Happy Monday everyone! I love every new day SOBER! -----------DAY 11!!!
Its just so cool to start seeing the real me again. I was smoke screened behind a poison for so long! My thoughts are with all you other beginners! Keep it up!
Hey Brenda!
Have a good day today! I love reading your positive feelings....they are very powerful for all of us.
Got a long day ahead of me today. I teach a figure drawing class this afternoon...it is tough to get those youngins motivated to GET INTO IT. They are all so young and scared and tentative!!!!
Maybe someone will have a breakthrough today that leads the whole class!
Chat you later.
Sarah
Have a good day today! I love reading your positive feelings....they are very powerful for all of us.
Got a long day ahead of me today. I teach a figure drawing class this afternoon...it is tough to get those youngins motivated to GET INTO IT. They are all so young and scared and tentative!!!!
Maybe someone will have a breakthrough today that leads the whole class!
Chat you later.
Sarah
Brenda
Honestly day 11 is a good number. No i didnt feel great but its a week and a half and a lt of toxins have left you. This is the stage where it becomes cumulative, not eating, not sleeping. So some good feedback, please force food into you, do what you need to do to sleep. Keep it up!
Im at day 31. Today is by far the best I have felt yet...
If you want a couple of my clean days you can have them, lol
Enjoy be well
Honestly day 11 is a good number. No i didnt feel great but its a week and a half and a lt of toxins have left you. This is the stage where it becomes cumulative, not eating, not sleeping. So some good feedback, please force food into you, do what you need to do to sleep. Keep it up!
Im at day 31. Today is by far the best I have felt yet...
If you want a couple of my clean days you can have them, lol
Enjoy be well
Thanks everyone! Reddog I just can't wait till 31 either!
Hey how was that art class today Sarah!! I just wouldn't have the patience, lol!
I was very happy to see my bedroom after work. I had to do a lot of physical work, but I just slowed the pace. I was glad to be doing it sober! In fact, I know that hasn't happened in about 5 years! I love it when I realize my body is healing, and the back gives me little breaks now. I have a new outlook on food these days, and it TASTES SOOO GOOD! I actually got up at 6 this morning and made pancakes. I have been eating so much! I had to slow it down though, cause the body was not processing it quick as I was eating, and I was miserable. I put on 12 lbs. The pills were starving me to death! I forgot what it was to LIKE food. Like I said, barely surviving.
You all are so great, wonderful info! I worry about cravings for the drug down the road, like you all say, but It has been so horribly rough for me I can't see getting back into it! I look forward to singing christmas songs in my work vehicle again tomorrow!
Hey how was that art class today Sarah!! I just wouldn't have the patience, lol!
I was very happy to see my bedroom after work. I had to do a lot of physical work, but I just slowed the pace. I was glad to be doing it sober! In fact, I know that hasn't happened in about 5 years! I love it when I realize my body is healing, and the back gives me little breaks now. I have a new outlook on food these days, and it TASTES SOOO GOOD! I actually got up at 6 this morning and made pancakes. I have been eating so much! I had to slow it down though, cause the body was not processing it quick as I was eating, and I was miserable. I put on 12 lbs. The pills were starving me to death! I forgot what it was to LIKE food. Like I said, barely surviving.
You all are so great, wonderful info! I worry about cravings for the drug down the road, like you all say, but It has been so horribly rough for me I can't see getting back into it! I look forward to singing christmas songs in my work vehicle again tomorrow!
hey brenda!
well, today, actually, some kids made some really nice marks! we did a little critique of the drawings they worked on last week and over the weekend. and it seemed to inform them a little about what works and what doesn't.
everyone seemed a little ambitious, which is so cool! when they are into it, it is so much easier. a lot of people spoke up in critique...which is so hard to do when you are young. i kinda scared them by saying if it went silent too long, i would randomly call someone on the roll....so, they got busy with those comments! anyway, i had to kick some of them out at 6...the class ends at 5:50. that makes me sooooooo happy.
i drove in silence this afternoon. it is daunting driving over to school...(it's about a 45 minute drive), i miss my friend, who shared this late season graduate school thing with me....he passed away on november 22...and it is just now starting to sink in and hurt like hell.
anyway, i just tried to think about him being with me, and what he would encourage me to do in class today. he was on fire for sharing things with young students. he was a much better teacher than me...those kids are lucky they got to study under him. enough. sorry.
anyway, i enjoyed the sky, and the light...in his honor. he was an awesome landscape painter. just needed quiet...but tomorrow, i am putting the elvis christmas cd in and singing! hahaha...i love elvis!
