A Prisoner Of Limitations

Guess I need to vent cause I am pretty frustrated right now.

I wanted to get some cookies made today. My feet and heels have another idea. I have walked the dog up and down the driveway 4 times so far today. I just went to mail cards and took the car bc my left heel, ankle and leg are sore. Now my right foot is starting to hurt. Battery for the tens is charging (oh well, no fun either LOL Kat) I want so bad to get up and do...but I can't, that is unless I want to hurt more.

Y'all know I suffer from chronic pain, fibro, bipolar, depression..etc...too tired to list them all. I have been on prednisone for 4 days now bc the pain got so bad. I am wanting to get up, but I'm afraid to, bc of the pain, bc I know it will get worse...I'm starting to get smarter where my limitations are, but sometimes I get so pigheaded I go ahead and do it anyway and suffer for it.

Does anyone have any coping skills that they can share with me about how to accept the fact that you just can't get up and do what needs to be done?
I won't be of much help, Janet. All I know is that we have to accept things the way they are. It's frustrating to not be able to do what we'd like to. You just have to look out for your own best interests and refuse to do anything that would make you worse. Keep in mind that the world won't fall apart because you aren't capable of what you once were. Rest and do anything you can that eases your discomfort. Those that love you will understand.
xxxxooooo
Kat, Dylan is pretty good about it. My husband is another thing. I have continuously been accused of being lazy and just faking it. I know he needs some more education, but smarts fly out the window when you are having a spat.

I guess I need to dig up my BB and read about acceptance.
Hey Janet:

I am so sorry that you are in pain. My fibro pain and osteo pain has gotten better but I just wanted to share where I finally got. I worked for 13 yrs with 2 women who were older than me and the last 10 years is when I had bad pain. I got to the point of not mentioning b/c I felt like a whiner. I would be rubbing my knee or wrist w/o thinking about it and they would say - are you hurting again?
Gosh it irritated me and hurt my feelings - I think acceptance is what I probably finanlly learned. It wasn't easy.
When I was down I tried to read if the pain wasn't making me to crazy and if I couldn't concentrate to read I found the porch made me feel better than going to bed. I went to bed for a long time b/c I didn't want anyone to see me in pain. I would really get deprerssed in bed. TV got so old. Isolation is bad.
My sister's pain stopped at age 40 and mine got a lot better at 50 - also I was taking the Neurontin - I still don't know if mine just got better or if it's the meds but I still take it - I don't have any side effects from it and ins pays most of it.

I wish for you that your pain will stop. Pls believe that you are not your pain and you are so worthwhile. I have read what you have been doing for Christmas and you have already done more than most - try and relax - I know easier said than done but I think stress makes fibro a lot worse.
Just say you're taking a break - I gor to where I didn't even like to tell my family I was in pain - I would wonder if they thought I was just lazy. Also husband is type A personality and I know that I will never do as much as he does - nor do I want to anymore. You are younger than I am so I hope you can start thinking of yourself more now. Your pain is in no way your fault and e'one who has fibro and there are many now know that pain is really bad - to me it was like bone joint and muscle pain all over my body when I would have a flare-up.
Do anything you can think of that's fun. You have probably already done your Christmas cards but s'thing like that would be fun to do.
I'm a list maker and this time of yr there are many lists to be made.

Hang in there.
Love, Becky
Thank you for that Becky Jean. I don't think I am much younger than you, I'm 49. Still, that seems like a "young" number to be suffering from this pain. I've been diagnosed for about 8 years now with the fibro. Re-diagnosed several months ago by a neurologist, though I do have some arthritis, stenosis and bone spurs in my body.

I like what you said, "you are not your pain" that really helps to think of it that way.


I have on my "man" slippers now, with my gel soles, maybe that will help. I need to buy some more ice packs, as I sleep with the 2 I have at night on my lower back and neck, need 2 more to rotate out, I have a habit of forgetting them in the morning and have to wait for them to refreeze.

Thanks also for saying that I have gotten quite a bit accomplished for Christmas. It's one of the advantages of staying at home, being able to get in and out of stores and to have the entire day ahead of you to complete your tasks. I really like being a stay at home mom, I like having a cleaner house and cooking better meals for my family. I have a few other projects going on that I would like to complete. I think I am overwhelmed right now with all of the different things juggling in my mind. Then the pain has to come and you think, but I need to get this done and that done. I'm having Mom and Dad up for Christmas and they haven't given me a specific date that they will arrive. Maybe I need to pin them down to one so that would be one less thing to worry about.

