Okay...so I have a question. Let me first say, it might help if you all just forget my LONG history here. I obviously have some obstacles in my way and most are in my own mind. But here is a big one...
I'm trying to think of the right way to word this.
How can any of you ever possibly imagine ever feeling good, ever having a good day, or ever just feeling okay without feeling a buzz? Even for one day?
I mean, even if I don't feel really good while buzzed, atleast it is numbing.
So, what exactly makes you feel good? What makes you not depressed? Or what makes you satisfied? Not just the not counting pills, the not spending the money, etc. What makes you feel good deep down in your soul?
What makes your life feel like it is really worth something?
What makes you glad to wake up and be you every single day?
Because, to be honest, I can't possibly imagine that. Even if I had meetings, even if I had rehab, I don't see a way out of the dark hole I am living in.
Is the depression caused by the chemicals? Or do we use the chemicals because the depression came first?
I've been playing this game forever. I don't ever remember feeling as bad as I do now.
But this post isn't about me or how I feel.
I just want to know what makes all of you feel good and well and happy while living without the drugs or alcohol. Even the most simplistic things. I want to know it all. Even if it's a food you eat or a season or the way you feel when your head hits your most comfortable pillow at night.
What makes your life good? Even on a bad day?
I really need to know. I'm at the end of my rope and I can't even imagine life being any different.
Thank you.
What makes your life good? Even on a bad day?
I feel.
Today just happens to be a bad day. Tomorrow probably won't be one. If it is, then it just is. It wouldn't be any better if I was loaded, in fact, it would probably be worse.
You can dance around using/not using, miserable/happy, hopeless and full of hope till the cows come in. A thousand people could come in and tell you how much better off you'll be clean but you still won't know what it feels like until you do it.
If I describe strawberry ice cream to you, will you be able to taste it?
You could, however, chose to trust me and try it.
Try it, Jodi. Don't miss out on what life has to offer you.
xxxxxooooo
I feel.
Today just happens to be a bad day. Tomorrow probably won't be one. If it is, then it just is. It wouldn't be any better if I was loaded, in fact, it would probably be worse.
You can dance around using/not using, miserable/happy, hopeless and full of hope till the cows come in. A thousand people could come in and tell you how much better off you'll be clean but you still won't know what it feels like until you do it.
If I describe strawberry ice cream to you, will you be able to taste it?
You could, however, chose to trust me and try it.
Try it, Jodi. Don't miss out on what life has to offer you.
xxxxxooooo
Kat,
I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better for you.
I can't feel good anymore, Kat. I can't imagine ever feeling good again. Nothing feels good. I look forward to nothing.
I hate it.
I can't remember ever feeling this bad. Not even a month ago.
I just want to feel good. Or atleast okay.
I just want something to look forward to.
I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better for you.
I can't feel good anymore, Kat. I can't imagine ever feeling good again. Nothing feels good. I look forward to nothing.
I hate it.
I can't remember ever feeling this bad. Not even a month ago.
I just want to feel good. Or atleast okay.
I just want something to look forward to.
Jodi,for me...its about feeling good about myself.Knowing im clean,knowing "I" did it.Knowing "I" am the one running "my" life,not the pills,not my husband,not my children,ME!
When i was using,i let so much slide,over looked so many things that werent right,that especially werent right to ME,but it was easier to keep using and allow things to continue that way.Eventually i had had enough,i wanted to be happy on my terms.
Getting clean,gave back the power to "ME" so that i could deal with and correct the rest of the stuff in my life.Its a step by step thing,long and hard,but in the end,im so much happier this way.
Once you get cclean,all the rest just seems to fall in to place,by you,you making the right dicisions,the right actions,to get the kind of life you want,deserve and WILL have.
Im here to tell you,its there for the taking,one step at a time.You can be happy and have a life the way you want it.I learned one thing else,its NEVER too late.NEVER,so dont give up,i truly believe you want a good and happy life,and you will have it one day,i just know it!Thinking of you tonight,hoping tomorrw brings you a bit more peace.~KIM
When i was using,i let so much slide,over looked so many things that werent right,that especially werent right to ME,but it was easier to keep using and allow things to continue that way.Eventually i had had enough,i wanted to be happy on my terms.
