Hey again everyone, thanks for all of your responses to my meth question about my boyfriend. I am here because I want to speak DIRECTLY to the people who have gone through this horrible ordeal of being an addict. I know the friends and family section is helpful, but I like to ask direct questions to the addicts themselves, these to me are the closest to my boyfriend and the strangest thing is that H addicts are some of the most awesome, down to earth and compassionate people I have ever met!
My question is this. You describe the high as "died and gone to heaven" that it feels so wonderful to be high like that. I don't have a clue, I have never done it. But I have also heard that once you are addicted, you don't get that same "high" anymore. He has told me that it's to the point now where he needs dope in his body just to get out of bed. He says he doesn't feel the same high he did when he started doing it. Is this true? Can you explain? He eats candy and chocolate like CRAZY while he is using. He rarely wants sex and he does NOTHING around the house. He sure goes to work every day! I guess coz he needs cash to support his habit. He has tried to quit numerous times. He turns into a nasty b****** and hates life. He gets depressed and cries after he is clean for a few days or more. That's what makes him go right back out and cop.....as soon as depression sets in. It's just a vicious cycle.
Diff, do you reaaly think as long as I support him he WON'T get clean? How do I walk away from someone that I adore? I guess I only really know him high. I thought about telling him about this web-site, but I am afraid he'll see the things I've said about him.
HELP
Dani
Yo Dani,
I think Diff is busy with the baby right now......so will I do?
First off FORGET about even wondering what that high is. Just my opinion. I mean I see where people wonder what would make people beg, borrow, steal, lie, cheat and basically breathe all things dope. It's not something ya'd want to ever know really I don't think.
That depression is very real. After insomnia that's the reason I always picked up. Ya have to get past it though. Yeah, we get like two year olds after we kick.
Wahhhhhh, wahhhing cause we want our heroin.
Pretty much ya don't care about sex at all. Ya always care first and foremost for the dope. Yep, eating sweets that's a given. Dani, it's up to you to worry about you. NOTHING YOU DO will make him quit or pick up again or whatever. It's got to be all on him and you gotta worry about YOU! So no influence will go into why he would kick.
It stinks I know loving a heroin addict. You're right though as I have also found heroin addicts mostly are sensitive, compassionate people. Well, UNTIL we ain't got another bag. Naw, that high ya just chase it. It's never the same. Always hoping the dope will be better quality and all that. Cycle it is.
I think Diff is busy with the baby right now......so will I do?
First off FORGET about even wondering what that high is. Just my opinion. I mean I see where people wonder what would make people beg, borrow, steal, lie, cheat and basically breathe all things dope. It's not something ya'd want to ever know really I don't think.
That depression is very real. After insomnia that's the reason I always picked up. Ya have to get past it though. Yeah, we get like two year olds after we kick.
Wahhhhhh, wahhhing cause we want our heroin.
Pretty much ya don't care about sex at all. Ya always care first and foremost for the dope. Yep, eating sweets that's a given. Dani, it's up to you to worry about you. NOTHING YOU DO will make him quit or pick up again or whatever. It's got to be all on him and you gotta worry about YOU! So no influence will go into why he would kick.
It stinks I know loving a heroin addict. You're right though as I have also found heroin addicts mostly are sensitive, compassionate people. Well, UNTIL we ain't got another bag. Naw, that high ya just chase it. It's never the same. Always hoping the dope will be better quality and all that. Cycle it is.
I suppose I am in the same boat love. My boyfriend is also an addict. He had been clean for over 3 years while we were together and I never knew him before as an addict but I tell you one thing I dont like him as an addict. I cant count on my hands and feet the amount of times I have tried to help him to come clean. I have learnt now from experience that as much as you nag, moan and constantly push them to stop the more it encourages them to go out and get high. Only they will stop when they want to and they are ready. It does help if you not so much support him but just to let him know you are there when he does decide to come clean. It gives them more of a will to live and I suppose maybe gives them a reason to come clean.
I have also wondered what it must be like to be high because I have never touched anything in my life and never will. I think this website is excellant for understanding more about heroin and its effects but I suppose we will never know what it is like, the feelings, the emptions, the "high"?
I have considered moving on from my boyfriend and letting him get on with what he is doing but I suppose what is keeping us together is our 13 month old daughter and I suppose I am ashamed to say but also incase he does something stupid. I know staying with someone because of a child is the wrong thing to do but to see her face on a morning when she see's her daddy is priceless. I do still love him but not as an addict.
