well im sitting here drinking a bottle of wine im just sooooo pissed off my head is so f***ed up today (basically for the last 8 years) . Everyone who as read my post's will know what my life is going through at this very moment on tuesday the 3rd july i had a home meeting with my X fella's probation and drug councillar we all had a good talk an i thought we were getting somewhere as my fella decided to go on to subutex but he has told his probation officer more than what he has told me he must off because she was telling him he is better with meth than subbies , now i thought that the doc will only give you meth if you are actually on heroin ??? cause why give you meth an start another addiction when he aint ment to be on the heroin in the first place ?? fishy i know !! anyway to cut the story short today i went with him to pick the subbies up and guess what ? he never took em went out without me knowing came back high he denied he was high but he has been a complete b****** with me all day then comes back happy .
i dont want to be with him anymore but it's easier to stay with him than it is to leave him , the reason being is that he dont let me live he always comes back pestering me or threatens to kill himself , so what did i do ? i went the shop and bought a big bottle of wine to get pissed i know it doesnt help and your problems dont go away but it helps me handle this situation contradicting (spelling ooops) myself yep i know !
i know this is'nt my problem and im making it mine but im all alone without any body around me to talk too and too help me be strong that's why i always give in , ive got my friends but they got there own family problems , i wish i had family to babysit for me so i can see what it's like to go clubbing on weekends and have a good laugh with my mates , im only 24 at the end of the day i had my first child at 16 who i love too bits along with my other 3 kids . But i need to start living too .
sorry for the "feeling sorry for myself " but everyone deserves some attention sometimes dont we ? lol sorry for moaning but im sorry to say i will be back
; ) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey Emz, you feel sorry for yourself girl. We all do at some time. As for turning to the bottle...I have been there too. Just after I had my daughter I started drinking loads because obviously I never drank when pregnant. He would work late at night and I was stuck on my own sorting my daughter out so when she would go to bed I would open a bottle of vodka and drink half a bottle. I done this for a good few weeks but then realised it was getting me nowhere. Just be sure not to let this turn into an addiction and remember it doesnt take away your problems, it only prolonges them.
Def agree you need to go out and enjoy yourself. I am doing the same now. I go out every 3-4 weeks with my friends...well so called mates and have a laugh! Its good for ya.
You need to seclude yourself from his problems and get on with your own life. If he doesnt realise what he is missing out on then thats his loss at the end of the day.
I have told my bloke today that I am loosing every ounce of respect for him and am starting to not feel anything for him. I dont even care if we stay together anymore although I wont kick him out and see him on the streets because I know he will do something serious and I dont mean to himself. Thing is I feel like going to his gp and telling him a few truths...bout him not taking his subbies, bout him threatening to hurt people including himself. He should be signed off and I really think if I told his gp everything they would do this but he seems to think he cant do this without me. Bullsh*t I know because he has done it before without anyone and I am obviously not enough to get him off now!!
I read a book last week that said when you are on heroin you arent you anymore, you belong to heroin. Every choice that you make, everything you say and do...its heroin not the person taking it. I still find things frustrating because if this is the case then I am wasting so much time with heroin and not the bloke I once loved truly. I just think its so sad that this drug can take away one of the most special things in my life and destroy everything. Suppose thats why I had so much hope that we could get through this because I wanted that person back so badly. Now I dont care. I would love nothing more than to have the old Kevin back but if I dont..well life goes on. If it comes to him harming himself...well I cant take responsibility for that...heroin can!! It would be a shame and as selfish as it seams sometimes I feel like at least then this sh*t would all be over. Thing is it would kill me, my daughter not having a Daddy. Kevins Dad was never there for him and thats why I think he has so many problems now. He has had a tough life but I think you should never blame your past for your future. You should learn from your past and change the pattern!!
I pray for all addicts because its a sad and nasty addiction, which takes the lives from so many people who have no control over the situation!! Why would people take this drug when they know the terrible results????
Anyway you stay strong for yourself and your children and do whatever makes you and them happy!!!
Take care xx
Def agree you need to go out and enjoy yourself. I am doing the same now. I go out every 3-4 weeks with my friends...well so called mates and have a laugh! Its good for ya.
You need to seclude yourself from his problems and get on with your own life. If he doesnt realise what he is missing out on then thats his loss at the end of the day.
I have told my bloke today that I am loosing every ounce of respect for him and am starting to not feel anything for him. I dont even care if we stay together anymore although I wont kick him out and see him on the streets because I know he will do something serious and I dont mean to himself. Thing is I feel like going to his gp and telling him a few truths...bout him not taking his subbies, bout him threatening to hurt people including himself. He should be signed off and I really think if I told his gp everything they would do this but he seems to think he cant do this without me. Bullsh*t I know because he has done it before without anyone and I am obviously not enough to get him off now!!
I read a book last week that said when you are on heroin you arent you anymore, you belong to heroin. Every choice that you make, everything you say and do...its heroin not the person taking it. I still find things frustrating because if this is the case then I am wasting so much time with heroin and not the bloke I once loved truly. I just think its so sad that this drug can take away one of the most special things in my life and destroy everything. Suppose thats why I had so much hope that we could get through this because I wanted that person back so badly. Now I dont care. I would love nothing more than to have the old Kevin back but if I dont..well life goes on. If it comes to him harming himself...well I cant take responsibility for that...heroin can!! It would be a shame and as selfish as it seams sometimes I feel like at least then this sh*t would all be over. Thing is it would kill me, my daughter not having a Daddy. Kevins Dad was never there for him and thats why I think he has so many problems now. He has had a tough life but I think you should never blame your past for your future. You should learn from your past and change the pattern!!
I pray for all addicts because its a sad and nasty addiction, which takes the lives from so many people who have no control over the situation!! Why would people take this drug when they know the terrible results????
Anyway you stay strong for yourself and your children and do whatever makes you and them happy!!!
Take care xx
awww thanks bunny ya great i'am going to try to do this i need to be strong i know i do , and i didnt have my dad around either, it does play a big part in your life but it's there choice so why should we suffer ? there loosing out so why should we give a f*** ?? anyway i did have an alcohol prob before a bad one an im not going throu that s*** again cause i used to go on binges a lot but s*** it's no good
thanks hunny your always there to post to me when i need them xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx so grateful xxxxxxx
thanks hunny your always there to post to me when i need them xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx so grateful xxxxxxx
Hey hope you're feeling a bit better? Like Bunny said, there's no harm in drowning your sorrows (hell I'm doing it now!) as long as you keep control of it and understand that it isn't a solution it's just numbing for a short while. But you got your head screwed on right.
Life with an addict can be so confusing can't it? I overheard a couple of teenage lads talking about heroin and really romanticising it (I happen to know they've never used, but they're doing all sorts of other s***) and it made me so f***ing mad. They don't have a clue what theyr'e talking about, how it messes up lives. Tears people apart. Reduces grown men to tears. Kills dreams.
I feel for you. So many of us here do. You're not alone. Never lose sight of what a beautiful thing life is and make sure you get to enjoy it, live it. Thinking of you.
Love, Maddy x
Life with an addict can be so confusing can't it? I overheard a couple of teenage lads talking about heroin and really romanticising it (I happen to know they've never used, but they're doing all sorts of other s***) and it made me so f***ing mad. They don't have a clue what theyr'e talking about, how it messes up lives. Tears people apart. Reduces grown men to tears. Kills dreams.
I feel for you. So many of us here do. You're not alone. Never lose sight of what a beautiful thing life is and make sure you get to enjoy it, live it. Thinking of you.
Love, Maddy x
