Hey all,
Just a quick brief summary, my boyfriend was an addict for about 6 years and recently has been clean.. he has been clean for approx. 5 months. To assist him from relasping.. he has taken naltrexone everyday from the day he walked out of the rapid detox clinic till this day he has been clean.
Now, to get to my main reason for posting this topic is that recently my boyfriend and i argued about that... he thinks that i'm being over the top and he's pretty much sick and tied of me acting like this. You see.. whenever he takes his dose of naltrexone, i usually ask him if i can look under his tongue and he gets really pist off because he takes the tablet and i still don't trust him and he cracks it at me and gives me that, "f***ing look then.. and full on exaggerates showing me his tongue in all directions to prove that he's not hiding anything in his mouth". He tells me how annoying it is when i ask him the same thing .. to look under his mouth and sometimes he would even refuse but i would always make him do it anyways and he would show me undernealth his tongue to shut me up. Then I get really s***ty when he does that to me because of his attitude to this cause it really makes me feels like he's forgotten what we went through in the past and why i'm like this. I know that he has changed ever since that day and that i shouldn't judge him because people change.. blah blah etc etc.. but no matter what.. the past still hurts.. i can't just turn my back on it and forget what has happened.. it's not really that simple. I know in my heart that he has changed for the good.. i even see the difference in him.. i love how he is today and he treats me well.. it's just that i always have those paranoid thoughts and i can't help it. It's like that saying.. once a trust is broken, it's not easy to gain it back and when i state these words, his objection to this is: "i know that but how long will it be like this?" Basically he is saying that he understands what i mean but he's sick and tired of me feeling like this and he wants me to learn to trust him.. he doesn't want it to be like this forever and believe me.. so don't i! But what can i do? It's just that i can't stop thinking about the.. stupid thing! Like the "what ifs" What if he spits the tablet out when i'm not looking and even crazy things like " What if the naltrexone pills aren't really working and he can still get high?" even though he's been really good.. not slipping up and i'm with him everyday.. there are always the "what ifs" no matter what. I'm sure others out there will agree with me, even an addict who has been clean for 10 years.. i'm sure that his/her supporting system whoever it maybe will also have the "what ifs" gut feeling. I think it's completely normal, it is only what my boyfriend has made me to become like from the past and i don't really blame myself for being like this.. but i do understand what my boyfriend is coming from and how he feels too, after all.. he has been a good boy and sometimes i feel like i'm a b**** to him sometimes and not giving him any credit for it but i can't help having this scary feeling within me.. it's my greatest fear. I know I get really paranoid sometimes over nothing but that's how i am when someone has lied to me. I can understand how he feels when i always ask that same blunt repetative question: "let me look under your tongue" it's just that i didn't think showing me would be that hard.. It hurts to see him raise his voice at me when all i wanna do is just see one thing that would ease my uneasy feelings inside. I mean isn't it the least he could do for me after all the s*** he put me through and all the lies in the past? Am i being selfish and unreasonable? Am i really overacting? I can't help to care so much. I just wanna make sure, that's all. Although i know that the chances of him spitting out his naltrexone tablet are slim but all it takes is that 1% to throw me over the edge and go all paranoid thinking crazy things.
This small thing really disappoints me, it feels like this s*** will never past us by and it's always me that's bringing up this bulls***, i know that.. but sometimes.. it feels like he doesn't know how it's like to be me that's why i feel like of s***. I guess in a way.. i'm so use to being worried that now somewhere at the back of my mind, i think that it's weird not too.
Anyways.. sorry for the long post.. i just really needed to get it all out.. if you're still reading.. thanks for your time, really appreciate it.
xox violet.
Dear violet,
My husband did rapid detox in michcigan with Dr.Oppenhiem.
He is clean 27 days today.He was on pills.Our story is in pills and misc
under" How are you supposed to handle this".Like you I feel the same way.
The thing the counselor and everyone else has told me is you cant let your worries fall on them.They have enough to worry about everyday just staying clean.I now its hard but you have to let go of the past and move to the future.
Dont look back! Its sounds like you have alot of good to focuse on since he has been clean.For the naltrexone I find myself counting them and listening in the mournings to the sounds of proof he is taking them.I would never let him know that though.I just have to have faith. After 5 mths I would think you could let up a little.Trust has to be earned not given.In your case he has proved that by being clean for that long.