What I find really frustrating is the fact that I cant give him the buzz, the feelings or the excitement which heroin does which sometimes makes me feel useless. I felt like I was to blame for his habbit and that it was my duty to put things right. I have now took a step forward in my life and decided that I will be here if he needs me but until then I will get on with my thing and he can get on with what he is doing. He knows I will be here if he ever really needs me.
My boyfriend also eats sh"t loads of chocolate when high, is agressive when he has gone a few days without H and plays mind games. The depression is the worst because he looses the will to live, feels guilt and cries allot which I find really hard to deal with. He has tried cold turkey but is is too much strain on myself and my daughter. I basically nurse him for the whole of the 2 days (thats all it ever lasts), let him cry on my shoulder and persuade him he doesnt need the gear. I have come to the conclusion that cold turkey is not the answer and that he needs proffesional help. Maybe show your partner this website?? I havent shown my boyfriend because he has his own part of his life he does not share with me and this is my part which I dont share with him. I also dont want him to see what I have put on here although I have talked to him about it and told him what I have been doing and saying but its something which I prefer to do on my own!
Honestly love, only you can decide what your going to do but please dont make the same mistake I did and put your life on hold for him because you will only make yourself ill like me. I didnt eat, sleep or even want to get out of bed. I am stronger now and I have learnt that I was worrying about things that arent my problem and not worrying about the one person who matters.
Always put yourself first and never put up with anything that you are not truly happy with! Its your life and you decide how things are going to be.
Be strong babe and keep in touch and let me know how things go.
Take care.
Love BunnyRocker
I have also wondered what it must be like to be high because I have never touched anything in my life and never will. I think this website is excellant for understanding more about heroin and its effects but I suppose we will never know what it is like, the feelings, the emptions, the "high"?
I have considered moving on from my boyfriend and letting him get on with what he is doing but I suppose what is keeping us together is our 13 month old daughter and I suppose I am ashamed to say but also incase he does something stupid. I know staying with someone because of a child is the wrong thing to do but to see her face on a morning when she see's her daddy is priceless. I do still love him but not as an addict.
What I find really frustrating is the fact that I cant give him the buzz, the feelings or the excitement which heroin does which sometimes makes me feel useless. I felt like I was to blame for his habbit and that it was my duty to put things right. I have now took a step forward in my life and decided that I will be here if he needs me but until then I will get on with my thing and he can get on with what he is doing. He knows I will be here if he ever really needs me.
My boyfriend also eats sh"t loads of chocolate when high, is agressive when he has gone a few days without H and plays mind games. The depression is the worst because he looses the will to live, feels guilt and cries allot which I find really hard to deal with. He has tried cold turkey but is is too much strain on myself and my daughter. I basically nurse him for the whole of the 2 days (thats all it ever lasts), let him cry on my shoulder and persuade him he doesnt need the gear. I have come to the conclusion that cold turkey is not the answer and that he needs proffesional help. Maybe show your partner this website?? I havent shown my boyfriend because he has his own part of his life he does not share with me and this is my part which I dont share with him. I also dont want him to see what I have put on here although I have talked to him about it and told him what I have been doing and saying but its something which I prefer to do on my own!
Honestly love, only you can decide what your going to do but please dont make the same mistake I did and put your life on hold for him because you will only make yourself ill like me. I didnt eat, sleep or even want to get out of bed. I am stronger now and I have learnt that I was worrying about things that arent my problem and not worrying about the one person who matters.
Always put yourself first and never put up with anything that you are not truly happy with! Its your life and you decide how things are going to be.
Be strong babe and keep in touch and let me know how things go.
Take care.
Love BunnyRocker
Thanks Bryn, YES your responses will always be welcomed. I like talking right to the source and I feel when I connect with people who have experienced addiction, that I am getting the honest answers that I need. Even if sometime it's not what I want to hear.
BunnyRocker, we are in the same boat it sounds like. I know I need to walk away from him, but love is unconditional. If we had taken the vows of marriage I would have to stick with him through thick or thin. I just wonder if he would put up with me............if I was the addict. Would he stay with me through it? I really wonder.
Thanks again ALL.
BunnyRocker, we are in the same boat it sounds like. I know I need to walk away from him, but love is unconditional. If we had taken the vows of marriage I would have to stick with him through thick or thin. I just wonder if he would put up with me............if I was the addict. Would he stay with me through it? I really wonder.
