so much for today being d-day... failed miserably yet again... 5 o'clock and we're crawling the walls, felt like the world was going to cave in on me so of course what do we do, make that famous phone call and make a dash from one side of the city to the other in jig time.. funny, I was thinking on the drive over, when I was at home before I made my phone call I was sick, sick, sick.. once that call was made and I was on the drive over my symptoms weren't that bad.. what is that, makes me think most of my symptoms are in my mind.. if I could just tell myself everyday that it's on the way, I'd get through it easier - if only eh... it'd be great to have total control over your thinking, the things we could do...
other half wants me to come to the clinic on Friday morning and have another go at asking for a meth course.. as I've said before, when I wanted them to give me meth (years ago) they wouldn't give me any and now when I'm thinking that I don't want to go down that road they'll probably offer it to me... not too sure what else they could offer me really... they'd expect me to go to a chemist everyday for my dose which is out of the question as I have to go to work... I just know what they'll say to that when I tell them, they'll give the usual 'how much do you want to get clean crap', they'd expect me to give up my job and devote myself to attending a chemist for I don't know how long... it's ok for my other half as he's self employed so he can just take time out during the day when he wants but I can't... we've two mortgages, credit card bills and I've a credit union loan which all need to be paid monthly.. I'm sure the bank would be totally understanding if I called them up to explain - NOT..... that was one of the reasons I fell out with the clinic a few years back because they expected me to give up my job and commit to a rehab programme for about six months or something... much as I would love to be in a position to do this, it's just not reasonable at the moment, or feasible to say the least... really don't know what to do about the clinic now, in a way I know Cian is right, it's another option to consider... I think I'll ask them to try me on it.. put me on the meth detox for 3 weeks lets say, rather than a course, give me takeaways so that I can go to work and if my first urine is dirty the following week then they can cut me off.. I reckon it would work, just take the meth, keep clean and start to taper off it as soon as possible...
my family have absolutely no idea whatsoever about my situation.. I know people on here say, you'd be surprised they probably guess but believe me they really don't have a clue.. drugs, especially heroin is just something that would not enter their minds... as far as they're concerned the cover looks ok but they've no clue about whats inside...
I've been checking out about yoga, apparently there is a type of yoga that's called kundalini yoga (or something similar).. only one person in Dublin who teaches this type of yoga but it's meant to be good for addictions, depression etc.. I got an email from the Irish Yoga Centre today with the practitioners name and contact details, so if all goes to plan and I start to get on the right road over the next few weeks I'm going to sign up for a course to see if it helps,, can't do any harm anyway...
Eckie.. read one of your posts to Davey about a word that he used you didn't recognise, can I be nosey and ask what it was.. if it relates to footie or other sports, I'm defo in the dark, but I'm just curious... when I read your posts they make me think of this crazy scot that Cian and I met on holidays this year, I love the accent and you write as you speak... brought me back to sunnier climes..
anyway.. hope you're all good....
Arrie...
venerable the word was,arrie glad u posted,thought it was lonely ole me as usual,what does it mean?
Venerable means esteemed, highly thought of, respected by virtue of extraordinary achievements, worthy of worship (in its extreme use), often used to describe accomplished elder folk...a very fine word, venerable even =)
Arenal...dont give up...facing the same kind of situation in a way...HAVE to go to work...no time for IP....is there any other doc you can talk to ? I got lucky and the doc Im talking to is really trying to work around the work schedule and stuff...I cant take off anymore work either....and god forbid if they ever knew then I'd be out the door....look around if you can and find a doc you can talk to...dont give up
Hey Arenal. I can relate totally. Same position as you. Friends/family /work, no-one knows. Been hiding it for 5 years, skipping out at lunch to get a blast to ward off withdrawals. Leaving on time every night to go and score. Like you, when me and my partner went to get treatment, they were pretty unflexible about coming and going with us because we worked. All this daily pick up crap, it's no good. And they expected us to check in with a drug worker once a week for as long as we were in treatment to be tested etc. They really weren't used to people who worked and expected US to make all the sacrafices etc. If only they could understand, it's your job that's held this whole sorry mess of a lie together. If I had given up my job, I'd have lost everything! I'd probably have given up and ended up shoplifting or something but thankfully, I've never had to do that.
Be firm if you can, this is YOUR treatment/recovery, they need to tailor it to your needs, not theirs. If you have any chance, they have to work with you.
They suggested me & my partner tell his parents (mine are no longer with us). Yeah right! We've hid it for 5 years to save them all the hurt, so we just tell them now when we're trying to get clean? And all the excuses we made for being broke, they will know we lied. Not going to happen.
In my oppinion, speaking from experience, Subutex has been the best tghing I've tried. Are you in the UK or the States? I think it's Suboxone in the US.
read up on it, ask around, I personally recommend it, especially if you are working.
You have people here who are just like you, don't give up trying, it WILL happen.
All the luck in the world to you,
Linz x
Be firm if you can, this is YOUR treatment/recovery, they need to tailor it to your needs, not theirs. If you have any chance, they have to work with you.
They suggested me & my partner tell his parents (mine are no longer with us). Yeah right! We've hid it for 5 years to save them all the hurt, so we just tell them now when we're trying to get clean? And all the excuses we made for being broke, they will know we lied. Not going to happen.
In my oppinion, speaking from experience, Subutex has been the best tghing I've tried. Are you in the UK or the States? I think it's Suboxone in the US.
read up on it, ask around, I personally recommend it, especially if you are working.
You have people here who are just like you, don't give up trying, it WILL happen.
All the luck in the world to you,
Linz x
thats what i said linz,that place in aberdeen does a subutex detox for 1200,thata not bad considering what some ask although i realise that can be a lot of money 2 us users,i wouldnt give anyone else the worries either,they most probably dont deserve it exspecially if there r no drugs been in the family,they wouldnt probably understand.eck,,thanks for solving venerable monmmore,thought davey was playing my head,hello 4 2day by the way.
