I really don't know what prompted me to start this new thread..It is just that it appears that so many including myself are afflicted by a myriad of addictions that i wonder what is the discriminating factor inherent in all addictions but the truth is that addiction does not discriminate....
Some folks have it all....others have nothing.....some of us come from loving nurturing upbringings....there are those who have suffered tremendous abuse and neglect in their childhoods.....in relationships there are those who have kind caring significant others as opposed to some whose mates are tyrannical and inveterate liars....
So why are we so afflicted ? What is the missing piece of this addiction puzzle as sometimes i really don't have a clue and just know that all i can do is stay sober until i figure it out or until i figure me out...
Oft times i get caught up in that comparison game in terms of there are so many more justified in their addictions than i as they have suffered so much more from personal neglect and deprivation in situations beyond there control than i.....that i feel my addicition was more a matter of self indulgence than a response to painful emotional stimuli and i beat myself up at times for feeling so weak and enslaved to my impulses.....but still i stay sober as it is all i know how to do for now as self introspection gets a bit heavy and complicated whereas just not picking up a drink a day at a time seems more simplified...
I know i am rambling...it is just there is much pain and suffering exposed by so many on the various message board catagories....and we all come from different countries and different social and economical situations and have different shades of skin be we male or female....and we are all brought together here on this site by the affliction of our addictions...
After a time it hurts too much to read some the posts including my own and i wish i had all the answers and the mystery of addiction solved....but i don't......and as i have reiterated here so many times.....all i do know is not to pick up that first drink again and i guess that's the plan until the end of my days..
To all of you from one of me....we are in this together and
there is strength in numbers and let's pray WE are victorious
love MARY
Mary,
I share your sentiments with the struggles seen on this site. I too don't have the answer either, however I have found an answer for myself. All I know is that I don't struggle. Staying sober is not a struggle anymore. It took a while for the truth to sink in for me. All I can share is my personal experience. Please don't personalize what I'm saying, it is strictly my experience.
I was deluded into thinking I could choose to drink/use or not drink/use. If I truly had the power to choose, I would have exercised that power a long time ago. My understanding of stopping means staying stopped. Stopping and starting is not stopping. I had trouble stopping, but I had greater difficulty staying stopped.
I discovered that my memory of suffering will not keep me sober. My ideas won't keep me sober. Identifying my triggers won't keep me sober. My intellect won't keep me sober. Wanting to be sober won't keep me sober. It was very difficult to swallow this. I was completely deluded. This is not a popular reality for the real alcoholic/addict. It sure wasn't popular with me. Basically I had to admit complete defeat. Until I do that, I would not remain sober. But then again, this is simply my experience.
Until I accepted the above, I could not stay sober. No human power could keep me sober. It has also been my experience that real alcoholics/addicts who still struggle with this typically don't stay sober. Or the ones who do stay stopped, either struggle or aren't very happy.
My belief system was completely shattered when I accepted the above. With that shattering came surrender and peace. Since this has happened for me, I haven't experienced obsession to use/drink for 23 years. What a wonderful life I have.
It's unfortunate that when we share our experience with being free, it is often interpreted as judgment or being pompous. I understand today what that reaction is. It is fear. I remember reacting the same way at one time.
It sounds like you are sober for quite some time and you are enjoying your life today. I enjoy reading your posts and I hope you continue to post. I have received a great deal of resistance and animosity when I simply ask questions or share my experience with others on this site. I can't control how others think or feel. That basically means it's none of my business what others think of me. All I can do is try to carry a message of hope to the suffering alcoholic/addict.
You are right. We are in this together. I can't stay sober on my own. I need people like you in my life. In the meantime, I'm going to stay in the middle of the herd.
Take care,
Paul (heroin addict/alcoholic from Heroin page)
I share your sentiments with the struggles seen on this site. I too don't have the answer either, however I have found an answer for myself. All I know is that I don't struggle. Staying sober is not a struggle anymore. It took a while for the truth to sink in for me. All I can share is my personal experience. Please don't personalize what I'm saying, it is strictly my experience.
I was deluded into thinking I could choose to drink/use or not drink/use. If I truly had the power to choose, I would have exercised that power a long time ago. My understanding of stopping means staying stopped. Stopping and starting is not stopping. I had trouble stopping, but I had greater difficulty staying stopped.