Thanks again ALL.
I think my partner probaby wouldnt stick by me because when times have been hard for him because of me he has almost walked before. I think after all this he would stick by me through thick and thin though. We arent married but I think everyone deserves a chance even if it is chance after chance and as long as you know deep in your heart that things are going to get better? If there is any doubt in your mind or you truly dont believe he is going to stop then you honestly have to walk even though it is probably going to be the hardest thing to do. If your not happy though its always important to put things right, put yourself first and get yourself where you are happy again.
I am sticking by him for now cos he has an appointment on Thursday for drugs counciling and hopefully starts on a course of subitex but if he takes things for granted and keps using I will walk regardless of having a daughter to him or not! I hate him for what he has done to me, our daughter and our relationship but I now know he didnt do it to spite me although one question that does go through my head is didnt he think about me or his daughter when he first used it? The answer is yes he did but when the temptation is there nothing will stop you. My partner feels guilty everytime he uses but its his medicine (as I like to think of it) and without he would become very ill.
Fingers crossed he sticks to this but if not its not going to be my loss and maybe he has to loose everything to realise what he has done and exactly what he has got to loose.
Good luck love. xx
I am sticking by him for now cos he has an appointment on Thursday for drugs counciling and hopefully starts on a course of subitex but if he takes things for granted and keps using I will walk regardless of having a daughter to him or not! I hate him for what he has done to me, our daughter and our relationship but I now know he didnt do it to spite me although one question that does go through my head is didnt he think about me or his daughter when he first used it? The answer is yes he did but when the temptation is there nothing will stop you. My partner feels guilty everytime he uses but its his medicine (as I like to think of it) and without he would become very ill.
Fingers crossed he sticks to this but if not its not going to be my loss and maybe he has to loose everything to realise what he has done and exactly what he has got to loose.
Good luck love. xx
OK, the thing about heroin is it is like glimpsing the elixir of life (I can't remember if it was William Boroughs wrote that first or me - sometimes I don't know where he ends and I begin! Ha!). It is the formula for instant joy. It is powerful and reliable, and once tasted, you are changed forever. And it surpasses everything you have ever felt before, and the sad thing is that after a while you realise it will surpass everything you will ever feel in the future. That's why heroin addicts stop giving a s*** about everything else. So slowly you start giving away the things that used to mean something to you. That SHOULD mean something to you. Your best friend, you comfort in dark times, your party buddy is just a substance. Left long enough, heroin addicts will give away everything, all the people that mean anything, all their possessions, their home, their jobs. I used to work to support my habit, but eventually the heroin effectively stopped me from working. I was either ill or nodding out. So I quit and sold drugs for a living instead. It's a progression that many addicts make. Others go out robbing. Heroin is expensive.
But heroin is just a wrap of powder. It leaves you empty and feeling really s***ty about yourself. And it leaves you terribly lonely. The only people who can relate to you are other addicts, and you have no illusions about them. They'll rob you, grass you, rip you off soon as look at you. It's not a nice place to be.
I think most addicts do have the potential to get clean, but it tends to be a case of life getting so bad that the torture outweighs the thrill. It took nearly a decade for me to get to that place. You have to be despeately unhappy. You have to have honestly and truthfully had a complete gutsfull. In my unsuccessful attempts to get clean I used to feel like there was a party going on and I wasn't invited, when I tried to stop heroin. In the end I wanted authentic happiness more than heroin, and it was a long hard road to get there. I haven't done smack since May 2005 and I still dream about it at least once a week. It's irrevokably changed me. I'll neve be the person I was before. But I think I'm a better person for having gone through it. And I don't regret it.
And as for the diminishing high. It's true. Heroin never feels quite as good as it did that first few times. Addicts do more and more of the drug to try and regain that feeling, but your tolerance just gets higher, and you habit rockets as a result. So you end up spending 10x the to just to feel "normal".
OK, baby is yelling! Gotta go...
love
Diff xxxx
But heroin is just a wrap of powder. It leaves you empty and feeling really s***ty about yourself. And it leaves you terribly lonely. The only people who can relate to you are other addicts, and you have no illusions about them. They'll rob you, grass you, rip you off soon as look at you. It's not a nice place to be.