Getting clean,gave back the power to "ME" so that i could deal with and correct the rest of the stuff in my life.Its a step by step thing,long and hard,but in the end,im so much happier this way.
Once you get cclean,all the rest just seems to fall in to place,by you,you making the right dicisions,the right actions,to get the kind of life you want,deserve and WILL have.
Im here to tell you,its there for the taking,one step at a time.You can be happy and have a life the way you want it.I learned one thing else,its NEVER too late.NEVER,so dont give up,i truly believe you want a good and happy life,and you will have it one day,i just know it!Thinking of you tonight,hoping tomorrw brings you a bit more peace.~KIM
This whole way of thinking has just really hit me hard lately. I obviously don't feel good now. Without drinking or pills, we all know it gets worse before it gets better.
If it gets any worse for me, I will be in the grave or in the psych ward. I swear, I can't feel any worse.
I just honestly can't imagine how I will ever feel good again. I should have faith in the words and testimony of those that have gone before me. I know I should. Obviously it's worked for other people. I know I'm not unique. Believe me...I know I'm not unique.
It hurts so bad right now. It hurts so bad that it even hurts physically. I can't see my way. I always had faith that there was something of an afterlife for all of us. I've even lost my faith in that. Been questioning it alot lately.
I am in such a rut that I can't see the light of day.
And it scares me. It really scares me. I can't do anything for myself.
That's another thing. Can't the people in my life see what is going on? Can't they see that I am not me anymore? I know we, as addicts, like to think we put up a good front, but it's usually all in our minds. Don't they see that I'm at my bottom? That I'm lost?
Why does no one say anything?
Can't they see it? I can't seem to tell anyone. But they can't see it?
If it gets any worse for me, I will be in the grave or in the psych ward. I swear, I can't feel any worse.
I just honestly can't imagine how I will ever feel good again. I should have faith in the words and testimony of those that have gone before me. I know I should. Obviously it's worked for other people. I know I'm not unique. Believe me...I know I'm not unique.
It hurts so bad right now. It hurts so bad that it even hurts physically. I can't see my way. I always had faith that there was something of an afterlife for all of us. I've even lost my faith in that. Been questioning it alot lately.
I am in such a rut that I can't see the light of day.
And it scares me. It really scares me. I can't do anything for myself.
That's another thing. Can't the people in my life see what is going on? Can't they see that I am not me anymore? I know we, as addicts, like to think we put up a good front, but it's usually all in our minds. Don't they see that I'm at my bottom? That I'm lost?
Why does no one say anything?
Can't they see it? I can't seem to tell anyone. But they can't see it?
By the way, I didn't start this thread to continue on with my whining about how miserable I feel.
I just really would like to know what you all have in your life to make you feel good, because, as I said, I can't even begin to imagine.
That's all. And I'm sorry I went on and on with the self-pity.
So, back to the original topic. I'll shut up and just listen now.
I just really would like to know what you all have in your life to make you feel good, because, as I said, I can't even begin to imagine.
That's all. And I'm sorry I went on and on with the self-pity.
So, back to the original topic. I'll shut up and just listen now.
Jodi,i know its hard to believe when you are so ver miserable and unhappy right now.But when i say i found me,that what makes me happy...thats just what i mean.
Getting clean helped me to become the me i always knew i was,the me i lost long ago.The me i WANT to be,with work,im improving all the time.
For me,that is all/enough to make me happy.Yes,i have my family and i love them more than life.But without loving me,and repecting me,the rest just doesnt seem as important.
Dont you have a time you can go back to and remeber how you were?And think,i wish i were that girl/woman again?
You are that woman you want to be,youve just gotten lost along the way,then the pills and booze helped to bury it very deeply.But your still there,still scratching to get back out.Your words speak it.
