Tracey,
The experience that I can share with you is a little different but I think you will understand what I am trying to say.In 2002 I was also on oxy's also and I was being prescribed them from a quack dr for real he ended up getting arrested for over prescribing meds.Later hung himself in jail.I took the easy(hard way)I went on methadone and was at 115mgs for the next 1 1/2 years and then I got arrested for forging scripts I got 8 felonies so I did not even bother bonding out or even trying because I knew noone would come get me anyway to have me skip bail.So I go into jail on115 mgs and these people would not even give me tylenol!!! And to boot I had to sleep on a mat on the concrete floor this SUCKED to say the ;least.The point being it was inevitable that I was going to have to go through the w/ds the best I could and I knew it was going to be awful BUT I also knew there was NO way I could get any opiates I even fell out from the w/ds and went to hte hospital and only came back with I think Dimetapp and tylenol.The point being is that when I accepted that I was stuck and going to have to get through it or kill myself to not go through it I just went through it .
I relapsed shortly after geting out of prison I served a total of 18 months all together this was not enough to keep me sober either.
For some reason on the street when I tried to kick and knew that I could get more drugs one way or another it made it SOOOOO much harder I just was not strong enough to resist temptation.The only thing I cannot resist is temptation when I am actively in addiction for that matter!
From what I gather on the board you have a family .With the holidays coming up in 2 days I am sure that has added tremendous anxiety for you.I cannot count how many holidays I have taken to bed and would not even come out of my room and my sweet little girl would come in and bring me a drink of water or something and tell me how much she loved me and that just added to the guilt.The biggest gift you could give yourself right now is to go into a detox center if you cannot afford a rehab atleast you will be medically supervised .For some reason I always thought I SHOULD suffer because I am the only one that was to blame and I thought that I should feel terrible and guilty and all the BAD stuff,that is not the deal though you do need to give your body that chance to heal and rest and not worry about your family seeing you like that .It only hurts worse in my opinion .I am sure you will make the best decision for you but it was just alot easier for me to make it if I was not at home near a phone ER or dentist for that matter!! Follow your gut feeling Tracey I have found that usually if I do it was God giving me the answer all the time.I have learned to listen to that gut feeling today.I personally was never successful getting clean all by myself and staying clean for very long if I did manage to kick at home.Today I do take suboxone and it has been a very positive tool for me.I do still attend AT LEAST 5-7meetings a week and work with a sponsor and an addiction specialist .This is what I had to do or I was surely going to die no doubt in my mind.Today I have been free from all drugs for 88 days(I do take the sub dont get me wrong) and I feel so much better and I am blessed every day through my faith in God and the fellowship of AA its what has worked for me I am not saying this is the only way by no means at all but I am a true success compared to what I have been for the last 19 years of my life and I get up everyday and do the absolute best I can and live as honestly as I have ever lived in my life and it feels really good .There are as many ways to get sober as there are people .This is what has worked for me and today I have a life again.I will truly pray for you to find your way and I hope that you can find some peace and comfort in the way that you chose to approach this.Good luck and God blessyou.Cristina
Tracy, I'm sure will be back on tomorrow. You guys rock.
Cowgirl
Cowgirl
Nice to see you back CG.
Yes wd is scary. If things get REAL bad please seek medical assistance. Some of us (such as myself) have been down this road and I can tell you that if you become too dehydrated for instance that you will deplete electrolytes such as potassium which can cause irregular cardiac rythyms. The Clonodine someone else suggested helps to keep your blood pressure in check and for some people is necessary. You can only get these items by Rx. Try the hot baths, keep your mind occupied by reading, TV, or whatever you can. Drink lots of fluids and eat light (soups, jellos, Sprite) and rest. You can get OTC diarrhea and nausea meds. Try those things and always know that you can find a friendly place here. Hope some of this helps you. Stay strong.
Best Wishes,
Lost
Best Wishes,
Lost
Thank you all. I am going into rehab today, I think. I am also considering the rapid detox, but I read alittle controversy on that subject here. My Dr. gave me more to get by until I decide what I am going to do. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I am taking enough to kill a horse. I can't believe what I have done and what i have become. It makes me not even want to live right now. But I will get through it. For my son and my husband. I will keep you guys posted.
Tracy
Tracy
Tracy , I am glad to hear you are OK .The rapid detox will do nothing more than get the drugs out of your system . A rehab will do that plus give you the foundation you need to stay clean .I know both are expensive but I believe your money would be better spent on the rehab . Good luck , Rob
Tracy, isn't your husband a doctor? You can do this at home and save yourself a ton of money. I will be here for you, please let me know what I can assist you with. Please...
Yes he is, but I think I am much more far gone than that. I am too ashamed to even tell you guys the amounts of this garbage I was taking. I think it is going to require a much more acute approach, and plus, my husband would lose his license if he had to prescribe anything for me. Trust me, I would much rather do it that way than what I am about to go through. I leave here in an hour. I will miss my husband, and I can't even start to think about missing my angel. it hurts too much. Thanks again for your support.
Love,
Tracy
Love,
Tracy
Tracy, I understand. You need to do whatever you feel is best for you. I will keep you in my prayers. Oh, you have nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to the amount of meds you are taking. Most of us have been there and totally understand. When you feel like discussing it with us, we will be here with open arms and hearts. We love you and wish you the best. Things will get better my friend.
Thanks Gidget. You are so sweet. I have never talked to you until now and you have helped me alot. Thank you.
Love,
Tracy
Love,
Tracy
You are more than welcome Tracy. Take Care of yourself first, the rest will follow.
