A few 24 hours ago, I had the honor to be a mentor in an addiction program of a behavioral change institute. i came across some paers today that i had save as an addiction mentor and am in the process of typing them as word document to share here.
My desire is not only to share the wisdom that is outlined in this program regarding addiction, but to open up a new thread or maybe threads for some discussion about this disease.
Below is one of the first things we talked about. The topic is Disease Symptoms. As time permits, I hope to add to this thread in an effort that someone may see something they can identify with.
Thank you all for your contribution and to the moderators of this board to allow me to share these "gems" i have picked up on my journey of recovery.
Namaste' and Merry Christmas to all.
Sammy
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DISEASE SYMPTOMS:
Preoccupation = Thoughts about obtaining or using the chemical
Example: I wonder if theres enough booze/pills at home, (or) if my dealer will be home, (or) if I have enough money for my chemicals.
Increased Tolerance = The ability to tolerate more and more of the chemical and achieve the same effect.
Example: I used to get high on 2 pills. Now I can use 10 pills.
Loss of Control = Instability to predict my using behavior. I may get high, I many not.
Example: I only planned to have a glass of wine at the wedding. I got drunk and passed out.
Denial - A subconscious defense which tells us we do not have the disease.
Example: Everybody uses, dont they? It doesnt mean Im an addict.
Delusion = A lie we tell ourselves which we truly believe.
Note: There are several levels to the severity of delusions. Some people have severe delusions. They truly believe that they are Napoleon or Jesus Christ. Addicts also have delusions, and the truly believe that they are telling the truth.
Example: My children have not been affected by my using.
Blackouts = A period of amnesia.
Example: I cant remember where I parked my car last night.
Cravings = Physical need for the chemical.
Example: I wanted (insert drug of choice) so bad I could taste it.
Compulsive Behavior = Acting out behavior to reduce the craving or preoccupation.
Example: When I had the craving, I knew I shouldnt use, but I found myself in the bar or calling my doctor or dealer last night anyway.
Frozen or Numb Feelings = Limited range of feelings, difficult to feel too high or happy, or too low or sad. Staying in gray emotional areas.
Example: I heard a dear friend of mine was killed. I thought it was too bad, but thats life. I havent cried in two years.
Decreased Tolerance = The body breaks down, cannot drink or use as much without become high or sick.
Example: Now, my speech gets slurred after one drink or pill, and I get sick more often.
Medical Problems = When tolerance decreases, it is a sign of end stage addiction. I refer you to the medical consequences for the list of symptoms - liver disease, etc., which will posted a little later.
At this point, I ask you does this make sense so far?
To the addicts here, did you see this in your disease?
To the co-dependents, did you see this in your significant others?
DISEASE BEHAVIORS:
Rationalizing = Making excuses about the using behavior.
Example: I use because I had a bad day.
Minimizing = Reducing the severity of the abuse.
Example: 15 pills of Vicodin isnt much. Im not that sick.
Blaming - Holding another person, place, or thing responsible for using.
Example: My spouse/significant other makes me mad. If s/he didnt irritate me so much, I wouldnt need to use.
Euphoric Recall = Only remembering how good it felt, not how sick you got.
Example: Ahhhh, theres nothing like Vicodin and a glass of wine.
Real Recall would be: Theres nothing like my drug induced paranoia, or puking my guts out after I use alcohol on my alcoholic bleeding ulcer!
Sneaking/Lying = Being dishonest about the chemical use.
Example: I told my boyfriend I was at the movies last night. I was really at the bar with my friends or scoring drugs from my dealer.
Hiding/Secrets = Not sharing the true extent of the problem, concealing the facts.
Example: I keep an extra bottle of pills in the trunk of my car.
Anger = Inability to cope with perceived injustices, judgments about what we can or cannot do, or defense mechanisms around other feelings, i.e. shame.
Example: I blew up at my wife when she asked me not to use.
Shame = Intense feeling of being defective, somethings wrong with me.
Example: I yelled at my wife yesterday and hurt her feelings. I had to go home high today. I couldnt face her.
Fear = State of apprehension resulting from perceived threat.
Example: I was hungover and called in sick yesterday. I couldnt go back today. I didnt want my boss to say something to me.
Sammy,
FANTASTIC! I have to say, you really must spend hours typing up these informative pieces for us! Thank you. I must say, I am sad to see some of my own previous excuses in there, and a couple I used not too long ago.
