How is easy is it for you to admit you're wrong?
Do you feel less than? Do you think you lose something?
Some excerpts-
"Many chemically dependent people have a great difficulty admitting they are wrong.They may disagree with this statement,asserting that they would not have the slightest difficulty admitting they were wrong,if that were ever to occur.
The way addicts explain and defend their behavior may sound perfectly logical.Each explanation may at first seem reasonable.Taking the entire litany of incidents and explanations into account,however,we must ask,"if the addict were indeed error-free,how did things end up in such a horrible mess?"
The revovering person must learn not only that it is all right to be human,but also that it is the greatest achievement of all to be a fine human being.But one must first be human,which means that one must err at some time or another."
Addictive Thinking....Understanding Self Deception
It's very hard for me to admit I'm wrong.Whats ironic,the longer I'm clean the more I do see where I am simply wrong or mistaken about a lot of my perceptions.This BB is helping me see where maybe some iron clad stances I've adopted may need to be adjusted.One of those is the use of Suboxone.I really do see where some people are getting help and practicing some principles of recovery.
About a year ago I also changed my views on that whole deal about addiction being so black and white.There are grey areas.
I know what works for me.Its complete abstinence and I really don't see that changing.I have too many hours of research out on that.LOL.....but,I can't be so egocentric to suggest the whole world must follow suit.
I need to keep my mind open.Sometimes I feel like its akin to opening a bear trap.My recovery is a work in progress.I don't think I will ever get to the finish line.If I come on here in the future and proclaim that I have indeed finished....just shoot me.
How is easy is it for you guys to admit you may have been wrong about something on here?
How easy is it for you to forgive a perceived transgression?
Good post tim,
My problem is that i DO take blame for everything, i always feel like it is me who is always wrong...........and so i always catch myslef constanrly apologizing............ But i guess the bottom line is i am a addict, so i do what i do to the max to a hole nother level of extreme.............so see what you are saying though
Pants
My problem is that i DO take blame for everything, i always feel like it is me who is always wrong...........and so i always catch myslef constanrly apologizing............ But i guess the bottom line is i am a addict, so i do what i do to the max to a hole nother level of extreme.............so see what you are saying though
Pants
Pants-Admitting your errors and being a doormat are two different things.
I've followed your story Pants and I don't respond too much because I find the whole situation so disgusting. I'm sure I would say many things I would have to make ammends for.
I don't want to increase that list, but mark things off...LOL
You seem like such a kind person and living in conditions where others take advantage of that is down right inhumane.
I don't think you owe anybody a f*cking explanation for anything...excuse my French.I would walk away and go anywhere.
When I was 19 I was kept by an older man who treated me in the same way.I'm not proud of it,but at the time I was trying to support my habit in any way.
One day I had enough.I snapped.I crammed on the brakes in his new Cadillac in the middle of an intersection,hit the steering wheel so hard with my fist that I broke it.
.I told him to f*ck off,got out in the middle of traffic and hitchiked to the airport.I had his credit cards and bought a one way ticket to Dallas.
Do what you have to do.You can repair the damage later.Don't lose your life trying to think of the best way to leave to save face.
Honey........It's hard to save face when you're a** is falling off.
I've followed your story Pants and I don't respond too much because I find the whole situation so disgusting. I'm sure I would say many things I would have to make ammends for.
I don't want to increase that list, but mark things off...LOL
You seem like such a kind person and living in conditions where others take advantage of that is down right inhumane.
I don't think you owe anybody a f*cking explanation for anything...excuse my French.I would walk away and go anywhere.
When I was 19 I was kept by an older man who treated me in the same way.I'm not proud of it,but at the time I was trying to support my habit in any way.
One day I had enough.I snapped.I crammed on the brakes in his new Cadillac in the middle of an intersection,hit the steering wheel so hard with my fist that I broke it.
.I told him to f*ck off,got out in the middle of traffic and hitchiked to the airport.I had his credit cards and bought a one way ticket to Dallas.
Do what you have to do.You can repair the damage later.Don't lose your life trying to think of the best way to leave to save face.
Honey........It's hard to save face when you're a** is falling off.
Tim,
Thanks for sharing that, i know what it feel like to just break because of allt he contoll.......... but next week things will change and i will be far away from here and can deal with all the damage, far far away. i couldnt hitch a ride bause i wouldnt know what wasy to point my thumb dont know were the airport is lol.
