Wow! Just checkin' in. I cut snorting 120-200 mgs of Oxy a day cold turkey. What a blast that was. thank god i don't have a gun in the house and was too tired to research how to tie a noose. JUST KIDDING!
So I kicked. i even saw my dealer the other day and didn't ask for s***. Felt good. Being clean gives you the choices to do whatever you want and get your life back. Good luck to everyone! Thanks for all of the support and sharing here.
greg
Hey greg.. I dont think we have corresponded before, but I just read your post and I want to say WOW.. so proud of you.. I have never had oxy addiction , however have been addicted to hydrocodone for many years. Im 32 and sooo ready to take my life back.. become the person I used to be.. I cant believe you went cold turkey.. ooh I know what you mean when you say youd rather shoot yourself then go another minute through withdrawls.. I could imagine yours have been very painful.. I am so happy you have made it so long and your basically throught he rough part, huh?? How are you feeling now?? I am trying to beat this.. quit last week only made it 96 hours.. I envy you for the progress youve made.. keep posting , your an inspiration..
Greg..how long has it been? You've got a lot to be proud of. What are you doing for support? Not all days are going to be great, as you know. I would hate for you to run into your dealer on a bad day. Do you go to NA? Do you have support at home?
Cowgirl
Cowgirl
Greg,Im so excited to hear that you are trying the cold trukey thing.I have been hooked on what ever i can get my hands on since 2000.mostly oxy,pers,and hyro.I've done the cold trukey thing went 2 months without it was hell and everyone one here was in it.After a week and a half i didnt have the runs if you know what i mean.I wasn't sweating as bad and cold the next min.But,i fell and it hurt me bad im hooked even more now then ever.I did all that suffering for nothing i pray you dont fall i hope you make it.Im just saying i realized i couldnt do it without a cruch.Im still useing to this day and i am going to see a doctor here that treats addicts to see how it works out.My body wasnt sick after 2 months but my mind was.I was weak inter and out and when i got my hands on the pills it was great the first day or so then i went from 10 a day to now i could handly 20 a day.Please dont let this happen to you and the depression will hit you so hard you want know what to do.i just felt like dieing and sometimes sill do.But,i have 2 kids here i have to be here for and im praying for us all.Good luck and hope that you make all the way!!!!Go Big Or go Broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I envy you. I have quit many times but have never been able to go for very long. do you have a plan in place for when you feel the urge?
Greg, Man do I know where you're coming from. Day 8 for me. Had 120 mg prescribed...always crushed them. Used it all up the 1st few weeks then cut way back. Ran out 4 times...said enough is enough. This is the toughest withdrawal I've ever seen. Hang in there. Good for you for not scoring. That's not livin', baby. It's just dyin' slow! PLease respond to me if you get a chance. I'd really welcome speaking with someone where I am. I feel really positive too...was obsessing about quitting. Thought I'd have to go inpatient, which could cost me my job. SIngle mom, need that job. But I love feeling like a winner right now instead of a loser! God Bless. Hang on! Never give in.
greg,
wow thats a huge oerdeal to have gone through and to be going through. remember this is a life long battle. you just kicked one troops major a** now its just keep moving along untill the next enemy sneaks up on you as cowgirl says you need to be equiped with some support and back up as well. we are always here for you no matter what. you know you will have support here. i am super proud of you getting this far. wow i remember my w/d last year close to the same time you had yours. i remember that hell like yesterday. i tell you embrace tose feelings you felt and never forget them. also you may find some depression kicking your butt in the near future. dont forget thats very normal, its part of the process. if you have any questions or just need to talk please come visit us. hey remind me are you the guy that made your own little box (i forgot you had a name for your box for your pills) then you gave them to your grandma? was that you? sorry my memory can suck. its another part of pill abuse. i'm like drew berrymore on 50 1st dates lol naw j/k not nearly that bad. but of course ya know all the bad stuff and emberrassing stuff you wish you could forget. but noooooooo i gotta forget important stuff hehe anyhow my a.d.d. side tracked me and again congrats keep coming back greg you are a miracle and very inspiring !! : )
terrianne
wow thats a huge oerdeal to have gone through and to be going through. remember this is a life long battle. you just kicked one troops major a** now its just keep moving along untill the next enemy sneaks up on you as cowgirl says you need to be equiped with some support and back up as well. we are always here for you no matter what. you know you will have support here. i am super proud of you getting this far. wow i remember my w/d last year close to the same time you had yours. i remember that hell like yesterday. i tell you embrace tose feelings you felt and never forget them. also you may find some depression kicking your butt in the near future. dont forget thats very normal, its part of the process. if you have any questions or just need to talk please come visit us. hey remind me are you the guy that made your own little box (i forgot you had a name for your box for your pills) then you gave them to your grandma? was that you? sorry my memory can suck. its another part of pill abuse. i'm like drew berrymore on 50 1st dates lol naw j/k not nearly that bad. but of course ya know all the bad stuff and emberrassing stuff you wish you could forget. but noooooooo i gotta forget important stuff hehe anyhow my a.d.d. side tracked me and again congrats keep coming back greg you are a miracle and very inspiring !! : )
terrianne
Greg.........congratulations. You are proof it can be done if you want it bad enough. For all the ones on here wondering how to get off the drugs, they should read your story. Keep it up and get some f2f help in staying clean. It can make all the difference in the world.Take care.