I think most addicts do have the potential to get clean, but it tends to be a case of life getting so bad that the torture outweighs the thrill. It took nearly a decade for me to get to that place. You have to be despeately unhappy. You have to have honestly and truthfully had a complete gutsfull. In my unsuccessful attempts to get clean I used to feel like there was a party going on and I wasn't invited, when I tried to stop heroin. In the end I wanted authentic happiness more than heroin, and it was a long hard road to get there. I haven't done smack since May 2005 and I still dream about it at least once a week. It's irrevokably changed me. I'll neve be the person I was before. But I think I'm a better person for having gone through it. And I don't regret it.
And as for the diminishing high. It's true. Heroin never feels quite as good as it did that first few times. Addicts do more and more of the drug to try and regain that feeling, but your tolerance just gets higher, and you habit rockets as a result. So you end up spending 10x the to just to feel "normal".
OK, baby is yelling! Gotta go...
love
Diff xxxx
Hey
The whole died and gone to heaven thing doesnt wash with me, dont get me wrong the high is very pleasant but i always took the view that the people most at risk of becoming addicted to Junk are people who are either A- Generally unhappy or B- people who are very deppresed....i know thats why i relepsed, its a pain killer, not neccessarily physical pain but emotional as well, a person who is content and has a great life would more than likely have a hit and look at you wondering why the f*** you bother doing it....for the rest of us i put it like this......its like your driving down the road in a convertable on a beutiful day, its perfect, sun is shinning, blue sky etc then very slowly, so slowly you dont even notice it, the air starts to grow thick and dirty, by the time you do notice it you are going down hill too f***ing fast and your brakes have failed...what do they say?......when you can stop you dont want to.....when you wanna stop you cant
The whole died and gone to heaven thing doesnt wash with me, dont get me wrong the high is very pleasant but i always took the view that the people most at risk of becoming addicted to Junk are people who are either A- Generally unhappy or B- people who are very deppresed....i know thats why i relepsed, its a pain killer, not neccessarily physical pain but emotional as well, a person who is content and has a great life would more than likely have a hit and look at you wondering why the f*** you bother doing it....for the rest of us i put it like this......its like your driving down the road in a convertable on a beutiful day, its perfect, sun is shinning, blue sky etc then very slowly, so slowly you dont even notice it, the air starts to grow thick and dirty, by the time you do notice it you are going down hill too f***ing fast and your brakes have failed...what do they say?......when you can stop you dont want to.....when you wanna stop you cant
The high from H is the highest it is a awsome high "BUT"""""""""""""the low after words is the LOWEST. It messes up your brain and your feel good sences "endorphins" in your head. Depression when in withdraws is very common because the drug screws up your mind. I'm nearly 2 years sober SEX is so overrated. You can't get the same rush from sex you could from H. In active use i'ld go MONTHS not caring a thing about SEX. Really nothing is as enjoyable as getting high when your addicted. It takes a long time to get enjoyment out of life when getting clean because you know what the H high is and how fast and easy it would be to feel euphoria.
I do agree with Diff about her advice on your boyfriend. When using I only held ties with people and family for personal gain...money, food, shelter. I really had no emotions for anyone else. I'M STILL working on learning to care about other people. I've read it takes your barin YEARS to recover from heroin use.
As for the not getting the same high that's true. You do start to do it only to not feel like hell. For me I still got HIGH even years into using but it's a diffrent high. It for me never was a died and went to heaven feeling it was instant happiness thou. All warm and fuzzy feeling you acually get a little warm rush lil sweat when you 1st shoot and it's very pleasent. You pay dearly for that instant pleasure.
I do agree with Diff about her advice on your boyfriend. When using I only held ties with people and family for personal gain...money, food, shelter. I really had no emotions for anyone else. I'M STILL working on learning to care about other people. I've read it takes your barin YEARS to recover from heroin use.
As for the not getting the same high that's true. You do start to do it only to not feel like hell. For me I still got HIGH even years into using but it's a diffrent high. It for me never was a died and went to heaven feeling it was instant happiness thou. All warm and fuzzy feeling you acually get a little warm rush lil sweat when you 1st shoot and it's very pleasent. You pay dearly for that instant pleasure.
Hi All,
Thanks for your input. We are not even speaking to each other right now. I have ONCE again told him that I refuse to watch him kill himself. I CAN NOT COMPETE WITH HEROIN. It's a losing battle. He loves that high more than he loves anything. I don't feel he is ready for help. He is having too much fun and I have recently found out that getting the dope is very easy for him as he is buying it right from someone's home. He has the money because he has a job. He goes to work every day.........high as a f***ing kite. I have done all that I can do. I am so tired. I am so depressed. I can't let him take me down with him. Time to let go.
