Nothing too dramatic but I need someone to hear me out. I think that I have broken up with the b/f that I have had for a year. I am finding out that he doesn't fill the needs that I have. I am not sure what am I doing. There are alot of things that I like about him but, we have no communications at all. If there is a conflict I shut down and he shuts off. I could ramble on and on but the jist of this post is Drug using Jane would deal with the lack of communication and wait till things got better. Sober Jane feels like I need to find some one who can support and love through communication. I don't know that I am any more able to do that than this boyfriend is. I am sure I have some things to learn about open communication there is no doubt. But I am feeling unsure of myself and my decision. I have done my praying to my HP and listening for answers but maybe you know what I mean about uncertainty and even panicky to some degree. :( Just feeling wierd and need to vent any comments are very welcome feeling alone. Need a friend.
i had to leave my other half to, no communication and nothing in common anymore, most men don't like to talk, and dont like to change, and our drug habit doesn't help either, and at the end of the day that is what ruins it, and if u guys can't commucicate it's best to say goodbye now before it gets worse. Just speaking from experience lol goodluck oh and kick him in the cohones real quick and run lol (-:
sigh and smile. . . Laughing a little. Glad you've listed my spirits a little. I know your right and I know I have made a good decision. I guess its just my nature to question my judgement. I may be ridiculous but a very real fear of mine is how will I find someone who won't judge me for my past its very sordid. I live in the real world where people judge. I also have ugly teeth. Waaa! I should worry about myself financially too. This man accepted me and my children despite all my downfalls. Thanks for listening Glad I am scared.
I too split with my husband after getting clean. It's funny how when the fog lifts from your brain after getting clean, you start to actually see the things in your life. For the first time, you have a clear head and can look around you.
Once I got clean (well I'm almost clean), I started to realize how unhappy I had been in my relationship. Communication wasn't the problem for me, it was lying, ignoring me, very poor financial decisions, and a total lack of support for my effort to get clean.
Was and always will be totally in love with him, which makes it hard, but when I got clean, I really realized how badly he had been treating me for several years. I knew it when I used, but didn't really see it clearly. I would never allow someone to treat me badly and only did because of the pills.
But now, I look forward to being on my own and making my own decisions. I feel very free. My self esteem went up tremendously as soon as I ended the relationship. I dont even have doubts (I did have a few doubts at first) and get happier each day.
I hope the same happens for you.
Just give it a few weeks and see how you feel about your decision then. Its normal to have doubts about splitting up with someone. Its a big decision that comes with tons of emotions.
If you feel you've done the right thing, but just have a few doubts, I would suggest you leave things as they are for a few weeks and see how you like your new single life. If after a few weeks, you think it was the wrong decision, you can always try and get him back. But I suspect you will not want that after seeing how much better you will feel about your life over the next few weeks.
Dont look at it as a bad thing, look at it as something good you are doing for yourself and for your life.
Sorry to ramble about it. I guess I'm chatty today.
Go out and endulge yourself. Have your hair done, buy new clothes, go out with friends or family. It will take your mind off the doubts and alllow you to start enjoying your new free life.
Once I got clean (well I'm almost clean), I started to realize how unhappy I had been in my relationship. Communication wasn't the problem for me, it was lying, ignoring me, very poor financial decisions, and a total lack of support for my effort to get clean.
Was and always will be totally in love with him, which makes it hard, but when I got clean, I really realized how badly he had been treating me for several years. I knew it when I used, but didn't really see it clearly. I would never allow someone to treat me badly and only did because of the pills.
But now, I look forward to being on my own and making my own decisions. I feel very free. My self esteem went up tremendously as soon as I ended the relationship. I dont even have doubts (I did have a few doubts at first) and get happier each day.
I hope the same happens for you.
Just give it a few weeks and see how you feel about your decision then. Its normal to have doubts about splitting up with someone. Its a big decision that comes with tons of emotions.
If you feel you've done the right thing, but just have a few doubts, I would suggest you leave things as they are for a few weeks and see how you like your new single life. If after a few weeks, you think it was the wrong decision, you can always try and get him back. But I suspect you will not want that after seeing how much better you will feel about your life over the next few weeks.
Dont look at it as a bad thing, look at it as something good you are doing for yourself and for your life.
Sorry to ramble about it. I guess I'm chatty today.
Go out and endulge yourself. Have your hair done, buy new clothes, go out with friends or family. It will take your mind off the doubts and alllow you to start enjoying your new free life.
Forgot to mention lots of men accept you as you are, if they didnt it wouldnt be real love and lots of men accept children. I had kids when I remarried and it was not an issue.
I do have financial problems now though, but that will pass too and I certainly wouldnt be with someone just for money.
I do have financial problems now though, but that will pass too and I certainly wouldnt be with someone just for money.