I wish there were some way that i could say something that would just "click" in your head and everything would change for you.All i can say is...youve got it deep within you,the desire and the want for happiness...for yourself...everything else,IMO,is afterthought.Really.There is no specific 'thing" that makes me happy...getting me back is my reward,and you will understand completely yourself someday real soon,i pray.Hang in there and dont ever give up.~KIM
Getting clean helped me to become the me i always knew i was,the me i lost long ago.The me i WANT to be,with work,im improving all the time.
For me,that is all/enough to make me happy.Yes,i have my family and i love them more than life.But without loving me,and repecting me,the rest just doesnt seem as important.
Dont you have a time you can go back to and remeber how you were?And think,i wish i were that girl/woman again?
You are that woman you want to be,youve just gotten lost along the way,then the pills and booze helped to bury it very deeply.But your still there,still scratching to get back out.Your words speak it.
I wish there were some way that i could say something that would just "click" in your head and everything would change for you.All i can say is...youve got it deep within you,the desire and the want for happiness...for yourself...everything else,IMO,is afterthought.Really.There is no specific 'thing" that makes me happy...getting me back is my reward,and you will understand completely yourself someday real soon,i pray.Hang in there and dont ever give up.~KIM
Jodi- I think you are further along in your recovery than you think you are. Yep, it seems like everything is doom and gloom but you are recognizing that it doesn't have to be. Things might seem messed up now but believe me, eventually you are going to wonder why you even asked these questions. Here are some responses from me:
I focus a lot on my kids and family, my friends and my career. It's funny Jodi, I used to be so fixated on money. I don't mean money for drugs, because they were free (prescribed) but the amount of money I had, the amount I COULD have, the amount I could possibly have. How nice my house is. How nice my car is. How nice my clothes are. Now, since I have quit everything, none of that stuff matters much anymore. No, I don't want to live in a van down by the river, but in reality, I really don't care much about the tangible anymore. It's almost like I am a different person now and so focused on things that really mean a lot in the end game. Family, friends, health..etc
See above
See above
You can be depressed without the chemicals, but you usually always end up depressed in some manner because of the chemicals..if that makes sense? We all get depressed to a varying degree, drug dependent or not.
It might seem like forever but you have a long time to go on this Earth
It's funny. You just mentioned three things I really like.
What makes me feel good, well and happy:
The first taste of chocolate ice cream
The first sip of a Coke
The first day you can go outside after the winter and not wear a coat
Fourth of July
Swimming
Driving around with the windows down and air conditioning on
The start of a GREAT movie
The start of a GREAT game
The END of a great game
Making the sale.
Doing a good job
Making a difference
New carpeting
A new TV
A new Car
Finishing a book
Christmas morning
Easter morning
Halloween
The first time you listen to a new record by your favorite band/artist
Starting a drawing
Finishing a drawing
Watching my oldest daughter giggle about her boyfriend
My sister talking about delivering a baby
My brother yelling at his cat
His cat telling him to get lost
My 6 year old wanting to hold my hand as we watch cartoons
My 4 year old wanting ice cream, changing her mind and wanting pudding and then insisting on a hot dog.
My ex wives being abducted by aliens
The aliens throwing them back.
Riding my bike
Being alive
Having the Doc say you're alive.
Having the ex say drop dead.
Taking a warm bath/hot tub
A party
Having someone say "You're approved" even when you knew you would be.
Having the computer boot up even when it was all messed up and you screwed around with it for 19 hours
Working on someone elses computer, doing something, having someone say "You are a genius!" even when it could of been done by the average 14 year old.