Remember that you cant let your worries burden them.It will only stress them out more. I know your thinking but what about mine.(Me to)Find people to talk to like on here. I have found alot of refuge from here.Good luck !!!!!!!!!
Ava
My husband did rapid detox in michcigan with Dr.Oppenhiem.
He is clean 27 days today.He was on pills.Our story is in pills and misc
under" How are you supposed to handle this".Like you I feel the same way.
The thing the counselor and everyone else has told me is you cant let your worries fall on them.They have enough to worry about everyday just staying clean.I now its hard but you have to let go of the past and move to the future.
Dont look back! Its sounds like you have alot of good to focuse on since he has been clean.For the naltrexone I find myself counting them and listening in the mournings to the sounds of proof he is taking them.I would never let him know that though.I just have to have faith. After 5 mths I would think you could let up a little.Trust has to be earned not given.In your case he has proved that by being clean for that long.
Remember that you cant let your worries burden them.It will only stress them out more. I know your thinking but what about mine.(Me to)Find people to talk to like on here. I have found alot of refuge from here.Good luck !!!!!!!!!
Ava
Hi Violet,
I understand your situation as my bf of 5 years is an addict. A few mths. ago I asked to leave as he relapsed big time. The time apart for us was good and he has been clean for 2 mths. This is not his first attempt, though it seems a lot more serious this time around. We are slowly working things out. Those thoughts will be with you on and off I am presuming for a while. I get those thoughts regularly, though have learnt to place a bit of trust and faith (a bit at a time) in him as he needs to have a bit of space, and encouragement. I also find myself in those moments where you question certain sitautions though have been able to verbalize any suspicions to him which helps. I agree with Ava that maybe giving him a bit of trust would be good. He wouldn't even be attempting cleaning up if he had no motivation to do so, and you are probably a big part of that. I know it's hard, I don't think I'll ever forget what we've been through, as well as my personal pain, though I can't expecthim to fully understand my perspective and vice versa. I think the pain loved ones go through seeing someone they love go throughan oblivion like that is very difficult. Though I also beleive I choose who my partner is and as well as giving us a second chance, therefor also nedd to move on a bit and not live in that paranoia, and what ifs'. It's hard to make that Transition when you've been in a certain mind set for soo long! Dora
I understand your situation as my bf of 5 years is an addict. A few mths. ago I asked to leave as he relapsed big time. The time apart for us was good and he has been clean for 2 mths. This is not his first attempt, though it seems a lot more serious this time around. We are slowly working things out. Those thoughts will be with you on and off I am presuming for a while. I get those thoughts regularly, though have learnt to place a bit of trust and faith (a bit at a time) in him as he needs to have a bit of space, and encouragement. I also find myself in those moments where you question certain sitautions though have been able to verbalize any suspicions to him which helps. I agree with Ava that maybe giving him a bit of trust would be good. He wouldn't even be attempting cleaning up if he had no motivation to do so, and you are probably a big part of that. I know it's hard, I don't think I'll ever forget what we've been through, as well as my personal pain, though I can't expecthim to fully understand my perspective and vice versa. I think the pain loved ones go through seeing someone they love go throughan oblivion like that is very difficult. Though I also beleive I choose who my partner is and as well as giving us a second chance, therefor also nedd to move on a bit and not live in that paranoia, and what ifs'. It's hard to make that Transition when you've been in a certain mind set for soo long! Dora
violet,
are you his mother? you sure are acting like it. is he not an adult? it is his choice to be clean he has to do it for himself not for you. if he choses to take the pill everyday or not to take one he shouldn't have to be harassed by you. if he choses not to take it why should you force him to? i'm sure you are worried and what him to stay clean, i would too. but treating him this way is not fair. i'm sure you have lost all trust in him, but one day you need to get over it and learn to slowly trust him again. maybe this is the best time to start.
i'm sorry if you take this as i'm being rude. it was not my intention. hope the best for you and him.
