Hi,
I've found myself in a very difficult situation with my girlfriend, I use the word girlfriend loosely as it is far from a "normal" relationship but i do care about her very much. She drinks to excess when she drinks and admits she has problems with alcohol which i can understand as she comes from a terrible background and really struggles with life and the alcohol blocks it out. I was a heroin addict for 8 years (2 years clean now) so i know the cycle shes stuck in. she has been in rehab before, been sectioned under the mental health act and is currently trying to get back to rehab half heartedly. I really struggle with what to do for the best for her and for me, when she is sober she feels really guilty for the way she is which only makes her want to drink more and when shes drunk shes a danger to herself and i end up virtually babysitting her trying to make sure she doesnt hurt herself, which i hate as i dont want to be around people who are drunk and abusive. She has a history of self harm and whenever i leave her and she has been drinking i worry all night that she will hurt herself or worse still wont see her again. I feel i have to let go a certain amount to protect myself but in the last week alone she has woken up locked in the luggage compartment of a coach with no memory of getting there and then a few days ago took a hammer to herself and is now black and blue. Im at breaking point and just dont know what to do for the best, i would do anything for her thats going to help her but i cant stand by and watch her destroy herself. anyone with any advice or experience or comments please post.
thank you......
You know the asnwer to this one, because you have been there.
Her job is to find recovery, only she can do it.
Your job is to make sure that you aren't doing anything that makes it easier to drink or to avoid taking responsibility for her drinking.
Are you cushioning her fall? Are you stopping her from finding her rock-bottom? If so, get out of the way and let her fall.
And for you.. is this the life you want for yourself?
Her job is to find recovery, only she can do it.
Your job is to make sure that you aren't doing anything that makes it easier to drink or to avoid taking responsibility for her drinking.
Are you cushioning her fall? Are you stopping her from finding her rock-bottom? If so, get out of the way and let her fall.
And for you.. is this the life you want for yourself?
Happydaze...
Welcome and congratulations on your clean time...that's awesome...
As far as your girlfriend, I understand being in recovery myself watching a loved one go through the horrors of addiction/alcoholism but I had to learn to stay out of the way...It's difficult but I had to love mine enough to let him go and accept that it's his journey, not mine and God will take care of him as he took care of me....
Silent Partner had an excellent post...might I suggest to that you could try Alanon to help with this....and keep praying for her....
Take care,
Stacey
Welcome and congratulations on your clean time...that's awesome...
As far as your girlfriend, I understand being in recovery myself watching a loved one go through the horrors of addiction/alcoholism but I had to learn to stay out of the way...It's difficult but I had to love mine enough to let him go and accept that it's his journey, not mine and God will take care of him as he took care of me....
Silent Partner had an excellent post...might I suggest to that you could try Alanon to help with this....and keep praying for her....
Take care,
Stacey
Happydaze... your girlfriend sounds like me a few years ago... I was so out of control like that too... I got myself arrested and then got a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder... they can section me now if I am a danger to myself... my family never gave up on me they got me an emergency referral to Psychiatric services through my GP... I now have a Psychiatrist medication and an alcohol counsellor... maybe you could talk to your girlfriend and see if she would be willing to go to her GP if she wants to talk about things... I know I was on the road to ruin and it was only a matter of time before I killed myself...
Best wishes...
Izzy X
Best wishes...
Izzy X
