I just don't understand how my fianc can be such an active addict. He does oxy every day and night and drinks but still manages to go to class and pass his classes. His family doesn't take it seriously because he isn't your typical addict. He makes me feel crazy because he can pull himself together so well when the high wears off but then all he does is obsess over getting more. Is this normal for him to still be able to go about every day life but be an addict? I know it's bad but it almost makes me mad. I wish he would fail school and not do well because then at least people on the outside would believe how serious the problem really is. I'm the only who has to deal with him high every night talking about suicide or crying because " there is a war outside and they are coming for us" it's just not fair because no one believes the extent of his problem. Does anyone has this same issue??
Hi Kate, it's only a matter of time before he will eventually not be able to be in control of his life. My daughter thought she was indestructible and she could manage it all. But I think eventually the walls all come tumbling down for most people on drugs. Read the posts on here and you will get strength from people in the same position as yourself. I hope things get better for you. M.
I too didn't know there was such a thing as a "functioning addict". The only time I knew my son was using was when the crazy behavior, eyes and everything else showed up. A friend of his from rehab told me that many addicts are functioning, holding jobs, families etc. I couldn't believe it. Some even manage to function indefinitely. Doctors, pilots, businessmen, soccer moms and everyday people. In fact many European countries have medical facilities where drug users can go to safely do their drugs then go on with their productive days. My son cannot function for too long as an addict, it often creeps over into the non-functioning addict when everything in his life starts to spiral.
It's a progressive disease.
I was a dedicated alcoholic at 20 yrs old and came to recovery at 45 yrs old.
My life for those 25 yrs was a mix of ups & downs, psyche wards and group therapies, scrip drugs etc until it all caved in. The condition of my life slowly degraded over those 25 yrs until I hit bottom.
I see folks coming to AA & NA in their teens to their 70s.
When someone today at 30 says "I think I got it" I say "We'll check back again at 50".
All the best.
Bob
I was a dedicated alcoholic at 20 yrs old and came to recovery at 45 yrs old.
My life for those 25 yrs was a mix of ups & downs, psyche wards and group therapies, scrip drugs etc until it all caved in. The condition of my life slowly degraded over those 25 yrs until I hit bottom.
I see folks coming to AA & NA in their teens to their 70s.
When someone today at 30 says "I think I got it" I say "We'll check back again at 50".
All the best.
Bob
Dear Kate42,
I am in the same boat with my husband. He is what I call a functioning addict, much like a functioning alcoholic, if you're familiar with the term. I am a recovering addict. I am a stay at home mom to two children. My husband is the one who works. We currently has our kids in private school, which is not cheap. My husband goes to pain management, where he receives, OxyContin, Percocet, and dextroamphetamine. On top of what he gets there, he buys additional percocets, oxy's, and speed. I would say he averages $500-600/week on additional pills. He tells me he sells the additional pills for a profit. But, he actually takes them all. I'm just waiting on him to say we can't afford to send the kids to their current school anymore. There are a lot of other things going on also, but the active addict is what you want to know about. He has a pretty high position at the company he works for, so he's out driving a lot too. Before I got myself into treatment, I was a functioning addict. I wouldn't are as much during the day while I was at work, enough to not have withdrawal symptoms. But this catches up too. I eventually got fired from my job, as I went on that downward spiral fast. It was like one moth was good, the next I was being walked out the door. My husband has been at this for about 4 years now. This year he has been doing some stupid things at work. Like, just going driving around, getting his haircut, or shopping for whatever. Using the company credit card for non-business related things. Thing is, he has access to the entire office, so he can hide statements, or cover up whatever it is he's doing, for now. Eventually he will get caught, only a matter of time. He is getting worse at home, he doesn't like to be around anyone anymore. He's always in a bad mood, hardly laughs or smiles, unless he's faking it for the kids sake. Other family members are FINALLY starting to see this behavior as odd.
He still tells me he doesn't have a problem, but I know better. I have seen so much of the former me in his actions.
I know you feel helpless with the situation you're in. If you have chosen to stick this out with, it won't be easy getting him to see the light. He will lose control, and other people will notice. How long will that take? I have no idea. Just don't help him with his addiction. If he comes to you needing money and it's something you can physically get, then you go get it, or go with him to get it. Make sure the money is being spent on whatever the reason is you give it to him. Or tell just tell him no. Addicts are very good liars and will do whatever needs to be done to get that high.
Be strong, one day at a time. Sometimes it's one minute at a time.
I am in the same boat with my husband. He is what I call a functioning addict, much like a functioning alcoholic, if you're familiar with the term. I am a recovering addict. I am a stay at home mom to two children. My husband is the one who works. We currently has our kids in private school, which is not cheap. My husband goes to pain management, where he receives, OxyContin, Percocet, and dextroamphetamine. On top of what he gets there, he buys additional percocets, oxy's, and speed. I would say he averages $500-600/week on additional pills. He tells me he sells the additional pills for a profit. But, he actually takes them all. I'm just waiting on him to say we can't afford to send the kids to their current school anymore. There are a lot of other things going on also, but the active addict is what you want to know about. He has a pretty high position at the company he works for, so he's out driving a lot too. Before I got myself into treatment, I was a functioning addict. I wouldn't are as much during the day while I was at work, enough to not have withdrawal symptoms. But this catches up too. I eventually got fired from my job, as I went on that downward spiral fast. It was like one moth was good, the next I was being walked out the door. My husband has been at this for about 4 years now. This year he has been doing some stupid things at work. Like, just going driving around, getting his haircut, or shopping for whatever. Using the company credit card for non-business related things. Thing is, he has access to the entire office, so he can hide statements, or cover up whatever it is he's doing, for now. Eventually he will get caught, only a matter of time. He is getting worse at home, he doesn't like to be around anyone anymore. He's always in a bad mood, hardly laughs or smiles, unless he's faking it for the kids sake. Other family members are FINALLY starting to see this behavior as odd.
He still tells me he doesn't have a problem, but I know better. I have seen so much of the former me in his actions.
I know you feel helpless with the situation you're in. If you have chosen to stick this out with, it won't be easy getting him to see the light. He will lose control, and other people will notice. How long will that take? I have no idea. Just don't help him with his addiction. If he comes to you needing money and it's something you can physically get, then you go get it, or go with him to get it. Make sure the money is being spent on whatever the reason is you give it to him. Or tell just tell him no. Addicts are very good liars and will do whatever needs to be done to get that high.
Be strong, one day at a time. Sometimes it's one minute at a time.