i am so glad you are feeling good brenda! for 11 days out, you are doing awesome!!!!!! really great.
sarah
well, today, actually, some kids made some really nice marks! we did a little critique of the drawings they worked on last week and over the weekend. and it seemed to inform them a little about what works and what doesn't.
everyone seemed a little ambitious, which is so cool! when they are into it, it is so much easier. a lot of people spoke up in critique...which is so hard to do when you are young. i kinda scared them by saying if it went silent too long, i would randomly call someone on the roll....so, they got busy with those comments! anyway, i had to kick some of them out at 6...the class ends at 5:50. that makes me sooooooo happy.
i drove in silence this afternoon. it is daunting driving over to school...(it's about a 45 minute drive), i miss my friend, who shared this late season graduate school thing with me....he passed away on november 22...and it is just now starting to sink in and hurt like hell.
anyway, i just tried to think about him being with me, and what he would encourage me to do in class today. he was on fire for sharing things with young students. he was a much better teacher than me...those kids are lucky they got to study under him. enough. sorry.
anyway, i enjoyed the sky, and the light...in his honor. he was an awesome landscape painter. just needed quiet...but tomorrow, i am putting the elvis christmas cd in and singing! hahaha...i love elvis!
i am so glad you are feeling good brenda! for 11 days out, you are doing awesome!!!!!! really great.
sarah
I sure am srry about your friend sarah!!!!! I had two funerals in November, one was like my dad. I actually cried way more, I was a freaking wreck! two weeks later, another funeral. I really woke up to that one. I want to meet new people that I will love, barbque with, tease and hug!! Those guys that I lost were irreplaceable! The familys suffered so, through the holidays.
Anyway, lets hope for new beginnings, and maybe he will give you a nice dream soon, (if not already?) to let you see he is ok.
Anyway, lets hope for new beginnings, and maybe he will give you a nice dream soon, (if not already?) to let you see he is ok.
brenda....
girl you won't believe this...on the way home tonight...i asked my Dad (he passed away in April), my friends mother who I was very close to also (she passed in 2001...but she brings all my dead relatives to me in dreams) and i asked my friend Glenn to please bring me a dream.
we are on the same wavelength, huh? like my friend said on monday, before he passed on wednesday.....everything is connected. and trust me, he had already been to the brink and seen beyond. he just came back for a while to tell us all he loved us one more time.
i am ready to see him, or see someone i know that is with him...just to let me know what i already know.....that everything is just as it should be. i try to breath and relax before sleep...so i will remember. i know i am dreaming at night, but i wake up...and my first thought is, oh my god...glenn is dead. then this hole in my heart slams into my chest...and i cannot remember my dream.
it is like i keep forgetting...or i have to keep reminding myself that this is real. anyway, i am ready for a visitation...it won't upset me...it will bring me peace.
thanks brenda. in april, my father's death really woke me up too. i got clean in large part because i wanted to be the kind of daughter he would be proud of...he helped me do it! i just know it. i think he greeted glenn too...i really feel that way!
girl you won't believe this...on the way home tonight...i asked my Dad (he passed away in April), my friends mother who I was very close to also (she passed in 2001...but she brings all my dead relatives to me in dreams) and i asked my friend Glenn to please bring me a dream.
we are on the same wavelength, huh? like my friend said on monday, before he passed on wednesday.....everything is connected. and trust me, he had already been to the brink and seen beyond. he just came back for a while to tell us all he loved us one more time.
i am ready to see him, or see someone i know that is with him...just to let me know what i already know.....that everything is just as it should be. i try to breath and relax before sleep...so i will remember. i know i am dreaming at night, but i wake up...and my first thought is, oh my god...glenn is dead. then this hole in my heart slams into my chest...and i cannot remember my dream.
it is like i keep forgetting...or i have to keep reminding myself that this is real. anyway, i am ready for a visitation...it won't upset me...it will bring me peace.
thanks brenda. in april, my father's death really woke me up too. i got clean in large part because i wanted to be the kind of daughter he would be proud of...he helped me do it! i just know it. i think he greeted glenn too...i really feel that way!
wow..........Everytime I think I hear it all, lol! What great company you are. I know I used to write my dreams down when my mom died. (years ago, she was 49, drunk driver hit her head on) Anyway, it was unbearable. She was so close to us! we JUST talked! She is still the reason I straighten myself out!
Years ag, doing the coke thing, and the boyfriend wouldn't quit....I knew it would
have killed her to see me using drugs, or having a guy that did.
She was a bartender, we knew life in most party/drunk/high ways.
