Well I went to another meeting last night. I can't stop worrying about b/f but at the same time I need to understand his behavior for my own sanity.
I have never been this long without talking with b/f but he has never hung out with this drug addicts. What I was told yesterday which makes sense is that I am taking he staying away from me as personal, and it's not one of the characteristics of a drug addict ia staying away from loved ones, especially when they will not support their behavior. He is with people that he feels comfortable with.
The counselor told me that because of his bipolar he will probably get worst, especially if he is smoking pot everyday. He said the best thing I can do is stay away from him, he doesn't want me in his life right now because he does not want to change his lifestyle.
I love him and will continue to worry about him and pray that he will get in touch with me some day.
Marie,
He will get back in touch once he has sorted himself out, he needs to hit rock bottom, and its lower than we would think! believe me!
Its hard isnt it, i think you should try to meet new friends, non will be as special as him but he is not that person anymore, my husband is not the man i married, i try to classify them as 2 people.
Good Luck
Claire
He will get back in touch once he has sorted himself out, he needs to hit rock bottom, and its lower than we would think! believe me!
Its hard isnt it, i think you should try to meet new friends, non will be as special as him but he is not that person anymore, my husband is not the man i married, i try to classify them as 2 people.
Good Luck
Claire
Thanks Claire: I do have friends and have tried to date to take my mind off things, but I can't. As far as talking to my friends everyone only has negative things to say about him and they say I'm a fool for loving him, I can't turn off my heart after almost 4 years.....I wish I could, I owuldn't be going through all this.
You guys are the only one that have understood, because you have or are living the same thing.
Everyday I wake up and wonder if today he'll call....I know he knows I love him, but as we all know love is not enough
You guys are the only one that have understood, because you have or are living the same thing.
Everyday I wake up and wonder if today he'll call....I know he knows I love him, but as we all know love is not enough
Marie I'm glad your meeting helped you out a little..Your boyfriend doesn't call, but mine calls too much..it gets annoying. You are right about one thing, love isn't enough. Neither one of our bf's sounds ready to quit their drug, and until they make that decision themselves, nothing will change with them.
How are you feeling today? I'm really tired..its so hard being at work when I'm going through all this.
How are you feeling today? I'm really tired..its so hard being at work when I'm going through all this.
Marie,
I know how hard it is loosing a friend, my best friend moved over to South Africa with her hubby last year, i still miss her terribly, but when she first went i was devistated! i can keep in touch though e-mails but its not the same, i really feel for you.
I know what you are saying about nobody else understanding, no body apart from you lot knows whats going on, its hard having no one to talk to, isnt it?
Love
Claire xxx
I know how hard it is loosing a friend, my best friend moved over to South Africa with her hubby last year, i still miss her terribly, but when she first went i was devistated! i can keep in touch though e-mails but its not the same, i really feel for you.
I know what you are saying about nobody else understanding, no body apart from you lot knows whats going on, its hard having no one to talk to, isnt it?
Love
Claire xxx
Claire, Kittyc: You guys have been so great. I pray that we all get through this hell with some sanity left.
Kittyc: You are so right it's hard to work and be worried about our loved one....
I don't know about you but I wake up every night wondering if he's ok, what he is doing, who he is with....So for over 2 months I have had interruped sleep.....
Take care Kitty I'm here for you
I don't know about you but I wake up every night wondering if he's ok, what he is doing, who he is with....So for over 2 months I have had interruped sleep.....
Take care Kitty I'm here for you
Marie,
I understand the worry and lack of sleep. I lost so much sleep over the last 3-4 months . Even with my wife in rehab, I still worried so much. I went to my doctor and he gave me a couple of prescriptions to help with the sleep. The Ambien I did not like but he gave me a low dose of an antidepressent that has done wonders for my sleep. I am really sleeping better than I have for years. The needed rest has went a long way in making my mind more clear during the day. So, maybe you could ask your doctor for something to help out with the lack of sleep.
The truth as I know you know it is that no matter what we do, we can not do it for our addict loved ones. In the end, it is up to them to get the help and work their recovery. All that we can do is take care of ourselves and that means detaching your emotional state from their's and getting on with your life. I am not saying you have to physically leave them but you most take hold of your emotions and not let them influence your choices. We can not control them but we can control how we react to their insanity. If we don't, then we are as insane as they are. Thats why we inevitably find ourselves at Al-anon meetings. I can't say that I have gained any profound knowledge from Al-anon but I have been reminded of a lot of stuff I had forgotton. I used to be so good at detaching but I can see now how my wife's secret addiciton has affected me. I was dealing with an addict without knowing it. It affected me in a profounf way. So, thats why I go to listen and learn fromothers that have been where we are. I encourage you to keep attending and become a part of it. It is nice to walk in meetings now and recognize others that are going through it or have been through it and they know you are not insane,
So keep going to meetings and keep posting on this web site. We will all get through this and be better people for it.
