Well on day 3 of NO OXYs, feeling quite fatigued, actually started realizing that I envy the clean (Non Addicts) that surround me. Meaning, they give me both something to look forward to and make me somewhat jealous. As I fight off the Mental Demons, telling me to just grab a couple, I also think of how it will be to feel "normal" once again. I used to be a Very active person, always on the go, but now I am merely trying to hang on to functioning... I tried to exercise last night, but had No Energy to do so. Had to stay on the couch and fight the fatigue. The worst was when my son asked me to play with him, and I actually couldn't. Had to make up an excuse and say, "Daddy does not feel well tonight". Then he said "ok then we can play wrestle tomorrow, huh"? I WILL accommodate his request tonight even if it kills me... I hate the affect this disease has on the innocent people in our lives... As easy as it would be to make that call and score, Uh Uh, NOT GONNA HAPPEN................
Regards,
"C"
c....I know how you feel...Please don't listen to the demons. Detoxing is so hard. I had so many attempts, I finally had to go to treatment. Please hang in there..................
I don't know about oxys, but there were 3 people detoxing off of those. They seemed to have more trouble than the heroin addicts..
It is going to take time. I used to get envious of clean people too...but they had to go through hell to get there. I remember when I used to get envoius of people that could walk without pain...lol...
I am not a jealous person, I think that if someone got there, so can I, just show me the way...
I would be lying if I told you that I am free of this addiction..I still have cravings so bad. But today I am greatful that I can get out of bed each day without major withdrawls, that I am not dependent on 20 or so pills to feel "normal" and that I have my sense of humor back.
It will get better. Please please please ride it out. I was there, and wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy....I know how hard it is to fight that feeling. Just stay positive...Maybe writing a gratitude list of all of the things good in your life will help...happy vibes to you....
kerry
I don't know about oxys, but there were 3 people detoxing off of those. They seemed to have more trouble than the heroin addicts..
It is going to take time. I used to get envious of clean people too...but they had to go through hell to get there. I remember when I used to get envoius of people that could walk without pain...lol...
I am not a jealous person, I think that if someone got there, so can I, just show me the way...
I would be lying if I told you that I am free of this addiction..I still have cravings so bad. But today I am greatful that I can get out of bed each day without major withdrawls, that I am not dependent on 20 or so pills to feel "normal" and that I have my sense of humor back.
It will get better. Please please please ride it out. I was there, and wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy....I know how hard it is to fight that feeling. Just stay positive...Maybe writing a gratitude list of all of the things good in your life will help...happy vibes to you....
kerry
Kerry,
Thanks for your reply. Actually the "jealousy" comment was one of a positive manner. Meaning, I want what they have... I appreciate your support. I WILL continue to fight the urges and WILL win this battle. The physical part is tough but the mental part is ridiculous. I continuously fight my own thoughts, a very weird feeling. I look forward to this weekend, it will be the first weekend I will be clean in months... Wish me luck, seems like I will need it...
Regards,
"C"
Thanks for your reply. Actually the "jealousy" comment was one of a positive manner. Meaning, I want what they have... I appreciate your support. I WILL continue to fight the urges and WILL win this battle. The physical part is tough but the mental part is ridiculous. I continuously fight my own thoughts, a very weird feeling. I look forward to this weekend, it will be the first weekend I will be clean in months... Wish me luck, seems like I will need it...
Regards,
"C"
C,
Stands for comeon weekend!!! Hang tight. I think what you are thinking is quite healthy. I know you can resist the demons. It is hard when you are detoxing and then right after but you can do it and your life will be so much richer. Don't give up.
PM
Stands for comeon weekend!!! Hang tight. I think what you are thinking is quite healthy. I know you can resist the demons. It is hard when you are detoxing and then right after but you can do it and your life will be so much richer. Don't give up.
PM
i SITLL FIGHT THE THOUGHTS...A lady told me to look at it like this: You have two puppies inside of you. A recovery puppy and an addict puppy. When you feed puppies, they grow. Which one are you going to feed? If you feed the puppy with good recovery stuff, it will get bigger. If you don't feed the addict puppy, it will get small and weak....
I know it is really silly, but it kinda made sense...
The thoughts are ridiculous. Completely. I hate the fact that I have this kind of thinking, some days it pisses me off, why can't i just be normal??
But PLEASE JUST HANG ON THE RECOVERY SIDE..
I don't know much about anything, c, but I do know that it is possible...if you want it bad enough.
kerry
I know it is really silly, but it kinda made sense...
The thoughts are ridiculous. Completely. I hate the fact that I have this kind of thinking, some days it pisses me off, why can't i just be normal??
But PLEASE JUST HANG ON THE RECOVERY SIDE..
I don't know much about anything, c, but I do know that it is possible...if you want it bad enough.
kerry
actually c - i was still wiping the drool from my face when 3 days clean! and look at you - you can turn on the computer and post!
oxyc is a rough detox. do your feet hurt?
