I'm 18, going to college (when I get there) and trying so hard to do what I have always wanted to do. I just feel like there is too much s*** pilled up in my way. I drink everyday, mostly Vodka. I feel like I want to die without it. I can handle drinking though. I smoke a lot of weed. I can handle that too though. I eat shrooms and snort coc and smoke crack and snort pill and eat them too. I even feel like I can handle all that, when I'm on something. I can handle anything when I'm not on something. I just want to cry because I can't do anything but cry without it, without anything. I know I have a problem because I know that I shouldn't be this upset without it. It used to just be fun, something I'd do when I was bored. Now it's not the same. It's different. I can't do anything without it and I ALWAYS feel so strung out. I catch myself always drifting away, to someplace else. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just can't seem to snap out of it. My friends (my cleaner friends) have been really worried about me and I put my good friends through hell last night. I was coming off shrooms and coc and pills and I felt like s*** yesterday. I was trying not to do any kind of drug yesterday, because honetly I feel like an addict. I had to give in though. I smoked weed and drank a whole lot of Jim Beam 7 Yr. Old. I got so sick, I was throwing up outside and they were holding me up because I was passing out. I was throwing up blood and everything else. Then I got to the point where I couldn't stop throwing up so much that I couldn't breathe. I kept trying to gasp for air and I couldn't take anything in. I just don't want to be like this. I want to be the beautiful person I am when I'm on drugs without the drugs. ....I don't know if any of this makes sense but if anyone wants or needs to talk, just e-mail me pyro_psyco_chic@yahoo.com
I hope you went to the hospital..... You can't do this alone. I don't want to scare you, but I do hope that you get professional help as soon as possible. I was always that party girl, the one who could drink an entire bottle of Jager and put every man I knew to shame. At 25, I could out drink and out party anyone I knew (and I'm only 100lbs)..... then I quit drinking (it wasn't hard; I was a binge drinker, not an everyday drinker), but I started up with the pills. With me, it was always something.... even when I lead a healthy life, I exercise too much, I get too thin.... I'm compulsive and I've been in your shoes.
I wish you the best.
Danielle
I wish you the best.
Danielle
throwing up blood...please go to the hospital. I quit drinking in january...I wa 18 when I started...now 30, diagnosed with chirrosis. I almost died. you need rehab, because if you feel like this with only one day of not doing anything, it gets worse before it gets better, and it is very dangerous to try to quit by yourself. I also was the ultimate warrior when it came to partyng...even the month before I quit. Three kids, I was mixing drinks in sippy cups and water bottles. Had a friend who thought she culd handle everything too....Your body can only tolerate so much...if you are doing all of this so early, your body is going to give...and with the mixture of all of it, I wouldnt think it would take too long. I am not trying to scare you or be nasty..just telling you the facts, because I have been in that I can handle anything mindset. it jsut about killed me. Five months of physical recovery, and I am still going through the mental aspects of it. please email me at adrigrace74@yahoo.com.