She was soooooo absolutly againest drugs. I still am influenced by that (just stubborn) Ok, so you know the story. I still can't believe 21 years later. ANYWAY!!! The dreams come when we start to smile, its true. They know we are sad. My mom came to me more than once, in a little airport and again from a coastal town, (2 favorite spots, and with another loved one that passed)
She was happy and waving, and let me smell and hug another time. I swear I know thats strong, but I "smelled" her in my hug. Pretty powerful. I know he will visit when you are ready. I just hate loosing friends. Did you know he was going? I knew my Mom was, (through a dream) I just didn't know when. I actually got to tell her about it, but what do you say when ya hear some god awful comment like that?? I knew the dream was real. God was preparing me. I about had a breakdown from that dream, as I woke up screaming in a cold sweat. Wish they would cme mre though huh? And sometimes they sneak in and out, like you say, you forget at waking point. Bless you Sarah! I just love getting my old self back. A month ago, I'd be searching the internet for a fedex route, rx whatever! How quick can it come! Your stories (cause they are soooo similar) really help me get through this. I missed time that I will never get back with friends, cause I wanted to be buzzin, needed to be.
Years ag, doing the coke thing, and the boyfriend wouldn't quit....I knew it would
have killed her to see me using drugs, or having a guy that did.
She was a bartender, we knew life in most party/drunk/high ways.
She was soooooo absolutly againest drugs. I still am influenced by that (just stubborn) Ok, so you know the story. I still can't believe 21 years later. ANYWAY!!! The dreams come when we start to smile, its true. They know we are sad. My mom came to me more than once, in a little airport and again from a coastal town, (2 favorite spots, and with another loved one that passed)
She was happy and waving, and let me smell and hug another time. I swear I know thats strong, but I "smelled" her in my hug. Pretty powerful. I know he will visit when you are ready. I just hate loosing friends. Did you know he was going? I knew my Mom was, (through a dream) I just didn't know when. I actually got to tell her about it, but what do you say when ya hear some god awful comment like that?? I knew the dream was real. God was preparing me. I about had a breakdown from that dream, as I woke up screaming in a cold sweat. Wish they would cme mre though huh? And sometimes they sneak in and out, like you say, you forget at waking point. Bless you Sarah! I just love getting my old self back. A month ago, I'd be searching the internet for a fedex route, rx whatever! How quick can it come! Your stories (cause they are soooo similar) really help me get through this. I missed time that I will never get back with friends, cause I wanted to be buzzin, needed to be.
brenda....
oh honey! i am so sorry about your mother, but you are NOT going to believe this...i am blown away right now.
i just read this, (I went to bed before I saw it last night)...and i promise, you can verify this through rachel...i wrote her an email earlier, before i ever opened the ARG site and told her about my dream...I had one last night, but guess what??? I was busy, busy in my dream and didn't notice that he was there at first...here is what slowed me down and made me recognize him.....the smell.....(my heart is racing right now). I don't know if I have ever smelled in a dream before...I just told Rachel that. WOWOWOW.
I was looking through this stack of really old (very old) wooden placques and shallow bowls that were hand carved...the smell was so rich and earthy and deep...I don't know if I have ever smelled that before...it was like the forest floor in the Pacific Northwest...??? Anyway, that smelled slowed me down in the dream and I realized he was sitting right there. He smiled a wry smile at me...Oh, it felt so good to see him...We didn't talk, and I woke up right after that....looked at the clock and the time was very significant.
I knew my freind was sick. We didn't talk about it, but I had known for months that he was very ill. On October 31st, he and I were sitting outside the sculpture barn on campus and there was a really beautiful lightening storm coming through...it was pretty late at night, and we discussed his weight loss...(he had been having "stomach" problems...and I had been trying to help him with his diet) there was a moment when we looked in each other's eyes, and we both knew...it was a "knowing"...we didn't talk about it. He got really sick on the following Friday (Nov. 3rd), his colon ruptured...big bad surgery...but he made it. Literally, back from the dead. He came off the ventilator, was in a regular room...and on Monday, Nov. 21 he had a massive heart attack...flatlined for too long. He was revived, only to go back into ICU...on Wednesday, his family took him off the vent...and he passed easily. So, yes, I knew...I rationalized he would come home for a while. I wanted him to come with my husband and me...and so did he. I thought he would have some time to paint a little bit more. He really captured the spiritual in the landscape...his paintings are amazing.
We were friends since 1979...I met him in Summer of 1979...a bunch of old hippies skinny dipping under a new moon in a pond that was in a peach orchard! Strange way to get to know someone! (laughing at my little rebel self). Anyway, we were fast friends immediately, and reacquainted in 1990. Been making art together since then. We both went back to graduate school at the same time later in life...it was a great experience for both of us...because we mirrored so much in one another.
