I have a question I hope I can get some feedback on. In Jan. 2007 it will be a year clean for me. I never thought I needed meetings but I am thinking I could benefit from them at this point in my recovery. It is not so much the physical part of addiction that is holding me back in my recovery but the mental part. How do you learn to stop resenting or blaming the person you think was the cause of your addiction when in reality I am the only one to blame? No one held me down and forced me to keep taking the pills I took them because I wanted to. I don't know if this makes any sense but it has been weighing heavy on me and thought someone might have some insight. Thanks, Shantel
Shantell,
I learned after several relapses that the drugs weren't the problem, I was...they were only an escape for me from learning how to deal with life on life's terms...
I do attend meetings, regularly and by getting a sponsor, meeting others in the program that get me, and working the steps, it is teaching me a whole new way to live life and with that comes peace and serenity, acceptance and forgiveness...What has happened to me is hard to explain in writing but I have a life I never imagined possible....
Also, I have been told, in order to keep what I have, I have to give it back and for me, helping that newcomer as they walk in the door, hopeless & helpless and working with them, being there and sharing what works, watching them grow and blossom to me is a miracle....and it keeps me sober....
Today I am so grateful that I walked into the rooms of AA.....
Take care,
Stacey
I learned after several relapses that the drugs weren't the problem, I was...they were only an escape for me from learning how to deal with life on life's terms...
I do attend meetings, regularly and by getting a sponsor, meeting others in the program that get me, and working the steps, it is teaching me a whole new way to live life and with that comes peace and serenity, acceptance and forgiveness...What has happened to me is hard to explain in writing but I have a life I never imagined possible....
Also, I have been told, in order to keep what I have, I have to give it back and for me, helping that newcomer as they walk in the door, hopeless & helpless and working with them, being there and sharing what works, watching them grow and blossom to me is a miracle....and it keeps me sober....
Today I am so grateful that I walked into the rooms of AA.....
Take care,
Stacey
Give it a try, Shantel. It's not like they are going to hold you hostage or anything. If you don't like it, you can stop going but give it a chance. I tried getting clean on my own and after 7 months I was so miserable in my head that I had to use or go nuts. AA helped me change and that was what I needed. My thinking was really off. AA helped. Go ahead, give it at try.
Thanks you guys but can you ever get over pointing the blame at someone else for your addiction? Even though it has been a year it seems like the hardest part is starting now. I do go to Christian counseling (not like I should) do you think meetings will help more? Shantel
For me, yes....like Kat said, try it and you just might be surprised...
xoxo
xoxo
In working the steps I was able to look at my part in the things that went wrong in my life. I was able to see how much of it was MY doing, not the world's. I saw what chaos I caused. Me. Not my mom. Not my ex's. Not anyone else. In doing that I was able to get rid of a lot of fear and resentment. It takes time, Shantel and it takes work and commitment but it can be done. Give AA a chance for 30 days and see how you feel about it. Listen to people at meetings and see how far they've come. You'll be amazed.
Funny thing here I sit thinking great job Shantel no pills for a year you're doing a great job but I'm not doing a great job if I can't come to terms with the reasons I started abusing in the first place. Sorry to be such downer today but I I have got to make things right in my life and I need to start now. Thanks, Shantel
Interesting........very interesting.
I can't say I had too much of the "blame others for my addiction". I blamed myself plenty, in fact, I thought it proof of why I was a completely pathetic human being and why I would never "make it".
I look now and see it was: 1) Justification for not quitting and intriguingly, 2) a form of ego.....reverse ego. Want to be at the top of the heap or the bottom, but not in the middle.....more of the dreaded....Terminal Uniqueness ™ That one is totally unique in the universe is not something I ascribe to and I feel it can decrease the empathy one feels for others.....
I almost look at it as a no brainer that one is responsible for one's addiction. To face that can be scary. But it doesn't have to be. To accept responsibility does not mean one is a worthless piece of skin, or hopeless, or anything......
What it really means is one is accurately assessing a situation, not running from one's problems, actually being an adult. Stand and deliver.
Blaming others for one's own actions is common, common, common way of deflecting damage to one's own ego and it is done by non-addicts just as much as addicts....
To face the hurt I have done and rather than crumpling in a ball, do one thing, just one thing, big or little, different than I did before is the best way to face the past. The past can be a great teacher if one pays attention....
Its also the best amends one can do. To say "sorry" and then do the same behavior is careless at best.....and emotionally manipulative or downright sociopathic at worst. The boy who cries wolf......
I can't say I had too much of the "blame others for my addiction". I blamed myself plenty, in fact, I thought it proof of why I was a completely pathetic human being and why I would never "make it".
I look now and see it was: 1) Justification for not quitting and intriguingly, 2) a form of ego.....reverse ego. Want to be at the top of the heap or the bottom, but not in the middle.....more of the dreaded....Terminal Uniqueness ™ That one is totally unique in the universe is not something I ascribe to and I feel it can decrease the empathy one feels for others.....