Watching my BIL on TV
Having my little girls call and scream "I LOVE YOU DADDY" into the phone, out of no where
Having my oldest daughter no longer say "I HATE YOU DADDY" as she did when she was 13
My son getting better grades
My kids getting new cars, on their own without me paying for them
Graduation
The kids Christmas plays/pagents
My daughter making me a Valentine card
Thinking about my Mom
Seeing an old friend
Makin new friends
and finallly...havingm y head hit the pillow when I am really really tired.
| QUOTE |
| So, what exactly makes you feel good? What makes you not depressed? Or what makes you satisfied? Not just the not counting pills, the not spending the money, etc. What makes you feel good deep down in your soul? |
I focus a lot on my kids and family, my friends and my career. It's funny Jodi, I used to be so fixated on money. I don't mean money for drugs, because they were free (prescribed) but the amount of money I had, the amount I COULD have, the amount I could possibly have. How nice my house is. How nice my car is. How nice my clothes are. Now, since I have quit everything, none of that stuff matters much anymore. No, I don't want to live in a van down by the river, but in reality, I really don't care much about the tangible anymore. It's almost like I am a different person now and so focused on things that really mean a lot in the end game. Family, friends, health..etc
| QUOTE |
| What makes your life feel like it is really worth something? |
See above
| QUOTE |
| What makes you glad to wake up and be you every single day? |
See above
| QUOTE |
| Is the depression caused by the chemicals? Or do we use the chemicals because the depression came first? |
You can be depressed without the chemicals, but you usually always end up depressed in some manner because of the chemicals..if that makes sense? We all get depressed to a varying degree, drug dependent or not.
| QUOTE |
| I've been playing this game forever. I don't ever remember feeling as bad as I do now. |
It might seem like forever but you have a long time to go on this Earth
| QUOTE |
| I just want to know what makes all of you feel good and well and happy while living without the drugs or alcohol. Even the most simplistic things. I want to know it all. Even if it's a food you eat or a season or the way you feel when your head hits your most comfortable pillow at night. |
It's funny. You just mentioned three things I really like.
What makes me feel good, well and happy:
The first taste of chocolate ice cream
The first sip of a Coke
The first day you can go outside after the winter and not wear a coat
Fourth of July
Swimming
Driving around with the windows down and air conditioning on
The start of a GREAT movie
The start of a GREAT game
The END of a great game
Making the sale.
Doing a good job
Making a difference
New carpeting
A new TV
A new Car
Finishing a book
Christmas morning
Easter morning
Halloween
The first time you listen to a new record by your favorite band/artist
Starting a drawing
Finishing a drawing
Watching my oldest daughter giggle about her boyfriend
My sister talking about delivering a baby
My brother yelling at his cat
His cat telling him to get lost
My 6 year old wanting to hold my hand as we watch cartoons
My 4 year old wanting ice cream, changing her mind and wanting pudding and then insisting on a hot dog.
My ex wives being abducted by aliens
The aliens throwing them back.
Riding my bike
Being alive
Having the Doc say you're alive.
Having the ex say drop dead.
Taking a warm bath/hot tub
A party
Having someone say "You're approved" even when you knew you would be.
Having the computer boot up even when it was all messed up and you screwed around with it for 19 hours
Working on someone elses computer, doing something, having someone say "You are a genius!" even when it could of been done by the average 14 year old.
Watching my BIL on TV
Having my little girls call and scream "I LOVE YOU DADDY" into the phone, out of no where
Having my oldest daughter no longer say "I HATE YOU DADDY" as she did when she was 13
My son getting better grades
My kids getting new cars, on their own without me paying for them
Graduation
The kids Christmas plays/pagents
My daughter making me a Valentine card
Thinking about my Mom
Seeing an old friend
Makin new friends
and finallly...havingm y head hit the pillow when I am really really tired.
Jodi if you asked me this question this morning I problably would have said nothing!! nothing makes me feel good today. But the day got better so I'll give you some of my Ahs!!!!! for the day. The fact that I cleaned my house, did two loads of laundry and food shopped, came home got stuck in the driveway but managed to get the groceries in from the driveway as I had to crawl out the window and went in to make homemade sauce and stuffed shells. If you have read anything from me you would know that was a big feat after doing nothing this whole weekend. Tonight I took inventory of what I did and I felt good I mean happy like I just did all that without pills. I would never have even considered that before I mean I used to say I should be rewarded for that with my pills, hell it was a lot of work but you know what for once in my life the reward was just having it done. Heres another one... My baby laughing when I tickled his belly. Yes I have heard him laugh before but I really heard him today. You know the kind of laugh that makes people turn their heads and smile. I joked with my older son and thought hey I may still be able to be a pretty good mom even without the pills. Ok so they aren't the biggest highs but you know what they felt pretty damn good today, and I will take them whereever and whenever I can get them
Roxy
Roxy
I feel really good being able to do my job with so much pleasure. I finally feel in control of myself not being guided by when I can have a drink or a pill.