Thanks,
D
Thanks for your input. We are not even speaking to each other right now. I have ONCE again told him that I refuse to watch him kill himself. I CAN NOT COMPETE WITH HEROIN. It's a losing battle. He loves that high more than he loves anything. I don't feel he is ready for help. He is having too much fun and I have recently found out that getting the dope is very easy for him as he is buying it right from someone's home. He has the money because he has a job. He goes to work every day.........high as a f***ing kite. I have done all that I can do. I am so tired. I am so depressed. I can't let him take me down with him. Time to let go.
Thanks,
D
Dani,
I am so pleased to hear that you are moving on. I am sure it will proove to be the right thing to do eventually and you will see how much happier you can be without constantly worrying about someone else more than yourself.
My partner is recieving help at the moment to get clean but I hate to admit it I dont really care if he does or doesnt anymore because it aint my problem. Only rthe person with the problem can help themselves. No matter how hard you nag and push them to it and nothing quite seems as good as that high they get. I admit they do feel bad afterwards but that soon wears off and hen they do it all again. Its been a viscious circle for myself but I truly have moved on although we are still kind of together even though we arent actually sleeping together. I dont love the man that comes in high, I love the man that wakes up beside me...normal. I dont need a man in my life and certainly not one which is a heroin addict. I have more self respect now and if it comes to it I will make the same choice as you did and move on, let him go and get on with my life.
Take care xx
I am so pleased to hear that you are moving on. I am sure it will proove to be the right thing to do eventually and you will see how much happier you can be without constantly worrying about someone else more than yourself.
My partner is recieving help at the moment to get clean but I hate to admit it I dont really care if he does or doesnt anymore because it aint my problem. Only rthe person with the problem can help themselves. No matter how hard you nag and push them to it and nothing quite seems as good as that high they get. I admit they do feel bad afterwards but that soon wears off and hen they do it all again. Its been a viscious circle for myself but I truly have moved on although we are still kind of together even though we arent actually sleeping together. I dont love the man that comes in high, I love the man that wakes up beside me...normal. I dont need a man in my life and certainly not one which is a heroin addict. I have more self respect now and if it comes to it I will make the same choice as you did and move on, let him go and get on with my life.
Take care xx
Danie,
Dope is easy to get anywhere.......well where I'm from anyway.......I stay way outta the loop for that reason......clean ya actually think twice about getting locked up, shot, poisoned even I guess.........but when you're using ya gotta get that dope.........so if he can't score where he's going then he'll go somewhere else so it's not just that one dealers fault, Danie.
S*cks, I know.........I'm sorry honey..........whole thing s*cks.
Dope is easy to get anywhere.......well where I'm from anyway.......I stay way outta the loop for that reason......clean ya actually think twice about getting locked up, shot, poisoned even I guess.........but when you're using ya gotta get that dope.........so if he can't score where he's going then he'll go somewhere else so it's not just that one dealers fault, Danie.
S*cks, I know.........I'm sorry honey..........whole thing s*cks.
Yep Guys, I know. You are all 100% right. I know it, but I think sometimes it takes alot for things to sink in. If my Mom were alive she would probably PUNCH ME OUT for crying and wasting my day in bed over this guy. I know she would like him as a person, she would never judge him because he's on drugs. But she would tell me that I can do better and to stay away from him till he's clean.
Bryn, you sound like one tough chick. Three years clean? That is f***ing fantastic. I hope your proud of yourself. You should be.
When I go to bed tonight and say my prayers, I will keep all of you in them and I pray that my boyfriend gets a backbone a stands up to this demon that is ruining his life.
HUGS ~ Danie
Bryn, you sound like one tough chick. Three years clean? That is f***ing fantastic. I hope your proud of yourself. You should be.
When I go to bed tonight and say my prayers, I will keep all of you in them and I pray that my boyfriend gets a backbone a stands up to this demon that is ruining his life.
HUGS ~ Danie
Knock that crying off you.........less I slap ya with a rhinestone flip flop.
Hahaha.......figured I'd do a mom thing on ya.........oh my mom would judge him and not like him as a person.......and punch my lights out.......I ain't tough but she sure is........see I never had that in me......like about guys.....I told my daughter it was fine to cry......cry all ya want........I was schooled never to cry.