More than anything just upset that i let it get this far, and went against my gut and married a man i wasnt in love with, that right there is a HUGE problem.
wish my a** would fall off, i could stand to loose a few in that generall area...j/k i just have to keep pickin myself up brush off the dust and keep going .
Pants aka door mat........lol
Thanks for sharing that, i know what it feel like to just break because of allt he contoll.......... but next week things will change and i will be far away from here and can deal with all the damage, far far away. i couldnt hitch a ride bause i wouldnt know what wasy to point my thumb dont know were the airport is lol.
More than anything just upset that i let it get this far, and went against my gut and married a man i wasnt in love with, that right there is a HUGE problem.
wish my a** would fall off, i could stand to loose a few in that generall area...j/k i just have to keep pickin myself up brush off the dust and keep going .
Pants aka door mat........lol
"We won't regret the past or wish to close the door on it"
........and it will be o.k. to look at it,just don't stare.
You made a mistake.BFD.Don't let it define your future.
You are young,educated and have a lifetime to make some intelligent decisions.
Some advice from someone who's been around the block-
"Don't ever become financially or emotionally dependent on another human being."
Lots of guys out there today do quite well with women who work and have their own idenities.They can be quite sexy.
This whole era of the "little woman at home taking care of the kids"is a little dated.You can have a career,kids,and your own life.
You are not somebody's property.That dude is going to find that out real fast when he starts dating again.
........and it will be o.k. to look at it,just don't stare.
You made a mistake.BFD.Don't let it define your future.
You are young,educated and have a lifetime to make some intelligent decisions.
Some advice from someone who's been around the block-
"Don't ever become financially or emotionally dependent on another human being."
Lots of guys out there today do quite well with women who work and have their own idenities.They can be quite sexy.
This whole era of the "little woman at home taking care of the kids"is a little dated.You can have a career,kids,and your own life.
You are not somebody's property.That dude is going to find that out real fast when he starts dating again.
TIm, so true. This is the first time i havent been finacaly independant and I NEVER intend to do it again i hate it!!!! I liked workin i liked staying busy, i will be cautious to not od on work though ;0
He clames he will never date again, i think that is a crock of crap, i just feel sorry for whoever the next victim will be.
Thanks for all the words of encouragment
Pants
He clames he will never date again, i think that is a crock of crap, i just feel sorry for whoever the next victim will be.
Thanks for all the words of encouragment
Pants
Pants quotes-"i just feel sorry for whoever the next victim will be."
good choice of words.
good choice of words.
lol............. i thought so to, he could be making mega bucks he is the best actor i have ever seen!
Pants-"he is the best actor i have ever seen! "
...........he ain't that good.You seem to have recognized his act.
...........he ain't that good.You seem to have recognized his act.
ya well...............it took me till after the deal was sealed to relize it.........
kinda like choosing a movie on a plane because it looks good and you like the people, and then it is the worst one you have ever seen...........and you just have to hang in there a bit till the nausea passes................lol
Pants
kinda like choosing a movie on a plane because it looks good and you like the people, and then it is the worst one you have ever seen...........and you just have to hang in there a bit till the nausea passes................lol
Pants
Hmmm, admitting when we're wrong or being a big fat liar , what do we lose by admitting it? Nothing. What we gain is strength and integrity.
Good Morning Lisa-
I don't really know or even care to about all this undercurrent of drama going on.I have always thought you were the real deal.I've lost my temper several times on here and as I recall even you and I have snapped at each other,LOL........I had to get to a place where not everybody is going to like me and that my truth doesn't go over too well.It's o.k.I know in my heart I'm not trying to be mean and when I confront the disease in action,it looks like attack.Its not.Why would I have contention at a person I never met?We are not dealing with a little sprang ankle.......it's a life and death proposition.
You,Rachel,Rae,Elim,Stacey,12th Stepper,Atlas,LB....and the list is long,sorry if I don't name everybody are why I come to this board.Yes,I think the newcomer struggling is the most important but don't ever kid yourself.If I didn't believe a core group here was living and practicing these beliefs,I wouldn't bother.
You are a special lady so don't think it goes unnoticed.
Love you and keep doing exactly what you're doing.
off to the gym.later
I don't really know or even care to about all this undercurrent of drama going on.I have always thought you were the real deal.I've lost my temper several times on here and as I recall even you and I have snapped at each other,LOL........I had to get to a place where not everybody is going to like me and that my truth doesn't go over too well.It's o.k.I know in my heart I'm not trying to be mean and when I confront the disease in action,it looks like attack.Its not.Why would I have contention at a person I never met?We are not dealing with a little sprang ankle.......it's a life and death proposition.
