I am a mom who has been dealing with my sons addiction since he was 18 years old. I didn't find out about it till he was 21 which was 6 years ago. We got him off the drug (heroin) and he was clean for 5 years. He started a job as a carpet cleaner and did that for 5 years but last year he started a new carpet cleaning job and his supervisor was a methamphetamine addict and my son then became addicted to that drug. That started the whole spiral downward effect back to heroin so he could get off the speed. Makes sense? huh! Anyway, for the last year he has been on heroin and he is still back at square one. Meaning, I paid for his 21 day methadone clinic twice and paid for his rent, food, clothing and his car towing fees after he totaled it when he plowed into a curb. Thank God it was just his car that got wrecked! So he is on foot as of a month ago and back at his buddies (the guy he sits around and smokes heroin with and plays video games) and I'm up at 2am each morning crying and praying to God that my son will "see the light" and step up to beat this addiction. Well, today I finally found out where my son has been going for his drug. After not knowing where he has been for a week and him leaving here a week ago looking like he hadn't showered in over a week or brushing his teeth and seeing dark circles under his eyes, u can imagine how sick with worry I was. My husband and the nice young man who gave us my sons whereabouts took off an hour ago to see if my son was at this destination which he was. What a surprise this particular home got when my husband showed up looking for his son even though he had to jump a huge locked gated fence and climb up some stairs. Talk about rats scurrying in all directions! I wish I could of been there to see it. Anyway, my son exits the home as if he were on holiday. His Dad took him aside and told him that his mom wanted to just make sure he was still alive. My son had no apologies but he did mention to his Dad that it was because we took too long that morning in getting him back on the methadone clinic. I guess we're suppose to be the guilty ones is how my son sees it. A few words were exchanged and my husband was on his way. My husband came home and told me he was alive but I could tell the whole experience had been so draining to him that he is asleep now while I write this post. As for myself, I am tired too but I am not going to sleep. I am going to try one more solution and that is to take my son out of town and detox him the hard way. I went to Mexico and bought him the necessary medicines to help the pain and muscle aches but the rest is up to my son to grit and bear. He'll have the Veldrol and the muscle relaxers and thats it. I even thought about giving him Vicadin but not sure. I have given my son Valiums, Vicadin, Clonidine, just to name a few in order to beat this addiction but what comes down to it, he needs to be taken off the drug without opiates. I talked to a Mexican pharmacist who was a heroin addict and he locked himself in a motel for three days having his friend tie him to the bed. He only had Veldrol for the pain. I asked him about Buprenorphine and he said why take something that is going to just keep the mind still foggy. It's still an opiate he told me. I still question that one but couldn't buy it there anyway. I am going to go back for the opiate blocker naltrexone this week before my son goes on his little journey to the motel for detox. I do believe that my son has to finally be rock bottom before he really wants help and wants to get off the heroin. And he has come up to me with desperation in his eyes (not the lifelike eyes I once knew) grasping for any kind of help to get off this drug. I do believe he will get off this drug and stay off of it. I do believe that and will never differ. I get alot of negative feedback from people telling me he will never get off of it but I have seen what the power of faith and will can do to a person and I will never give up and either will my son. His light isn't shining too bright but I still see the light in his heart and this cocoon of darkness called Heroin will break out of him and fly downward where it belongs. Hope, faith and strong will bring him up against all the outward voices calling his name to go back into the den.
Sincerely,
A mothers voice among millions of moms who love their sons who are heroin addicts.
