After over a year, my son just got of jail (has been in and out numerous times in the past 10+ years). He is 40 yes old with a almost 3 yr old and 9 yr old (we have raised her since she was 3). Day after he gets out, he takes his daughter to the movies and then I get a call from her crying saying he won't wake up. I arrive to see police, medic, etc questioning him after he was revived. Found heroin residue and empty packets in his pocket! My sisters daughter's big wedding is this sat. and since he doesn't drive he was going to go with me and my husband. After this episode (like so many others) I told him that I called my niece to say my son won't be going, but not saying why. I can't take the chance of my son screwing up at the wedding. I can't trust him and don't want to take the chance. Well he is very upset that I made that decision because he was looking forward to seeing the family. Am I wrong? I told him he made the choice to screw up and worse yet, while with my precious granddaughter who is very disturbed by his being in jail and now this. Her mother is in rehab once again, etc. He says it was not my call to say he can't go. If my niece knew what he did, she probably would feel as I do
Amma 65
I think you did the right thing. My (heroin) addict daughter has severe panic attacks. These celebrations give them the reason (?) to allow themselves to party too. Sadly it usually in my experience, doesn't go well. My older daughter says she'll just have a couple of beers, and then proceeds to get sloppy drunk. Thankfully she's trying to do better with that. But....
It sounds like you've seen & dealt with a lot with your son. It's not worth traumatizing your granddaughter. You can't trust him to do the right thing. You & your little gd shouldn't have to worry about all this. It is a situation made of his own bad behavior. Sounds like your gds understands a lot of what's going on. Kids are smart & remember everything it seems. (I have three kids, grown now though.)
I've had to deal with family get together's & trust me, you don't want him there. Your niece would be glad to have no 'drama' at her wedding.
Stay on track. You really did do the right thing.
I'm sorry for the circumstances as they are.
You're not alone though.
Hope you keep posting.
Love & God bless you,
Dee
I think you did the right thing. My (heroin) addict daughter has severe panic attacks. These celebrations give them the reason (?) to allow themselves to party too. Sadly it usually in my experience, doesn't go well. My older daughter says she'll just have a couple of beers, and then proceeds to get sloppy drunk. Thankfully she's trying to do better with that. But....
It sounds like you've seen & dealt with a lot with your son. It's not worth traumatizing your granddaughter. You can't trust him to do the right thing. You & your little gd shouldn't have to worry about all this. It is a situation made of his own bad behavior. Sounds like your gds understands a lot of what's going on. Kids are smart & remember everything it seems. (I have three kids, grown now though.)
I've had to deal with family get together's & trust me, you don't want him there. Your niece would be glad to have no 'drama' at her wedding.
Stay on track. You really did do the right thing.
I'm sorry for the circumstances as they are.
You're not alone though.
Hope you keep posting.
Love & God bless you,
Dee
Dee, thank you so much for replying. We just got back from the church and as looked at my son's cousins and the wives, husbands or sign.others I felt sadness that my son seems to be the only one that is in this terrible situation and has been for years and years and has nothing because of it. Everyone else have jobs, car, nice place to live, and just basically "normal". But there's nothing I can do about it but pray, pray, pray for all of us and provide a good, stable life for our gd. I will keep posting and hopefully give hope to others a d support as you do. God bless you too.
Amma65,
It is a very sad situation you find yourself in, but you are a strong lady & your gd needs you.
My daughter is so smart, so pretty, etc...but I can't undo what's been done.
You & I just have to try to deal with things as they are now. Saying goodbye to all the hopes & dreams I had for her & seeing her as she is now, hurt more than I can possibly put into words. I know you know how that feels these days, too.
I'm so glad you'll post or reply again! You are very welcome. It's my pleasure to give back. This place saved me from my thoughts & fears.
Welcome!~ :)
love & God bless you,
Dee
It is a very sad situation you find yourself in, but you are a strong lady & your gd needs you.
My daughter is so smart, so pretty, etc...but I can't undo what's been done.
You & I just have to try to deal with things as they are now. Saying goodbye to all the hopes & dreams I had for her & seeing her as she is now, hurt more than I can possibly put into words. I know you know how that feels these days, too.
I'm so glad you'll post or reply again! You are very welcome. It's my pleasure to give back. This place saved me from my thoughts & fears.
Welcome!~ :)
love & God bless you,
Dee
I feel blessed to have somehow come across this site when looking for reassurance about not wanting my son to attend the wedding. To be able to relate to others that are living with the same fears, agony, heartbreaks because of a loved one's addiction is a God send. It is also good to hear success stories that give us hope because to be honest, a lot of times I just don't feel there is any left after so many years of dealing with everything. My faith sustains me. It has to in order for me to have my own life with the rest of my family. In love and prayers, Barb
(((HUGS)))
love & God bless,
Dee
love & God bless,
Dee
