An "inside Job"

Basic text p.21

"One of the first things that happens to many of us in recovery is that we start to look better.We get healthier,we bathe;we dress more appropiately.And without the goading of active addiction,many of us stop stealing,lying and hustling.We start to look normal-just by removing the drugs.
Looking normal is very different from being normal.Acceptability in the eyes of the world is a benefit of recovery;it is not the same thing as recovery.We can enjoy the benefits of recovery,but we must take care to nurture their true source.Lasting recovery isn't found in acceptance from others,but in the inner growth set in motion by the Twelve Steps."

Just for today: I know that looking good isn't enough.Lasting recovery is an inside job.

One of my worse character defects early on was people pleasing.I would give away plants,under cut myself on jobs because they were VIP's.Tell and actually lie about reasons why there were problems with plants because the worse thing I could ever do was say"I don't know,let me reaearch that" Make promises I couldn't deliver or even say no.I wanted you to like me at any cost.

Of course there is nothing wrong with comping a client with free plants,it's actually good business but my problem was expectations which always leads to resentments for me.

Today,I'm learning to say no.Today I can look people in the eyes and tell them I can't do some things.I can refuse to take a problem on,I don't have to be a star.I can give without expecting anything back.I can actually confront problems without feeling guilt or anger.I guess what I'm learning after 54 yeras is that I am indeed not the center of the universe.

Growing up is a b**** but the alternative wasn't loooking promising.It's also refreshing to see all the new people on here making huge progresses.Alice,Linus,Gemz,and many others.

Have a great 1st of July.
People pleasingI spent a lot of time working on this, and the mediator, which I trained so young to be perfect at
I love that I can say no.I love that I dont have a need to be in the middle helping fix things I never could when I was young and put into that role by adults who should have know better. A role I had for over 20 years and nothing changed which was proof positive that me loving both sides couldnt fix what they themselves werent willing to work on and accept of each other.

But then I have my other secret life....
What pisses me off is not having the insight to have been able to accept this part of me a long time ago. I fought against it worrying to much of what others would thinkI am way over that
But I still keep part of me closed off, and secret, and I know why, consciously I know exactly why. I am working on it, but I dont know if this will ever change. Maybe this is just part of who I am as well

You have a great day!
Tina, I don't think we have to reveal all, and I know that's not what you mean. But we learn well, don't we? Maybe a safety issue for us...keep some things to ourselves, as if in the sharing we are too exposed, too vulnerable. Lately I feel more and more that I can say what I mean, because the way I say it leaves no room for doubt and I will not argue about getting my needs met. I am flexible about some things, but not so much about others.

Saying "no"...I always sounded like I was saying no, but what I was really saying was "maybe, if you do what I want"...manipulation, pure and simple.

Peace~M&M