I'm really getting sick of this. I am so glad i have found this site. Reading the posts makes me feel better about who I am by knowing there are so many others who are battling with the same shedevil known as Ms. Crystal Meth. I still feel ashamed for posting when I am high, but this site is the only place I can actually get what is on my mind out in the open for real people to give their insight on what I have to say. I am so tired but I know I won't sleep for along time from now. I visited with my mom today and its made me feel low and depressed. She left at 3:00pm and as she was leaving i handed her her purse and what would you know but a half full mickey of vodka falls out. By seeing my mom and how addiction has ruined her life you would think that I would want to go the other route, but nope. ahhhhhhhhhhhh i feel like screaming and ripping my hair out. anyways thats all i have to say for now. ( pray for sleep but all I get is a lung full of smoke and an empty baggie)
Awaken but forsaken,,A wonderful piece of advice that helps me daily. 'Nothing changes if nothing changes." Give it some thought. You can stay exactly where you are. Or you can make a choice. Go for it.....Life is great. Your friend,,,,Linda
Not to mention , "when something changes, all changes become possible"
We can not change how other people behave or think
We can change ourselves, in what we do, say, and accept
We can not change our past, only learn from it
What we get in life isnt what we are stuck with
It is what we do with what we are given that determines everything in the now and in the future. It is our choice to make , if not , we are lost
Stay strong AL
We can not change how other people behave or think
We can change ourselves, in what we do, say, and accept
We can not change our past, only learn from it
What we get in life isnt what we are stuck with
It is what we do with what we are given that determines everything in the now and in the future. It is our choice to make , if not , we are lost
Stay strong AL
I am so glad i found this site.... The words you used and the context of them has made more sense to me than anything anyone has ever said to me. Thank you Al you as well Linda. I don't even know you but you guys have already helped me start to gain the strength and willpower to be able to conquer what i know is going to be the hardest thing to accomplish in my life meaning quitting and for good. I wish I could just take my pipe and by half ball and throw them away on my own right now but I guess if those thoughts are still present in my head then I know i am not ready yet. I know I will get there real soon I have high hopes and not just cause I am really high right now. I need to eat i am am a frail creature trapped inside the epidermis as it quickly indents crushing my soul.
ABNF, I spent the main part of 20 years using meth. The last 3 years I had the desire to quit and kept trying. I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. You sound like you're just about here. Keep trying...N.A. and my internet recovery groups have been wonderful tools to help me maintain recovery. I hope you start trying and working at it until you can find your "path" to recovery,,Love and support,,,Linda
sometimes we need a few shoves to knock the big things out. this is one of those huge things that seem indestructable. you've got the right idea though, so the first step is out of your way....
smiles
smiles
Hey, that is what my mantra was as I finally used those last days..
"I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!"
"I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!"
Al, I've just got to love you. My missing "brother". Our thoughts and beliefs are so similar. I have 1 older sister, an identical twin, and 2 younger sisters. And now I have a brother. Life gets better every day. It took me extra time to do my job last night so I was a bit down for only a moment. Geez, I had a pep talk in the ole noggin...Dave, who I replaced, told me he ran over the 3 hr clean-up for a couple weeks. Takes a little time to learn to multi-task and get comfortable with tearing the machines down and putting them back together. I'll get a system going. I can't expect to much of myself. I've beaten myself up so badly in the past. So I felt such relief. I finally was being understanding and kind to myself. The way I've been for others. Whew, what a light bulb moment.Recovery is amazing. I'm learning so much. And becoming a much wiser woman. Life's good. Love and respect, my brother. Linda
And if I am your brother isnt it "my" job to beat you up??? leave a lil work for your "bro" hehehehe. Now I am thinking.." oh goodie, another sister to pick on me!!" yikes!! seriously, I am glad you feel that way . I will let my "touchy-feely" side out a bit and say "it warms ones heart, and makes life feel more complete when each others lives are enrichened by each others company and thoughts " ...........and if I can be a smart-a$$ brother ..let me add"that's how relationships are supposed to work also , sis!!!!!" hehehe. L&R .. AL
Thanks for being you. I have to get off of here. It's wed. My long day at the food bank. It sure "pumps" me up to feel " of value" to others. Al, you are such a sweetheart. I've got to thank the sisters for doing such a good job,,chuckle. All my love and support,,your little sis
ABF, How are you today? Hope you're ok. Just know we care,,,,love and support,,,your friend,,,Linda
hey, i know how you feel. my mom was addicted to meth. she'd been doing it since i was like five. (when she married her ex.) i found out about it when i was nine after my gm. died. i saw her snort meth in the laundary room. i didn't ask her anything about it. i was little and confused. then when her husband moved ud out into the middle of no where, i finally asked her about it. she was always honest about t with me. but it seemed like all that mattered to her and him was taht they had their drugs. after they got them, they'd always have to be doing something, and if i was lucky, i'd get to go with them or do it too. i got my mom up and away from him time and time again. finally i got her away for good. and it is for good. she'd sneek and go back to his house an get high and would come back home, and then she started doing anything she could get her hands on. it didn't matter as long as she was high. she was scared to come back to reality. and i don't blame her that much. yeah, she had a hard life, but she made it that way. life don't suck unless you make it that way. well, it resorted to me and mty aunt having to get her some help. and it's working. it takes time but it helps.and believe me, she needed it.
Sounds like you've been a major help to get your mom clean..I'm proud you've worked so hard at it. You should be out enjoying and learning about everyday life. I'm sorry you had to learn resposibilities so early in life. If you don't attend al-anon I would like to suggest you start. Your upbringing may have ingrained care-taker traits. My heart goes out to you,,,love and support,,,,,Linda
awaken_but_forsaken,
You are at the beginning, I was there a few years ago with smoking.
The first step is practicing with recovery. Try out a recovery program, even if you fail. The effort will teach you something about recovery and addiction, then you can try a second time. By the third or fourth time you will get much better at it, until you are a life long expert at recovery. That is the key, for you, learning how recovery works. This site is a great place to start. Your next step may be a NA meeting. If you dare, try checking into a county detox program.
Like any disease, educating the patient about the disease and the therapies points the patient in the right direction.
You are at the beginning, I was there a few years ago with smoking.
The first step is practicing with recovery. Try out a recovery program, even if you fail. The effort will teach you something about recovery and addiction, then you can try a second time. By the third or fourth time you will get much better at it, until you are a life long expert at recovery. That is the key, for you, learning how recovery works. This site is a great place to start. Your next step may be a NA meeting. If you dare, try checking into a county detox program.
Like any disease, educating the patient about the disease and the therapies points the patient in the right direction.
I hate Mrs Crustal Methany to no end...yet she has me pipe whipped. I also found this site...while I was tweakin...but the sad shi* for me is that im addicted to too many different drugs and have noone left to talk to about it...without some bulls*** drama happening. Ive been fighting crys for years now and i've gotten nowhere, even with rehab..detox...getting arrested...losing my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years...all these things shouldve turned me around and sobered me up...but no...I enjoy it too much. I'm also pretty damn tired...havent slept more than 3 hours in 6 days...which is how much sleep id get if i stayed sober for 6 days. Sometimes I dont even have to pack my mobe and blow clouds to stay awake. My mother was also an addict of a shi*load of things...alchohol was just another one... sometimes I also feel like I wanna just sock holes in my walls or just beat the s*** out of a random stranger...but I stop myself cus its the s*** that is thinking for me. hit me up if you wanna talk...ill be awake...sober or twacked...