You,Rachel,Rae,Elim,Stacey,12th Stepper,Atlas,LB....and the list is long,sorry if I don't name everybody are why I come to this board.Yes,I think the newcomer struggling is the most important but don't ever kid yourself.If I didn't believe a core group here was living and practicing these beliefs,I wouldn't bother.
You are a special lady so don't think it goes unnoticed.
Love you and keep doing exactly what you're doing.
off to the gym.later
Damn Tim, you do have a way with words, you, Rae, and SDR. Ever thought about being a writer? Maybe a Dear Tim type of format in the local newspaper. Or just an article submitted to the paper on whatever subject you have passion on.
I couldn't have said this better, no where even close. You have a gift that is apparent. You see people for who they really are, and your focus and passion speaks through your words. For those who get it, can learn a great deal from you. Even if people don't get it, they will once they take heed to your experience and knowledge. It took me a bit to get what you were saying. Still I don't agree with all of it, but for the most part you are 'right on'.
For new people just reading and have yet to join, I would recommend that you follow Tim's posts and take what you need from them. He is one of several on here that have a tremendous amount of recovery time and walks the walk.
You have helped me Tim, in more ways than you know. It isn't always about me, that is one of the things you have showed me in your words. It is true people like to hear themselves talk, I am one of those people, working on not being one of those, and sadly, we think all people are interested, when in reality they aren't.
I actually had the nerve to think at one point in my life, that what I said really affected people and I would be responsible for turning their lives around, that was about as egotistical as they come. I have been guilty of not thinking of those around me, I was right and the rest were just plain stupid, me being stuck in my own head without any regards to others. I do not want to be those people that put up this huge facade and have yet to come to terms with who they really are. I was one of those people for too long, I can proudly say, in some areas of my life, I am no longer.
Once I started saying,. ' I am sorry, I was wrong', and man some of those hurt the ole ego pretty badly, a 500 lb, weight no longer there. I used to think if I admit I was wrong, then I will seem weak or stupid or whatever, that wasn't the case at all. I see this daily, people make mistakes and blame it on others, or try to cover it up. When all they have to do is say,, I did it, I am sorry, and learn from it.
Once I admitted I had a pill problem, a whole new world opened up to me.
Right On Tim.
I couldn't have said this better, no where even close. You have a gift that is apparent. You see people for who they really are, and your focus and passion speaks through your words. For those who get it, can learn a great deal from you. Even if people don't get it, they will once they take heed to your experience and knowledge. It took me a bit to get what you were saying. Still I don't agree with all of it, but for the most part you are 'right on'.
For new people just reading and have yet to join, I would recommend that you follow Tim's posts and take what you need from them. He is one of several on here that have a tremendous amount of recovery time and walks the walk.
You have helped me Tim, in more ways than you know. It isn't always about me, that is one of the things you have showed me in your words. It is true people like to hear themselves talk, I am one of those people, working on not being one of those, and sadly, we think all people are interested, when in reality they aren't.
I actually had the nerve to think at one point in my life, that what I said really affected people and I would be responsible for turning their lives around, that was about as egotistical as they come. I have been guilty of not thinking of those around me, I was right and the rest were just plain stupid, me being stuck in my own head without any regards to others. I do not want to be those people that put up this huge facade and have yet to come to terms with who they really are. I was one of those people for too long, I can proudly say, in some areas of my life, I am no longer.
Once I started saying,. ' I am sorry, I was wrong', and man some of those hurt the ole ego pretty badly, a 500 lb, weight no longer there. I used to think if I admit I was wrong, then I will seem weak or stupid or whatever, that wasn't the case at all. I see this daily, people make mistakes and blame it on others, or try to cover it up. When all they have to do is say,, I did it, I am sorry, and learn from it.
Once I admitted I had a pill problem, a whole new world opened up to me.
Right On Tim.
Tim does have great passion. I liked the line "it is the disease i am calling out" or something like that. Brook is right; you would make a great "Ask Tim" because you aren't afraid to tell people what they need to hear.
Bottom line, the truth hurts. However, I am extremely greatful for some that told me the truth...it got me to do things that I only talked about doing. It also got me out of that never ending blame game....I still go there at times, but now I recognize it. I know it isn't easy to tell people the truth; so a soft edge is usually best as it can be seen as attacking when it isn't.
I think there are some that can't admit they have been wrong; ego is way too dominant in those.
You all have a great day.