NEVER.....my brothers too........they got it down and me I was a blubbering idot.........my mom would say "Knock that off. You don't show people your weakness".........wah, wah, yeah I do.........killed her.
So yeah I feel ya there, but in a way they are absolutely correct....and I know you'll pull up out of this Danie....ya sound better already......and no I am not a bit tough...........about myself......Tres will get on here and tell ya I'm a softie at heart.........not as bad as her though......Lord, she's like a Saint and I mean it.
You're going to be O.K. Danie.....it's alright.
Hahaha.......figured I'd do a mom thing on ya.........oh my mom would judge him and not like him as a person.......and punch my lights out.......I ain't tough but she sure is........see I never had that in me......like about guys.....I told my daughter it was fine to cry......cry all ya want........I was schooled never to cry.
NEVER.....my brothers too........they got it down and me I was a blubbering idot.........my mom would say "Knock that off. You don't show people your weakness".........wah, wah, yeah I do.........killed her.
So yeah I feel ya there, but in a way they are absolutely correct....and I know you'll pull up out of this Danie....ya sound better already......and no I am not a bit tough...........about myself......Tres will get on here and tell ya I'm a softie at heart.........not as bad as her though......Lord, she's like a Saint and I mean it.
You're going to be O.K. Danie.....it's alright.
I just laughed so loud that the dog jumped up!!! The old rinestone flip flop heh???! LOL!!
Your too much. Thanks for the smack in the head, Bryn.......I needed that.
smooches
D
Your too much. Thanks for the smack in the head, Bryn.......I needed that.
smooches
D
OMG brin your sooo funny. I wouldnt dare tell my mother what my partner was up to...oh my god I couldnt cope with everyone saying "I told you so" or "awww you poor thing". I have dealt with this, with the help from you guys and you guys alone so give yaselves a great big pat on the back...with a rinestones flip flop if ya want??? lol Anyway more to the point...crying. I did cry a hell of a llot but one thing that gave me strength everyday was my 13 month old daughter. I thought I cant cry infront of her, I cant mess her innocent head up, and I tried to be as normal as I could for her sake. Now and again the tears slipped out infront of her but from nowhere this strength came and I havent cried for weeks. I think I have turned into a hard, sour faced missery sometimes. Things come out of my mouth and it makes me think "did that really just come out of my mouth". I dont see crying as a weakness infact its only human but in my case I had to control the crying and kick myself up the a**!! Its worked for me so Bryn I will giv your slap a miss..lol. If I start to slip I may ask though.
I was actually making myself ill and starving myself cos I was so worried about my partner. My advice is to concentrate on what is more important in life...in my case my daughter. I have learnt from my mistakes. My daughter needs me and I need to be here for her and be well and not mess her life up.
xx
I was actually making myself ill and starving myself cos I was so worried about my partner. My advice is to concentrate on what is more important in life...in my case my daughter. I have learnt from my mistakes. My daughter needs me and I need to be here for her and be well and not mess her life up.
xx
I think crying is highly undervalued. Having a good old cry, and a great big muddy wallow in self-pity is great. My boyfriend, he gets so annoyed at me for crying, but maybe if he cried a bit more he wouldnt be such an emotional retard. There's science behind the whole crying thing. Intense emotions release all kinds of stressy chemicals into the body. Crying helps the body get rid of them. That's why you feel so sleepy after an exhausting session of tiny tears!
So cry some more. It's good for you...
love
Diff xxx
So cry some more. It's good for you...
love
Diff xxx
Just a few words of input..........
Ya, My bryn is quite the old softie..........makes me want to scoop her up and protect her from all the hurt she endures, yet I dont seem able to........:-(
Crying ?....not much of a cryer myself, ppl in the meetings and at rehab used to tell me, oh it will come, and you wont be able to stop.........never really did, i created my mess and trudged on to try and fix it.........BUT now as it seems I am entering menopause <YIKES>.........I cant bloody well seem to stop crying, for no apparent reason either...........
and on another note, i agree with the guy from down under.........for me i was already in a dark place when i started heroin, and it only seemed to get darker.......numbed me and that aspect kept me going, but never "saw any light" when high........never felt euphoria, just desperation and sadness coupled with disgust at myself............perhaps this could be because i started getting high at the ripe old age of 39 and wasnt into the partying scene where i was out and about having fun...........heroin was NEVER my friend.