God bless you. have you thought of a supervised inpatient detox or making it to a meeting for some support?
hugs and much encouragement to you.
there is a solution.
namaste'
sammy
oxyc is a rough detox. do your feet hurt?
God bless you. have you thought of a supervised inpatient detox or making it to a meeting for some support?
hugs and much encouragement to you.
there is a solution.
namaste'
sammy
Sammy,
Thanks for your compliments. Actually, I just made it inside my home from running around and playing soccer and football with my 4 yr old son. I feel absolutely horrible, but made a promise to him that I would play with him today. With regards to feeling bad... YES, feet hurt, can't keep my posture upright, shortness of breath, cold sweats, etc. etc. Actually, I have been speaking with a good friend of mine, who I "doped" with, and she has been an outstanding support. She is clean for 2 weeks now, and is a great inspiration for me. She attends meetings and fills me in on the outcome. Without her and this board, I don't think I would have made it yesterday. I actually drove my car and headed for my "dealer", and in the meantime, called her and we talked me out of it!!!! Excellent Decision... Anyway, thanks again for your kind words and support, I will pull through. As I look at your photo, I see a beautiful woman, and as I read your words I now see your heart is just as wonderful...
Bless You,
"C"
Thanks for your compliments. Actually, I just made it inside my home from running around and playing soccer and football with my 4 yr old son. I feel absolutely horrible, but made a promise to him that I would play with him today. With regards to feeling bad... YES, feet hurt, can't keep my posture upright, shortness of breath, cold sweats, etc. etc. Actually, I have been speaking with a good friend of mine, who I "doped" with, and she has been an outstanding support. She is clean for 2 weeks now, and is a great inspiration for me. She attends meetings and fills me in on the outcome. Without her and this board, I don't think I would have made it yesterday. I actually drove my car and headed for my "dealer", and in the meantime, called her and we talked me out of it!!!! Excellent Decision... Anyway, thanks again for your kind words and support, I will pull through. As I look at your photo, I see a beautiful woman, and as I read your words I now see your heart is just as wonderful...
Bless You,
"C"
That is how it works, you made the call and didn't use. Now when you do that another successful 100 times...the thoughts lose their power. You did the right thing!!!!!!! And support is the best, otherwise I think that none of us would have made it..
smile...
kerry
smile...
kerry
Time4change,
Just wanted to add my respect and encouragement for what you're doing, coming off the oxys at home. I came off hydros, but from everything I've read, oxys are worse. And you're playing soccer with your son as well, just because you promised -- great stuff. I just read on another thread where a guy (BA I think) got a lot of relief from a hot bath with Epsom Salts, for what it's worth. Anyway, hang in --- hope today brings some relief. M.
Just wanted to add my respect and encouragement for what you're doing, coming off the oxys at home. I came off hydros, but from everything I've read, oxys are worse. And you're playing soccer with your son as well, just because you promised -- great stuff. I just read on another thread where a guy (BA I think) got a lot of relief from a hot bath with Epsom Salts, for what it's worth. Anyway, hang in --- hope today brings some relief. M.
morning "c" -
i have a dear, dear, friend whom i have been blessed to "trudge" this road with who detoxed from oxyc, a little over 3 years ago. vivid in my mind are his complaints of how bad his feet hurt. i remember at one point he was taking up to 7 or 8 whirpool baths a day. he said the only time he felt any relief was when he would do whirpool baths and the hour or so he would spend at a NA meeting. i use to tease him about being the cleanest person in new york state.
how awesome are you for reaching out to your friend? i'll tell you - pretty awesome my friend! it never ceases to amaze me to see a miracle unfolding. you are a miracle!
is there any reason why you can't take that one step further and go with your friend to a meeting this weekend? you are so fortunate to have a close friend in recovery who attends. i found attending meetings, when new, with someone i was acquainted with made the "new territory" a little less threatening in my mind. yet my mind didn't need much when it came to feeling threatened to change. eventually, it boiled down to the fact that i was tired of living the way i had to this point and wanted to find a new way. it's a process, my friend and one i choose to take daily.
namaste'
sammy
i have a dear, dear, friend whom i have been blessed to "trudge" this road with who detoxed from oxyc, a little over 3 years ago. vivid in my mind are his complaints of how bad his feet hurt. i remember at one point he was taking up to 7 or 8 whirpool baths a day. he said the only time he felt any relief was when he would do whirpool baths and the hour or so he would spend at a NA meeting. i use to tease him about being the cleanest person in new york state.
how awesome are you for reaching out to your friend? i'll tell you - pretty awesome my friend! it never ceases to amaze me to see a miracle unfolding. you are a miracle!
is there any reason why you can't take that one step further and go with your friend to a meeting this weekend? you are so fortunate to have a close friend in recovery who attends. i found attending meetings, when new, with someone i was acquainted with made the "new territory" a little less threatening in my mind. yet my mind didn't need much when it came to feeling threatened to change. eventually, it boiled down to the fact that i was tired of living the way i had to this point and wanted to find a new way. it's a process, my friend and one i choose to take daily.
namaste'
sammy
