Hi everyone
My son went into rehab a week ago. I've been waiting for this call. He has signed himself out. $2000 for A week. On a positive note, the deductible is met. I gave him a couple options and he has picked the sober living that has structure. He has called his job to see if he still has a job...so we will see.
I told him it's different this time...that I love him but will no longer be a part of the problem.
In take is before 12 so now he wants to know what to do until tomorrow.
Faith faith faith!!!! I've got to be strong but every time I hear his voice I feel weak.
My heart hurts !!!
Added few hours later ....
So, I'm not so strong. Zach cannot go to sober Living until tomorrow. So, I got him a hotel for the night. Not too smart right?
His girlfriend text me and said its over which tells me he will be using before the night is over.
So when he is messed up and cannot get into sober Living tomorrow I need to let him stay in the street? No money for food right ??
This just makes me sick.
Plopez, I am so sorry this is happening! I don't really know what to say. We have all be learning that it's the addicts choice to do what they do, but I would be so torn just like you are now. I would've offered the hotel too. If he chooses to use and can't get in the other program, that's the consequence he will have to deal with and he must realize that by now. Oh Lord, the heartache we endure! I hope others post with what they think. Prayers go out to you.
Thank you Amma. I'm stressed right now. He's in a hotel until tomorrow so if something happens, I'll never forgive myself.
Paula,
Read "Let me fall all by myself" under most popular topics. It was helpful to me. I also thought about everything I had done to try to help my addict kids. I didn't know what else I could do. I was doing the same things over and over. Talk, talk, talk, rehab, money, pay off bills, doctor suggestions, cry, etc. I realized nothing was going to change if I kept doing the same things over and over. There really wasn't anything more "I" could do.
One day my husband said, "Do you really want to still be living like this xx years from now? We can't stop the kids (adults really) from doing what they are doing." I kept thinking that somehow I was going to be able to help them get clean. Reality is I can't help them get clean. That is their job.
I read a lot and "talk big" because it helps give me courage to stay out of their lives. My addict son in prison will be released in Feb. I have to stay strong to know that home/my home cannot be his home. I have to stay strong to remember that my other addict son still can't live here even though he is homeless. He has two beautiful little girls with his girlfriend. He can't live with her because she has subsidized housing that doesn't allow felons. (Past mistakes for him) but I can't trust him to be here. He is allowed visits now and then and I give him work to do for me. When he is clean and doing good, he likes to feel like he is "helping" me. I still remind him he needs to be getting a job, should go to rehab, etc., but he is not there yet.
All of this is better than living everyday with them in my house. The "not knowing" is better than having to face what I knew and saw in my home everyday. They were too comfortable being fed, clothed and housed by me. Why would they ever change anything. I decided I couldn't keep doing the same thing again and again.
Read "Let me fall all by myself" under most popular topics. It was helpful to me. I also thought about everything I had done to try to help my addict kids. I didn't know what else I could do. I was doing the same things over and over. Talk, talk, talk, rehab, money, pay off bills, doctor suggestions, cry, etc. I realized nothing was going to change if I kept doing the same things over and over. There really wasn't anything more "I" could do.
One day my husband said, "Do you really want to still be living like this xx years from now? We can't stop the kids (adults really) from doing what they are doing." I kept thinking that somehow I was going to be able to help them get clean. Reality is I can't help them get clean. That is their job.
I read a lot and "talk big" because it helps give me courage to stay out of their lives. My addict son in prison will be released in Feb. I have to stay strong to know that home/my home cannot be his home. I have to stay strong to remember that my other addict son still can't live here even though he is homeless. He has two beautiful little girls with his girlfriend. He can't live with her because she has subsidized housing that doesn't allow felons. (Past mistakes for him) but I can't trust him to be here. He is allowed visits now and then and I give him work to do for me. When he is clean and doing good, he likes to feel like he is "helping" me. I still remind him he needs to be getting a job, should go to rehab, etc., but he is not there yet.
All of this is better than living everyday with them in my house. The "not knowing" is better than having to face what I knew and saw in my home everyday. They were too comfortable being fed, clothed and housed by me. Why would they ever change anything. I decided I couldn't keep doing the same thing again and again.