raerae
are you his mother? you sure are acting like it. is he not an adult? it is his choice to be clean he has to do it for himself not for you. if he choses to take the pill everyday or not to take one he shouldn't have to be harassed by you. if he choses not to take it why should you force him to? i'm sure you are worried and what him to stay clean, i would too. but treating him this way is not fair. i'm sure you have lost all trust in him, but one day you need to get over it and learn to slowly trust him again. maybe this is the best time to start.
i'm sorry if you take this as i'm being rude. it was not my intention. hope the best for you and him.
raerae
violet, I don't think you're overacting at all.I don't really blame you for acting the way that you are.My husband has been on and off heroin for years and he can never seem to get clean.If what you are doing is keeping him clean and preventing those relapses then maybe what you are doing is a good thing.Although i do agree that maybe overtime you should cut him a little slack after you have more faith in him.You never know it could only be what you are doing that is making him stay clean or maybe he really is ready and set to stay clean forever without the help of anything or anyone but himself.Don't feel too bad or guilty about what you're doing,i'm sure the only reasons are every other peoples fear and that is that you are too afraid that you'll loose him again.
I know your pain.
I know your pain.
Everyone has good points in there messages.
How do you deal with this when you have so much at stake.(hubby used pills now clean 29 days!)This has been going on for years.
You cant stress out the addict, yet what about your stress.
It just seems so unfair.I cant help feeling helpless!!!!!!
Its an ongoing battle everyday!!! I just want to know if we can beat this!!!!!
Violet im sure you to have lots to protect but you cant over protect.It seems you have to have just the right formula. What that is i dont know. Im sure everyone has there own individual one.You have to figure out yours.Hopefully I will find mine to!
Ava
How do you deal with this when you have so much at stake.(hubby used pills now clean 29 days!)This has been going on for years.
You cant stress out the addict, yet what about your stress.
It just seems so unfair.I cant help feeling helpless!!!!!!
Its an ongoing battle everyday!!! I just want to know if we can beat this!!!!!
Violet im sure you to have lots to protect but you cant over protect.It seems you have to have just the right formula. What that is i dont know. Im sure everyone has there own individual one.You have to figure out yours.Hopefully I will find mine to!
Ava
Violet,
I wrote a message to you in my post but then I read this and I completely understand what you're going thorugh. I know your bf has much more clean time but I wonder how long it will take for me to relax. It really is hard because I really need to be able to explain to him what I'm going through but then I worry about stressing him out too much when he has enough problems of his own. It is so hard to let go and trust someone after everything you have been through together with the addiction. Before I say anything, please know that there is a very good chance I will be in the same situation as you in a couple months and not be able to follow my own advice!!! But you do have to remember that he probably won't be taking the medicine forever and some day you will have to trust him. Have you tried to sit down and talk to him about all this when you're not arguing about watching him take his pill? Maybe the 2 of you could work out something so that you could start to trust him slowly. I don't really have any ideas of how to do this, maybe go to counseling or something? I do think your behavior is completely normal after what you've been through but I also can see how it would frustrate your bf. My bf only used H for 2 years and it was enough to make me feel like I was going insane. He just started the naltrexone but I watch him take his pill every morning (and for about 5 minutes afterward!!) It is really hard to let go and accept that as with getting clean, they can really only stay clean if they want to. Your story really reminds me of myself. When I first started going on this board your advice really helped me and I hope you can find some way to work this out. (Hey, print the responses out to show your bf you're not the only one who still worries!!!) Maybe that will help!
I wrote a message to you in my post but then I read this and I completely understand what you're going thorugh. I know your bf has much more clean time but I wonder how long it will take for me to relax. It really is hard because I really need to be able to explain to him what I'm going through but then I worry about stressing him out too much when he has enough problems of his own. It is so hard to let go and trust someone after everything you have been through together with the addiction. Before I say anything, please know that there is a very good chance I will be in the same situation as you in a couple months and not be able to follow my own advice!!! But you do have to remember that he probably won't be taking the medicine forever and some day you will have to trust him. Have you tried to sit down and talk to him about all this when you're not arguing about watching him take his pill? Maybe the 2 of you could work out something so that you could start to trust him slowly. I don't really have any ideas of how to do this, maybe go to counseling or something? I do think your behavior is completely normal after what you've been through but I also can see how it would frustrate your bf. My bf only used H for 2 years and it was enough to make me feel like I was going insane. He just started the naltrexone but I watch him take his pill every morning (and for about 5 minutes afterward!!) It is really hard to let go and accept that as with getting clean, they can really only stay clean if they want to. Your story really reminds me of myself. When I first started going on this board your advice really helped me and I hope you can find some way to work this out. (Hey, print the responses out to show your bf you're not the only one who still worries!!!) Maybe that will help!
