Haven't heard from my 45 y/o addicted son in almost 5 wks. Tonight he called and I let it go to voicemail. Don't want to talk to him after horrible things he said and said he wishes I would die. He asked on voicemail for my brother's address and phone no. This is the person he called a maggot and has lived with in the past only to steal from the neighbors and then ask my brother to pawn it for him.
He has recently gone to my daughters and my ex-son-in-laws for money and help. They have declined to help him because he has used everyone up in the past.
I texted him that my brother doesn't want his phone no. given out and he text back that my brother is crap and that he hopes I get hit by a truck while he watches.
He is still driving his vehicle cause I could hear the sound when he left the voicemail. My biggest fear is he will show up on my doorstep as he is homeless and desperate .
I don't want to see him or talk to him. What do I do if he shows up on my doorstep? I have a 15 y/o that is in a w/c and handicapped and an elderly husband and I don't want to expose them to his crazy behavior if he shows up and makes a scene and frankly I am afraid of him now.
Does it sound like he is on meth or withdrawing-- his behavior is so eradicate and he is saying things he has never said ever in the 20 yrs. on and off drugs.
Advice please----
Sorry, this will be quick as I have to get to bed but it sounds like your son was high when he called you because of how nasty he was talking. Maybe someone could give you better advice but maybe you can text him and tell him not to show up at your house or you will call 911. You have to protect yourself, husband and younger son for sure! Besides, he obviously is asking for what no one cares to give him anymore and he is desperate. You can't help him and shouldn't at this point. He has hurt you enough and burned too many bridges. Hope you hear from others. I am sorry you are going through this, being scared, etc. God bless. Let us know how you are doing.
I totally concur with Amma. Your priority is to keep yourself and your family safe. If he attempts to come visit you, you need to call the police. He isn't in his right mind and is lashing out at you and sounds unpredictable. Please take care.
I concur with the others. If he shows up on your doorstep, then call the police to have him removed. It sounds like he isn't in his right mind. He could be high or in withdrawal, but it really doesn't matter...the fact is he is in active addiction and the best help you can give him is to let him suffer the full extent of the consequences of his actions. He is a grown man and he now must be responsible for himself.
I know it is hard, but trust me it is for the best to detach. I myself am an addict in recovery. If it wasn't for my family finally saying "enough!!!" I would never have been,for lack of a better word, uncomfortable,enough to say enough is enough and fight for recovery!
Stay strong and know in your heart that every time you say "no" to your son, you are making his chances of finally getting into recovery a little bit better!
I know it is hard, but trust me it is for the best to detach. I myself am an addict in recovery. If it wasn't for my family finally saying "enough!!!" I would never have been,for lack of a better word, uncomfortable,enough to say enough is enough and fight for recovery!
Stay strong and know in your heart that every time you say "no" to your son, you are making his chances of finally getting into recovery a little bit better!
I am so sorry you have to go through this harassment. Keep your doors locked and change the locks if needed. put any dangerous items and valuables in a safe place.
If he comes to your home, call police BEFORE answering the door.
I would not threaten him thru a text message. It might make him angry and make him come to your house.
Pray for your higher power to keep you and your family safe.
If he comes to your home, call police BEFORE answering the door.
I would not threaten him thru a text message. It might make him angry and make him come to your house.
Pray for your higher power to keep you and your family safe.
There was no need to respond to him at all. You say you don't want to hear him berate you...then don't give him the chance to berate you in a text. BLOCK him. If it were me I would send one last text saying that it seems you wish we were all dead...for all intense purposes we are...to YOU while you continue to USE. If you show up at my door make no mistake about it...I will call the police. THEN be DONE. I have been in YOUR shoes...and YOUR sons. You have been doing this a LONG time...your SON IS YOUR ADDICTION.I know how difficult it can be but you are following his every move...waiting...wondering...this person said this...that person said that. You are in active addiction ...just as your son is. If you want things to change you must change YOU. Your son will then HAVE to change if you are no longer a player in his crap.
Well, he just showed up at our door but I did not let him it. He said he is homeless, hungry, no gaa--used it to come here and wanted all the families phone numbers. I told him thru the door it was done and no I won't give him phone numbers. He blamed everyone in the book and said he has no f--g family and we are heartless mf's and sob's. He screamed many expletives and said we always think he is on drugs but he f--g isn't. Said we have never helped him-hah!
Said he drove to Penn. cause guy told him he had a place to stay but got up there and didn't so came back and got $450 speeding ticket in Ga. Now will lose his car and dogs and everything.
Said spent last gas to get over to our place and had no gas so my 83 y/o husband gave him the only money he had--$11. He said thanks alot mf! He tore out of here but stopped out front and yelled horrible filthy things at us in front of neighbors and lawn mower guys.
I am so upset I can't even think anymore- I stayed strong but I am beyond sad and upset--
Said he drove to Penn. cause guy told him he had a place to stay but got up there and didn't so came back and got $450 speeding ticket in Ga. Now will lose his car and dogs and everything.
Said spent last gas to get over to our place and had no gas so my 83 y/o husband gave him the only money he had--$11. He said thanks alot mf! He tore out of here but stopped out front and yelled horrible filthy things at us in front of neighbors and lawn mower guys.
I am so upset I can't even think anymore- I stayed strong but I am beyond sad and upset--
I'm so sorry Duchess
This is not your son....just remember that.
Hugs and prayers
Paula
This is not your son....just remember that.