I discovered that my memory of suffering will not keep me sober. My ideas won't keep me sober. Identifying my triggers won't keep me sober. My intellect won't keep me sober. Wanting to be sober won't keep me sober. It was very difficult to swallow this. I was completely deluded. This is not a popular reality for the real alcoholic/addict. It sure wasn't popular with me. Basically I had to admit complete defeat. Until I do that, I would not remain sober. But then again, this is simply my experience.
Until I accepted the above, I could not stay sober. No human power could keep me sober. It has also been my experience that real alcoholics/addicts who still struggle with this typically don't stay sober. Or the ones who do stay stopped, either struggle or aren't very happy.
My belief system was completely shattered when I accepted the above. With that shattering came surrender and peace. Since this has happened for me, I haven't experienced obsession to use/drink for 23 years. What a wonderful life I have.
It's unfortunate that when we share our experience with being free, it is often interpreted as judgment or being pompous. I understand today what that reaction is. It is fear. I remember reacting the same way at one time.
It sounds like you are sober for quite some time and you are enjoying your life today. I enjoy reading your posts and I hope you continue to post. I have received a great deal of resistance and animosity when I simply ask questions or share my experience with others on this site. I can't control how others think or feel. That basically means it's none of my business what others think of me. All I can do is try to carry a message of hope to the suffering alcoholic/addict.
You are right. We are in this together. I can't stay sober on my own. I need people like you in my life. In the meantime, I'm going to stay in the middle of the herd.
Take care,
Paul (heroin addict/alcoholic from Heroin page)
Paul,
Yeah i am pretty much the old school AA way...coming on 17 1/2 yrs. sober "IF" i make it until 10/28/04...still taking it day by day even after all this time...just worrying about today while leaving tomorrow in the hands of the Big Guy upstairs
Truthfully Paul i am not really struggling to say sober....do it pretty much out of habit (oops!) by now....uh oh maybe i am starting to get addicted to sobriety after all these years...but i still battle with depression and bad relationships...the last ex bf of 5 years was a heroin addict with an H addiction of over 25 yrs....only the track marks on his inner arms were longer than his time served in prison (13 yrs.) and his recently acquired 5th felony for drug trafficking reduced to possession with 5 yrs probation instead of prison time..he's been pumping iron instead of pumping his vein and he has to go to 3 recovery meetings a week...he will only go to AA for some reason but he never had a problem with alcohol....anyway he is history now and it is more likely to see Satan start hanging out with God than the ex bf ever giving up heroin as i suspicion he still sneaks it in despite being on probation.
But he never robbed me of my sobriety and he is like a lot of other posters here in that he would substitute pot or coke for heroin as the lesser of 2 evils but eventually all roads led back to heroin for him anyway..
I was taught when i first came into the 'rooms' that you must be completely drug free...i never went the antabuse route either...
I really try not to preach the 12 Step programs on these boards because i know a lot of those who post here are still pretty young and out there experimenting with this and that and that they will come around eventually when there time comes....i think people respond better to being talked and listened to rather than preached at and ignored....maybe old timers like you and i could be powers of example rather than trying to appear too powerful and make examples out of other's weaknesses.
I myself have received so much good advice and made to feel welcomed and cared about here when i was struggling to extricate myself from my abusive ex heroin addicted bf. I used to post mostly on the Heroin message board and still do as i genuinely like and worry about some of the regulars there who have helped me immensely in the past.
I have enjoyed reading a lot of your posts as well
MARY
Yeah i am pretty much the old school AA way...coming on 17 1/2 yrs. sober "IF" i make it until 10/28/04...still taking it day by day even after all this time...just worrying about today while leaving tomorrow in the hands of the Big Guy upstairs
Truthfully Paul i am not really struggling to say sober....do it pretty much out of habit (oops!) by now....uh oh maybe i am starting to get addicted to sobriety after all these years...but i still battle with depression and bad relationships...the last ex bf of 5 years was a heroin addict with an H addiction of over 25 yrs....only the track marks on his inner arms were longer than his time served in prison (13 yrs.) and his recently acquired 5th felony for drug trafficking reduced to possession with 5 yrs probation instead of prison time..he's been pumping iron instead of pumping his vein and he has to go to 3 recovery meetings a week...he will only go to AA for some reason but he never had a problem with alcohol....anyway he is history now and it is more likely to see Satan start hanging out with God than the ex bf ever giving up heroin as i suspicion he still sneaks it in despite being on probation.
