Hi there well i thought i would post a message today as to me thats another day clean of drugs and it feels great. This will be my third day clean with taking subutex and im feeling really emontial today as i never thought i would get this far without heroin in my system and im still feeling positive and i hope i really can do it this time. I used heroin for 5 years everyday or more like when i had cash i had drugs. I never sat using with other users so i havent any friends that i can confide in now, although i know i never could be about anyone who takes drugs cause i would be terrified i couldnt say no and i know it would start this vicious circle all over again. My emotians are all over the place.
I feel really daunted and to be honest i dont know what im going to do with myself now. Heroin became my companion i never needed anyone or anything cause i had my heroin and im so embarrased of what i became; The boredom is frightening and im so scared the drugs are not there now but everything else just stays the same. boring old me with no one to talk too... I stay myself . The past few days ive been staying at my mums who has taken a few days holiday from work. So i dont feel so bad here with her and also she has the computer that i been going on and im my own house i dont have the internet yet. Im going home tonight as my mum is returning to work tomorrow. I guess im really scared cause i dont know any better, in the past when i was alone i used drugs but this time i really yearn to stay away from the poision as it was killing me. I had major surgery last year on my foot so i cant work at the moment as im still in a lot of pain.
I would be very grateful if anyone can think of anything to get back to me.
Hey there,
You have given up what you think of as your 'best friend'. The reality is that you are on your way to becoming a whole person again. Have you thought about going to some Narcotics Anon. meetings.
You could also think about doing a short course in something that intrests you. Now is the time to be making a plan so that you stop the boredom. Us addicts can't be bored, it can be deadly.
Be proud of yourself, you should be.
Peace
Wendy
You have given up what you think of as your 'best friend'. The reality is that you are on your way to becoming a whole person again. Have you thought about going to some Narcotics Anon. meetings.
You could also think about doing a short course in something that intrests you. Now is the time to be making a plan so that you stop the boredom. Us addicts can't be bored, it can be deadly.
Be proud of yourself, you should be.
Peace
Wendy
Good for you! I know it's not easy as I have watched addicts try to get clean many times over the past 10 years. Thank God for the subutex. But i think the most important thing is that you don't have friends around you who use. At this point, I think that would be the most dangerous thing. So hang in there - you can do this!
Shirl
Shirl
Hi there thanks for your kind words. Yeh Thanks to Subutex. I tried to come off of heroin in april with lofexidine and it was scary, its like night and day doing the withdrawls now. I tried meth for a year too and i really hated it, it was disgusting and it made me feel really depressed cause i had another addiction to cope with. This time i was so sure i had to break free from it cause it was killing me. Thats another day clean and i just am so so lucky that now i hopefully can look forward to some quality of life. Its hard to describe but i feel ive not been here for 5 years its as if my body been here but my thoughs and feelings are just wakening up and ive got so much to fix or sort out and i dont know where to start. Im definetly not ready to deal with all this just yet, as im attending my local hospital everyday to get the sub, which they give me daily.
I told the hospital how im concerned about being on my own and how will i fill my days now. They told me to not go to any meetings yet as they think it would be dangerous mixing with other addicts so soon. It is a 16 day course at the hospital and im on day4. The subutex is really working for me its dealing with the pysical side and also every time i tried to use in the past my body was so burnt out it just could not cope with the withdrawls.
Reading everyone stories is a great incentive that it can be done. I hope you all are well and fighting your addictions and even if your not then all is not lost cause i used to read this site when i was still using and i used to think i wished so much that it was me saying that i was clean but i couldnt see a way out.
Take Care Everyone as my thoughts are with you all.
I told the hospital how im concerned about being on my own and how will i fill my days now. They told me to not go to any meetings yet as they think it would be dangerous mixing with other addicts so soon. It is a 16 day course at the hospital and im on day4. The subutex is really working for me its dealing with the pysical side and also every time i tried to use in the past my body was so burnt out it just could not cope with the withdrawls.
Reading everyone stories is a great incentive that it can be done. I hope you all are well and fighting your addictions and even if your not then all is not lost cause i used to read this site when i was still using and i used to think i wished so much that it was me saying that i was clean but i couldnt see a way out.
Take Care Everyone as my thoughts are with you all.
Hi Yvonne.
I know exactly how you feel. I am so happy to be clean and excited for my new life....but the boredom is a killer!!
Nothing else really mattered to me when I was using, because I was perfectly content. I could be having lunch with the most boring individual on the planet and I would be happy. Now, I need so much more.