Man, I am going on and on.......sorry.
Anyway, I cannot believe you wrote "smell"...and that is exactly the experience that I had.
What part of the country are you in???? I am in Louisiana. (Northern)
oh honey! i am so sorry about your mother, but you are NOT going to believe this...i am blown away right now.
i just read this, (I went to bed before I saw it last night)...and i promise, you can verify this through rachel...i wrote her an email earlier, before i ever opened the ARG site and told her about my dream...I had one last night, but guess what??? I was busy, busy in my dream and didn't notice that he was there at first...here is what slowed me down and made me recognize him.....the smell.....(my heart is racing right now). I don't know if I have ever smelled in a dream before...I just told Rachel that. WOWOWOW.
I was looking through this stack of really old (very old) wooden placques and shallow bowls that were hand carved...the smell was so rich and earthy and deep...I don't know if I have ever smelled that before...it was like the forest floor in the Pacific Northwest...??? Anyway, that smelled slowed me down in the dream and I realized he was sitting right there. He smiled a wry smile at me...Oh, it felt so good to see him...We didn't talk, and I woke up right after that....looked at the clock and the time was very significant.
I knew my freind was sick. We didn't talk about it, but I had known for months that he was very ill. On October 31st, he and I were sitting outside the sculpture barn on campus and there was a really beautiful lightening storm coming through...it was pretty late at night, and we discussed his weight loss...(he had been having "stomach" problems...and I had been trying to help him with his diet) there was a moment when we looked in each other's eyes, and we both knew...it was a "knowing"...we didn't talk about it. He got really sick on the following Friday (Nov. 3rd), his colon ruptured...big bad surgery...but he made it. Literally, back from the dead. He came off the ventilator, was in a regular room...and on Monday, Nov. 21 he had a massive heart attack...flatlined for too long. He was revived, only to go back into ICU...on Wednesday, his family took him off the vent...and he passed easily. So, yes, I knew...I rationalized he would come home for a while. I wanted him to come with my husband and me...and so did he. I thought he would have some time to paint a little bit more. He really captured the spiritual in the landscape...his paintings are amazing.
We were friends since 1979...I met him in Summer of 1979...a bunch of old hippies skinny dipping under a new moon in a pond that was in a peach orchard! Strange way to get to know someone! (laughing at my little rebel self). Anyway, we were fast friends immediately, and reacquainted in 1990. Been making art together since then. We both went back to graduate school at the same time later in life...it was a great experience for both of us...because we mirrored so much in one another.
Man, I am going on and on.......sorry.
Anyway, I cannot believe you wrote "smell"...and that is exactly the experience that I had.
What part of the country are you in???? I am in Louisiana. (Northern)
Welcome to the board and congrats on 12 days clean. That is a HUGE accomplishment.
Rae
Rae
Yahoo! 12 today!!! I can't stand it, I wake up in the morning and affraid to open my eyes cause I don't want to look for pills. Then I realize I don't do that anymore, and I start to grin, and I start to feel my real physical self improvimg inch by inch. I laugh more, and I am not "mean" to my daughter when she needs the ride to school. HEY SARAH!!! Thanks for that excellent reply!! I am from the pacific nrthwest (very near seattle), it is very wet here these days. I can't believe you experienced the "smell", I swear when they REALLY know you need them, cause your heart can't stand the empty void....just an ever so present scent!! It has only happened a few times with me, but blew me away each time! Yes, those are the kind of friends I have. The one I lost in November, kind of adopted me in "86. I was on a construction crew, he was the boss. I was going through a tough time, (divorce). He and his wife just stepped in after I lost my Mom, it was incredible. But he fought cardiovascular disease. His generation for disease was alcoholism. He had a bottle stashed everywhere. He was closer to me than my Dad. I got to spend quality time with him summer before last, as I cooked with him and ran his food out to everyone all day. God, we laughed. He will get along great with my Mom, lol! The pills took time away from friends like him. I was just to "busy" working 14 hours a day. Looking for that false feeling. I kept it pretty much together till about a year ago I thought. I quit picking up messes, didn't "organize" anymore. I lost a lot of weight, didn't eat, I yelled at my daughter too much. I was a different person, and I am ONLY beginning to recognize that! Sarah, your posts are great, like I can't shut up on a reply though, haha!! I am off to my second day of work. I expect it to be like yesterday, haha, slow and hurting! I am hitting the fiber and tums real hard these days. Talk soon, Brenda
Thank you rae! I feel really good about it emotionally! The physical has a bit to work on, but I really abused the body here, and expected that!