I almost look at it as a no brainer that one is responsible for one's addiction. To face that can be scary. But it doesn't have to be. To accept responsibility does not mean one is a worthless piece of skin, or hopeless, or anything......
What it really means is one is accurately assessing a situation, not running from one's problems, actually being an adult. Stand and deliver.
Blaming others for one's own actions is common, common, common way of deflecting damage to one's own ego and it is done by non-addicts just as much as addicts....
To face the hurt I have done and rather than crumpling in a ball, do one thing, just one thing, big or little, different than I did before is the best way to face the past. The past can be a great teacher if one pays attention....
Its also the best amends one can do. To say "sorry" and then do the same behavior is careless at best.....and emotionally manipulative or downright sociopathic at worst. The boy who cries wolf......
Shantell,
You're not being a downer...you are facing things and for me, that's difficult sometimes....I was on the phone over an hour & a half with another gal in the program on Saturday just crying from all these feelings and emotions that are starting to surface and you know what, after I shared those deep feelings and worked through a few of the those fears, yesterday I woke up feeling on top of the world....This is what the program does for me today, it allows me to carry only what I can hold, the rest I have to give to God and I am lucky to have friends help me to do this and show me how.....
Sometimes change is uncomfortable but when change is allowed, I can grow....
Take care....and congratulations on 1 year...amazing....
Stacey
You're not being a downer...you are facing things and for me, that's difficult sometimes....I was on the phone over an hour & a half with another gal in the program on Saturday just crying from all these feelings and emotions that are starting to surface and you know what, after I shared those deep feelings and worked through a few of the those fears, yesterday I woke up feeling on top of the world....This is what the program does for me today, it allows me to carry only what I can hold, the rest I have to give to God and I am lucky to have friends help me to do this and show me how.....
Sometimes change is uncomfortable but when change is allowed, I can grow....
Take care....and congratulations on 1 year...amazing....
Stacey
Shantell, what would it hurt honey! if you went to a meeting on you belly button birtheay you wiill be so moved at how proud people you dont even know are of you, it is a awesome feeling!! I only use the what could i loose, when i know i can gain something, when it comes to recovory and reading and learning, what could it hurt!
Pants
Pants
Thanks you guys but can you ever get over pointing the blame at someone else for your addiction?
Uh, yes. I had huge huge huge blame issues.
The fourth step is about writing down who hurt you , how they hurt you, and your part in it.
The first time I tried a fourth step, I couldn't do it. It brought up huge anger and resentment and I just was not ready to open that closet.
Then, when I finally did do it completely, a huge weight was lifted. I realized that in all of that blame, I had to look at myself. I was right there in all of it and I was making choices...dumb ones, but still I owned that my life was not the result of someone else.
I was a victim, but was no longer willing to stay that way. You know what they say...once a victim, twice a volunteer.
It was extremely freeing and today I can't even tell you the peace and clarity I feel. It isn't fleeting; it is an inner peace that is there always.
Give it a try; you might find some great relief in it. It can't hurt, can it?
Uh, yes. I had huge huge huge blame issues.
The fourth step is about writing down who hurt you , how they hurt you, and your part in it.
The first time I tried a fourth step, I couldn't do it. It brought up huge anger and resentment and I just was not ready to open that closet.
Then, when I finally did do it completely, a huge weight was lifted. I realized that in all of that blame, I had to look at myself. I was right there in all of it and I was making choices...dumb ones, but still I owned that my life was not the result of someone else.
I was a victim, but was no longer willing to stay that way. You know what they say...once a victim, twice a volunteer.
It was extremely freeing and today I can't even tell you the peace and clarity I feel. It isn't fleeting; it is an inner peace that is there always.
Give it a try; you might find some great relief in it. It can't hurt, can it?
me thinks you are being nudged, shantel. how many times did i call on God and then ignored the opportunities He sent? maybe i didn't recognize them because they didn't take the form i expected. spiritual surrender requires faith, but it also requires paying attention to opportunities and taking action. i needed to look to God for guidance, to keep me on the right course; however, (don't you just love that word however?) i couldn't expect God to kick-start me every morning and deliver breakfast in bed.
it took a while but i finally said yes to the new life my HP was creating in me. and that came through the action i took. the 12 step solution has been and continues to be a source that provided the action i wanted to take.
great big hugs and oodles encouragement to you ~ :)
sammy
it took a while but i finally said yes to the new life my HP was creating in me. and that came through the action i took. the 12 step solution has been and continues to be a source that provided the action i wanted to take.
great big hugs and oodles encouragement to you ~ :)
sammy
After many tears shed tonight with the ones I love and who love me I am beginning to realize I have to forgive myself first before I can move forward. Shantel
Shantel-I'm glad you had the courage to be honest.I stayed clean and sober almost 3 years back in the 80's by sheer willpower.It was the lonliest time of my life.I walked around with a chip on my shoulder and with about as much serenity and peace as a train wreck.I had taken excellent care of the outside.I was running a successful business,worked out religiously,had a toned body,wore good clothes,drove new cars and from all indications looked like I had my sh*t together.It was all about me.Look how far I've come! Man,my ego had taken over.I had all the superficial trappings and still remained this hollow shell.Afterall,the only thing I had done was address one component of this disease.The physical part.I think a lot of people fall into that trap.