Hugs and prayers
Paula
Thanks to all for the advice and words of wisdom! It helps so much! I hate living in fear of him and I have never had this happen before. Even when we cut him off before he wouldn't attack us verbally like he did this time.
I am praying that he can turn this around and maybe he will bottom out and get help. He has always denied his drug use except one time when he showed up drug sick at at front door. We took him to rehab and he checked out 1 week later. I think he knows we are not going to give in anymore and we have reached our max!
I know God is in control and I have given this to HIm but it isn't easy. My heart is broken and like one of you said this isn't my son anymore. This is someone I don't even know.
Please keep us in your prayers!
Paula:
I am so happy Zach is getting help! I am so thankful you are too. I know in time you will feel better and Zach is young and can turn his life around. I don't think my Chris can since he is 45 and has been doing this far too long.
I am praying that he can turn this around and maybe he will bottom out and get help. He has always denied his drug use except one time when he showed up drug sick at at front door. We took him to rehab and he checked out 1 week later. I think he knows we are not going to give in anymore and we have reached our max!
I know God is in control and I have given this to HIm but it isn't easy. My heart is broken and like one of you said this isn't my son anymore. This is someone I don't even know.
Please keep us in your prayers!
Paula:
I am so happy Zach is getting help! I am so thankful you are too. I know in time you will feel better and Zach is young and can turn his life around. I don't think my Chris can since he is 45 and has been doing this far too long.
Now my son is calling my niece and nephew and any family member he can contact. He is telling them he is homeless and starving and has no gas. My brother refused him and my niece and nephew live 2000 miles away and they know the story so they won't help him(enable him).
He is desperate and has run out of family and relatives and used them all in the past. He says we never give him advice but what he wants is money. I have blocked his calls and FB.
Don't know what will happen next as his options are all gone except to go to a shelter like Salvation Army, etc. but he has 2 dogs and when I suggested finding them a home or shelter--he went ballistic and called me names and said they are the only family that he has and loves him unconditionally.
I am staying strong but fearful of what he will do--he is really near the bottom!
He is desperate and has run out of family and relatives and used them all in the past. He says we never give him advice but what he wants is money. I have blocked his calls and FB.
Don't know what will happen next as his options are all gone except to go to a shelter like Salvation Army, etc. but he has 2 dogs and when I suggested finding them a home or shelter--he went ballistic and called me names and said they are the only family that he has and loves him unconditionally.
I am staying strong but fearful of what he will do--he is really near the bottom!
i know its really hard but you need to let him figure it out. Addicts have a way of trying to make their problems ours. My heart aches for you as I know how hard it is to let them fail on their own. Maybe you can give him a list of detox/rehab places. Then the choice is his. Perhaps with the family all on board now this will be his rock bottom, since he has no other options. Don't give in stay strong. Keep the faith and pray its all we can do. I will be praying for you and your family.
Oh gosh, so so sorry. I can only say what the other posts say. Your son is out if control because he has burned all bridges to family by his own doing. It IS heartbreaking for you but it's true, your son is someone else now. I feel bad for the dogs too. I don't understand why people that don't have a pot to pee in have animals they know they can't care for. I see it all the time. It's sad. Anyway that's not your problem either. Focus on you, hubby, younger son. Prayers go out to you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the fact that you gave him $11 is perpetuating the problem. He will continue to "show up"...even for a few bucks...unless you stop. If a stranger showed up at your door and did what he did wouldn't you call the police? He isn't in his right mind and you MAY save his life by holding him accountable for his behavior. You should NOT be living in FEAR! Very good job on blocking him but you are continuing to get your "fix" by continuing to talk to all the relatives to "find out" what he's up to next. You will continue to have no peace of mind or serenity until you can "quit your drug". ....just as your son won't. It is SO HARD to live a normal life once we start down this path of addiction or codependency....most of the time we've been doing it so long we forget what "normal" even looks like. Im wondering...and can't remember...Have you tried Alanon? I think you would find it very helpful.
jjen---
Well after 24 hrs. to regroup, I realize you are right and giving him anything was wrong! I think my husband just wanted him to leave so the $11 was for gas since he was on empty and we didn't want him here anymore!
We are working on taking steps to free ourselves from our "addiction" which is enabling for way too long. We have blocked him from social media and the phone. We have secured our home and if he comes back again I will call the police and not answer the door! Our relatives know the situation and we just didn't want him surprising them and catch them off guard. None of them are going to enable him any longer either!
Tough love, or whatever you call it, is exactly that--TOUGH! But it must be done to save him-- if ever== and to save us!
Thanks for your post!
Well after 24 hrs. to regroup, I realize you are right and giving him anything was wrong! I think my husband just wanted him to leave so the $11 was for gas since he was on empty and we didn't want him here anymore!
We are working on taking steps to free ourselves from our "addiction" which is enabling for way too long. We have blocked him from social media and the phone. We have secured our home and if he comes back again I will call the police and not answer the door! Our relatives know the situation and we just didn't want him surprising them and catch them off guard. None of them are going to enable him any longer either!
Tough love, or whatever you call it, is exactly that--TOUGH! But it must be done to save him-- if ever== and to save us!
Thanks for your post!
You are MORE than welcome. My heart really goes out to you. When I read the post of parents the guilt I feel for the s*** I put my parents through really gets to me. I try to use that to remember just how BAD it really was.....how I hurt the ones I loved most. Be aware that he may change tactics now...Mr NICE GUY may come out when he has figured out Mr abusive belligerent doesn't work anymore. Hang in there!