I understand the worry and lack of sleep. I lost so much sleep over the last 3-4 months . Even with my wife in rehab, I still worried so much. I went to my doctor and he gave me a couple of prescriptions to help with the sleep. The Ambien I did not like but he gave me a low dose of an antidepressent that has done wonders for my sleep. I am really sleeping better than I have for years. The needed rest has went a long way in making my mind more clear during the day. So, maybe you could ask your doctor for something to help out with the lack of sleep.
The truth as I know you know it is that no matter what we do, we can not do it for our addict loved ones. In the end, it is up to them to get the help and work their recovery. All that we can do is take care of ourselves and that means detaching your emotional state from their's and getting on with your life. I am not saying you have to physically leave them but you most take hold of your emotions and not let them influence your choices. We can not control them but we can control how we react to their insanity. If we don't, then we are as insane as they are. Thats why we inevitably find ourselves at Al-anon meetings. I can't say that I have gained any profound knowledge from Al-anon but I have been reminded of a lot of stuff I had forgotton. I used to be so good at detaching but I can see now how my wife's secret addiciton has affected me. I was dealing with an addict without knowing it. It affected me in a profounf way. So, thats why I go to listen and learn fromothers that have been where we are. I encourage you to keep attending and become a part of it. It is nice to walk in meetings now and recognize others that are going through it or have been through it and they know you are not insane,
So keep going to meetings and keep posting on this web site. We will all get through this and be better people for it.
Thanks Marie I am here for you too..ya I wake up and worry about him. I catch him in so many lies..I guess that is typical. He just phoned my work and asked to see me tonight but I had to say no. I am too tired to listen to more lies. I told him I was picking up tixs to see The Game (rap band) at a club and he freaked..he seems to think I'll pick up the singer or something. Weirdo..
I too wonder because he can be so uncaring and such a jerk if thats the drugs or he has other mental issues..
I can't wait for the day to be over..we have a snow storm and it makes it all worse.
I too wonder because he can be so uncaring and such a jerk if thats the drugs or he has other mental issues..
I can't wait for the day to be over..we have a snow storm and it makes it all worse.
hi marie, i am so glad you are going to meetings becuz you will find your healing if you can stick it out. there is a guy, actually 2 guys that knew my ex from the streets and prison and they are pretty hard core and here they are in a na meeting, the meeting i went to last night i felt very nervous becuz it was the meeting i used to drop my ex off of every monday and now i am in the meeting and he is out using!! these guys who would actually scare the crap out of me in a alley were telling me stay away from him, becuz he is bad news, this coming from long time prison men and i listened and gained a new insight on my own healing. marie, i expect my phone to ring everyday and as time goes by i am actually glad that a day passes that he doesnt call. i think about him, he was part of my life for 2 yrs, however it doesnt occupy all the space in my mind anymore. my obession to fix him has gone, becuz at this point i need fixing and i am not willing to waste any more time wondering what he is doing or where he is. all i need to focus on is where i am and what i am doing.
take care marie
carol
take care marie
carol
Laengr: Thanks for writting I am so glad your wife is at rehab and that you are getting some much needed sleep.....I have tried medication but my b/f is always in the back of my mind so meds do not ot help.
I am trying to detach myself from him emotionaly but it's hard and I still worry and wonder what he is up to. Physically I don't see him, (his choice) ever since he started hanging out with the wrong crowd he has stayed away from me.
I hope your wife continues her rehab and that you can put all this behind her.
Kittyc: Atleast you hear from your b/f I know it can be a strain b ut you know he is okay. I don't hear from b/f since he said I was crazy and am scared that I won't even though in my heart I know if he needs me he'll call.....
Go out and enjoy yourself....You have been through alot...
I am trying to detach myself from him emotionaly but it's hard and I still worry and wonder what he is up to. Physically I don't see him, (his choice) ever since he started hanging out with the wrong crowd he has stayed away from me.
I hope your wife continues her rehab and that you can put all this behind her.
Kittyc: Atleast you hear from your b/f I know it can be a strain b ut you know he is okay. I don't hear from b/f since he said I was crazy and am scared that I won't even though in my heart I know if he needs me he'll call.....
Go out and enjoy yourself....You have been through alot...
Marie,
Thanks for your response. My wife has already completed her rehab. She was there 109 days and been back almost 4 weeks. She spends the night in a 3/4 house but spends the majority of her time at home with us. She is attending her meetings and we are seeing a counsolor together. The recovery process for both of us is a ongoing journey that is littered with potholes but we just take it one day at a time. I have seen some days where we just tried to get through the moment. Expectations are what kill us, the loved one of addicts/alcoholics. I read somewhere tha a " expectation is no more than a premediated resentment". There is a lot of truth in that statement. We can really not expect a lot from our addict/alcoholic partners especially when they are still in open addiction.
I urge both you and Kittycat and some many other women that I read their post on here to please take care of yourselves. You all seem like people that have so much promise for life but have gotton caught up in this. I can honestly say, if I had been dating someone and found about about the addiction my wife had, I would have moved on. Easier said than done. My wife is an RN that got hooked on Loritabs. Really the only difference in people doing prescription drugs and street drugs is there where they are in life. The results are just as devastating to them and their loved ones.