Additionally my stepdaughter Jana has offered to come and help me clean for Christmas. Sounds great, but there are problems with her being out here. I get nerved up around her now bc I can't trust her, she's stolen from me (meds, money, cigs etc) and the one time she offered to help me clean when she was living with us, she went to my husband after and asked him to pay her for her work. Needless to say I've got some issues with her now. Plus my grandson will have to be here and she doesn't watch him as well as she should, so I would have that stress.

anyway, venting this stuff is helping a little.

ps I had to replace my bottom strand of christmas lights yesterday, now that was stressful. I have been lazy the past few days, dishes are piled up, we've been on leftovers or sandwiches, I still need to get those done....
Hey Janet:

I hope you are feeling better. I won't say I feel your pain but I do remember it.
You really do a lot - it may be a good thing that you have a young one still at home - I think I did more when I had to - I will admit it's a lot more fun to do things for my sons.
I'm not being mean - I'm sure hubby feels the same way. We know what the other will say before we say it. I'm 51 and he's 50.
I don't do nearly what I used to but I don't worry about it anymore. I was a go-getter - not going on vacation until all spring cleaning was done - I still have my spring cleaning list - typed of course - told you I was a list maker lol
I don't think I've done it in at least 10 yrs.
Know I'm not old but I feel like been there-done that w/cleaning and laundry - 3 sons I did SO much laundry. My oldest 2 from 1st marriage were 8 and 10 when my youngest was born.
The house is picked up I'll say. Chances are (99.9999%) that anyone who enters will find dust and lots of it. I do know how to take care of a dusty ceiling fan - turn it on - lol
I promise I'm not complaining - this acceptance thing is getting great - though I'm probably still one of those all or nothing thinkers - but only for about 30 minutes and then I'm ready to have fun. You can tell I don't go w/o talking very long.
Life's too short - blows my mind - that I am 51 - now I feel about 30 - most of the time - then I'll see my reflection in a glass and think - who is that 50 yr old woman? I have done that so many times. One time I just saw my legs and I thought - that woman has my mother's legs - and it was me. I just have to laugh.

Just wanted to write you a note - really hope you get some sleep - I don't even have to tell you how important sleep is - I'm sorry that you have all of that pain - I have heard that bone spurs are really painful.

Feel better.
Love, Becky
QUOTE
Does anyone have any coping skills that they can share with me about how to accept the fact that you just can't get up and do what needs to be done?

