way too much for our adult addicted children. We worry that they can't make it on their own. So, we create a cushy environment for them in our home, and they take advantage of it and continue to live like a teenager. They treat us disrespectfully, they continue to use drugs, generally doing nothing to establish an independent life. Why would he clean up his act when he feels he can always rely on you for support?
Your son probably sees you as a safety net which will cushion him went he fails. He won't develop any incentive or determination if you continue to do this. Plus, we parents don't live forever...what will happen to him when both you and your wife are gone?
People relapse for a lot of reasons, chief of which is family members enabling them to continue using. Until your son is responsible for himself, he isn't going to see the need to get clean.
I urge you to think about the worry and misery you experience when he uses drugs, and imagine a life for yourself apart from his problem. This is not being neglectful or cruel. This is putting up healthy boundaries between you and his addiction. You didn't cause it, and you cannot cure it. This is his job.
Until he sees the need to change, it will be more of the same for him. You do not have to keep him in your home if he is using drugs. This is causing you more grief. He is an adult, and he needs to get it together and act like one.
It's not easy being the parent of an addict. We feel worry, guilt, and responsibility for their problem...but we shouldn't. We need to separate ourselves from the bad choices our children continue to make. We still love them, but realize that by continuing to bail them out of problems, co-signing loans, etc. we are not allowing them to grow up.
Keep coming back, and know that there are many other parents that struggle with this situation too.
As parents, we often do way too much for our adult addicted children. We worry that they can't make it on their own. So, we create a cushy environment for them in our home, and they take advantage of it and continue to live like a teenager. They treat us disrespectfully, they continue to use drugs, generally doing nothing to establish an independent life. Why would he clean up his act when he feels he can always rely on you for support?
Your son probably sees you as a safety net which will cushion him went he fails. He won't develop any incentive or determination if you continue to do this. Plus, we parents don't live forever...what will happen to him when both you and your wife are gone?
People relapse for a lot of reasons, chief of which is family members enabling them to continue using. Until your son is responsible for himself, he isn't going to see the need to get clean.
I urge you to think about the worry and misery you experience when he uses drugs, and imagine a life for yourself apart from his problem. This is not being neglectful or cruel. This is putting up healthy boundaries between you and his addiction. You didn't cause it, and you cannot cure it. This is his job.
Until he sees the need to change, it will be more of the same for him. You do not have to keep him in your home if he is using drugs. This is causing you more grief. He is an adult, and he needs to get it together and act like one.
It's not easy being the parent of an addict. We feel worry, guilt, and responsibility for their problem...but we shouldn't. We need to separate ourselves from the bad choices our children continue to make. We still love them, but realize that by continuing to bail them out of problems, co-signing loans, etc. we are not allowing them to grow up.
Keep coming back, and know that there are many other parents that struggle with this situation too.
I have kicked my son out , I feel that my wife still a little insecure, he`s using one of his girlfriend for now , she`s full aware of his abuse , she told my wife that she will be able to change him. He`s been using crack cocaine for 20/25 yrs. and spending approx. ; Im guessing approx. $ 3000.00 a month . He`s been lying to all of us , he lies 200%
Let's hope that his girlfriend can be an inspiration for his change and your son can finally find the realization of the mistakes his doing. Prolong your patience.