It didn't last.My addiction continued because I had done nothing to take care of the core problem....me and my soul.
Until I sucked up my pride and gave AA/NA another chance I was doomed to repeat that my whole life.I found a sponsor and started working the steps immediately.I got my butt back into therapy too.There was a lot of stuff I needed one on one proffessional help.I can't tell you when things really started changing since it was a slow process.It was sometime at the end of the first year.I realized I was not consummed with thoughts of taking a substance to alter my feelings.It kept getting better too.The 4th step and private therapy gave me the opportunity to start healing.
Resentments are our number one offender.They will kill us emotionally.
That is what I'm hearing from you loud and clear.You can overcome it.There is hope but you will have to take some action.
You've come this far and I want to see you happy.It's not just about being dry.The payoff is so much greater than that.
good luck
It didn't last.My addiction continued because I had done nothing to take care of the core problem....me and my soul.
Until I sucked up my pride and gave AA/NA another chance I was doomed to repeat that my whole life.I found a sponsor and started working the steps immediately.I got my butt back into therapy too.There was a lot of stuff I needed one on one proffessional help.I can't tell you when things really started changing since it was a slow process.It was sometime at the end of the first year.I realized I was not consummed with thoughts of taking a substance to alter my feelings.It kept getting better too.The 4th step and private therapy gave me the opportunity to start healing.
Resentments are our number one offender.They will kill us emotionally.
That is what I'm hearing from you loud and clear.You can overcome it.There is hope but you will have to take some action.
You've come this far and I want to see you happy.It's not just about being dry.The payoff is so much greater than that.
good luck
Shantel...
I am sooo glad to hear that you have been clean for a year. I keep relapsing, so sadly I have to go into the methadone program. All I can say is that there should be no such thing as blame, blame causes guilt and bad feelings about one self. I would say steer clear of blame and journal your feelings instead.
Love,
Deirdre
I am sooo glad to hear that you have been clean for a year. I keep relapsing, so sadly I have to go into the methadone program. All I can say is that there should be no such thing as blame, blame causes guilt and bad feelings about one self. I would say steer clear of blame and journal your feelings instead.
Love,
Deirdre
Again I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for your giving me your insight on this. Today is a new day and I know what I need to do. Easier said than done but if I am ever going to forgive myself and stop blaming the people around me for my addiction then that's what I am going to do. I am gonna call this morning and find a meeting to attend. I know there are plenty around where I live so it shouldn't be that difficult. Wish me luck. Shantel
Shantel...
I pray for you and hope all is well.
Love,
Deirdre
I pray for you and hope all is well.
Love,
Deirdre
Shantel-That is excellent.Just be open minded and patient.Change happens but not in our time.
Good Luck
Good Luck
Shantell...
Good luck but more important, today you are in my prayers and I am smiling at the way God works....We will be here for you for any questions or concerns and like Tim said, go in with an open mind and allow yourself the miracle....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
Good luck but more important, today you are in my prayers and I am smiling at the way God works....We will be here for you for any questions or concerns and like Tim said, go in with an open mind and allow yourself the miracle....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
Shantel,
Congrats on 11 months , I remember when you came aboard..
I am in the process of trying to get help for my best friend.......BUT I am the one holding the guilt, I gave her her first pill along w/ more until she got her own rx, that was 9 years ago, she has spiraled so out of control..taking vics, morphine, somas and god knows what else that I don't know.. I too hope and pray that once we get her in the program and meet w/ the therapist to doour intervention that she doesn't blame me...my heart breaks everyday..I know she was a big girl,
We aren't going to be able to do anything until after the holidays, so right now we are doing what we can behind closed doors..
and so are you.STOP blmaing...you are the one that kept popping them..youhave to let go and move on for yourself and your family..
Krazi/Traci
Congrats on 11 months , I remember when you came aboard..
I am in the process of trying to get help for my best friend.......BUT I am the one holding the guilt, I gave her her first pill along w/ more until she got her own rx, that was 9 years ago, she has spiraled so out of control..taking vics, morphine, somas and god knows what else that I don't know.. I too hope and pray that once we get her in the program and meet w/ the therapist to doour intervention that she doesn't blame me...my heart breaks everyday..I know she was a big girl,
We aren't going to be able to do anything until after the holidays, so right now we are doing what we can behind closed doors..
and so are you.STOP blmaing...you are the one that kept popping them..youhave to let go and move on for yourself and your family..
Krazi/Traci