oh, janet, how i can relate to what you have posted, i have been in that situation many times from surgeries and bedrest when in premature labor. sons were good for the first few days for the surgeries, but husbutt, forget it.i always told him, one day,one day.... you will NEED ME!!! i had surgery for a life threatening kidney stone a couple years back the week of thanksgiving, how am i gonna cook this meal?? when i got released from the hospital, i had to endure pain from a ureter stent to help pass the stone, anyway i asked husbutt if he could cook the turkey, he bitched and complained and after me asking him many times if he would do that for me, he replied, i'll stick the f*ckin turkey in the oven and hope the f*cker burns!!! soooo what i did is sit in my kitchen chair that has wheels and rolled my self around the kitchen and cooked thanksgiving! stupid me, i hadnt learned yet, i feel soooo guilty if i dont give my sons the holiday tradtions and i know i shouldnt feel that way, should of ordered from boston market or jewel that year,
i have been helpless once in my life, when on bedrest with premature labor, 12 weeks early, i was strictly instructed to only get out of the bed to pee and that's it! i layed there for the entire month of oct and part of nov, as my son arrived 5 weeks early, i had a little 3 yr old to take care of, husbutt offered not one bit of help for me, had to have my mom and mother and sister in law come from south dakota to help me.
resentments ugh! i am peed off just typing this, that and acceptance are a hard one for me.
i dont know what fibro feels like and i did have a customer who had it and she was in alot of pain, but i do know pain concerning ankles and feet, i am 51 yrs old, and i feel 90 some days,
i have to take one step at a time to go in the basement to do laundry and my salon is down there too.
i am gonna apply for a handi cap sticker for my car, as i drive around wal-mart trying to find a closer parking spot and cant find one, i then have to limp across the parking lot to get to the store.
my pain started last summer, after long periods of standing doing hair, i would literally want to crawl to get anywhere when i was finished, i tried all those ankle supports you can buy and taped my ankles up with an ace bandage, it got so bad i finally saw an ortho dr. an addict in pain is not a good thing, but i didnt take anything for the pain except an ocasional ibuprophen, which i am so proud to say today!!! when using, heck i would of for surely asked for some vikes.
i also waitressed before being a hair stylist, so many yrs on the feet.
i inherited flat feet from my dad, sister has flat feet too,
the dr observed my gait and said that the flat feet are causing my heels to turn inward and its straining the ankles and pulling tendons and such, he squeezed a part on my knee and asked if it hurt, i was like YES!!!! arthritis he says. since then i have developed pain in my hips especially when in the bed and now pain in my wrists! oh what joy to get old, it seems that alot of answers drs and the dentist tell me is: old age!!!
i now have my $1000.00 custom made ankle orthoses that support the falling arches and support my ankles, only thing is that i am in pain from them as i am breaking them in and some more tweaking of them is needed as this hard plexiglass cuts into my little toes and the bone on my inner ankles. i can see that once i get used to the othoses and break them in, the ankle pain has already diminished! the orthoses are quite bulky, they start at the ball of my foot all the way up to the ankles so they have to be worn inside a shoe that will accomodate them, i already wear a size 11 shoe! looks like a mans shoe size 13 is gonna fit them, (ugh!) good bye sandals and pretty shoes as the imelda marcos in me has to go. >sniff sniff<
i will need to go to the shoe store that custom fits these orthoses. go to www. scheckandsiress.com and find ankle orthoses. you'll see my dilema.
so to feel less geriatric i selected the butterfly pattern to be on the othoses. lol! they do look pretty though.
carpal tunnel surgery is in orrder now as my nerve function test was poor, but surgery is not a good thing for this addict, as i developed an addiction to having surgeries that could of waited or not been done at all (bunions) i didnt know that i was doing addict behavior at the time, but thru my recovery i can look back and see the pattern, i would shut down, have surgery, hopsitals and emergency rooms were my favorite "bar" as they have morphine there!! got attention from all the nurses, didnt have to deal with any of lifes stresses while hospitalized and when i got home i isolated myself in the bedroom for 6 weeks and took my pain meds and i thought i had died and gone to heaven! i felt so secure in my bed with my dogs to cuddle and it was winter and i was so warm in the bed. i had no idea at that time what was to come. misery!!!! for i couldnt cope when it was time to get back to reality. i did this 6 times! with the only one being a necessity was the kidney stone.
speaking of bone spurs, i was diagnosed with those in both shoulders, plus a heel spur, for the shoulders, perfect opportunity to book my "vacation" in the hospital for which i immediately did ignoring the fact that the dr said surgery to remove thebone spurs could wait, but i justified it to myself by thinking it needs to be done now! those bone spurs could tear at my rotator cuff which was true in that sense, but it didnt need to be done immediately. i risked my life too, general anesthesia is always a risk, and what really makes me feel stupid is that when i woke up in recovery, all these other people were around me all asleep still from their operations, me? i am wide awake watching every move the nurse is doing to see if she is gonna hook me up to the morphine pump! then i tell her i am in pain and need it now! i think back on that request and there is no way i was in any pain at that moment because the anesthetic hadnt worn off,
i finally got the pump and pushed the button so many times the nurses started to see the red flags, but then i justified to the nurses by pointing to the sign in my room that here at mercy hospital you need never to suffer in pain as they had a scale from 1 to 10 on the sign to be able to relate to the nurses how much pain you were in.
i think my worst hospital experience is when i was having chest pains, for which they admitted me to the hospital immediately since me being diabetic. it only was anxiety as it turned out to be, but it was a sat and the dr didnt come to see me until monday! what did i do? i spent 3 days in the hospital with morphine shots around the clock! complaining that the chest pains were returning once it was time for the next dose. a 3 day stay of watching tv and getting morphine shots! i want to say that i am ashamed of all that but i am an addict.
i hear ya janet, last night i asked my son to help me bake cookies and he made one batch as i cleaned the inside of the fridge, he was like, i HATE making cookies! just buy them at the store, i was like son they dont even compare, and my other son would be so dissapointed to not have his favorites at Christmas, so gotta do em! i want my sons to have the traditions i gave them and until the day i die i will still want that for them, its the mother in me that pushes me so hard to give my sons my love. hopefully one day their wives will take over and i can rest!
but i am making progress this second Christmas clean and sober. purging 1/4 of my Christmas decorations that so overwhlem me was a start, gave them to charity but kept my most treasured ones. i can really see my addictive behavior, 15 cookie tins with the dream that one day i will be martha stewart and deliver to my friends homemade cookies in these pretty cookie tins is just that: A DREAM! good bye cookie tins, baskets, etc.
lets see what else? doing things in small increments, but my goal of having the cookes baked and frozen before dec 1st fell thru, forgot i had thanksgiving to tend to, the addressing one Christmas card a day fell thru too, i did manage to get about 10 done as i waited in the waiting room for my appt for the ankle supports. I absolutely LOVE receiving Christmas cards, i get so excited when they start arriving in my mail box and i tape them all to a big door way and they sparkle so pretty in the Christmas lights around the doorway.
all that is left to do now is the cookies and the Christmas cards. the boys help me sooo much and i am so grateful for that, God bless them, i thank God everyday for another day with them and my animal children!!
so how does one cope you ask? i dont know how to answer that one as i am learning how also. i think its the way we have to change our "stinkin thinkin" that addicts suffer from, for ii have learned that the culprit to this disease is the way addicts think, we beat ourselves up everyday, worry about what others think of us, are we good enough? for me holding resentments still lurks.
melody beatties daily inspirational book tells me we need to work on self affirmations, thru the day telling ourselves, you are good, i love you,
quoted from her book from dec 12th:
i love myself....i'm good enough...my life is good..... i'm glad i am alive today...what i want and need is coming to me...i can....
today i will empower the good in myself, others, and life, i'm willing to release or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. but that quote didnt mentiion physical pain. hope your pain diminishes so that you are able to get done what is needed so you can feel good about yourself and enjoy Christmas, love you, jewels


