This seems to be happening more & more where I feel & more sad???Is it Walter?Is it just Life?I just dont know,What I do know is the depression is getting worse.Why?I dont understand.Im up to 175 mg of Effexor & 8mg of Sub,Why is this happening.
Cant Anyone just talk with me?
Hell talk about YOUR life anything,I just feel so friggin alone anymore
hey brina girl...........
i am sorry your feeling like this.............
just want to give ya a big hug.............
what are your plans today??????????//
i am sorry your feeling like this.............
just want to give ya a big hug.............
what are your plans today??????????//
sabrina..........
i am off to the store but i just wanted to give you my love and i pray you feel better..........
i totally understand that feeling.........
bug hugs...........
God Bless you ..........
thumper.
i am off to the store but i just wanted to give you my love and i pray you feel better..........
i totally understand that feeling.........
bug hugs...........
God Bless you ..........
thumper.
Can I help Brina? Want me to call?
All I can advise for today is take advantage of it being Sunday and nice out. Take a walk, then order your fav chinese dish and watch a good movie. Rent one or see whats on tv - theres always something. Sometimes there just is noone around and there is nothing one can do about it so just enjoy your own company.
Tomorrow you can discuss with your doctor if there is a reason due to the meds or not. I think you are just in a funk.
Oh yea, buy the fixins for a great big ice cream sundae for dessert! Remember ice cream increases our seratonin!
Tomorrow you can discuss with your doctor if there is a reason due to the meds or not. I think you are just in a funk.
Oh yea, buy the fixins for a great big ice cream sundae for dessert! Remember ice cream increases our seratonin!
hi molly
you know what? i ave been in a funk lately too... i dont know what happened, i guess its all about how recovery goes...
i got out of rehab in july with the intentions of gettings my life more organized and making positive changes.
i was gone 16 days and as i walked into the door i was greeted by my happy animals who missed me so much and of course my sons too.now as far as the rest of my family is concerned they offered no help or support... my therapist keeps trying to explain to me that THEY are sick and lets say they have broken legs, people with broken legs cant help a person to walk, so after some very cruel remarks from my mother, i had to set boundaries with her, husbutt and the rest of the gang. my mother is a recovering addict who has not followed her program, you would think she would understand.
i came home to way too much stress and i was warned in rehab that is a bad thing for a recovering addict, but i prayed and i kept on going to meetings and trying to get a sponsor.
nov 9th my sons 19th birthday is when the s*it hit the fan, my mom once again was the problem, we had a fight and that is when i let her have it verbally and her response is always the same silent treatments... she can give the most cruelist silent treatments ever and they still haunt me from childhood. but i set another boundary with her and i am sticking to it, i have to, but of course i am the black sheep of the family and that julie, we just cant understand why she has to act the way she does....what an ungrateful daughter, we gave her the best childhood we could offer her, blah, blah, blah, boy i never would have treated my parents the way she does and she has alot to be sorry for when her parents die.. this is how my family reacts to me.
i had suffered a very traumatic childhood as i have stated before and most people would have wrote there family off forever but i didnt, i try to forgive and give them another chance but i have to stay away from their sickness because i only get sicker when i let them back into my life. i am left feeling guilty about this, my therapist doesnt understand why i feel the way i do, she has tried to help me deal with these feelings, but i feel guilty, i was the victim and i feel guilty because they are my parents they are alive and i want their love, they will be dying soon and i want their love before they die and i know its never gonna happen and for that i feel sad.
this spawned a terrible anxiety attack for which i suffered terribly thru dec and jan it got so bad i had to have klonopin just to be able to work and function. when i recovered from that episode i stopped taking the klonopin and refused a refill that was offered to me last wed when i saw my psychiatrist.
so to get to my point molly i had another anxiety attack two days ago and all of a sudden a feeling came over me that was f*ck it, i give up i am gonna use.. what do i have to look forward to?
