My recovery diary was started 3 days ago ! I turned my son into the police and he will be in jail for 24 months r/t a probation violation. I have told him-no bail-no money. But he has a pay check coming and wants me to put it in his jail bank. I feel like if I do that I would enable him to possibly use it to make bail or make his time there more comfy. I have made his previous much shorter trips more like boys out camp and look where he is today!
He owes so much money that this $350 dollar check would not go far there, but then I would be paying his debits w/o him having to face those debits. Put it in savings account? Keep it as he owes me a lot?
I DO NOT want to and WILL NOT enable him again!
Wow, I don't know what I would do. Especially with all the money that gets taken, all the jewelry that gets pawned for drugs. My first thought was yeah, you go girl but the other side thought -send it back with a letter- he don't live here any longer. IDK, maybe others have been through this and will post.
Dear NotAgain, I sorry to hear of your son but you are right, he needs to face the consequences of his actions.He needs to be held responsible.So true what you said about jail my son is in jail at the moment once again...When I visit him all he does is ask for money in his account , care packs , and money on the phone.Your right its like camp with bars. I would do one of two things...first off you said he owes alot on bills that his check wouldn't cover it, you said you don't want to make it comfy for him.So what I would do is either put it in a new savings account one that I would have my name on and hold it in reserve for him , or 2 you said he owes you alot of money, are you in need of it ? Being the mother of a addict I know they can squeeze you dry if you need it to pay bills use it.You could always tell him it is a step in repaying you for all you have paid out. Remain strong take back control of your life , you will sleep at night knowing he's clean.He was aware of what his actions were now let him grow up and deal with the consequences.
I have decided to use his check to pay myself for some of the 60k he owes me. Funny how I feel guilty doing that. " Oh the enabler force is strong in this one" I do know keeping him in jail is the right decision. My son just might choose to stop-this time. He will have 2years to do it. But we all know it is the first step out of jail where the challenge begins.
It is a step in regaining control in your life, I understand how you feel but the money will not do him any good at the moment.If he owes you 60 K then I am sure you are either behind in bills have alot of bills or haven't been able to take care of your want or needs...we often lose ourselves in our children's addiction .There shouldn't be guilt in taking care or worrying about ourselves.At the moment he is in jail not able to use ..You know he is safer there then if he was out. Right now relax concentrate on you, he has to face the consequences of his actions of his choices .
I love it when they claim "it's my money" . My recent response, when I intercepted his money---
You felt you were untitled to my money by stealing and pawing MY things. SO now, I'm keeping your money. Since when did what's mine is yours, not reciprocate? In an addicts mind, it's always one sided.
You felt you were untitled to my money by stealing and pawing MY things. SO now, I'm keeping your money. Since when did what's mine is yours, not reciprocate? In an addicts mind, it's always one sided.
