I began dating my girlfriend about 3 months ago, and when she isn't drunk she is incredibly sweet, nice, caring, etc. She is always on weed and some pills she is prescribed, but that stuff doesn't really bother me...it's when she drinks that the trouble really starts. I am 2.5 years sober off of everything, have worked 12 Steps, sponsor men, etc. just for some context.
When she drinks she basically turns into a different person - she blacks out almost immediately due to the combination of alcohol and pills. She flirts with other guys, though I don't think she has actually followed through and cheated on me yet - these actions make me feel LIKE s*** regardless. She drinks until she can't stand up or speak. Then the next day, she doesn't remember anything and is as sweet as she possibly can be to me, and swears off drinking - which lasts for like 2-3 days. I am basically in fear of her drinking, and cheating (and possibly not even telling me because she might not even remember it happening herself!). But I love our relationship when she isn't like this, which is technically most of the time.
I know, I know. I'm being an idiot. Still I have to ask for your advice: Time to call it quits?
Dude...come on....you are sponsoring others and are dating an alcoholic?
AAL - Re-read your second paragraph. That could be your life for the next 10 years while you are hoping she gets sober. What are her current thoughts about getting off the pills and alcohol.
I think you have your answer - call it quits. you've been there, done that, why unravel all that you have accomplished in 2.5 years.... i'm sure it was not easy to be where you are today. It is not rewarding to be in a relationship when every day is a worry and a struggle.
do what us enabler's are taught.... tell her when she is sober for 6 months, you can get back together.... or slowly let the relationship fade.... or give her some ultimatums and see how she reacts... surely you can find someone who appreciates the person you are and who has common values.
I think you have your answer - call it quits. you've been there, done that, why unravel all that you have accomplished in 2.5 years.... i'm sure it was not easy to be where you are today. It is not rewarding to be in a relationship when every day is a worry and a struggle.
do what us enabler's are taught.... tell her when she is sober for 6 months, you can get back together.... or slowly let the relationship fade.... or give her some ultimatums and see how she reacts... surely you can find someone who appreciates the person you are and who has common values.
aal520:
What does YOUR sponsor say about your relationship ??
I sure wouldn't want you sponsoring me ......
It would be like "Take my advice, I'm not using it"
All the best.
Bob R
What does YOUR sponsor say about your relationship ??
I sure wouldn't want you sponsoring me ......
It would be like "Take my advice, I'm not using it"
All the best.
Bob R
Hi aal- In sobriety, It took me 5 yrs to get my brains back and then many years after that to learn how to use it. Dating someone who drinks is not surprising to me, been there done that and I won't judge you for it. It sounds like your program has seeped in enough to bring you to this place and question your current situation. In my experience, this type of dynamic while trying to maintain sobriety never lasted. It may feel familiar, but it can be so destructive to maintaining long term sobriety. You've already answered your own question. Go with it. Trust your gut.