Same as my girl Bryn, we r both coming up on 3 yrs clean.......a miracle in itself.....and as i have stated b4, although i do desire a spliff here and there, have NEVER once desired to get high on heroin again.........yet as i sit here and read posts from ppl like man from down under and such, ppl who relapse after so very long clean....quite frightens me.......
Ya, My bryn is quite the old softie..........makes me want to scoop her up and protect her from all the hurt she endures, yet I dont seem able to........:-(
Crying ?....not much of a cryer myself, ppl in the meetings and at rehab used to tell me, oh it will come, and you wont be able to stop.........never really did, i created my mess and trudged on to try and fix it.........BUT now as it seems I am entering menopause <YIKES>.........I cant bloody well seem to stop crying, for no apparent reason either...........
and on another note, i agree with the guy from down under.........for me i was already in a dark place when i started heroin, and it only seemed to get darker.......numbed me and that aspect kept me going, but never "saw any light" when high........never felt euphoria, just desperation and sadness coupled with disgust at myself............perhaps this could be because i started getting high at the ripe old age of 39 and wasnt into the partying scene where i was out and about having fun...........heroin was NEVER my friend.
Same as my girl Bryn, we r both coming up on 3 yrs clean.......a miracle in itself.....and as i have stated b4, although i do desire a spliff here and there, have NEVER once desired to get high on heroin again.........yet as i sit here and read posts from ppl like man from down under and such, ppl who relapse after so very long clean....quite frightens me.......
Hey Guys,
First time on since Thusrday. It was a freaky, f***ed up Friday the 13th for me. My BF lost his job becasue of the dope. His boss who is one of his best buddies for 25 years, told him how much he loves him and that he won't enable him any longer by letting him work and make money then blow it all on drugs. He was a mess. He called me crying yesterday and was at the end of his rope. He's been in bed since yesterday and it's 2pm on Saturday now. I woke him an hour ago to give him some food that I cooked. He ate and layed back down. He SWEARS this is it. What do I do now? I told him if I see him high again after he has now lost his job, I AM DONE FOR GOOD AND COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS LIFE. Guys, I love him so much.
Please PRAY this is it.
XOXO
Danie
First time on since Thusrday. It was a freaky, f***ed up Friday the 13th for me. My BF lost his job becasue of the dope. His boss who is one of his best buddies for 25 years, told him how much he loves him and that he won't enable him any longer by letting him work and make money then blow it all on drugs. He was a mess. He called me crying yesterday and was at the end of his rope. He's been in bed since yesterday and it's 2pm on Saturday now. I woke him an hour ago to give him some food that I cooked. He ate and layed back down. He SWEARS this is it. What do I do now? I told him if I see him high again after he has now lost his job, I AM DONE FOR GOOD AND COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS LIFE. Guys, I love him so much.
Please PRAY this is it.
XOXO
Danie
Danie, this is a good thing. The more an addict loses, the more likely it is that they will sort their s*** out. Don't back down and don't give in. Stick to your guns on this one, and no matter how much he creates, know inside that you are doing a good thing. You are doing him the biggest favour, and helping him in the best way you can.
Hope that it works out for you both.
love
Diff xxx
Hope that it works out for you both.
love
Diff xxx
Thank You Diff,
I will heed your words and I will not back down this time. If I see that he is high after this, I am done......as much as it hurts. You know what Diff?? He told me the other night after one of our bad fights, that he woke up from a nod with the needle sticking out of his arm! We both cried last night. Does that mean that he could have almost died? Please explain.
Seeing that little one of yours would make me smile. Post a pic or two....please. I told my BF about you, Bryn and some of the others on the board. I wish you could all come over for a cup of tea!!
XO
D
P.S. He is still in bed..........6pm I just checked on him, he is very sweaty.
I will heed your words and I will not back down this time. If I see that he is high after this, I am done......as much as it hurts. You know what Diff?? He told me the other night after one of our bad fights, that he woke up from a nod with the needle sticking out of his arm! We both cried last night. Does that mean that he could have almost died? Please explain.
Seeing that little one of yours would make me smile. Post a pic or two....please. I told my BF about you, Bryn and some of the others on the board. I wish you could all come over for a cup of tea!!
XO
D
P.S. He is still in bed..........6pm I just checked on him, he is very sweaty.