It feels FANTASTIC!!!!!
Wendy
It feels FANTASTIC!!!!!
Wendy
Jodi, how about trying bullwinkle's listidea?
I think I might just try that too...
New Topic, Coming up. :)
And Jodi, I have a lote I want to sayto you but I don't knowif i want to do it on the board... If you want to, drip me an email - soulpicnic @ hotmail . com
All the best, Bridget.
P.S. If we can't come here to whine, where CAN we go. If people do't want to read it, they don't f***ing have to.
I think I might just try that too...
New Topic, Coming up. :)
And Jodi, I have a lote I want to sayto you but I don't knowif i want to do it on the board... If you want to, drip me an email - soulpicnic @ hotmail . com
All the best, Bridget.
P.S. If we can't come here to whine, where CAN we go. If people do't want to read it, they don't f***ing have to.
God Bless your dear heart.........
what helps me is to pray...........
out loud..........
love
thumper
what helps me is to pray...........
out loud..........
love
thumper
What Kat said.
I feel.
It's so incrediably different from being numb. The first time the drugs wore off and the truth hit me in the face, I could actually feel, was the first time I felt like living again.
Trust me Jodi. You will feel good again. You'll find healthy ways to deal with life. We all do at some point when we get clean and sober.
Love
Lisa
I feel.
It's so incrediably different from being numb. The first time the drugs wore off and the truth hit me in the face, I could actually feel, was the first time I felt like living again.
Trust me Jodi. You will feel good again. You'll find healthy ways to deal with life. We all do at some point when we get clean and sober.
Love
Lisa
Does drug abuse cause depression or does depression cause drug abuse? I think the answer is yes.
Problems, depression, internal pain, external pain, stress, misery...we have all experienced it, addict or not. These things, among many others, do lead some people to drug abuse and addiction.
Do chemicals cure or relieve these symptoms? Maybe briefly. But in the case of long term use, no they do not. In fact, it intensifies all of the feelings/issues that led us there in the first place. Time passes and it just gets worse. You know this, you are a perfect example, you just said so. You said you cannot ever remember feeling this bad, ever, not even a month ago. Can you try to take yourself back to a time before your addiction took over? Did you have problems and pain? You probably did. But is it better now? No, it's worse. It's a vicious cycle that continues on a downward spiral.
Jodi, you have to believe that things can, do and will improve after you liberate yourself from the chemicals. If you cannot make yourself visualize that, then look at it logically, statistically even. Every addict in recovery will say that life improves once they are clean and have found some method healing/recovery. Is it probable that they are all wrong? No. Is it likely that you would be the one person whose life got worse after entering recovery? No.
This is the strawberry ice cream analogy. If you can find a way to have some faith and to believe what people are telling you. Even if you cannot imagine it, have faith that all the people who care enough to post to you are telling you the truth. Everyone has problems, challenges, bad days, some worse than others. But for everyone, the drugs just make things worse.
For me there was a distinct moment when I became flooded with emotions. The emotions were not happy, they made me cry. Within minutes I was grateful to be able to feel the emotions. I had been numb for so long, that becoming overwhelmed with sad emotions actually gave me a sense of relief and normalcy. It sounds impossible, but I swear it's true.
I have good days and bad. Some days I want to use, other days I don't and I just feel so thankful that I'm not using and don't feel like using. I could make a list of things that make me happy, but they might not be the things that would make you happy. But, when you finally regain your ability to feel, you will see and feel the things that will bring you joy.