Hey Janet:

This really isn't advice, I guess, but it is something I have done to help myself mentally, when I was dealing my own physical limitations.

I don't know how I arrived at this, but, I did. I decided I didn't want to be a victim, and I just trusted that God had plans for me...and that is why I had these certain limitations. It was a part of something bigger than me or my mind.

Who knows Janet...when you have to sit and rest your body, do you find a website to send love to troops far away from home at the holidays? Do you read an article about some other facet of our lives that we take for granted....that puts it at the top of your mind? Do you act on those things?

There are so many sides to a situation, and it is your life, I am sure you could site a lot more examples than me...but when your body tells you to rest, you should, and then know that there is something in the rest that is more important than what you didn't get done! You are still doing!

Much love and feel better,

Sarah
Thanks girls. I appreciate all of your input.

Today I am accepting my limitations and though my plans are to exceed them a bit by doing my baking, I am also planning on cutting back on other things to help me do it. I have decided that the dog will live without the 4 or 5 walks. I have already applied my Lidocaine patches, well almost all of them. I have to cut some up into smaller pieces to put on my feet, and I am taking it easy right now. I have on comfortable shoes and socks to keep the chill out of my feet. It's starting to cool and it's damp outside, so baby steps. I have my tens unit charged up. I'm going to grab my book and sit and read during my baking. I have put gel heels on my grocery list. Oh and I have some new gel insoles on top of the old pair in my slippers, which are soft and comfortable. I may be hurting a bit later, but right now other than a little pain, I am doing fairly well. I have taken some Ibuprofen and my arthritis medication.

I'm sorry I was whining. Much as I try to not let this get to me, it does sometimes. When you experience continuous pain it becomes commonplace, so if it increases beyond the norm it gets frustrating.

Oh and Sarah, I have posted some things on the soldiers website, sent out some Christmas cards for our wounded soldiers. That made me feel good that maybe I brightened up someone's day. You are right...sometimes we need to climb out of ourselves and do something for someone else. Did you read the post I made the other night with the websites and organizations to help our soldiers? I need to bump it up for others. It would be a good thing for me to post another thank you to our men and women defending our country and our freedom, thanks for suggesting it.



Janet...sorry honey that you are in such pain. I just couldn't imagine. You are one tough cookie. Seriously, I am in awe of your strength and conviction to always to the right things.

