Addictions

Hello, I have just now joined the drug and alcohol addiction site. I have severe problems with amphetamine and cocaine substitute abuse. I used the headshops when they were selling these products and became very dependent, to the point that I find it hard to get things done without the substances, which have been entirely withdrawn from the market. Before any of this happened I had a dependency on codeine and I have now returned to this drug. I am a depressive, I was diagnosed at 17, and all these drugs simply help to keep the depression at bey. I am constantly afraid of not been able to access the drug I need, and therefore maybe becomming suicidel. I'm at a loss because someday my drug of choice will become unavailable and I don't know what I will do. Is there anyone out there who feels like this? I badly need help. Agnes.
What can we do for you, Agnes? Do you want to get clean?
Hi, yes I want to get clean, but it means doing it alone. There is no support system around me. I have 2 grown up daughters, but I would never tell them about this, in case they might think that drugs are an answer to problems. My husband does not understand the need for drugs or anything else to cope with life. I myself never even considered drugs as an answer to problems until 10 years ago. I know I'm weak and I cannot see a life without drugs. Simple things like music, reading, cinama, things I love are tarnished by thoughts of my next fix, or will there a hitch and there won't be a delivery. So I suppose I don't know if I want to give them up, what will my life be like without theese pills. I'm afraid. Agnes.
Hi Agnus and welcome to the board. I don't think that there's one person here who didn't think the way you did. That there was no life after addiction. I too, thought never in a million years will I ever be able to do the things I enjoy without the benefit of pills. How wrong I was. I used to show horses...when I got clean, I continued to do that and with more joy than I ever thought possible. I was also a stay at home mom, everything about my life changed for the better when I got clean and I was addicted to pain pills for 20+ years. Been clean almost 7 now and although recently I've switched addictions to gambling (working on that one), but I have enjoyed life immensly.

It is scary and you deserve to have love and support. What do you want to bet that your girls already know? You don't have to do this alone. When people say that, it's a cop out. There is help. Look for a local meeting for AA or NA. Ask a dr or a friend. Ask your family for help. They don't want you to die. And for us, that's what's next unless we get help.
Agnes, I remember that feeling so well. OMG To go a day without my pills?? No way!! But when I got so tired of living that life of wondering where my next pill was coming from and how many were left and feeling sick because I didn't have enough I decided it wasn't worth it any more. It just wasn't fun like it used to be. It was hard work and not good hard work either.
You could start by talking to your doctor if you still have one and telling him/her your concerns and fears. Life really is better without having to depend on a pill for every moment of the day. I hope you're willing to give it a try.