I think you may have a very distorted comparison of being numb versus how you feel when you are not numbing yourself. You might be using to numb yourself, but is it possible you are already numb before you use? You may not be totally numb to the pain in your life, but you certainly seem numb to the joy. So, before you use, you are feeling pain, but not pleasure, love or happiness. You use for an escape, but then you feel worse because you have only accomplished blocking out the good feelings.
If you were to enter recovery the emotions will flood you. At first you may feel overwhelmed, but the positive feelings will come too. It may be a new found connectedness to your inner self, or something simple like the sparkle in the eyes of one of your children, or maybe when you take notice of something beautiful for the first time in awhile. Just a single positive emotion like that is powerful enough to temporarily block out a handful of negatives. As your body and spirit begin to heal, you'll feel more and more happiness. The dark tunnel slowly begins to illuminate. The bad doesn't seem quite as awful, and your mind shifts into a different perspective. With this shift you can begin to tackle some of the other issues in your life that are keeping you unhappy.
I've been through a lot of s*** lately. I've been dealing with so many unwanted events, emotions and anxiety, even hysteria at times. To tell you the truth, if I was using and dealing with the zillion problems that go along with using, that would have been the straw that broke the camel's back. I know I would not be sitting here typing this. I would probably be in some kind of institution or worse. But I'm not using and I'm dealing with things as best I can. I do have a lot of good days and some bad ones too. I'm certain if I was using I would be having almost all bad days. A lot of this is just s*** I've been through before, both clean and using. Doing it while using was a lot f***ing harder. This time around, I have figured out non-chemical escapes.
I'm sorry to have made this post so long. I just wish I could be descriptive enough to allow you to feel how much better things can be. I know that a mutual friend passed along a message from me to you. I don't have your email, but if you would ever like to discuss that further, or anything else, please email me anytime.
I have faith in you, Jodi.
Problems, depression, internal pain, external pain, stress, misery...we have all experienced it, addict or not. These things, among many others, do lead some people to drug abuse and addiction.
Do chemicals cure or relieve these symptoms? Maybe briefly. But in the case of long term use, no they do not. In fact, it intensifies all of the feelings/issues that led us there in the first place. Time passes and it just gets worse. You know this, you are a perfect example, you just said so. You said you cannot ever remember feeling this bad, ever, not even a month ago. Can you try to take yourself back to a time before your addiction took over? Did you have problems and pain? You probably did. But is it better now? No, it's worse. It's a vicious cycle that continues on a downward spiral.
Jodi, you have to believe that things can, do and will improve after you liberate yourself from the chemicals. If you cannot make yourself visualize that, then look at it logically, statistically even. Every addict in recovery will say that life improves once they are clean and have found some method healing/recovery. Is it probable that they are all wrong? No. Is it likely that you would be the one person whose life got worse after entering recovery? No.
This is the strawberry ice cream analogy. If you can find a way to have some faith and to believe what people are telling you. Even if you cannot imagine it, have faith that all the people who care enough to post to you are telling you the truth. Everyone has problems, challenges, bad days, some worse than others. But for everyone, the drugs just make things worse.
For me there was a distinct moment when I became flooded with emotions. The emotions were not happy, they made me cry. Within minutes I was grateful to be able to feel the emotions. I had been numb for so long, that becoming overwhelmed with sad emotions actually gave me a sense of relief and normalcy. It sounds impossible, but I swear it's true.
I have good days and bad. Some days I want to use, other days I don't and I just feel so thankful that I'm not using and don't feel like using. I could make a list of things that make me happy, but they might not be the things that would make you happy. But, when you finally regain your ability to feel, you will see and feel the things that will bring you joy.
I think you may have a very distorted comparison of being numb versus how you feel when you are not numbing yourself. You might be using to numb yourself, but is it possible you are already numb before you use? You may not be totally numb to the pain in your life, but you certainly seem numb to the joy. So, before you use, you are feeling pain, but not pleasure, love or happiness. You use for an escape, but then you feel worse because you have only accomplished blocking out the good feelings.
