Hello,
I have become addicted to morphine. I am up to about 180mg to 300mg of morphine a day. I also take 7.5mg hydros (hydros i will go through 60 tabs in one weekend.) I am on 15mg Temazepam for Insomnia( I am now up to 45mg of the Temazepam.) I have sever knee pain in my right knee. I have had 7 knee surgeries on the same knee. I thank the great VA. I am a desert storm veteran.Served for 7 years in the US Army.I have Bachelors Degree in Electronics and Networking.
My VA doctor has put me on the 30mg morphine tabs three times a day. 7.5mg Hydros twice a day. one 15mg Temazepam at night for sleep. That was ok for awile. My need to have more has grown out of control. I am scared.( It seems each day is worse but I can not stop the intake or the hysterics in my life.) My brain squirms and twist with pain. I now suffer from sever headaches.
I never sleep hardly.
This mornning i woke at 7:30am in a crazed mood. I verbally attacked my father and step son and wife. I tried to kill my self but was not to successful. I totally lost it. I was insane. I ran everyone out of the house. I need help. These atacks of rage are more and more and they are becoming evil.
I have lost alot in the past 6 months,my mother passed away on Sept. 1 2004 from Pulmonary fibroses, my job which was a great one, my friends, my life. I have no control of my life. My wife has told me to get a grip on things or she is gone and I do not blame her. if she goes what do I have left? This empty shellof a human.
I have tried to stop the intake of the drugs and the withdraws are insane. I have seen a shrink at VA and all he wants me to is mediate and says stop takeing the drugs. I ask to go to VA rehap but there is a year wait list.
Is there free rehab centers out there or do keep on untill my father or wife find me dead?
Someone e-mail with some thing, some idea (If you live in Chattanooga TN, or close by and you know of such a place e-mail.)
My e-mail address is space_grass2003@yahoo.com
I'm contemplating going into rehab myself, so I don't know if I can be much help to you..... I have private insurance, so I'm not sure how to go about getting into a free hospital, but I'm sure there has to be SOMEONE who can help you. If your addiction is as bad as I think it is, you need to call these places and tell them that it is a life or death emergency. Be sure to mention the suicidal thoughts...
You're in my prayers
You're in my prayers
Absorbed:
There is a federal government website that has a "treatment facility locator" for free use. Here's the link:
http://www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov...ylocatordoc.htm
The site also has a locator for physician's licenesed to dispense buprenorhine (sp.?), which can help a lot with withdrawals.
I typed in Chattanooga and got 105 treatment facilities w/in 100 miles of you. Hopefully there is something there that you can use. Good luck my friend, M.
There is a federal government website that has a "treatment facility locator" for free use. Here's the link:
http://www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov...ylocatordoc.htm
The site also has a locator for physician's licenesed to dispense buprenorhine (sp.?), which can help a lot with withdrawals.
I typed in Chattanooga and got 105 treatment facilities w/in 100 miles of you. Hopefully there is something there that you can use. Good luck my friend, M.
Dear Absorbed-
Please contact a dr. from the website that None mentioned above ASAP. I believe that most addicts come to a point that they feel on the "verge" of either a nervous breakdown or suicidal because we feel we have nowhere or noone to turn to and also feel that noone understands completely what you are going through.
You can receive alot of support and helpful information from this board, but of course you will need to seek the help of a "real" dr - one that specializes in addiction. Even the psychiatrists dont understand exactly what you are going through. I know - I've been there and have felt worthless enough to be suicidal. You have a disease that is called addiction - your family still loves you and you need to love yourself enough to get help. Just know that you are by far not alone in your situation.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We will help you the very best we can. My prayers are with you.
Love,
Marie
Please contact a dr. from the website that None mentioned above ASAP. I believe that most addicts come to a point that they feel on the "verge" of either a nervous breakdown or suicidal because we feel we have nowhere or noone to turn to and also feel that noone understands completely what you are going through.
You can receive alot of support and helpful information from this board, but of course you will need to seek the help of a "real" dr - one that specializes in addiction. Even the psychiatrists dont understand exactly what you are going through. I know - I've been there and have felt worthless enough to be suicidal. You have a disease that is called addiction - your family still loves you and you need to love yourself enough to get help. Just know that you are by far not alone in your situation.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We will help you the very best we can. My prayers are with you.
Love,
Marie
Just 6 weeeks ago or so I was on 200 mgs of ms cotin, not for pain but the dr. doesnt know. I checked the local meth clinic but they dont do detox and I dont want to end up on large doses of meth. I told my doctor my wife wanted me off the morphine as it made me lethargic, which is the truth she also knows Im an addict. I didnt tell my dr because legally he couldnt help me . so I asked to be swiched to meth which I was . stopped the 200mgs morphine 6 weeks ago went through kinda of a tough week but am now on 55 mgs meth which Im going to taper to nothing over the next month or so. this "might" work for you. Long term use of meth while better than smack is from what Ive heard extremely hard to get off of but a couple months at low doses should be ok. Now your dr. Depending on your relationship might still help you if you come clean but your taking a chance. mabey a addictionologist or shrink can help as they can write narcotics for addmitted addicts to help with detox from what ive heard. Again Im not dealing with physicalpain as you are just mental and my pain dr isnt a big fan of using meth for pain . also the VA is a different animal and might or might not give a crap about your situation being govenment and all no offence. you dont mention if your spouse knows you think you are an addict. if not then depending on circumstances and how close you are you might want to tell him. . Also a good rehab might be in order . Keep posting this is an excellant site with great support and advise, some differing but you can make the decision that suits you best. At this rate it sounds like your going to have to keep upping your dosage as your used to what you are on now. Ive found that deep down we know if we have a problem or not if you do take whatever steps you can to remedy it as it will only get worse Best wishes good luck and keep us informed Ray