Hey all,
First of all i just wanna say thanks for all your honest replies. Your responses have made me to re-think about my situation from both my side and his with a little more depth so i really appreciate and will take all your advices into consideration.
Dora & raerae: What you said was true.. that if he wouldn't even be attempting to clean up, if he had no motivation to do so and raerae, i guess i should lighten up a little but i'm scared that if i do.. he'll think to himself that there are opportunities open so maybe eventually he might just accidently slip up when he really wasn't intenting to do so but i know that i can't force him to stay clean.. if he wants to become clean then it should be only up to him.. it is true what you said.. i'm not his mother and he is an adult. I guess i'm just like that cause i don't wanna even have a chance of him relasping.. cause i know that if he does.. i wouldn't wanna go through this again.. cause this is when "enough is enough for me"..... i'll walk away and lose him forever and i dont want that.. i know its the last straw.. so that is why i'm hanging on so tight. I wanna be there to avoid those slips up and i know when i do.. he'll thank me later.. oh the other hand.. i also know that it can't be like this forever. I just think to myself the longer he is clean.. the lesser the chances of relapse. It's just so hard to trust him again after all that we went through thats all but i'll try my best to have more faith in him, thanks guys.
onyx: To answer your question, yes i have had a serious talk with him about how i was feeling and he told me how he felt too. I was thinking that maybe when he stops talking the pill, i'll just ask him to go for a drug screening whenever i feel like going. Not week, just maybe from time to time at least once or twice a month to ensure myself that he is staying clean when the time comes for when he is off the pill. And i definately will not think of myself as anything for a drug screening, i seriously think that is not going too far with the not trusting him part or the overreacting thing since he doesn't attend any meetings or anything anyways but it is true that he can really only stay clean if he wanted too, so i guess i just gotta let him live his life and let him choose his own path. I'm really glad that my advice has helped you in the past, for your own posts and responses have also helped me too and made me feel a lot better. It's so good to know that someone else is in my shoes and understand how i'm feeling, it's really great talking to you. Thanks again for posting, hope you and your boyfriend is well, tell me how things are.
I know everyone on this forum is going through a really rough time but take it each day at a time! Good luck to everyone.
Much love!
xox violet.
First of all i just wanna say thanks for all your honest replies. Your responses have made me to re-think about my situation from both my side and his with a little more depth so i really appreciate and will take all your advices into consideration.
Dora & raerae: What you said was true.. that if he wouldn't even be attempting to clean up, if he had no motivation to do so and raerae, i guess i should lighten up a little but i'm scared that if i do.. he'll think to himself that there are opportunities open so maybe eventually he might just accidently slip up when he really wasn't intenting to do so but i know that i can't force him to stay clean.. if he wants to become clean then it should be only up to him.. it is true what you said.. i'm not his mother and he is an adult. I guess i'm just like that cause i don't wanna even have a chance of him relasping.. cause i know that if he does.. i wouldn't wanna go through this again.. cause this is when "enough is enough for me"..... i'll walk away and lose him forever and i dont want that.. i know its the last straw.. so that is why i'm hanging on so tight. I wanna be there to avoid those slips up and i know when i do.. he'll thank me later.. oh the other hand.. i also know that it can't be like this forever. I just think to myself the longer he is clean.. the lesser the chances of relapse. It's just so hard to trust him again after all that we went through thats all but i'll try my best to have more faith in him, thanks guys.
onyx: To answer your question, yes i have had a serious talk with him about how i was feeling and he told me how he felt too. I was thinking that maybe when he stops talking the pill, i'll just ask him to go for a drug screening whenever i feel like going. Not week, just maybe from time to time at least once or twice a month to ensure myself that he is staying clean when the time comes for when he is off the pill. And i definately will not think of myself as anything for a drug screening, i seriously think that is not going too far with the not trusting him part or the overreacting thing since he doesn't attend any meetings or anything anyways but it is true that he can really only stay clean if he wanted too, so i guess i just gotta let him live his life and let him choose his own path. I'm really glad that my advice has helped you in the past, for your own posts and responses have also helped me too and made me feel a lot better. It's so good to know that someone else is in my shoes and understand how i'm feeling, it's really great talking to you. Thanks again for posting, hope you and your boyfriend is well, tell me how things are.