Greg and InTooDeep: you guys have a lot to be proud of. Oxy withdrawal is tougher than hydro, I've heard. Getting to 8 and 9 days is a great achievment.
Not to diminish what you've accomplished so far, but I agree with Cowgirl in asking whether you've got a plan for staying quit longterm. For me, the strongest urges to use again (so far) came around 3-4 months, and 9 months. At those times, I think that the most powerful part of my recovery plan was having at least one person in my life who I'd been totally and completely honest with about my addiction, using patterns, etc., and who I continued to be honest with on a regular basis. For many, that one person is a sponsor in a 12-step program. For me, it was and is a psych/counselor who I see once per week. My addiction thrives on even the smallest non-disclosure. I also attend meetings and do some other stuff to try and re-train my thinking when it comes to pain pill use, but honesty with another person is my lifeline -- and something I haven't had a lot of practice at over the years. lol
Keep up the great work, and let us know how you're doing. You're struggle is what this site is all about.
Not to diminish what you've accomplished so far, but I agree with Cowgirl in asking whether you've got a plan for staying quit longterm. For me, the strongest urges to use again (so far) came around 3-4 months, and 9 months. At those times, I think that the most powerful part of my recovery plan was having at least one person in my life who I'd been totally and completely honest with about my addiction, using patterns, etc., and who I continued to be honest with on a regular basis. For many, that one person is a sponsor in a 12-step program. For me, it was and is a psych/counselor who I see once per week. My addiction thrives on even the smallest non-disclosure. I also attend meetings and do some other stuff to try and re-train my thinking when it comes to pain pill use, but honesty with another person is my lifeline -- and something I haven't had a lot of practice at over the years. lol
Keep up the great work, and let us know how you're doing. You're struggle is what this site is all about.
None4me, great advice. I know many dark days lay ahead. The relief of having survived the last 8 days, of turning down the scripts knowing I could have 2 full bottles of oxy's carries me now. But I know many months ahead hold things I can never expect. I was considering NA. My job percludes me seeing psych...long story. But don't know what to expect at NA. Ever been anyone?
Greg,
Congratulations to you. I kicked a hydro habit, but I heard an oxy habit is alot harder to kick. Ihope you continue to do good in your recovery. I used this board alot for info and advice, it helped me alot. Good Job Greg.
Kathy
Congratulations to you. I kicked a hydro habit, but I heard an oxy habit is alot harder to kick. Ihope you continue to do good in your recovery. I used this board alot for info and advice, it helped me alot. Good Job Greg.
Kathy
Some history:
I'm an alcoholic as well. haven't had a drink in years though. I am one of those that follows the principles of AA. I had to use a faith in God that i wasn't sure exsisted but I had to pray to be willing. Its a simple choice really. I can score really easy, feel high, work, be a creep and lie and fall, lose my Fiance', etc...or I can live and be a among the living. Its a simple admitance that I am an addict to whatever will make me feel better than i might feel at any moment. I am suseptable to very low depressions, fears, anxieties, and anger. that is my make up. However, for me...I hve to embrace a 12 step program. no, for those 1st 5 days I didn't go to any meetings. But I read alot of inspirational stuff, accepted my lot and had to remind myself that the kick isn't forever. day 5 was pretty much the end of the kick for me. I mean by now I'm smiling at the morning sun, drinking my coffee on the balcony and trying to decide if I will ride my bike or just get alot of work done. I feel ok today and htat is a miracle but not impossible. We are not slaves, just POW's. I think its a cross between will power and trust in God. Willpower alone got me into a desperate hole so i know that doesn't work. You have to be willing to take other's advice even if you don't agree. Remember that your best thinking got you inot an addiction that made you finally search the internet for help. Follow instruction and listen to the winners. RElapse is sometimes part of the recovery so don't give up!