But he never robbed me of my sobriety and he is like a lot of other posters here in that he would substitute pot or coke for heroin as the lesser of 2 evils but eventually all roads led back to heroin for him anyway..
I was taught when i first came into the 'rooms' that you must be completely drug free...i never went the antabuse route either...
I really try not to preach the 12 Step programs on these boards because i know a lot of those who post here are still pretty young and out there experimenting with this and that and that they will come around eventually when there time comes....i think people respond better to being talked and listened to rather than preached at and ignored....maybe old timers like you and i could be powers of example rather than trying to appear too powerful and make examples out of other's weaknesses.
I myself have received so much good advice and made to feel welcomed and cared about here when i was struggling to extricate myself from my abusive ex heroin addicted bf. I used to post mostly on the Heroin message board and still do as i genuinely like and worry about some of the regulars there who have helped me immensely in the past.
I have enjoyed reading a lot of your posts as well
MARY
Mary,
Addicted to sobriety? I can relate to that. I guess I must be addicted too because I'm not willing to give it up. Congratulations on your 17 years. That is really something, isn't it? People like you and me, sitting here posting, being sober for one more day. I'm still impressed. Sometimes I think, is this a dream or what? In august I had 23 years and I am still surprised that I'm still here.
I would agree on your positon with relating the Steps to others here. The people I sponsor today aren't ready until they are ready. I simply sit back and wait for them to ask.
It sounds like we've had similar struggles with relationships. I didn't know how to have a relationship, but I sure knew how to take hostages. I found myself getting into relationships where they needed me, they needed to be taken care of. I finally hit a bottom in this area. I got so fed up with myself for picking the same women again and again. One day my sponsor said something that hit me right between the eyes - "you like emotional cripples." he said. Man, I didn't like hearing that one. It felt real ugly.
Maybe it's necessary for us to go through what we go through so we can learn something. One really uncomfortable reality hit me. If I learn something from it, I don't repeat the behavior. One day I was in another one of those "better relationships" and I said to my sponsor, "well I learned something from the last one" and he said "you didn't LEARN what you needed to LEARN, you DISCOVERED something because you are doing the same thing in this one you did in all the previous ones." Boy, did that sting. He was right. I started to get it. I began to think, there is a difference between discovering and learning.
Today I'm in a wonderful marriage for the past 12 years with a woman that does not need me. It was quite an adjustment in the beginning to be with someone that didn't need to be taken care of.
Anyway, I really enjoyed your post and I'm looking forward to more conversations with you. One last thing about your sobriety.....YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!
Take care,
Paul
Addicted to sobriety? I can relate to that. I guess I must be addicted too because I'm not willing to give it up. Congratulations on your 17 years. That is really something, isn't it? People like you and me, sitting here posting, being sober for one more day. I'm still impressed. Sometimes I think, is this a dream or what? In august I had 23 years and I am still surprised that I'm still here.
I would agree on your positon with relating the Steps to others here. The people I sponsor today aren't ready until they are ready. I simply sit back and wait for them to ask.
It sounds like we've had similar struggles with relationships. I didn't know how to have a relationship, but I sure knew how to take hostages. I found myself getting into relationships where they needed me, they needed to be taken care of. I finally hit a bottom in this area. I got so fed up with myself for picking the same women again and again. One day my sponsor said something that hit me right between the eyes - "you like emotional cripples." he said. Man, I didn't like hearing that one. It felt real ugly.
Maybe it's necessary for us to go through what we go through so we can learn something. One really uncomfortable reality hit me. If I learn something from it, I don't repeat the behavior. One day I was in another one of those "better relationships" and I said to my sponsor, "well I learned something from the last one" and he said "you didn't LEARN what you needed to LEARN, you DISCOVERED something because you are doing the same thing in this one you did in all the previous ones." Boy, did that sting. He was right. I started to get it. I began to think, there is a difference between discovering and learning.
Today I'm in a wonderful marriage for the past 12 years with a woman that does not need me. It was quite an adjustment in the beginning to be with someone that didn't need to be taken care of.
Anyway, I really enjoyed your post and I'm looking forward to more conversations with you. One last thing about your sobriety.....YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!