I know everyone on this forum is going through a really rough time but take it each day at a time! Good luck to everyone.
Much love!
xox violet.
violet,
i'm sure you are scared, s**t i'm the addicted and i'm scared that i'll never be able to overcome this. its something how powerful a little bit of powder can be. i never imagined that it would consume me and take over. i always thought i had it under control, untill i tried to stop!! its such a powerful battle that i loose everyday. i pray that your boyfriend will overcome this {meds or no meds} and that you two will find the peace you deserve. good luck
the best to you both
raerae
i'm sure you are scared, s**t i'm the addicted and i'm scared that i'll never be able to overcome this. its something how powerful a little bit of powder can be. i never imagined that it would consume me and take over. i always thought i had it under control, untill i tried to stop!! its such a powerful battle that i loose everyday. i pray that your boyfriend will overcome this {meds or no meds} and that you two will find the peace you deserve. good luck
the best to you both
raerae
Violet, I see a lot of good points being made here on both sides of your problem.
Maybe you should choose a time when your BF is relaxed and discuss it with him thoroughly. If he used for 6 years, he cannot expect you to find complete trust in him in such a short period of time. He should be aware this addiction will dog him for the rest of his life. Let him know that as long as you are together, it will be your problem too and you are only looking for reassurance by checking up on him. But I also think that if he has been clean for 5 months you can consider easing up a bit. Why not ask him to compromise and cut your inspections back to every 2 days? It is my understanding that Naltrexone stays in the system for 3 days and if he wanted to get high, he would have to stop taking them and then wait 3 days to do so. Checking every other day would still give you a measure of reassurance while giving your BF some confidence that you are gaining trust in him. If you agree with this approach perhaps you can set a time where you will cut your inspections back to once every three days or more. .
You should talk about being in a transitional mode between his addiction and living a normal life and you both will encounter things that will present difficulties for you to deal with. Keep your communication strong and youll get through them.
I think it is great what your BF is doing. Since Ive been reading this board Ive seen you struggle with this problem Violet and it looks like you and your BF are emerging out the other side. I think it is great that you have stuck with him through this and I hope he appreciates that fact alone. So many people think the first thing you should do when you encounter an addict is to run. I know it takes a special kind of person to stand there and fight this disease with someone you care about.
Maybe you should choose a time when your BF is relaxed and discuss it with him thoroughly. If he used for 6 years, he cannot expect you to find complete trust in him in such a short period of time. He should be aware this addiction will dog him for the rest of his life. Let him know that as long as you are together, it will be your problem too and you are only looking for reassurance by checking up on him. But I also think that if he has been clean for 5 months you can consider easing up a bit. Why not ask him to compromise and cut your inspections back to every 2 days? It is my understanding that Naltrexone stays in the system for 3 days and if he wanted to get high, he would have to stop taking them and then wait 3 days to do so. Checking every other day would still give you a measure of reassurance while giving your BF some confidence that you are gaining trust in him. If you agree with this approach perhaps you can set a time where you will cut your inspections back to once every three days or more. .
You should talk about being in a transitional mode between his addiction and living a normal life and you both will encounter things that will present difficulties for you to deal with. Keep your communication strong and youll get through them.
I think it is great what your BF is doing. Since Ive been reading this board Ive seen you struggle with this problem Violet and it looks like you and your BF are emerging out the other side. I think it is great that you have stuck with him through this and I hope he appreciates that fact alone. So many people think the first thing you should do when you encounter an addict is to run. I know it takes a special kind of person to stand there and fight this disease with someone you care about.