love
g
I'm an alcoholic as well. haven't had a drink in years though. I am one of those that follows the principles of AA. I had to use a faith in God that i wasn't sure exsisted but I had to pray to be willing. Its a simple choice really. I can score really easy, feel high, work, be a creep and lie and fall, lose my Fiance', etc...or I can live and be a among the living. Its a simple admitance that I am an addict to whatever will make me feel better than i might feel at any moment. I am suseptable to very low depressions, fears, anxieties, and anger. that is my make up. However, for me...I hve to embrace a 12 step program. no, for those 1st 5 days I didn't go to any meetings. But I read alot of inspirational stuff, accepted my lot and had to remind myself that the kick isn't forever. day 5 was pretty much the end of the kick for me. I mean by now I'm smiling at the morning sun, drinking my coffee on the balcony and trying to decide if I will ride my bike or just get alot of work done. I feel ok today and htat is a miracle but not impossible. We are not slaves, just POW's. I think its a cross between will power and trust in God. Willpower alone got me into a desperate hole so i know that doesn't work. You have to be willing to take other's advice even if you don't agree. Remember that your best thinking got you inot an addiction that made you finally search the internet for help. Follow instruction and listen to the winners. RElapse is sometimes part of the recovery so don't give up!
love
g
Hey Greg, Glad you took the time to reply to a fellow oxy has-been. I too have decades of narcotic haze behind me...have had to wd from more then one. Nothing like this tho'. When a doc gives you great bigf scripts, someone like me is sure to go off the deep end. Yesterday was good...today a couple of hours ago I suddenly felt all the chills and crap...ate instead...have to learn to do that too. I know what you mean about talking about it, one thing that keeps me from NA. Nothing worse then junkies reliving old times. Last weekend was so tough, this one will be better. I work a great distance from home...usually stay at work a few nights. I want to be me...ya know? I've become so reclusive...either I'm too high to go out, or out of meds and can't handle the world. I'm in here somewhere...just don't know where! Hang tough hon! I know you can!
Love Beck
Love Beck
Greg,
Same here, alcoholic that is....nothing to drink for 14 years, but pain pills have definitely been the monkey I couldn't shake.....yet. Long periods of sobriety broken by short periods of use, until my last run -- I found online pharmacies in December 2003 and was off to the races for 6 months. Pure insanity. Been clean over 10 months now, still going to meetings and trying to practice rigorous honesty.
Beck,
You asked about NA. Because I got sober in AA, I tend to prefer those meetings to NA, but it's all the same in terms of what is offered: a spiritual program of recovery. My only suggestion would be to check out some meetings and try to keep an open mind -- "identify in" as opposed to "indentify out" (i.e., look for commonalities rather than differences between yourself and others). Not all meetings are the same, and our receptivity isn't always optimal on any given day either. I rarely hear drinking or using stories in discussion meetings except from the person who might lead off, and then its usually to qualify him/herself (i.e., what it used to be like, how they got here, and what it's like now for them in recovery). Most areas publish a "Where & When" for AA and NA Meetings, which list all the meetings and times in your area. A lot of the same information is available on the Internet -- try a google search like "Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous and [insert name of your city or county]." Hope this helps. Good luck and hang in, you're doing great.
Same here, alcoholic that is....nothing to drink for 14 years, but pain pills have definitely been the monkey I couldn't shake.....yet. Long periods of sobriety broken by short periods of use, until my last run -- I found online pharmacies in December 2003 and was off to the races for 6 months. Pure insanity. Been clean over 10 months now, still going to meetings and trying to practice rigorous honesty.
Beck,
You asked about NA. Because I got sober in AA, I tend to prefer those meetings to NA, but it's all the same in terms of what is offered: a spiritual program of recovery. My only suggestion would be to check out some meetings and try to keep an open mind -- "identify in" as opposed to "indentify out" (i.e., look for commonalities rather than differences between yourself and others). Not all meetings are the same, and our receptivity isn't always optimal on any given day either. I rarely hear drinking or using stories in discussion meetings except from the person who might lead off, and then its usually to qualify him/herself (i.e., what it used to be like, how they got here, and what it's like now for them in recovery). Most areas publish a "Where & When" for AA and NA Meetings, which list all the meetings and times in your area. A lot of the same information is available on the Internet -- try a google search like "Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous and [insert name of your city or county]." Hope this helps. Good luck and hang in, you're doing great.
ditto on all that. I live in LA and its the home of every conceivable type of meeting. I've been to some that just plain sucked and I would never go back to. I've been to others that changed my life. The point is, that its other boozers and or addicts like ourselves with the same struggles and experiences. Like many say, look for the similarities, not the differences. I would go to any lengths to get my pills/drink/whatever......so what's a few hours a week to make my life better? I cwould drive all day to find what i needed, miss work, lie. So I really have no excuse not to get to a meeting.