If you were to enter recovery the emotions will flood you. At first you may feel overwhelmed, but the positive feelings will come too. It may be a new found connectedness to your inner self, or something simple like the sparkle in the eyes of one of your children, or maybe when you take notice of something beautiful for the first time in awhile. Just a single positive emotion like that is powerful enough to temporarily block out a handful of negatives. As your body and spirit begin to heal, you'll feel more and more happiness. The dark tunnel slowly begins to illuminate. The bad doesn't seem quite as awful, and your mind shifts into a different perspective. With this shift you can begin to tackle some of the other issues in your life that are keeping you unhappy.
I've been through a lot of s*** lately. I've been dealing with so many unwanted events, emotions and anxiety, even hysteria at times. To tell you the truth, if I was using and dealing with the zillion problems that go along with using, that would have been the straw that broke the camel's back. I know I would not be sitting here typing this. I would probably be in some kind of institution or worse. But I'm not using and I'm dealing with things as best I can. I do have a lot of good days and some bad ones too. I'm certain if I was using I would be having almost all bad days. A lot of this is just s*** I've been through before, both clean and using. Doing it while using was a lot f***ing harder. This time around, I have figured out non-chemical escapes.
I'm sorry to have made this post so long. I just wish I could be descriptive enough to allow you to feel how much better things can be. I know that a mutual friend passed along a message from me to you. I don't have your email, but if you would ever like to discuss that further, or anything else, please email me anytime.
I have faith in you, Jodi.
What Atlas said.
(lol, wonder how long we could keep doing that?)
Jodi, I've met a lot of people in recovery. I've known a lot who used and some who still are.
I have never met a person in recovery who regrets it.
I've never met a person still in active addiction who did not, at least on some level, wish they were clean.
My guess is that you won't find a person on this board or anywhere else who will tell you differently.
Btw, thanks. Today is a better day.I knew that it would be. There was a time that I wouldn't have known any such thing. At that time it didn't really matter. Good days were judged only by how much I had in a bottle.
Take our hope and hang onto it until you can feel it for yourself.
You don't think all these people having faith in you could be wrong, do you?
xxxxxoooo
(lol, wonder how long we could keep doing that?)
Jodi, I've met a lot of people in recovery. I've known a lot who used and some who still are.
I have never met a person in recovery who regrets it.
I've never met a person still in active addiction who did not, at least on some level, wish they were clean.
My guess is that you won't find a person on this board or anywhere else who will tell you differently.
Btw, thanks. Today is a better day.I knew that it would be. There was a time that I wouldn't have known any such thing. At that time it didn't really matter. Good days were judged only by how much I had in a bottle.
Take our hope and hang onto it until you can feel it for yourself.
You don't think all these people having faith in you could be wrong, do you?
xxxxxoooo
excellent post Atlas............
EXCELLENT
(((((((((((( sweet kat )))))))))))))))))))).............hi.......gif)
I HAVE FAITH IN YOU TO JODI...................
thumper
EXCELLENT
(((((((((((( sweet kat )))))))))))))))))))).............hi......
I HAVE FAITH IN YOU TO JODI...................
thumper
ha, jodi, i have been were you are so manny times in my life, i was sober for manny years, 12, and throu that time i did fine happynes, we, yous to go to so manny places, it was all worth,it, so when i relasped, that was hell,becuse you no how good it can be, now what makes me happy is my gradchildren, just seeing them can make my day, it gives me puerpoes,toget up everyday, the start,off this year, has not been good, but i can make it woerse our better, its my chosse, how i want to live,jodi give yourself somtime, it does get better, thanks karen.
Dearest Jodi,
Honey, I get dark days,
Some days it feels that everything is just too hard, too much trouble
too insurmountable to be changed or fixed.
No ones life is perfect or happy all the time..if it were the
best things in life would have little or no no meaning..
The thing that i find that will always get me through
is something really really deep inside my soul, and
You have it too...
Somewhere down deep inside of you..
