As I sit here and tears poor down my cheeks, Im starting to realize I can't escape reality. I am a pill addict. Once more I sit here in withdrawal and physically whatever but mentally I can not handle it. Shawn threatened to leave me again last night and once more I cut my arm and I have done it before I and I will continue to. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't handle the mental battle and it hasn't even hit it's peak yet but thinking about it scares me to death. My life is nothing but the same story over and over and I can't escape. Im lost in a world of pain and depression. I know people have it worse off then I do and i keep trying to keep telling myself that but somehow it isn't enough. When it comes to my relationship I feel underappreciated.The world just scares me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.
Aww honey.
You are NOT alone...we have all been where you are- realizing we were stuck in a downward spiral of taking, withdrawing, taking, withdrawing from pills...
The fact that your relationship is not supportive is a double whammy....and though it makes it harder...it is NOT impossible to do...gosh there are many here that had to not only quit the pills but also a bad and unsupportive marriage or relationship....it can be done when you are truly ready...
Oh love..i cant believe you cut yourself....you know what a cry for help that is...
and as much as we are all here for you..isnt there anyone there at all? A best friend? Family? You need to talk and you need to get some help with all this love....you feel overwhelmed, and the fact that your about to get the w'ds doesnt help matters..
Reach out for help Now.....Can you do that??
Big hug
Ali
PS Make sure you clean up that cut honey...does it need stitiches??/
You are NOT alone...we have all been where you are- realizing we were stuck in a downward spiral of taking, withdrawing, taking, withdrawing from pills...
The fact that your relationship is not supportive is a double whammy....and though it makes it harder...it is NOT impossible to do...gosh there are many here that had to not only quit the pills but also a bad and unsupportive marriage or relationship....it can be done when you are truly ready...
Oh love..i cant believe you cut yourself....you know what a cry for help that is...
and as much as we are all here for you..isnt there anyone there at all? A best friend? Family? You need to talk and you need to get some help with all this love....you feel overwhelmed, and the fact that your about to get the w'ds doesnt help matters..
Reach out for help Now.....Can you do that??
Big hug
Ali
PS Make sure you clean up that cut honey...does it need stitiches??/
Fiona,
I can feel the pain you are in. Please please just know that there is hope! Although you can't yet see it, it is there!
Are you tired of that feeling yet? Withdrawing is hell, but withdrawing with TRUE depression, (not just the blues) is excruciating. I have much experience with cutting. It might feel like you need to do it at the time, but after it's over and done with what have you accomplished?
I would know... I have scars all over my arms...one that is so bad it will be a prominent part of my forearm for the rest of my life.
Please start searching for addiction specialists/psychiatrists. I waited a long time before I finally reached out for help. Then when I first did, i was turned away. You have to get back up when you get knocked down to get ANYWHERE in this world. You have the strength in you cause you're still here. Reach out for help. It is not weakness to ask for help. It is an amazing thing. It means you are ready to get back on the path back to your life. You can be happy again. I am. If you wanna see how horribly miserable i was, just type in jiminyjangles in the search section on the bottom of the page and go back about 6-7 months... or if you wanna go all the way back to the denial stage...go back to Nov 05'-May 06'.
If you ever wanna talk about anything you can email me at kaylinsmom440@yahoo.com
I know all too familiar how you feel.
Love
Stacey
I can feel the pain you are in. Please please just know that there is hope! Although you can't yet see it, it is there!
Are you tired of that feeling yet? Withdrawing is hell, but withdrawing with TRUE depression, (not just the blues) is excruciating. I have much experience with cutting. It might feel like you need to do it at the time, but after it's over and done with what have you accomplished?
I would know... I have scars all over my arms...one that is so bad it will be a prominent part of my forearm for the rest of my life.
Please start searching for addiction specialists/psychiatrists. I waited a long time before I finally reached out for help. Then when I first did, i was turned away. You have to get back up when you get knocked down to get ANYWHERE in this world. You have the strength in you cause you're still here. Reach out for help. It is not weakness to ask for help. It is an amazing thing. It means you are ready to get back on the path back to your life. You can be happy again. I am. If you wanna see how horribly miserable i was, just type in jiminyjangles in the search section on the bottom of the page and go back about 6-7 months... or if you wanna go all the way back to the denial stage...go back to Nov 05'-May 06'.
If you ever wanna talk about anything you can email me at kaylinsmom440@yahoo.com
I know all too familiar how you feel.