my parents dying
my beloved animals dying, they are 15, 12 and 8 yrs
my marrige failing
my kids moving out of the nest
getting older and my health declining, i have diabetes, a heel spur, carpal tunnel and i just received a message from my dr to call mon , there must be something wrong with my blood work i had taken last week.
never ever being free from panic disorder for which i have tried to recover from but just cant seem to be able to do because i am so afraid.
i think i am depressed and you know what i am acting like a big as* baby because i am choosing to focus on the negative, isolating my feelings, i know i need to focus on gratitude and that is what na's meeting was about last night gratitude, i told myself that i needed to share my feelings at the meeting last night but i try so hard to build up the courage to share and i cant do it, i am so afraid of people and what they might think of me, i am terrified to call my sponsor so i dont. last night she told me that she wants me to start step work and that she would like to see me finished with step one by the end of march, so my only hope left is that these steps are gonna change my life for the better because i have exhausted all other means of trying to get well.
i feel as if i have lost my faith and i feel so bad to even type this because i know God has not abandoned me and he puts me thru trials to come closer to Him and then there is satan whispering in my ear, just die julie, end it all.
so molly i hope this post has helped you in the knowledge of knowing you are not alone in your despair, there is another person feeling as bad as you do right now. love jewels
you know what? i ave been in a funk lately too... i dont know what happened, i guess its all about how recovery goes...
i got out of rehab in july with the intentions of gettings my life more organized and making positive changes.
i was gone 16 days and as i walked into the door i was greeted by my happy animals who missed me so much and of course my sons too.now as far as the rest of my family is concerned they offered no help or support... my therapist keeps trying to explain to me that THEY are sick and lets say they have broken legs, people with broken legs cant help a person to walk, so after some very cruel remarks from my mother, i had to set boundaries with her, husbutt and the rest of the gang. my mother is a recovering addict who has not followed her program, you would think she would understand.
i came home to way too much stress and i was warned in rehab that is a bad thing for a recovering addict, but i prayed and i kept on going to meetings and trying to get a sponsor.
nov 9th my sons 19th birthday is when the s*it hit the fan, my mom once again was the problem, we had a fight and that is when i let her have it verbally and her response is always the same silent treatments... she can give the most cruelist silent treatments ever and they still haunt me from childhood. but i set another boundary with her and i am sticking to it, i have to, but of course i am the black sheep of the family and that julie, we just cant understand why she has to act the way she does....what an ungrateful daughter, we gave her the best childhood we could offer her, blah, blah, blah, boy i never would have treated my parents the way she does and she has alot to be sorry for when her parents die.. this is how my family reacts to me.
i had suffered a very traumatic childhood as i have stated before and most people would have wrote there family off forever but i didnt, i try to forgive and give them another chance but i have to stay away from their sickness because i only get sicker when i let them back into my life. i am left feeling guilty about this, my therapist doesnt understand why i feel the way i do, she has tried to help me deal with these feelings, but i feel guilty, i was the victim and i feel guilty because they are my parents they are alive and i want their love, they will be dying soon and i want their love before they die and i know its never gonna happen and for that i feel sad.
this spawned a terrible anxiety attack for which i suffered terribly thru dec and jan it got so bad i had to have klonopin just to be able to work and function. when i recovered from that episode i stopped taking the klonopin and refused a refill that was offered to me last wed when i saw my psychiatrist.
so to get to my point molly i had another anxiety attack two days ago and all of a sudden a feeling came over me that was f*ck it, i give up i am gonna use.. what do i have to look forward to?
my parents dying
my beloved animals dying, they are 15, 12 and 8 yrs
my marrige failing
my kids moving out of the nest
getting older and my health declining, i have diabetes, a heel spur, carpal tunnel and i just received a message from my dr to call mon , there must be something wrong with my blood work i had taken last week.
never ever being free from panic disorder for which i have tried to recover from but just cant seem to be able to do because i am so afraid.