You know you dont deserve this...
You're angry with the way your life has turned out and
you WANT to do something about it...
You want to change it....
Chanel that feeling Jodi..
Its part pride, part defiance..
You had it as a child, and its not gone
Its still there inside you...
All your life you are told the things you can not do.
All your life they will say you are not good enough, not strong enough or talented enough...they'll say you're too short, or the wrong weight, you're not good-looking enough, not smart enough, you're not clever enough..
THEY WILL TELL YOU NO
NO
NO
NO.
You will hear them all say NO so often that all the NOs will become just one big no. All your life they will tell you NO, They will not even think about it, think what they are saying, they just won't believe...They will say NO
And YOU
WILL TELL THEM
YES
Dig down deep Jodi
and say YES..
YES YOU CAN...
YES YOU DESERVE BETTER
There are enough people in the world
that will not believe in you
Defying THOSE NO's
can only be done
Once you silence the No's in your own head...
Silence them and tell them they are wrong
They've always been wrong.
Then let that "yes" grow stronger
YES YES YES YES
Because ANYTHING that you can imagine for yourself right now
Can happen...
Anytime you wonder if you can.....
The answer is YES!
With a kiss and Big Hugs,
Ali
Honey, I get dark days,
Some days it feels that everything is just too hard, too much trouble
too insurmountable to be changed or fixed.
No ones life is perfect or happy all the time..if it were the
best things in life would have little or no no meaning..
The thing that i find that will always get me through
is something really really deep inside my soul, and
You have it too...
Somewhere down deep inside of you..
You know you dont deserve this...
You're angry with the way your life has turned out and
you WANT to do something about it...
You want to change it....
Chanel that feeling Jodi..
Its part pride, part defiance..
You had it as a child, and its not gone
Its still there inside you...
All your life you are told the things you can not do.
All your life they will say you are not good enough, not strong enough or talented enough...they'll say you're too short, or the wrong weight, you're not good-looking enough, not smart enough, you're not clever enough..
THEY WILL TELL YOU NO
NO
NO
NO.
You will hear them all say NO so often that all the NOs will become just one big no. All your life they will tell you NO, They will not even think about it, think what they are saying, they just won't believe...They will say NO
And YOU
WILL TELL THEM
YES
Dig down deep Jodi
and say YES..
YES YOU CAN...
YES YOU DESERVE BETTER
There are enough people in the world
that will not believe in you
Defying THOSE NO's
can only be done
Once you silence the No's in your own head...
Silence them and tell them they are wrong
They've always been wrong.
Then let that "yes" grow stronger
YES YES YES YES
Because ANYTHING that you can imagine for yourself right now
Can happen...
Anytime you wonder if you can.....
The answer is YES!
With a kiss and Big Hugs,
Ali
When you are in the middle of a depression...nothing makes sense. You cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is where faith comes in. You may not know the hows and whys of it. Just know that it is your birthright to be happy and well. It becomes such a habit to think a pill is the answer to everything. They don't make you feel good...they are like booze...depressants. When you have nothing left to lose you can do everything differently...I am going into detox because I am sick of thinking about it...I need a change.I need to see what lies on the other side...why people are so freaking happy..aren't you curious.? Believe it or not...with sobriety and counseling(or NA/AA) plus antidepressants if necessary you might be a totally different person who would never write what you did. You can be a happy person. Even if you don't know why or how. We both know what ISN"T good for you.....what have you got to lose. No one should have to merely exist and(or) suffer. But we do it to ourselves. We treat ourselves badly. We eat junk and don't rest or exercise. We treat our cars better than our own bodies. Most of us neglect our spirits.....or worse....don't even acknowledge them. I don't know what will happen in detox..I am scared that I will suffer and not be able to do it. What if my Lupus acts up? What if my house is a mess? What if the cat gets sick again? What if......etc,etc........there will always be an excuse. But Jodi, I am worth it. And so are you. Love, Sharonn
Wow Ali, I bet you are a wonderful parent. That was inspiring.