Take care,
Paul
I have finally been able to say I do not crave drinking anymore. I have been sober since June and I will never drink again, and I feel relief. With my addiction I now understand that I am one of those people that seem to have no brakes. With everything I did, Drinking, drugs, smoking, working, exercising.It wasn't until I almost died when I finally realized that I needed to stop....everything. This is where the hard work starts. Disecting every piece of myself until I finally came to the conclusion that I am a great person, I simply have no brakes. I want to be like you both with years of sobriety. I am only 26 and it's funny, I feel like I just started living now.
Thanks for being my rock, reading your stories does more for me than you will ever know. I came on this web site the first night I got out of the hospital after my (scary hospital stay) and I have been reading these posts ever since. It's is so great to have people with as much knowledge and strength as all of you here.
steph
Thanks for being my rock, reading your stories does more for me than you will ever know. I came on this web site the first night I got out of the hospital after my (scary hospital stay) and I have been reading these posts ever since. It's is so great to have people with as much knowledge and strength as all of you here.
steph
Your lives and stories are inspiring.
I read MARY's post to Pirate, and so I went searching for MARY's other posts,if any, relative to this forum.
Mary has started only two topics--this and another--both back in 2004, yet she shows in the most opportune moments. Not to condemn or judge, but to offer a position of authority: Oldtimer. I wish there were more.
To this funny medium that is more anonymous than Bill W. could ever have imagined, I wonder what he would say of trying to help others stay sober over the web? Or what of the LEVEL of alcoholic that comes into "the rooms" today--they seem far less down trodden in many of the meetings. What of the changing faces of alcoholism and addiction? Younger people, designer addictions, complete irresponsibility? It would seem to me that the ends would justify the means in getting them sober because at LEAST the middle aged alcoholic has developed a sense of perspective on his or her addictions--and possibly a sense of loss or waste of life to the point of the bottom comming rushing up to meet them?
I, too, advocate allowing people to screw up their own lives to the extent they deem appropriate and considerable in their totality. I wonder, though, if the 'education' of the addicts and alcoholics doesn't require MORE, not less, adragogical treatment? I know it doesn't, truly, but I in my newfound sobriety would rather evangelize and ask forgiveness than go unspoken and believe that my ESH wouldn't be at least worth the same consideration.
I attend an open meeting of alcoholics anonymous daily. Every week day that I can attend at 11:00 AM, I am there. I chair some of them because of the service, but I'm certain to listen as to share. The attendees are potheads caught, narcotics anonymous candidates, young people, middle-aged housewives, men, teachers, students, and MOST have received a gift certificate from the courts to attend so many meetings in the hopes that one or two might "get it." Few do. According to my sponsor, likely only 5% of those that make it into the rooms either forcibly or 'voluntarily'(through rehab, intervention, or walk-in). the Oldtimers in there seem to take up positions--one gruff, one kind, one agnostic, one not so much--and try to share their recovery in a way that might enable one of the visitors to feel comfortable enough to ask a question or share or just come back another time. It's very nomadic in that meeting and, much like in here, very anonymous. Those that remain and suffer the ignorance, arrogance, or ambivalence of the ever-changing new person don't become callous, neither do they shower each and every individual coming in with glad tidings of great joy. They're tired and they're diligent because they HOPE that the next one might just GET IT. We can't very well see them in the boxes on the street or up under the bridges, or in a drunken haze at a local nightclub.
And sometimes, when they see the words of a successful long-term recovery that's working, they only HOPE that maybe THOSE words will hit home.
And I do, too.
Mary has started only two topics--this and another--both back in 2004, yet she shows in the most opportune moments. Not to condemn or judge, but to offer a position of authority: Oldtimer. I wish there were more.
To this funny medium that is more anonymous than Bill W. could ever have imagined, I wonder what he would say of trying to help others stay sober over the web? Or what of the LEVEL of alcoholic that comes into "the rooms" today--they seem far less down trodden in many of the meetings. What of the changing faces of alcoholism and addiction? Younger people, designer addictions, complete irresponsibility? It would seem to me that the ends would justify the means in getting them sober because at LEAST the middle aged alcoholic has developed a sense of perspective on his or her addictions--and possibly a sense of loss or waste of life to the point of the bottom comming rushing up to meet them?
I, too, advocate allowing people to screw up their own lives to the extent they deem appropriate and considerable in their totality. I wonder, though, if the 'education' of the addicts and alcoholics doesn't require MORE, not less, adragogical treatment? I know it doesn't, truly, but I in my newfound sobriety would rather evangelize and ask forgiveness than go unspoken and believe that my ESH wouldn't be at least worth the same consideration.