It is like you said, I don't really feel like I was living life. I only looked forward to my next high. I never focused on the quality of my life. The mental part of this is obviously by far the most difficult. I am happy that I am feeling better as time passes, that really gives me hope that things will continue to improve.
Sounds like you have family around (your mom) which is great. I live abroad and have my husband. I wish I was closer to my family and am thinking about going back. I think support is so important.
Anyway, hang in there. I am right here with you.
HS
I know exactly how you feel. I am so happy to be clean and excited for my new life....but the boredom is a killer!!
Nothing else really mattered to me when I was using, because I was perfectly content. I could be having lunch with the most boring individual on the planet and I would be happy. Now, I need so much more.
It is like you said, I don't really feel like I was living life. I only looked forward to my next high. I never focused on the quality of my life. The mental part of this is obviously by far the most difficult. I am happy that I am feeling better as time passes, that really gives me hope that things will continue to improve.
Sounds like you have family around (your mom) which is great. I live abroad and have my husband. I wish I was closer to my family and am thinking about going back. I think support is so important.
Anyway, hang in there. I am right here with you.
HS
Hi Yvonne
I'm no expert - have never used drugs myself - but my daughter's father has been using heroin for 10 years and my current boyfriend is addicted. I am really glad you were advised not to go to meetings just yet. I know at some of the meetings my daughter's father went to people were selling drugs - so be very careful.
And as I said, I havent used drugs but the last decade of my life has been defined by drug use and I have had to find things to take my mind off myself and the problems.
A couple of ideas for you for whatever they're worth -Do you like animals? I volunteered at an animal shelter at one point, walking the dogs and feeding and playing with the cats - I'm telling you it really helped me to be doing something that I knew was actually helping another living being.
You probably dont feel up to this right now, but my boyfriend has found working out to be a good thing the times he has been clean - something to focus on where you can see results and feel better. I myself dont like going to a gym and it's expensive but I found some excercise tapes (Pilates) and do them at home.
Also, you might find the website spirituality.com to be helpful. There are articles about almost every topic, including addiction. My daughter's father loves to read the articles - they help and encourage him.
Hang in there.
Shirl
I'm no expert - have never used drugs myself - but my daughter's father has been using heroin for 10 years and my current boyfriend is addicted. I am really glad you were advised not to go to meetings just yet. I know at some of the meetings my daughter's father went to people were selling drugs - so be very careful.
And as I said, I havent used drugs but the last decade of my life has been defined by drug use and I have had to find things to take my mind off myself and the problems.
A couple of ideas for you for whatever they're worth -Do you like animals? I volunteered at an animal shelter at one point, walking the dogs and feeding and playing with the cats - I'm telling you it really helped me to be doing something that I knew was actually helping another living being.
You probably dont feel up to this right now, but my boyfriend has found working out to be a good thing the times he has been clean - something to focus on where you can see results and feel better. I myself dont like going to a gym and it's expensive but I found some excercise tapes (Pilates) and do them at home.
Also, you might find the website spirituality.com to be helpful. There are articles about almost every topic, including addiction. My daughter's father loves to read the articles - they help and encourage him.
Hang in there.
Shirl
HI Yvonne,
So glad you are on the journey to being who you truly are. Its is tough, but each day gets better.
I found meetings an very important part of my recovery, and I am saddened to read meetings are not a safe environment for you. Many addicts are there cos they have to be, so I guess they take their drugs with them!
However I though I would suggest going to an AA meeting instead. Addiction is addictiopn, and I went to AA meetings in the beggining. I went to a lot of meetings early in my recvery, and found apart from what I learnt, it also gave me something to do, and some kind of structure to the day to avoiid the boredom of being straight.
Let me add that once I got into recovery the boredom dissapppeared, but I had to leanr to live again. It amased me how much I could actually achieve in a day, now that scoring, hussling money, getting high were out of thew routine.
I wisdh you strength and love on your journey to your true self
calabash
So glad you are on the journey to being who you truly are. Its is tough, but each day gets better.
I found meetings an very important part of my recovery, and I am saddened to read meetings are not a safe environment for you. Many addicts are there cos they have to be, so I guess they take their drugs with them!
However I though I would suggest going to an AA meeting instead. Addiction is addictiopn, and I went to AA meetings in the beggining. I went to a lot of meetings early in my recvery, and found apart from what I learnt, it also gave me something to do, and some kind of structure to the day to avoiid the boredom of being straight.
Let me add that once I got into recovery the boredom dissapppeared, but I had to leanr to live again. It amased me how much I could actually achieve in a day, now that scoring, hussling money, getting high were out of thew routine.
I wisdh you strength and love on your journey to your true self
calabash