I think everyone is forgetting one thing: If an addict wants to use they will use. Period. End of story. You can lock them up, beat them, try to watch them 24 hours a day. But they will find a way. The addict has to WANT to stop, and no amount of pressure will make them stop. It might have the opposite effect, however. Pressure and stress are the #1 reasons that most people say they use drugs.
Gretchen
Gretchen
Hey david,
Thanks for your reply, you made a few very good pointers and suggestions. I have been doing that, checking him from time to time.. the other time, we didn't even see each other for almost a week (which has been the longest) and then i watched him take his naltrexone the week after and he didn't go through any withdrawal symptoms.. which means my babi is still clean thank god :D
You are right about keeping your communication strong, i think that is one of the most important things.. to get through problems you have to learn to understand each other. You quoted in your post: "since i've been reading this board i've seen you struggle with this problem Violet and it looks likes you and your BF are emerging out the other side."
Thanks for you comment david, you have no idea how good it was to read this, we are emerging out the other side.. just reflectiong on what we went through in the past and remembering previous posts that i posted months ago for support and to express myself made me think about how the tables slowly turned eventually and just thinking about where we are now makes me feel so happy.. and behind all those paranoid thoughts, fearing relapse at anytime.. i really do appreciate my bf so much more and i'm really grateful for all the s*** that he had to go through.. i know that it wasn't any less easier for him too.
Thanks for your meaningful response.. it really made my day and made me feel so grateful to have my boyfriend back.
*smiles*
xox violet.
Thanks for your reply, you made a few very good pointers and suggestions. I have been doing that, checking him from time to time.. the other time, we didn't even see each other for almost a week (which has been the longest) and then i watched him take his naltrexone the week after and he didn't go through any withdrawal symptoms.. which means my babi is still clean thank god :D
You are right about keeping your communication strong, i think that is one of the most important things.. to get through problems you have to learn to understand each other. You quoted in your post: "since i've been reading this board i've seen you struggle with this problem Violet and it looks likes you and your BF are emerging out the other side."
Thanks for you comment david, you have no idea how good it was to read this, we are emerging out the other side.. just reflectiong on what we went through in the past and remembering previous posts that i posted months ago for support and to express myself made me think about how the tables slowly turned eventually and just thinking about where we are now makes me feel so happy.. and behind all those paranoid thoughts, fearing relapse at anytime.. i really do appreciate my bf so much more and i'm really grateful for all the s*** that he had to go through.. i know that it wasn't any less easier for him too.
Thanks for your meaningful response.. it really made my day and made me feel so grateful to have my boyfriend back.
*smiles*
xox violet.
Ok, let's get to the blunt of all this. First of all no junkie would never risk going through any type or form of a herion withdraw under normal conditions. It just isn't going to happen. Once you see that pill go into his mouth I can promise you he is taking it. Besides, if he wanted to use herion he'd just slam over it. A blocker in it? I have heard some weird stories about that.
Trust him. At least he is involved, he is getting the meds, and he is taking it.
I realize you more and likely got burnt, pissed on, ripped off, and what ever else we could fit in there. I even know some junkies that got their wives working the streets for them. So it sounds like you came out a head, I hope. You need to be right there with him provided you love him. If you don't then bail out. I say this because it will take your love for him to save his a_ s. The more positive support you can hand him right now the better off the both of you will become down the road. Keep reading, I will say things applying to this that you just might not like.
But, you are right. Just how can you trust someone that has brought so much hurt into your trust. How do you fix the damage? Can the damage ever be repaired? I don't know the answer to any of those questions. But deep down I am sure you do. So it's time for you to be honest with yourself.
Do you love him? Only you can answer that and I am sure it is yes. Do you want to keep this realtionship going? Of course provided he never uses again, right? Well this is where you need to decide. The truth is this: Once a junkie, always a junky. He will more and likely have to remain in a rehab type enviroment for the rest of his life. How do I know this?
Hi, My name is Garry. I have been using since I have been eleven years old. I started on drugs at the rip old age of eight. That is RIGHT. I was placed in the first detox program when I was around twelve. They didn't have a detox program for children so I was placed in General Hospital, in Los Angeles. I remained there until I cleaned up and then I just picked up myself and left. I had no child life, no parent supervision as I had seen with others, and I supported myself the best way I could. This is another story.