No name,
Thanks for your response. I also feel that way about my x-husband he recently decided to get married to his new, and I mean very new girlfriend. It kind of made me put this relationship into perspective. While I love him I don't regret our divorce in most ways. We had a good relationship but it is honestly better now that we are not togeather. I guess financial does have alot to do with my insecurities. The boyfriend had a lot of money or a decent amount any way he runs his own business wich does well. I am a simple bookkeeper and I am going to school right now to get my degree. I just don't want to end up in a bad way financially. Though I am already in a bad way. I was grateful I found him and that we hit it off so well now I am concerned with the trade off. He also thinks the world revolves around him I simply can't agree with it. How long were you with the man that you are talking about??
Thanks for your response. I also feel that way about my x-husband he recently decided to get married to his new, and I mean very new girlfriend. It kind of made me put this relationship into perspective. While I love him I don't regret our divorce in most ways. We had a good relationship but it is honestly better now that we are not togeather. I guess financial does have alot to do with my insecurities. The boyfriend had a lot of money or a decent amount any way he runs his own business wich does well. I am a simple bookkeeper and I am going to school right now to get my degree. I just don't want to end up in a bad way financially. Though I am already in a bad way. I was grateful I found him and that we hit it off so well now I am concerned with the trade off. He also thinks the world revolves around him I simply can't agree with it. How long were you with the man that you are talking about??
YOU BOTH are strong beautiful woman who are challenging yourselves in life right now.Take it one day at a time....We BELIEVE IN BOTH OF YOU....mj
Awww! Thanks MJ. I just hope I am ready for this challange. Especially sober it ought to be a real trip.
Jane Anne just got in from school but I wanted to say....I KNOW you can,try to remember that somedays will be better than others.Of course your going to have days where the stress is just so bad & you feel so darn befuddled that usen will be in the back of your mind.When you feel that happening try your hardest to believe it will pass,come here & talk with us.
Life will always go up & down but it is alot easier to sort it out with a clear mind.
Ill try to hop back on later & I hope I get a chance to talk with you again.....mj
Life will always go up & down but it is alot easier to sort it out with a clear mind.
Ill try to hop back on later & I hope I get a chance to talk with you again.....mj
6 years. The first 3 were great, treated me like a queen, but then it gradually declined. Being extremely unsupportive, even sort fo trying to screw up my effort to get clean was the last straw. Love is supposed to be unconditional, for me it was, but for him, I guess not.
The finances will work out, they always do.
You shouldn't have felt lucky to find him. He should feel lucky to have found you. Give yourself credit and know that Mr. right is out there and you will find him.
The finances will work out, they always do.
You shouldn't have felt lucky to find him. He should feel lucky to have found you. Give yourself credit and know that Mr. right is out there and you will find him.
Mj as always good advice. I am going to try to get internet at my house it's not that expensive. I am going to need some support this weekend I am sure.
No name. You sound like your in a positive place now. I need to have more faith in my HP he has worked wonders so far. I appreciate advice having been there. It wont be that bad any how I didn't live with him and limited my visits with my kids.(trust issues I guess) But it was nice to not be alone. I had been separated for about 2 years prior so maybe we just needed each other briefly and now the newness has worn off there is nothing left. Thanks again.
No name. You sound like your in a positive place now. I need to have more faith in my HP he has worked wonders so far. I appreciate advice having been there. It wont be that bad any how I didn't live with him and limited my visits with my kids.(trust issues I guess) But it was nice to not be alone. I had been separated for about 2 years prior so maybe we just needed each other briefly and now the newness has worn off there is nothing left. Thanks again.
i didn't realize you were a single mom, that must be tough, i know as a single guy i would probably avoid single moms, not because they are bad people, but because you really have to like kids, and even harder like someone elses kids. I just have a few "friends" that date single moms and they have nothing but problems, from the kids not really liking them, to the father being in the picture not to happy mommy has another man in the house, so i guess as a single mom when you find a man who excepts you and your kids it's nice, and kinda hard to let go if things aren't going right, especially if the man is helping financially. My sister in Penn has 2 kids who is dating a jerk, if i lived in Penn i would beat him myself, but he is rich, she is beautiful and she depends on him finacially and he knows it, and treats her like dirt, but she doesn't want to let go because his finances are a big help to her, but in this case she is friends with her X husband and the boyfriend hates it. If i was a single dad i don't know what i would do, i admire you single moms, you have a hard job, i have a hard time taking care of myself, so to balance being single, juggling kids and living on a small income has to be overwhelming. Besides if i had a kid it would be the anitchrist, i would have to hold him down and take the 666 off his head lol Goodluck (-:
Oh yes, I am a single mom and I hate the label I also hate divorcee I also don't love the thought of my kids having step brothers and sisters and so on. As that is not the way I was raised at all. More like divorce is an abomination. I guess a good woman would just swallow her pride and deal with the bulls***. Glad you sound like a cool brother and that is what a cool brother should do kick the s*** out of an a****** like that. Luckily I don't rely on him financially I just liked the thought of being secure again. I don't do to awfully bad as a bookeeper I maintain what I got and that is great for now. I am grateful for the skills that I have. I am trying real hard to be grateful right now. Things could be worse. I know.