PS....hubby sounds like a butthead, most men are! NOT all, but most can't help it. LOL

I know that I have taught my son how women will adore these gestures and it will only win hearts if he goes above and beyond. He is such a loving and warm young man with a sense of adventure and a romantic. The women that snags him will be a very lucky women. He really had no choice...he grew up in a home full of women. It's up to us women with sons to break the cycle!!

Some men are just clueless, they really don't get it. I know my own tries real hard but it's only after 22 years of whining. Mine is getting better. I have to spell it out for him and draw him a map and diagram. He did get me south sea pearl and diamond earrings last year for Christmas..all by himself, they are lovely. He has bought me jewellery and perfume over the years. But like I said...it has been an extensive training program. LOL

Hope your feeling better today.
Janet:

Don't even think you're whining - you are already up today and baking - it's wonderful what you do when you're not up and moving - you are still contributing so much.
I love what KK said - men can't help it - reminds me of the Tammy Wynette song where she says "after all, they're only men" lol
I don't know if this tree will be decorated or not - he griped about getting it and this morning he said he hated to bring it in b/c it would make a mess on the carpet. SCREAM I told him to leave it in the garage - he said "are you gonna decorate it in the garage" I said no, just leave it there.
I really don't care at this point - really.
Julie - re: traditions I was bad about that. I would say "I have cooked Thanksgiving dinner every yr for 30 yrs - well the last 2 yrs I haven't and I'm not beating up on myself b/c of it. I love cooking on Thanksgiving but it just got crazy for me - I get overwhelmed easy. My sons are just as happy when we all take s'thing to my s-in-laws.
On beating up on y'self. it's hard for me to tell you to stop haha b/c I have been the worst at that - always thinking "a good mother would do this" I'm not patting myself on the back but I truly know that my sons had rather have me happy and no pills than cooking any dinner.
Julie: husbands!!! I know what you mean about them not doing anything. I feel like I have 2 husbands - he's bi-polar and will not take any meds for it so I either
have a go-getter who does a LOT or a chronic complainer who doesn't seem to like anything - I'm getting better at thinking about what I want - we've been together so long - I think I felt like I couldn't be happy unless he was and some people just aren't going to be happy. Hope you are better, too.
I will go.

Love, Becky
Becky, I am lazy some days.

Six dozen down, scads of dozens to go. I'm making puppy chow and white chocolate covered pretzels, but that's more of a supervise Dylan thing. I'm trying to get him into the season too. Let's see, I am going to make cranberry coconut oatmeal cookies today. Tomorrow afternoon I may do some more. I have to make chocolate chip cookies and holiday biscotti.

I wish I had a date for when my parents are getting here. I just want to know. I think I will talk my husband into letting them have the bedroom downstairs and we will sleep in Dylan's bed and Dylan can sleep in the spare room. I wish that my husband had at least put a railing on the stairs. My parents voiced a concern about climbing stairs. I really don't want to give up my bed, but I think I will. They just said they would sleep upstairs. Now I can worry about them falling up or down stairs, but it's warmer upstairs than down. Well, that's depending on weather. Still no date.
I'm making puppy chow and white chocolate covered pretzels

That is way above and beyond the call of duty. They sell that stuff in stores, you know
LOL Kat!

It gives me a chance to bond with Dylan. I'm putting peanuts in my puppy chow this year and he is excited about it. I get the coating mixed up and he has at mixing it.

I'll tell ya, one of the good things about baking cookies is getting to sample them. Those Cranberry Coconut Oatmeal cookies are to die for, and they make you regular too...

Phew, one more batch in the oven and I'm done for the day. Put a dozen in the bag for my therapist.
OMG - I'm with Kat.
They sell all of that stuff at gro store bakeries and .....puppy chow?
I thought I loved my dogs - I just go to the treat can - open it and give them one.

Janet - you are now a ball of fire - stop making the rest of us look bad lol
I usually make chocolate chip cookies - the recipe from Dear Abby - where they are called the $250 cookies.
Takes a few hours but are really good to give away - think they are the only cookie where I want just one - they have lots of nuts in them.
Now I want them will need to add ingred. to my gro list.

Better go, in the mood to sit and talk all day with y'all but the gro store is calling.
E'one have a good day.
Janet - now which day are you going to be lazy - I have been lazy M-Th
- you can take today haha

Love Becky
Kat...OMGOODNESS!!! That pic is so cute & hello!!!
Janet just wanted you to know Im a heartbeat away my friend & I love you
Sabrina