To get through the chase, recently I went ten years clean. I never used a thing in all that time. Perhaps being in prison all that time had something to do with it. But in prison there is just as much dope inside the fence then there is outside. Then out of the blue, when I was out I got myself twisted up in to a scenerio of one bad thing after another which I threw in the towel and got wasted again. That was seven years ago and I still haven't stoppped.
I can tell you this. If I had an old lady that stood beside me at that time just maybe I would never had returned to this s***. In your case you have the upper hand. You can help him in so many ways. But for now at least ACT like you trust him, but don't. Not yet. He has to earn that trust again. And it will take some time. But don't tell him this. What you both need to do is come up with a plan. A detox plan. Sit down and be real about this, OK. Set up a time as to when he will walk from the clinic.
Go to see his counselor, alone if you feel it may help. (warning: some readers will disagree with what I am going to say next. But only you can determine if what I am saying makes since to you or not. If not, then don't do it.)
Now remember, his counselor can not talk to you at all about your old man UNLESS your old man signs a release saying his counselor can talk to you. And the release must be clear. It must say he can reveal the recovery record to you, unconditional. The whole idea is to ask that counselor what would be a good detox plan for your old man. Don't be surprised to be told another year. And that is fine. During that year you can be with him assisting with the recovery. Go to the weekly N.A. meetings. I went to AA because it worked better for me back then. When I stopped going was the begining of my destruction today.
I can go on but I think you are getting the picture. Trusting him is the key to recovering from the damage already done. But as I said, you really can't trust him yet. To make things so much easier on you and keep the recovery plan intact with positive results, don't let him know EVER that you still do not trust him all the way. You can share that information down the road later on IF he comes through it.
When I hear stories like this I just want to cry. Perhaps I have aged but having a beautiful relationship intact is so cool. Being as one is so powerful. Life is so fulfilled. Just to see it blow out the door over dope. Herion isn't a drug. It's the devils high. He put it here for one reason and that was to generate soldiers for his war yet to come very soon in heaven. Problem is, the devil will lose.
You can email at g f m 0 0 1 @ a o l . c o m if you would like to ask me some questions. Be warned. I have done this for other people. I am blunt and say things that may not want to be heard. But I will say it as it is. And I promise to be as truthful. This goes for anyone.
Good luck.
Trust him. At least he is involved, he is getting the meds, and he is taking it.
I realize you more and likely got burnt, pissed on, ripped off, and what ever else we could fit in there. I even know some junkies that got their wives working the streets for them. So it sounds like you came out a head, I hope. You need to be right there with him provided you love him. If you don't then bail out. I say this because it will take your love for him to save his a_ s. The more positive support you can hand him right now the better off the both of you will become down the road. Keep reading, I will say things applying to this that you just might not like.
But, you are right. Just how can you trust someone that has brought so much hurt into your trust. How do you fix the damage? Can the damage ever be repaired? I don't know the answer to any of those questions. But deep down I am sure you do. So it's time for you to be honest with yourself.
Do you love him? Only you can answer that and I am sure it is yes. Do you want to keep this realtionship going? Of course provided he never uses again, right? Well this is where you need to decide. The truth is this: Once a junkie, always a junky. He will more and likely have to remain in a rehab type enviroment for the rest of his life. How do I know this?
Hi, My name is Garry. I have been using since I have been eleven years old. I started on drugs at the rip old age of eight. That is RIGHT. I was placed in the first detox program when I was around twelve. They didn't have a detox program for children so I was placed in General Hospital, in Los Angeles. I remained there until I cleaned up and then I just picked up myself and left. I had no child life, no parent supervision as I had seen with others, and I supported myself the best way I could. This is another story.
To get through the chase, recently I went ten years clean. I never used a thing in all that time. Perhaps being in prison all that time had something to do with it. But in prison there is just as much dope inside the fence then there is outside. Then out of the blue, when I was out I got myself twisted up in to a scenerio of one bad thing after another which I threw in the towel and got wasted again. That was seven years ago and I still haven't stoppped.