Sorry to be preachy to those that have another program but that is my experience and if it helps, use it. If you don't agree than simply ignore it.
gracias
greg
Sorry to be preachy to those that have another program but that is my experience and if it helps, use it. If you don't agree than simply ignore it.
gracias
greg
Hi Greg and None4me, Wanted to thank you for the good advice. Most NA's are listed in the front of the phone book now that people like us are so common place. I worry about running into old friends...like teenage days who I know went even further down then me. I had a couple of decades of reasonable sobriety, i.e. using pain meds for my back only. After 10 or 15 years of that came the oxy's and I too discovered online pharmacies. Do they call you guys all the time? Very difficult to understand them...limited english, but call a couple times a week. Anyway...it's so comforting to hear I'm not the only scumbag (speaking of me only) out there...can't help but look at myself that way. Thanks again, Beck
Greg - Wow - that is so amazing. Give yourself a big pat on the back, buddy, cause you sure do deserve it. I know how addicting those oxy's are and never had to go through an oxy w/d (thank God) - but I've heard that if you dont die from it, you'd wish you would (I see you even have some humor - about the noose). I'm glad you got through it OK.
Thanks for your inspiring words. Alot of people will read this and see that it CAN be done. You did it!!! Way to go!!! Please, dont ever turn back.
Love,
Marie
Thanks for your inspiring words. Alot of people will read this and see that it CAN be done. You did it!!! Way to go!!! Please, dont ever turn back.
Love,
Marie
You my friend, kick a**. I wish you all the luck in the world, not with the addiction but with obtaining everything in the world you wanted badly enough to kick the s*** out of you addiction to get it. I would LOVE if you would check in, we have been here for you... right? So, be here for us by letting you know how being clean has changed your life.
Day 11!
Wow. Yesterday was stelar! i got so much done! All 12 things on my todo list crossed off with a smile. Went to the beach twice and laid spread eagle in the sun too. Rode my bike and looked at the flowers. WEnt to a meeting last night and low and bebold ran into a very important work contact who is one of "us". So probably will get some work out of that. i'm freelance. meetings are the best because its just a bunch of others like us but in person.
Today I am helping my Fiance with her job and looking forward to it.
i will say this though. I AM taking Anti Depressants! I think that it has helped. And I thank god for that too. I used to be scared of them because of side effects but have been taking Lexipro and there are NONE.
Remember to eat and try and get any exercise you can. Walk or whatever. Drink water and the baths help too. The pain WILL pass. Just trust God one more day! I'm no different that any of you. We are all the same.
greg
Wow. Yesterday was stelar! i got so much done! All 12 things on my todo list crossed off with a smile. Went to the beach twice and laid spread eagle in the sun too. Rode my bike and looked at the flowers. WEnt to a meeting last night and low and bebold ran into a very important work contact who is one of "us". So probably will get some work out of that. i'm freelance. meetings are the best because its just a bunch of others like us but in person.
Today I am helping my Fiance with her job and looking forward to it.
i will say this though. I AM taking Anti Depressants! I think that it has helped. And I thank god for that too. I used to be scared of them because of side effects but have been taking Lexipro and there are NONE.
Remember to eat and try and get any exercise you can. Walk or whatever. Drink water and the baths help too. The pain WILL pass. Just trust God one more day! I'm no different that any of you. We are all the same.
greg
Greg,
We have never coresponded but your story is motivateing. Im kicking a hydrocodine habit alomost 3 days clean and at the peek of my w/d. their hard and they hurt. Just wanted to say KEEP up the good work you are truly an insprition to me. It shows that life dose get better after this sickness.
Trin2xcape
We have never coresponded but your story is motivateing. Im kicking a hydrocodine habit alomost 3 days clean and at the peek of my w/d. their hard and they hurt. Just wanted to say KEEP up the good work you are truly an insprition to me. It shows that life dose get better after this sickness.
Trin2xcape