I AM A 22 YEAR OLD FEMALE RECOVERING ADDICT-I OWULD LIKE TO REPLY TO YOUR POST FROM THE OTHER SIDE-MY MOTHER WAS IN EARLY RECOVERY FROM HER ADDICTION TO ALCOHOL WHEN MY SISTER(2 YEARS YOUGER THAN I) BEGAN DOING HEROIN-MY SISTER AND I HAVE USED DRUGS SINCE I WAS 13 AND MY MOM ALMOST ALWAYS KNEW BUT DO TO HER OWN ADDICTION DID'NT REALLY UNDERSTAND-SHE ENABLED US IN EVERY ASPECT-FROM GIVING US MONEY, TO GIVING US PRESCRIPTION DRUGS TO HELP THE WITHDRAWLS- I HAVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF TREATMENT CENTERS AND COUNTY JAIL FOR 2 YEARS, I AM NOW FINALLY CLEAN FOR 9 MONTHS, WHAT MADE ME FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT WAS THIS PAST AUGUST UNTIL DECEMBER-I WAS IN A STATE FUNDED CENTER FOR THE SECOND TIME-THERE WERE 40 FEMALED AND 190 MALES-MOST OF THEM WERE FROM PRISON-YOU DID NOT GET VISITS THERE OR ANYHTING-I WAS CAUGHT USING XANAX IN THERE AND WAS KICKED OUT, INSTEAD OFCALLING MY PARENTS I ATTEMPTED TO OVER DOSE, I DID NOT OD, AND I SHOWED UP AT MY PARENTS HOUSE AT 10 PM ON A SCHOOL NIGHT WHILE MY 10 YEAR OLD BROTHER WAS SLEEPING AND JUST TURNED THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN-THE NEXT DAY THE CENTER SAID I COULD COME BACK AND AFTER THAT MY PARENTS WERE DONE, THE LETTER THAT THEY DID WRITE ME WERE FILLED WITH DISGUST TOWARDS ME FOR MY ACTIONS AS A SO CALLED RESPECTED CATHOLIC GIRL-THEY DID NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING I WRITE THEM AND TOLD ME THAT I BETTER FIND A 3/4 HOUSE TO LIVE IN WHEN IGET OUT-THEY ENDED UP LETTING ME COME BACK HOME, I WAS ON A TEHTER FOR ONE MONTH AND COMPLETELY TURNED MY LIFE AROUND-WHAT IM GETTING AT IS YOU HAVE TO ELT GO, IT MAY BE THE HARDEST THING TO DO, BUT IT WORKS-MY MOTHER GAVE ME HER JOURNAL THAT DATED BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF HER RECOVERY-THE PAIN THAT SHE FELT FOR MY SISTER AND I WAS UNBEARABLE TO ME-I READ IT AND CRIED SO BAD-THE THINGS WE DID TO HER WERE BEYOND AWFUL-I COULD ONLY BEGIN TO IMAGINE THE PAIN, GUILT AND RESPONSIBILITY SHE FELT FOR EVERYTING-BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU SEEM LIKE A VERY LOVING AND CARING MOTHER, BUT SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO JUST LET GO IN ORDER TO BE BALE TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE
I applaud your love and determination to beat this problem, this last hurrah may just be the thing that he needs to finally beat it. however if it is not you need to let him go. he cant hit rock bottom if you keep catching him. he cant hit that place where he has nothing and no one and has to reach out to the only thing that can really save him. God. he knows that if he messes up his family will pick him back up pay for his stuff take care of him. right now he hasnt lost anything really, except his "life" but i bet he doesnt see it that way he knows that he will be bailed out. i do not want to sound like i am saying you are doing the wrong thing but he cant ever learn if whenever he messes up you fix it for him. if he were taking a test and he wrote the wrong answer and you fixed it for him he would never learn.
same thing. i know i would not be here today if it were not for my parents and friends that supported me. but i had to get to the point where I had enough not my parents or my friends but ME I had enough and they supported me.
he may or may not have to bang his head against the wall a few more times but that is up to him. he is an adult yeah he blew it but he has to stand responsible for his actions not you. yes it affects you but it is still his life that he is ruining. he needs to get into counseling and find out why he is doing this (its not his friends/bosses fault ) if he really didnt want to do it he wouldnt.
it is a choice he made a bad one and he has to deal with it. all you can do is let him know that you support him and love him and will do everything you can for him WHEN and IF he wants to really change.
i hope this was not harsh but both of you need to break the cycle. he messes up you clean it up.
You are in my prayers
~Adam A
same thing. i know i would not be here today if it were not for my parents and friends that supported me. but i had to get to the point where I had enough not my parents or my friends but ME I had enough and they supported me.
he may or may not have to bang his head against the wall a few more times but that is up to him. he is an adult yeah he blew it but he has to stand responsible for his actions not you. yes it affects you but it is still his life that he is ruining. he needs to get into counseling and find out why he is doing this (its not his friends/bosses fault ) if he really didnt want to do it he wouldnt.
it is a choice he made a bad one and he has to deal with it. all you can do is let him know that you support him and love him and will do everything you can for him WHEN and IF he wants to really change.
i hope this was not harsh but both of you need to break the cycle. he messes up you clean it up.
You are in my prayers
~Adam A