I can tell you this. If I had an old lady that stood beside me at that time just maybe I would never had returned to this s***. In your case you have the upper hand. You can help him in so many ways. But for now at least ACT like you trust him, but don't. Not yet. He has to earn that trust again. And it will take some time. But don't tell him this. What you both need to do is come up with a plan. A detox plan. Sit down and be real about this, OK. Set up a time as to when he will walk from the clinic.
Go to see his counselor, alone if you feel it may help. (warning: some readers will disagree with what I am going to say next. But only you can determine if what I am saying makes since to you or not. If not, then don't do it.)
Now remember, his counselor can not talk to you at all about your old man UNLESS your old man signs a release saying his counselor can talk to you. And the release must be clear. It must say he can reveal the recovery record to you, unconditional. The whole idea is to ask that counselor what would be a good detox plan for your old man. Don't be surprised to be told another year. And that is fine. During that year you can be with him assisting with the recovery. Go to the weekly N.A. meetings. I went to AA because it worked better for me back then. When I stopped going was the begining of my destruction today.
I can go on but I think you are getting the picture. Trusting him is the key to recovering from the damage already done. But as I said, you really can't trust him yet. To make things so much easier on you and keep the recovery plan intact with positive results, don't let him know EVER that you still do not trust him all the way. You can share that information down the road later on IF he comes through it.
When I hear stories like this I just want to cry. Perhaps I have aged but having a beautiful relationship intact is so cool. Being as one is so powerful. Life is so fulfilled. Just to see it blow out the door over dope. Herion isn't a drug. It's the devils high. He put it here for one reason and that was to generate soldiers for his war yet to come very soon in heaven. Problem is, the devil will lose.
You can email at g f m 0 0 1 @ a o l . c o m if you would like to ask me some questions. Be warned. I have done this for other people. I am blunt and say things that may not want to be heard. But I will say it as it is. And I promise to be as truthful. This goes for anyone.
Good luck.
Hey gary,
Thankyou so much for your honest reply, i will surely take what you have said into consideration. I do understand where you are coming from and i agree on all the things that you have said in your post. You truely are a good mind reader.. the things that you have said have all popped into my mind before but i guess for some reason it seems to sound more right when someone else has said it out loud.
I've read a few of your posts to others and must say that a few of them are remarkable, i enjoy reading your posts.. you point out things where a lot of people would not usually think about so thanks for your post.
I really hope things are going well with you.
xox violet
Thankyou so much for your honest reply, i will surely take what you have said into consideration. I do understand where you are coming from and i agree on all the things that you have said in your post. You truely are a good mind reader.. the things that you have said have all popped into my mind before but i guess for some reason it seems to sound more right when someone else has said it out loud.
I've read a few of your posts to others and must say that a few of them are remarkable, i enjoy reading your posts.. you point out things where a lot of people would not usually think about so thanks for your post.
I really hope things are going well with you.
xox violet
Dear Violet, I haven't read all the replies yet but I thought I'd speak my mind. You're not his mother but you sound like you are, and you say stuff like "he's been a good boy". I don't mean to be rude but that really sounds patronising. He's not a "good boy", he's an adult who has seen the error of his ways and changed his life. Now I do know where you're coming from coz I lived with a smack addict who turned to alcohol after giving up the smack. I could cope with the smack, but the alcohol just totally screwed my brain. I so badly wanted to force him to do what I wanted, I took the role of disapproving parent, and treated him like a naughty child, even though I knew it was f***ed up. I was driving myself crazy with my constant battle to gain control. And your problem sounds like a control issue. For years you've probably been vieing for control, and now you've finally got it, and you are afraid of what might happen if you loosen your grip. But you have to take a step back coz at the end of the day he's gonna have to function as a responsible adult in the real world, and you can't be there to hold his hand all the time. The sky won't fall in if you don't check under his tongue every day. And believe me, it ain't that little pill that's keeping him clean, he's made a hell of a journey in the past few months and getting clean takes a lot more investment than just taking a pill everyday. It's signifigance seems to have grown in stature and that's an illusion of your making. Just chill out. It sounds very much like you're worrying so much about the "what ifs" that you are letting the good times that you have both strived so hard for pass you by. Life is for living. He's learned that. Why can't you?
Wishing you peace of mind.
Diff
Wishing you peace of mind.
Diff