Love
Stacey
Trouble,
Dont stop trying to beat this thing. Look around. Many here have done it. Find a meeting, or a rehab or at least a doctor you can pour your heart out to. Help is out there. I dont know your story, but I hear your pain. You are as entitled to a happy life as anyone else in this world. Say some prayers tonite and ask God to just shine a little light on the direction to go. He will if you look for it. Be your own best friend and work on getting your life back for YOU.
Dont stop trying to beat this thing. Look around. Many here have done it. Find a meeting, or a rehab or at least a doctor you can pour your heart out to. Help is out there. I dont know your story, but I hear your pain. You are as entitled to a happy life as anyone else in this world. Say some prayers tonite and ask God to just shine a little light on the direction to go. He will if you look for it. Be your own best friend and work on getting your life back for YOU.
Hi Fiona,
I am happy that you came back. Sounds like this time you might be sick and tired of being sick and tired. Your relationship has been a problem for you for over a year now. I remember when you came here in agony talking about how your bf berated and did nothing to help you with your addiction...perhaps because he is an addict too. Is that right?
Please find an addiction specialist that perhaps can talk to you about suboxone and what your options are regarding it. It does have anti depressant qualities so could be something you might want to look into among other things.
How much and what are you taking? or w/ding from? Can you see a doctor? You could go c/t and get it over with. You know what you are in for because if my memory serves me correct you have done it before....right?
You must be about ready to really stop and get help...real help. you should start by getting rid of that abusive bf he is dead weight.
Glad you found your way back here....please stick around! You are so worth it!!
I am happy that you came back. Sounds like this time you might be sick and tired of being sick and tired. Your relationship has been a problem for you for over a year now. I remember when you came here in agony talking about how your bf berated and did nothing to help you with your addiction...perhaps because he is an addict too. Is that right?
Please find an addiction specialist that perhaps can talk to you about suboxone and what your options are regarding it. It does have anti depressant qualities so could be something you might want to look into among other things.
How much and what are you taking? or w/ding from? Can you see a doctor? You could go c/t and get it over with. You know what you are in for because if my memory serves me correct you have done it before....right?
You must be about ready to really stop and get help...real help. you should start by getting rid of that abusive bf he is dead weight.
Glad you found your way back here....please stick around! You are so worth it!!
At some point Fiona, you'll say, enough. Is it "enough" now? You don't have to go through this by yourself though. There is help out there, but it's up to you to find it and then be willing enough to do what's suggested. It's got to come from you.
Cowgirl
Cowgirl
Fiona....................
hugs.......
i am so very sorry that you are feeling like this and i want to give you my love
from my heart because i really feel what is behind this post of yours......
i just pray that that heaviness is lifted.........
your post really moved me and i feel that there is so much hope for you..........
i have read your post before and you are a kind person............
the hurt that you must be feeling inside your heart.......
from addiction, because you are withdrawing.......
from the heart ache from a man breaking your heart.......
the dissappointment........
but guess what honey.........theres hope.......(smile)
pray and reach out for help.......
i pray that God will place the DESIRE in your heart to get help......
and that God will just give the inner strenght you need and carry you
all the way through this........
remember this is just a season and this to shall pass........
but you have got to get into a soulution and the first step is to
reach out and get help.....
i wish i had the answer, i to understand that life can be a struggle.......
i just want to offer you my love and concern and i pray that some how my post to you will somehow bless your dear heart.......
i pray you feel comfort in your heart and HOPE........
God bless you
thumper
hugs.......
i am so very sorry that you are feeling like this and i want to give you my love
from my heart because i really feel what is behind this post of yours......
i just pray that that heaviness is lifted.........
your post really moved me and i feel that there is so much hope for you..........
i have read your post before and you are a kind person............
the hurt that you must be feeling inside your heart.......
from addiction, because you are withdrawing.......
from the heart ache from a man breaking your heart.......
the dissappointment........
but guess what honey.........theres hope.......(smile)
pray and reach out for help.......
i pray that God will place the DESIRE in your heart to get help......
and that God will just give the inner strenght you need and carry you
all the way through this........
remember this is just a season and this to shall pass........
but you have got to get into a soulution and the first step is to
reach out and get help.....
i wish i had the answer, i to understand that life can be a struggle.......
i just want to offer you my love and concern and i pray that some how my post to you will somehow bless your dear heart.......
i pray you feel comfort in your heart and HOPE........
God bless you
thumper