It is so hard to look this disease in the face sometimes, it hurts. What makes things a bit easier is when you take your knowledge, and your experience, and apply it to helping others to achieve the things you have, and to think that you might have helped to play a part in their accomplishments. No matter how small it is.
One of the things I see with you is that you give yourself so willingly, and never ask for anything in return. That is love Sammy. Pure and simple. You sit at your computer, day after day, and share things with total strangers, with people you know, and those who you have grown to love, and you do this without cause, or needing validation.
I hope as time goes on, I can grow to your level, and we can continue our walk/roll together through our recoveries. You are one special lady, and I am honored to call you a friend. So, I will say thank you for sharing this post, and this knowledge with me. I took something away from it, and I will value it as well. I sure hope that the mentoring you are doing is rewarding! You deserve to receive some rewards in this life.
God Bless You and Merry Christmas,
Lady M
FANTASTIC! I have to say, you really must spend hours typing up these informative pieces for us! Thank you. I must say, I am sad to see some of my own previous excuses in there, and a couple I used not too long ago.
It is so hard to look this disease in the face sometimes, it hurts. What makes things a bit easier is when you take your knowledge, and your experience, and apply it to helping others to achieve the things you have, and to think that you might have helped to play a part in their accomplishments. No matter how small it is.
One of the things I see with you is that you give yourself so willingly, and never ask for anything in return. That is love Sammy. Pure and simple. You sit at your computer, day after day, and share things with total strangers, with people you know, and those who you have grown to love, and you do this without cause, or needing validation.
I hope as time goes on, I can grow to your level, and we can continue our walk/roll together through our recoveries. You are one special lady, and I am honored to call you a friend. So, I will say thank you for sharing this post, and this knowledge with me. I took something away from it, and I will value it as well. I sure hope that the mentoring you are doing is rewarding! You deserve to receive some rewards in this life.
God Bless You and Merry Christmas,
Lady M
Dear Sammy,
Amazing. Absolutely amazing post. You never cease to amaze me, Sammy. Making a point to go out of your way to share this shows all of us that you are such a special person you are. You are a true, dedicated friend to all.
A special person indeed. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Sammy. And, as the clock strikes midnight on the East Coast, have a Merry Christmas!
Ben
Amazing. Absolutely amazing post. You never cease to amaze me, Sammy. Making a point to go out of your way to share this shows all of us that you are such a special person you are. You are a true, dedicated friend to all.
A special person indeed. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Sammy. And, as the clock strikes midnight on the East Coast, have a Merry Christmas!
Ben
Sammy:
Merry Christmas. You really are the best. Thanks for your caring heart and showing all of us what it is to truly work a program of recovery. You are one who definitely walks like you talk and an excellent example to all. It is an honor and a privilege to know you.
Love,
Rachel
Merry Christmas. You really are the best. Thanks for your caring heart and showing all of us what it is to truly work a program of recovery. You are one who definitely walks like you talk and an excellent example to all. It is an honor and a privilege to know you.
Love,
Rachel
I agree with rachel..it is an honor..
Thank you for taking the time to outline that for us...
kerry
Thank you for taking the time to outline that for us...
kerry
Sammy,
Great post!!! I'm bringing it back to the top.
I hope to hear more. I really related most to the
part about being numb. These meds really numb a person out.
I love you. You share so much and it all is important.
Thank you for who you are in my world.
Love,
PM
Great post!!! I'm bringing it back to the top.
I hope to hear more. I really related most to the
part about being numb. These meds really numb a person out.
I love you. You share so much and it all is important.
Thank you for who you are in my world.
Love,
PM
dear carrie, ben, rachel, kerry and pm - i tell ya, looking back on when i was in active addiction i can relate to all these signs. one of my favorite rationalizations was to get clean for a few weeks and tell myself - "well see sammy, you aren't so badly addicted - you can go for some days and not use"...that's all it took, and i was off and running again.
another brilliant idea of mine was that "controlled using" - i would tell myself i will only use on weekends, since i didn't have to work. oh gosh - you name it, i thought it and acted on those thoughts.
thank You God for leading me to the solution.
namaste, my friends -
sammy
another brilliant idea of mine was that "controlled using" - i would tell myself i will only use on weekends, since i didn't have to work. oh gosh - you name it, i thought it and acted on those thoughts.
thank You God for leading me to the solution.
namaste, my friends -
sammy