Bottom line, the truth hurts. However, I am extremely greatful for some that told me the truth...it got me to do things that I only talked about doing. It also got me out of that never ending blame game....I still go there at times, but now I recognize it. I know it isn't easy to tell people the truth; so a soft edge is usually best as it can be seen as attacking when it isn't.
I think there are some that can't admit they have been wrong; ego is way too dominant in those.
You all have a great day.
Brooke.
Your right. Tim does have a way with words. I enjoy his posts for the most part. Sometimes I want to smack him in his head-LOL I am kidding Tim.
Anyway where was I? Oh yeah me a writer? LOL When I was younger people used to say I was pretty good at writing. As I get older I have CRS ( Can't remember sh*t) Syndrome. I think we will leave the writing to Tim.
Brooke your not to bad yourself at getting your point across. You always express yourself very well.
Xoxox,
Rae
Your right. Tim does have a way with words. I enjoy his posts for the most part. Sometimes I want to smack him in his head-LOL I am kidding Tim.
Anyway where was I? Oh yeah me a writer? LOL When I was younger people used to say I was pretty good at writing. As I get older I have CRS ( Can't remember sh*t) Syndrome. I think we will leave the writing to Tim.
Brooke your not to bad yourself at getting your point across. You always express yourself very well.
Xoxox,
Rae
Tim...just wanted to say that I so admire you. Its that simple..your posts are always meaningful and to the point..you have so much information to offer and are not closed minded at all...in your recovery. This is what I admire most.
Although I do know that you follow a strong AA program or type of program...I feel that you really want and need to learn more and are open to that...that is an admirable quality to have...I think your one of the good guys!
Hugs to you bro...
Although I do know that you follow a strong AA program or type of program...I feel that you really want and need to learn more and are open to that...that is an admirable quality to have...I think your one of the good guys!
Hugs to you bro...
As you can see Tim, a few of us here, think you're pretty damn cool. When my head isn't where it's suppose to be, I look for your posts. You bring me back to the present.
I went to the most amazing meeting today. The topic was resentments. lol Just what I was suppose to hear about. Of course my big resentment is aimed at God right now, but hey, I think he can take it. But I heard things that just made so much sense. I love it when that happens. Someone read from chapter 7 in the BB and I'll take the time to write it here tomorrow morning. It gave me back some of my serenity.
Thank you for being you Tim.
I went to the most amazing meeting today. The topic was resentments. lol Just what I was suppose to hear about. Of course my big resentment is aimed at God right now, but hey, I think he can take it. But I heard things that just made so much sense. I love it when that happens. Someone read from chapter 7 in the BB and I'll take the time to write it here tomorrow morning. It gave me back some of my serenity.
Thank you for being you Tim.
((((((((((((((((tim)))))))))))))
thank you. your smart.
thumper
thank you. your smart.
thumper
Today I can see when I am wrong and promptly admit it...Everyday when I am facing things, I ask for my HP guidance and to do the right thing, not what Stacey thinks is right...I still stumble with this and everynight when I go to bed, I do reflect back on all the people I encountered in my day and review if I treated them they way they should have been treated...I make amends daily in my life but I am human but I am making progress from where I've come, as it states, spiritual progress not spiritual perfection....
For me, if I wasn't making errors or mistakes, I wouldn't be trying and if I don't try, I cannot grow.......I pray every morning for willingness and openess to see what I am supposed to see and the courage to do what I can but I make mistakes just like every other human being....For me, I try very hard not to pass judgement or do the ugly things I did before recovery and by practicing the steps and asking my HP, whom I call God, to do his will, a whole new demension has been opened up for me in my life....
Brookie...good post...I could relate to most everything you said and for me, I was always trying to fix everybody around me and wanted them to do it my way but today, I just work on myself and when asked, I share what worked for me and try to allow people their own journey.....
Thanks for letting me share...
Stacey
For me, if I wasn't making errors or mistakes, I wouldn't be trying and if I don't try, I cannot grow.......I pray every morning for willingness and openess to see what I am supposed to see and the courage to do what I can but I make mistakes just like every other human being....For me, I try very hard not to pass judgement or do the ugly things I did before recovery and by practicing the steps and asking my HP, whom I call God, to do his will, a whole new demension has been opened up for me in my life....
Brookie...good post...I could relate to most everything you said and for me, I was always trying to fix everybody around me and wanted them to do it my way but today, I just work on myself and when asked, I share what worked for me and try to allow people their own journey.....
Thanks for letting me share...
Stacey