I attend an open meeting of alcoholics anonymous daily. Every week day that I can attend at 11:00 AM, I am there. I chair some of them because of the service, but I'm certain to listen as to share. The attendees are potheads caught, narcotics anonymous candidates, young people, middle-aged housewives, men, teachers, students, and MOST have received a gift certificate from the courts to attend so many meetings in the hopes that one or two might "get it." Few do. According to my sponsor, likely only 5% of those that make it into the rooms either forcibly or 'voluntarily'(through rehab, intervention, or walk-in). the Oldtimers in there seem to take up positions--one gruff, one kind, one agnostic, one not so much--and try to share their recovery in a way that might enable one of the visitors to feel comfortable enough to ask a question or share or just come back another time. It's very nomadic in that meeting and, much like in here, very anonymous. Those that remain and suffer the ignorance, arrogance, or ambivalence of the ever-changing new person don't become callous, neither do they shower each and every individual coming in with glad tidings of great joy. They're tired and they're diligent because they HOPE that the next one might just GET IT. We can't very well see them in the boxes on the street or up under the bridges, or in a drunken haze at a local nightclub.
And sometimes, when they see the words of a successful long-term recovery that's working, they only HOPE that maybe THOSE words will hit home.
And I do, too.
Aren't people wonderful? You are wonderful.
I started going to open AA meetings to try to understand what's happening from my ex's perspective and to gain an insight into what I could do......
still trying to accept the answer....
I was shocked to the core yesterday when she looked me in the eyes and lied.....
guess I'm slow on the uptake.......
what a struggle it must have been/is for you.....she's a lovely person with good values who is currently using emotional blackmail, abuse, aggression and bare-faced dishonesty to try to manipulate me.....
I'm slow on the uptake.........
and I'm grateful to hear your experience and strength, and to feel the hope you inspire in me that this beautiful, marvellous person will find herself again one day....
Thank you so much.
I started going to open AA meetings to try to understand what's happening from my ex's perspective and to gain an insight into what I could do......
still trying to accept the answer....
I was shocked to the core yesterday when she looked me in the eyes and lied.....
guess I'm slow on the uptake.......
what a struggle it must have been/is for you.....she's a lovely person with good values who is currently using emotional blackmail, abuse, aggression and bare-faced dishonesty to try to manipulate me.....
I'm slow on the uptake.........
and I'm grateful to hear your experience and strength, and to feel the hope you inspire in me that this beautiful, marvellous person will find herself again one day....
Thank you so much.
Mary
Thank you for your kind words and understanding. I have admitted to myself and others that by drinking the fake wine i was holding on to the last thread that connected me to alcohol. That been done I feel a whole lot better. My sponsor "God love him" is a Godsend to me as all of you here on this site are as well. I've been drinking for 34 years ( I KNOW ) THATS A LONG TIME. At first it was on saturday then friday and saturday and over the years progressed to the point where I gotten to where I am today. I've been clean now for 12 days and what 12 days it has been! I've learned more in these 12 days than I ever thought possible. Things about myself and the addiction and the consequences and last but not least the POWER OF GOD or as some prefer to call it the HP. I accept and welcome any advice you or any other member on this site is willing to share with me. I am starting to experience a peace that I have never felt before. Oh there are bad days and I would be fooling myself if I pretended all is fine but as time goes on the bad days are becoming less. My husband wrote me a letter and it was a beautiful letter . In it he expressed his concern for me and how he will stand by me with his love and support. One of the comments he made in the letter was that it is BETTER TO HAVE ONE BAD DAY SOBER than to have 100 good DRUNK ones. At least my bad days sober I can remember and learn from them. Towards the end of my drinking I didnt have too many good days. They changed from good to bad to just plain ugly. I became a ugly person inside. Always filled with guilt,remorse and anger at myself which I took out on other people. Especially those closest to me and the ones who loved me the most. It is through people like you that I gain strength and insight. sometimes people on the outside looking in can tell more about a person than the person can see for themselves. That is why I value everything anyone tells me on this site. I do indeed have a lot to learn and I have a long way to go. But things are looking brighter day by day. I have been blinded my alcohol for so long that I lost my way and could not see where I was headed. Now things are becoming clearer and I have to get to know me,because the person I am today is not the person I was 12 days ago.I am sure by next year this time (GOD willing) I will be a totally different and improved person. which I hope I will be. I am going to work on becoming that person who is worthy of the love that is given to me. I can tell you I have learned that God