Hello people, tinman here - with a poem for you 'bout how i feel today, depressing i know but true true true.....
Alone
On my own
dont need your pity
phone number, pick up
move outta the city
f*** life
sparkle gone
replaced by black
give up/keep going
ruled by smack
(can you) keep sane (can you?)
no point to this stupid game
ups/downs -
same sh** different pain
alone
again
f*** this game, i no longer wanna play
TINman 2007(London, UK).
Im new to this site but am glad i found somewhere where there are people like me and know about life with the B.
See ya soon - TINman.
Tinman--
You have the brain, sounds like you have the courage- - all you need is heart.
keepposting
jack
You have the brain, sounds like you have the courage- - all you need is heart.
keepposting
jack
Hey TinMan, good stuff you created there. We sure do know that black hole feeling........all of us.
Welcome and hope to see ya around.
Surrender Dorothy.....me and Toto surrendered to life several years ago...it's good over this side, TinMan.
Welcome and hope to see ya around.
Surrender Dorothy.....me and Toto surrendered to life several years ago...it's good over this side, TinMan.
Tinman,
I didn't get "depressing" from that. It made me feel strong!!! It spoke of someone who's fed up with the pain and ready to kick it's a%&. Am I right? I'm very rarely wrong so I must be right which means your head's in the right place! You sound like a strong person and if you wrote that poem, you're also a talented person. I hope I hear more from you.
I didn't get "depressing" from that. It made me feel strong!!! It spoke of someone who's fed up with the pain and ready to kick it's a%&. Am I right? I'm very rarely wrong so I must be right which means your head's in the right place! You sound like a strong person and if you wrote that poem, you're also a talented person. I hope I hear more from you.
Hello people.
TINman here.
Thanx 4 your replies they were much appreciated.
Well i s'pose you are right it does make you feel good - reading stuff like this should make people wanna give - so how come it don't make me??
I know where i am going an i know where its gonna lead, but yet still i continue to use. Just recently i have moved into a flat, it is run by an organisation and they can come and check on me any time they like - i have been told if i have anything to do with gear in my flat then i will get chucked out - straight away -zero tolerance an all that. Does that stop me using - no. Even though i know that i will be on the streets if i continue to use, i still go ahead and do it anyway.
As i said, i know the path that i am taking, i know where it ends and i know what will happen when i get there.
There is only one end iu can see if myu use continues - misery(sorry - even more muisery than i have aleady encountered), pain, loss, and, ultimatly death.
So why cant i giv up???
In the past when i have been clean, I only last a couple of weeks before i go and use again and before you know it - you know the rest.
Yeah, i know my "trigger points" an i know what gear does to me and why i like it and why i dislike it, i know it makes me forget and that is a big plus sometimes when your life is s***, as a lot of you know. I know that by doing nothing when your clean is a bad move coz then you get bored and you end up scoring.
I know all of these things but still i use.
Am I crazy, mad or just plain old stupid. I dunno probably all 3 and more!
I am off now to see my drug counsellor, see ya soon.
TINman
TINman here.
Thanx 4 your replies they were much appreciated.
Well i s'pose you are right it does make you feel good - reading stuff like this should make people wanna give - so how come it don't make me??
I know where i am going an i know where its gonna lead, but yet still i continue to use. Just recently i have moved into a flat, it is run by an organisation and they can come and check on me any time they like - i have been told if i have anything to do with gear in my flat then i will get chucked out - straight away -zero tolerance an all that. Does that stop me using - no. Even though i know that i will be on the streets if i continue to use, i still go ahead and do it anyway.
As i said, i know the path that i am taking, i know where it ends and i know what will happen when i get there.
There is only one end iu can see if myu use continues - misery(sorry - even more muisery than i have aleady encountered), pain, loss, and, ultimatly death.
So why cant i giv up???
In the past when i have been clean, I only last a couple of weeks before i go and use again and before you know it - you know the rest.
Yeah, i know my "trigger points" an i know what gear does to me and why i like it and why i dislike it, i know it makes me forget and that is a big plus sometimes when your life is s***, as a lot of you know. I know that by doing nothing when your clean is a bad move coz then you get bored and you end up scoring.
I know all of these things but still i use.
Am I crazy, mad or just plain old stupid. I dunno probably all 3 and more!
I am off now to see my drug counsellor, see ya soon.
TINman
Hi Tinman, I can tell from your post that you've got to the place where smack is just boring really, and you're bored with the relentless routine of heroin addiction. Now you've got to get your head round the realities. You ask why you keep picking up. The answer is blindingly simple. You do it coz you choose to do it. Coz the alternative is a hard road, and it's a step into the unknown, and it's scary, stepping away from the life that you now lead. But the odds are stacking up against you now, and although you can blot it out for a bit, by spending time with your junkie mates, where you all sit about moaning about how s*** life is, and what a f*** up you are, but you still go score, and derive comfort from the fact that you're all in the same boat - it's always playing on the back of your mind. Life is passing you by, my friend. Every day you spend like that is another day closer to death, and another day that you'll never get back. Another day wasted, literally!
Life has so much more to offer. You owe it to yourself to find out what. Do you think that this is what you were born to? That the life of a junkie is the sum of all your achievements? You have to make a decision, and only you have the power to do that. It's so empowering when you finally get your head round that, that you don't have to be what you are now. You've got a drugs counsellor - is that the same as a drugs worker? Drugs counselling didn't really get me anywhere, didn't teach me anything I didn't already know. My drugs worker was a different kettle of fish. Got me on a script - meth at first, but then I swapped to subs. If you've got a good drugs team, they can help you with a myriad of things, from housing, to money, to emotional support, and psychiatric treatment (by that I mean seeing a psychiatrist, who could give me the right drugs to treat my underlying psychiatric condition). Yep, you have to go at this full throttle, and tackle the whole shebang. You can't play at getting clean, you have to be prepared for the sheer scale of it. Anyone can stop doing heroin for a few weeks, it's the long term that's tough, that requires commitment, and you need help. So take advantage of the fact you live in the UK, and get all this s*** for free, and change your life.
best wishes
Diff x (Clean from heroin since May 2005. Clean from Subutex since March 2006.)
Life has so much more to offer. You owe it to yourself to find out what. Do you think that this is what you were born to? That the life of a junkie is the sum of all your achievements? You have to make a decision, and only you have the power to do that. It's so empowering when you finally get your head round that, that you don't have to be what you are now. You've got a drugs counsellor - is that the same as a drugs worker? Drugs counselling didn't really get me anywhere, didn't teach me anything I didn't already know. My drugs worker was a different kettle of fish. Got me on a script - meth at first, but then I swapped to subs. If you've got a good drugs team, they can help you with a myriad of things, from housing, to money, to emotional support, and psychiatric treatment (by that I mean seeing a psychiatrist, who could give me the right drugs to treat my underlying psychiatric condition). Yep, you have to go at this full throttle, and tackle the whole shebang. You can't play at getting clean, you have to be prepared for the sheer scale of it. Anyone can stop doing heroin for a few weeks, it's the long term that's tough, that requires commitment, and you need help. So take advantage of the fact you live in the UK, and get all this s*** for free, and change your life.
best wishes
Diff x (Clean from heroin since May 2005. Clean from Subutex since March 2006.)