So many of you seem like so caring, loving souls . God wants you to enjoy life and seek your dreams, not live in the nighmare that addiciton has. Take care of yourself and remember one moment does not make a lifetime.
Thanks for your response. My wife has already completed her rehab. She was there 109 days and been back almost 4 weeks. She spends the night in a 3/4 house but spends the majority of her time at home with us. She is attending her meetings and we are seeing a counsolor together. The recovery process for both of us is a ongoing journey that is littered with potholes but we just take it one day at a time. I have seen some days where we just tried to get through the moment. Expectations are what kill us, the loved one of addicts/alcoholics. I read somewhere tha a " expectation is no more than a premediated resentment". There is a lot of truth in that statement. We can really not expect a lot from our addict/alcoholic partners especially when they are still in open addiction.
I urge both you and Kittycat and some many other women that I read their post on here to please take care of yourselves. You all seem like people that have so much promise for life but have gotton caught up in this. I can honestly say, if I had been dating someone and found about about the addiction my wife had, I would have moved on. Easier said than done. My wife is an RN that got hooked on Loritabs. Really the only difference in people doing prescription drugs and street drugs is there where they are in life. The results are just as devastating to them and their loved ones.
So many of you seem like so caring, loving souls . God wants you to enjoy life and seek your dreams, not live in the nighmare that addiciton has. Take care of yourself and remember one moment does not make a lifetime.
Laengr: Your wife sounds as though she's trying to get better and that's more than alot of people with drug problems do... I am trying to move on but it's hard, all I can do is try and hope for the best.....
No one other than this group understands what we have to go through watching our love ones destroy themselves.
Carol: Yes I will continue to go to the meetings for myself..I do go out but he is with me always........
I don't know what I would have done without this group.
My love to all
No one other than this group understands what we have to go through watching our love ones destroy themselves.
Carol: Yes I will continue to go to the meetings for myself..I do go out but he is with me always........
I don't know what I would have done without this group.
My love to all
marie - I am bitter but you are lucky this guy doesnt call. Sorry misty. sorry kitty. we all start somewhere and Marie has a chance to get out if this guy is not even there physically.
Marie - Please go out, enjoy your freedom, don't long for a drug addict to be around more. Dont long for a problem to be in your home that isnt there aleady. Let him become a better person and than if you are still interested than if you trust in his recovery let him in.
Until than just be his friend. dont date until youre ready if you dont want. maybe i am minimalizing this. I am just saying. I loved my man before he moved in and if i never moved in i know for a fact i would have given up by now.
Its worse when there is a dark cloud over your house. protect your freedom and be with your friends. Do you have a good support system? How often is this guy around? I am not one to give them good graces. bitter -sorry. I wish I had one that was only smoking pot and that i missed so badly it hurt. instead i have one who gave me a ring and is flat nodded out behind me on my coffee table. at least your guy knows he is bi polar. I am sorry i am not saying you are not in pain. i am saying though that you should take your independance and dont ruin it by wanting more when things are bad already. I made that mistake and i got the guy. be careful what you wish for. I got the guy and he is here and he somehow got worse under my nose.
Jen
Marie - Please go out, enjoy your freedom, don't long for a drug addict to be around more. Dont long for a problem to be in your home that isnt there aleady. Let him become a better person and than if you are still interested than if you trust in his recovery let him in.
Until than just be his friend. dont date until youre ready if you dont want. maybe i am minimalizing this. I am just saying. I loved my man before he moved in and if i never moved in i know for a fact i would have given up by now.
Its worse when there is a dark cloud over your house. protect your freedom and be with your friends. Do you have a good support system? How often is this guy around? I am not one to give them good graces. bitter -sorry. I wish I had one that was only smoking pot and that i missed so badly it hurt. instead i have one who gave me a ring and is flat nodded out behind me on my coffee table. at least your guy knows he is bi polar. I am sorry i am not saying you are not in pain. i am saying though that you should take your independance and dont ruin it by wanting more when things are bad already. I made that mistake and i got the guy. be careful what you wish for. I got the guy and he is here and he somehow got worse under my nose.
Jen
Jen: I know you are right ...and he has been out of my life for 2 months, he would call and tell me he miss me and loved me but he hasn't been around for me or gone to his home....he is hanging out with other people.....
Ever since I hit him and he called and left me the msg that I am crazy I haven't heard from him and I know I won't till he needs me or has hit bottom. He got into trouble in prison for drugs so it's just a matter of time before he gets into trouble again.
I am worried but I know that I can't handle his behavior right now....
Ever since I hit him and he called and left me the msg that I am crazy I haven't heard from him and I know I won't till he needs me or has hit bottom. He got into trouble in prison for drugs so it's just a matter of time before he gets into trouble again.
I am worried but I know that I can't handle his behavior right now....