works in mysterious ways. The day I gave up drinking I had NO intention of giving it up. In my misery and pain and alcoholic haze the seed of ending it all was starting to grow. I never planned it but for 2 days the thought was there (that I could just get it over with.) In my drunken state and despair I cried to God to help me. At that moment something I dont know what nor can I explain it but something happened . I did not see God nor angels nor light but something happened that is beyond my comprehension. At that moment I KNOW something lifted from me. I got up off the sofa that I was lying and crying on and called AA . That is when I met my sponsor whom I have today. From that moment I have not had a drink. the booze that was left in the bottle that day my sponsor told me to throw it away and I did. He stayed on the phone with me for a long time talking to me and reassuring me that everything would be all right. That evening when my husband came home I told him what had happened and how I reached out for help. He put his head in his hands and cried with relief and gratitude that finally I admitted I needed help. He have told me since ,his prayers were answered and he truly believes that I was saved by some Higher Power. My family and my friends are all amazed that I actually reached out to make the decision to stop drinking. That Mary is a little of my story,sorry I rambled on so long but its nice to be able to share with others what I am feeling . Thank you all may GOD BLESS YOU ALL and be safe
Thank you for your kind words and understanding. I have admitted to myself and others that by drinking the fake wine i was holding on to the last thread that connected me to alcohol. That been done I feel a whole lot better. My sponsor "God love him" is a Godsend to me as all of you here on this site are as well. I've been drinking for 34 years ( I KNOW ) THATS A LONG TIME. At first it was on saturday then friday and saturday and over the years progressed to the point where I gotten to where I am today. I've been clean now for 12 days and what 12 days it has been! I've learned more in these 12 days than I ever thought possible. Things about myself and the addiction and the consequences and last but not least the POWER OF GOD or as some prefer to call it the HP. I accept and welcome any advice you or any other member on this site is willing to share with me. I am starting to experience a peace that I have never felt before. Oh there are bad days and I would be fooling myself if I pretended all is fine but as time goes on the bad days are becoming less. My husband wrote me a letter and it was a beautiful letter . In it he expressed his concern for me and how he will stand by me with his love and support. One of the comments he made in the letter was that it is BETTER TO HAVE ONE BAD DAY SOBER than to have 100 good DRUNK ones. At least my bad days sober I can remember and learn from them. Towards the end of my drinking I didnt have too many good days. They changed from good to bad to just plain ugly. I became a ugly person inside. Always filled with guilt,remorse and anger at myself which I took out on other people. Especially those closest to me and the ones who loved me the most. It is through people like you that I gain strength and insight. sometimes people on the outside looking in can tell more about a person than the person can see for themselves. That is why I value everything anyone tells me on this site. I do indeed have a lot to learn and I have a long way to go. But things are looking brighter day by day. I have been blinded my alcohol for so long that I lost my way and could not see where I was headed. Now things are becoming clearer and I have to get to know me,because the person I am today is not the person I was 12 days ago.I am sure by next year this time (GOD willing) I will be a totally different and improved person. which I hope I will be. I am going to work on becoming that person who is worthy of the love that is given to me. I can tell you I have learned that God works in mysterious ways. The day I gave up drinking I had NO intention of giving it up. In my misery and pain and alcoholic haze the seed of ending it all was starting to grow. I never planned it but for 2 days the thought was there (that I could just get it over with.) In my drunken state and despair I cried to God to help me. At that moment something I dont know what nor can I explain it but something happened . I did not see God nor angels nor light but something happened that is beyond my comprehension. At that moment I KNOW something lifted from me. I got up off the sofa that I was lying and crying on and called AA . That is when I met my sponsor whom I have today. From that moment I have not had a drink. the booze that was left in the bottle that day my sponsor told me to throw it away and I did. He stayed on the phone with me for a long time talking to me and reassuring me that everything would be all right. That evening when my husband came home I told him what had happened and how I reached out for help. He put his head in his hands and cried with relief and gratitude that finally I admitted I needed help. He have told me since ,his prayers were answered and he truly believes that I was saved by some Higher Power. My family and my friends are all amazed that I actually reached out to make the decision to stop drinking. That Mary is a little of my story,sorry I rambled on so long but its nice to be able to share with others what I am feeling . Thank you all may GOD BLESS YOU ALL and be safe