So were you using when yall were together and you are not now? I am kindof confused there. If so then the cloud has been lifted and you are seeing with clear and open eyes and are realizing that this man cannot make you happy or has he really ever made you happy? I know once we get off the drugs and we start seeing things as they really are we dont like what we see and it is time to make a change. I believe god has a special person out there for everyone and maybe he was just a learning experience.. I know it is hard and it is very lonely to break up with someone but sometimes it is what is best for us that we do these things. I know for you that you have to take care of you and someone who you cannot comunicate with is not someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I know we try and we try and we give it another chance. but that is insanity. doing the same thing over expecting different results. It just isnt going to happen. So you take care of number one and that is you and move on with your life and when you are not looking god will bring you that special person in your life. I am not sure how long you have clean but if it is not that long then maybe you need to focus on you and not a man and get to know the painpill free person. My heart goes out to you because I know breakups can be hard but do what is best for you. Sincerely,
April
April
April- It was my first sober relationship ever. Probably. More than likely. I have been clean 20 months. So I tried real hard to make it a year before I started seeing any one. Maybe I just wasnt ready. Thanks for the sympathy it is hard. I already divorced the love of my life or rather he divorced me. We were married ten years so in comparison this is easy, It still hurts tho. So I guess it goes without saying this is my first sober break up. Hence the title . I am a little scared and alot of disappointed but someday I will look back and think. all that for that.
Don't worry about a new relationship. Most men LOVE broken wing syndrome women. It gives them a chance to play hero. My husband and my son are true examples. It's amazing how they're drawn to women who need help.
Hey girl, congrats on your 20 months. That is so great and this being your first sober break up and being in a relationship has to be hard. Is he also in recovery or is he a non addict. know it is easy to say to someone that this is for the best and it will get better but right now you are expereincing the pain and it is real. So I can only symphathyze with you. I know how hard it is to leave someone you love. I actually left my last girlfriend when she told me to chose her or the drugs after overdosing on her 4 times. I would have said get the hell out now the first time someone overdosed on me but she truly loved me and I thought I loved her and still do. I am really not sure because I was always high when I was with her so I really dont remember much except I lived in los angeles and she was john travoltas personal assistant and I loved that lifestyle and thought I loved her at the time but I couldnt even love myself at the time so how could I love her.
I know after getting home and getting clean and meeting my current girlfriend and I talked to kimberlyn and she has alot of resentment for me because she was like how can you get clean for melody but couldnt get clean for me. I said I had met melody after I had gotten clean and got clean for me. I still know this woman is on my mind alot but I am in a perfectly happy sober relationship with a non addict. except for her gambling adddiction but it is not the same as drug addiction. We also go to Ga and we go to NA both. We have a very good open honest relstionhship and I love her with all of my heart and could not imagine loosing her. I have always been the one to leave a relatiionship so I dont really understand what it feels like for someone to leave me and hopefully I have paid for all my karma in my past. I do know that things will go as they are planned and it will get better but like I said it is hard to see that when you are hurting right now.
I really wish you happiness and maybe this is in gods plans for you and you will meet that one true love. I know I did and I thought before I met her I would never love anyone like my first girlfriend but it happened and it happened when I was not looking for it. So I know you are going through alot right now and it is good to share what you are experincing and what you are going through. Just know that I am here whenever you need to talk. My heart really goes out to you and you will be in my prayers. Sincerely,
April
I know after getting home and getting clean and meeting my current girlfriend and I talked to kimberlyn and she has alot of resentment for me because she was like how can you get clean for melody but couldnt get clean for me. I said I had met melody after I had gotten clean and got clean for me. I still know this woman is on my mind alot but I am in a perfectly happy sober relationship with a non addict. except for her gambling adddiction but it is not the same as drug addiction. We also go to Ga and we go to NA both. We have a very good open honest relstionhship and I love her with all of my heart and could not imagine loosing her. I have always been the one to leave a relatiionship so I dont really understand what it feels like for someone to leave me and hopefully I have paid for all my karma in my past. I do know that things will go as they are planned and it will get better but like I said it is hard to see that when you are hurting right now.
I really wish you happiness and maybe this is in gods plans for you and you will meet that one true love. I know I did and I thought before I met her I would never love anyone like my first girlfriend but it happened and it happened when I was not looking for it. So I know you are going through alot right now and it is good to share what you are experincing and what you are going through. Just know that I am here whenever you need to talk. My heart really goes out to you and you will be in my prayers. Sincerely,
April