Not sure where to start, read alot of the posts on here to try and get some advice about how i can help my ex b/f who wants to get clean again. We was together for 4 years i met him when i was 16 and knew he was already using heroin, ive never touched it, we split up about 2 years ago he got together with someone else who was also using heroin then he went to prison (for a year) and we got back together but when he came out he went and scored as soon as we got back home and i didn't want to be with him whilst he was using again so i finished it and he got back with her again. He's still with this girl and they live together and we've always kept in contact, but i met up with him yesterday and had a serious chat with him he's told me he is in alot of trouble with people due to stealing for his habbit he says he wants to get clean and feels he is slipping down hill fast, he also told me he feels like he is on ''an edge'' and it scares the hell out of him. I've told him he needs to realise he only has one chance at life and hes wasted enough years (he has been using since he was 16 and now nearly 26) and that if he doesn't get help now then he might even end up dead. Just wondering if anyone could explain what he means by ''on an edge'' and what, if anything, could i do to help him? I don't give him money when he does occassionally ask and i know that people have to WANT to stop using.
on an edge eh !.hes your ex ok but from what i can gather hes more like in the belly of the beast.basically i think he means its now or never 4 him,breaking point etc.. hope it gets better for u &him
If he wants to get better he can, there are plenty of recourses... methadone, buprenorphine, inpatient rehab, and cold turkey. There are support groups everywhere, Narcanon, Narcotics anonymous, group therapies, out patient rehab... Methadone cinics cost about 12 bucks a day and provide group therapy sessions, some insurance plans will cover it... there's buprenorphine (suboxone,Subutex) his general practitioner can perscribe it. In some states an MD can perscribe methadone for a few weeks as long as the patient is entering a clinic. He has to get away from his drug environment, sometimes that's not possible but if he goes to a support group he has a better chance of staying sober in that environment. There are rapid detox centers or just plain detox centers, nalterxone pills or implants. Can he stay with you for a couple weeks to clean himself up? Does he have any friends that may be willing to help him get through it?? If he is introuble for stealing then his a** might end up detoxing in a jail call anyway... if he is willing to clean up the court may appoint him to mandatory inpatient rehab and give him probation. He should be looking into these things himself, don't let him manipulate you into becoming his crutch, he needs help but needs to stand on his own two feet during this as well. He is going to need a comfortable place during the withdrawl period where he has no direct access to heroin, and someone to help him stay away from temptation. Davey has pretty much got it about the breaking point, when I was there I was ready to die, I didn't ever think I could get clean, but I did it to my amazement. Second time around I lost all faith that I could stay clean, but I had an entire year... circumstances, pain pills and denial sucked me in... running around again, but it's possible, many addicts have achieved total sobriety for a lifetime, your man can do it, but you are right he really has to want it. Ten years is a long time of getting f***ed up, and he's been using since he was a kid so sobriety is going to be a hard road of emotional adjustments, especially the first year, he is really going to need some kind of recovery program. It doesn't need to be group, but he is going to have a lot s*** to deal with and most of all he has to be aware of his thoughts and actions, what's his addiction talking and what's reality. If he does this on his own I suggest alot of reading so he knows what he's up against. He hasn't dealt with his emotions since he was a kid, so he is going to have child-like reactions to things, he will feel intensly about everything and may seem like he has thought disturbances, he does, addict thought disturbances, we don't think like normal people. His impulsiveness and obsessive behaviors will carry over into his sobriety, the best thing for him to do is to be aware that these are addict behaviors and he needs to make small steps to change them. he also needs to take time to get to know himself, to get to love himself again, and the best advice, "One Day at a Time." Taking steps slow and not carrying too much weight at one time. Sadly we as addicts can't handle a normal stress load early in recovery. He should be aware of what he can handle, aware of denial and aware that he has a deadly disease and needs to treat it as such every day for the reat of his life. Recovery gets easier but it never stops. As addicts we sometimes set our self up for disaster subconciously so we can go back out again, this is someting he is going to have to come to terms with. Even at rock bottom we tell ourselves that there is no point and we can't do it, but we can, everyone of us is capable of sobriety. Look in the phone book or google, you'll find all of the info you need. There is even a part of this site that has detoxing info.
For you, I can tell that you love this guy and his addiction is causing you pain. You can be there for him without getting trapped in his toilet bowl of s***. This is a disease but he did it to himself, he needs support and love but don't let him drag you down into the dirt with him. this is his problem and he needs to own it, be an adult and fix it himself. there are a ton of people on the F&POA board that are lving in misery because they let the addict in thier life take control of thier life. It's easy to become a codependant when someone you love is suffering, but in thier suffering they can also be a complete f***ing a****** and make you feel sorry for them and suck you in and then suck you dry. Always remember that no matter what you do or how much you try you can never make a person do what you want, even if you are trying to save them from themselves, it will blow up in your face. Offer support without becoming an abused appendage. If they want to use and you are taking steps to stop them they will only resent you and make you feel like you have caused them thier problem, and if not that they will resent you and treat you like s***.(most of the time, not all people are the same) Basically what I am trying to say is don't invest yourself fully. Keep you at the top of the pyramid, you can be there for him without your entire life revolving around his addiction. Good luck honey and I hope everything goes well for you and your boyfriend.
For you, I can tell that you love this guy and his addiction is causing you pain. You can be there for him without getting trapped in his toilet bowl of s***. This is a disease but he did it to himself, he needs support and love but don't let him drag you down into the dirt with him. this is his problem and he needs to own it, be an adult and fix it himself. there are a ton of people on the F&POA board that are lving in misery because they let the addict in thier life take control of thier life. It's easy to become a codependant when someone you love is suffering, but in thier suffering they can also be a complete f***ing a****** and make you feel sorry for them and suck you in and then suck you dry. Always remember that no matter what you do or how much you try you can never make a person do what you want, even if you are trying to save them from themselves, it will blow up in your face. Offer support without becoming an abused appendage. If they want to use and you are taking steps to stop them they will only resent you and make you feel like you have caused them thier problem, and if not that they will resent you and treat you like s***.(most of the time, not all people are the same) Basically what I am trying to say is don't invest yourself fully. Keep you at the top of the pyramid, you can be there for him without your entire life revolving around his addiction. Good luck honey and I hope everything goes well for you and your boyfriend.
