I wrote this when I was going through a lot of mental withdrawals (depression/anxiety). 6 mos.opiate free. Have you ever felt this way?
LOST
At first everything is fine, then something/anything will trigger that feeling that starts in your gut. You try to calm down but everything you try (not counting drugs) wont make the pain go away.
Your mind feels like you're walking through a thick fog. Having to squint your eyes as they're welling up with tears. Trying to grasp some sense of direction but no matter how hard you try, you still feel lost.
The dazed and numb feeling consumes your body like your sleepwalking. It's a nightmare that you cannot wake from. Simply because your not asleep and you start to realize that it is the terrible reality that has become life as you know it.
After a while your body kicks into auto pilot and amazingly some how you make it through the day. Finally the day is over and you crash into bed to dream about the better days. And of course, eventually the sun comes up and you realize you have to go through the motions of what is known as "normal" life all over again.
So you go so do your daily routine. Smile politely as your co-workers wave when they pass you by. Make sure to laugh when someone tells a joke. (that is suppose to be funny) But deep down inside your thinking to yourself, "What did I do so wrong in life to deserve this?"
It is like someone "upstairs" looks down on you and says, "Oh, she hasn't any traumatizing experiences this month? Well lets throw a death in the family to shake things up and see how she handles that!" They're probably taking bets on if I press the "Exit" button or keep on trying to live to see more tragedy.
A little about me, I've been opiate free for 6 months. I went through all the physical withdrawals ans I was prepared for that but I had on idea the mental withdrawals would be so bad. It kinda sucks being able to actually feel how many braincells and serotonin I lost.
Hey Halfrican,
You KNOW that........everyone of us understands what ya wrote and have been there......I call it the big black hole.
This may sound wild to ya but get yourself some Omega-3...that fish oil...I promise you it helps with depression.
Congrats on your SIX MONTHS........that's fabulous........ya gotta keep going. Rack up that clean time.......don't let the depression trick ya into using......it's a trick.
Those smiling co-workers.....ya just never know.....they could have been there too.......it's possible...........hang on honey.
BTW, loving your name........that's great.
Glad ya popped by.......it goes away.......I promise ya........Vitamin B-Complex will help ya as well some........ya just need to let it pass.....yeah it super s*cks, but it leaves too............6 months is a turning point..
You KNOW that........everyone of us understands what ya wrote and have been there......I call it the big black hole.
This may sound wild to ya but get yourself some Omega-3...that fish oil...I promise you it helps with depression.
Congrats on your SIX MONTHS........that's fabulous........ya gotta keep going. Rack up that clean time.......don't let the depression trick ya into using......it's a trick.
Those smiling co-workers.....ya just never know.....they could have been there too.......it's possible...........hang on honey.
BTW, loving your name........that's great.
Glad ya popped by.......it goes away.......I promise ya........Vitamin B-Complex will help ya as well some........ya just need to let it pass.....yeah it super s*cks, but it leaves too............6 months is a turning point..
Well done on 6 months love. My partner is in the early stages but am still not sure when he is telling me the truth. I have come to the stage where I will be here if he needs me but I am backing off. If I ask no questions then he wont have any reason to lie. He cant get better until he helps himsef and in the long run he is lying to himself not me!! I am sure he will get through this as you will too. 6 months is very very good. Please please dont let the depression get the better of you and have any part in you thinking you have to use anything. Think positive after all you have done so good. My partner couldnt even get through 2 days!! Keep strong.
By the way loved the way you put your words forward about your feelings. You should write a book. You have a gift. Use your bad experiences and your past and use it to make something of your future.
Keep your chin up! xx
By the way loved the way you put your words forward about your feelings. You should write a book. You have a gift. Use your bad experiences and your past and use it to make something of your future.
Keep your chin up! xx
