Well, it is 48 years ago at 12:28 pm I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that 48 YRS later I would be dealing with a meth-addicted adult son.
I hadn't heard from him for several months and then the beast reared its ugly head again. I get a desperate call with the same old pleas. I am stuck somewhere, I haven't eaten in days, I haven't showered in days, I have no gas for the motor home I bought and want to fix up, and on and on!
He says he buys old junk RV's and fixes them up and sells them yet he always seems to end up "screwed" over with unclear titles and RV's that don't run and no money????
I held strong and said "I don't have a solution for your problem and NO money!!! This always ends with a f***you and you can't even give me a ride on my birthday when I am stranded on side of the road with my two dogs and I hurt my back, etc. Then he says, "I wish Feb. 8th had never been the day I was born"! Tells me f*** you!
He also tried this with his ex-gf and she helped him with the last episode and even took out a cash advance. He asked for more and when she said she didn't have it he called her names and hung up. He has used up everyone in our family and all his so called friends.
I know not giving in to his problems and enabling is the answer, but every time I get the shakes and cry afterward. I am trying so hard to remain tough, but it is so hard and all I can think about is that small baby I held in my arms 48 years ago.
(((HUGS)))) Duchesschama - my son now calls his dad because I just can't show any concern. He lies (nowhere to live, no gas, no job....) and I cannot do it. My health was seriously affected, so is dad's. We are just now getting a little calm & not having to take anxiety meds daily.... :(
I am so sorry! Meth makes them so mean. They never think of others and everything is all about them. I think we must lower our expectations and not expect normal. Then we wont be so disappointed and hurt.
I have been where you are many times in many different ways. No one expects bad things to happen when we are young and our children have so much of life ahead. I dont know what happens to derail them. I have no answers. It is very sad but somehow we must find a way to live with it. I cry often just because my heart is broken and I want good things for my grown up baby. Many times when things are quiet in the middle of the night and everyone else in the house is asleep. The loss is huge and overwhelming. I dont see a rosy future. I see no magic moment when things will be better. There are so many things that arent fixable. My son may stop using drugs someday but there is so much to overcome and put back together.
I have decided that I have C-PTSD. It is caused by trauma that is long term such as trying to save our addicted children and seeing / hearing things that are shocking and devastating. No good way out of a bad situation. Years of things replay over and over in my head. Cant forget them. How did this happen? How can I forget it? How can I move on? How can I live with myself if I dont help my son and something happens to him? Second guessing myself and blaming myself for not being super mom. I should have been smarter or done something different. Just cant figure out what and it is too late anyway.
I wish you well. Hope your younger son and husband are doing well. Try to do something to make yourself happy.
I have been where you are many times in many different ways. No one expects bad things to happen when we are young and our children have so much of life ahead. I dont know what happens to derail them. I have no answers. It is very sad but somehow we must find a way to live with it. I cry often just because my heart is broken and I want good things for my grown up baby. Many times when things are quiet in the middle of the night and everyone else in the house is asleep. The loss is huge and overwhelming. I dont see a rosy future. I see no magic moment when things will be better. There are so many things that arent fixable. My son may stop using drugs someday but there is so much to overcome and put back together.
I have decided that I have C-PTSD. It is caused by trauma that is long term such as trying to save our addicted children and seeing / hearing things that are shocking and devastating. No good way out of a bad situation. Years of things replay over and over in my head. Cant forget them. How did this happen? How can I forget it? How can I move on? How can I live with myself if I dont help my son and something happens to him? Second guessing myself and blaming myself for not being super mom. I should have been smarter or done something different. Just cant figure out what and it is too late anyway.
I wish you well. Hope your younger son and husband are doing well. Try to do something to make yourself happy.
(((HUGS))) and birthday candles for you. I bet you remember your son's birth and all of the best times like they were just yesterday. Maybe you should give a gift to yourself.
Drugs change are loved ones in the worst way and make our kids, young or old, seem like they aren't even our own. Good for you for staying strong today.
Drugs change are loved ones in the worst way and make our kids, young or old, seem like they aren't even our own. Good for you for staying strong today.
Duchesschama it's so hard being a parent of a child with an addiction. Its a pain like no other. Holidays and birthdays are hard for me. Truthfully, every day is hard...
I feel the same. Sorry youre going through this. Addiction is impossible to understand. Ive turned the table on my son when he does this. Hes focused on getting his way, so I focus on his treatment of me. And dont back down. For example, Why would you talk to your mother like that?; Why would a grown man assume Im responsible for his bills. I maintain my focus on the appropriate way to treat me. Most times he gets mad and hangs up but occasionally hes apologized. Addiction is traumatic in so many ways for so many people. Im sure I have ptsd too.
And, birthdays are so painful. Wishing you peace.
And, birthdays are so painful. Wishing you peace.
P2!! Holy cow, we follow the same mantra!!