i think i am depressed and you know what i am acting like a big as* baby because i am choosing to focus on the negative, isolating my feelings, i know i need to focus on gratitude and that is what na's meeting was about last night gratitude, i told myself that i needed to share my feelings at the meeting last night but i try so hard to build up the courage to share and i cant do it, i am so afraid of people and what they might think of me, i am terrified to call my sponsor so i dont. last night she told me that she wants me to start step work and that she would like to see me finished with step one by the end of march, so my only hope left is that these steps are gonna change my life for the better because i have exhausted all other means of trying to get well.
i feel as if i have lost my faith and i feel so bad to even type this because i know God has not abandoned me and he puts me thru trials to come closer to Him and then there is satan whispering in my ear, just die julie, end it all.
so molly i hope this post has helped you in the knowledge of knowing you are not alone in your despair, there is another person feeling as bad as you do right now. love jewels
CG YGM & thank you.Nop Ill be ok I have Anne & 2 of her friends here so Ill pull it together.As I said in my letter I think its Walter (period) comming.It seems as if the older I get the mood swings/depression seem to be getti g worse.But thank you ,after all that has past its nice to know your support is still here for this lost womam.
Jewels oh sweet Jewels you have my addy so please know you can write & write & Ill give nothing but my total support acceptance & love(its who I am()
We can be sad & cheer each other up.
I am going to sign off,work out a bit(beeing tryi9ng some light weights again)& clean.Sometimes for me cleaning is the best therapy I can do,.
I am sorry Im sure my post must sound like some selfpity trip lately & thats not the woman I am.As I said Damn Walter I bet its him messing with my hormones(*astard!!!)
I will check back in later & Im sure Ill feel better.How can I not,my beauty is home with me today & for her I MUST pull myself out of it.
Thank you for your replies & for cARING...aGAIN iM SURE iLL BE OK.
i HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A LOVELY SUNDAY
Oh by the way...screw the diet I feel burgers fries & CHOCLATE ice cream will help.
Oh CG as for my health tomarrow I will be calling my Dr & getting things checked.My girl still needs her mana so I MUST stay strong
Again sorry if this sounded like a pity trip...How pathetic huh?
Sorry!
Love to Ann
Molly
Jewels oh sweet Jewels you have my addy so please know you can write & write & Ill give nothing but my total support acceptance & love(its who I am()
We can be sad & cheer each other up.
I am going to sign off,work out a bit(beeing tryi9ng some light weights again)& clean.Sometimes for me cleaning is the best therapy I can do,.
I am sorry Im sure my post must sound like some selfpity trip lately & thats not the woman I am.As I said Damn Walter I bet its him messing with my hormones(*astard!!!)
I will check back in later & Im sure Ill feel better.How can I not,my beauty is home with me today & for her I MUST pull myself out of it.
Thank you for your replies & for cARING...aGAIN iM SURE iLL BE OK.
i HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A LOVELY SUNDAY
Oh by the way...screw the diet I feel burgers fries & CHOCLATE ice cream will help.
Oh CG as for my health tomarrow I will be calling my Dr & getting things checked.My girl still needs her mana so I MUST stay strong
Again sorry if this sounded like a pity trip...How pathetic huh?
Sorry!
Love to Ann
Molly
MJ
With all the stress and changes you are going through, it's normal to have those ups and downs. Maybe you're confusing change with something bad?? I do that sometimes because the majority of changes in my past life were not positive, so sometimes when things are changing in my life I just get plain ol' scared.
And plus honey pie I think you gotta chalk a lot of it up to Walter. ;-)
I love you.
Stac
With all the stress and changes you are going through, it's normal to have those ups and downs. Maybe you're confusing change with something bad?? I do that sometimes because the majority of changes in my past life were not positive, so sometimes when things are changing in my life I just get plain ol' scared.
And plus honey pie I think you gotta chalk a lot of it up to Walter. ;-)
I love you.
Stac
Before I sign off & work out & such.....again I wanted to thank you all as I know or I feel that you do care for me.Why?I have no idea all I know is that Im blessed to have you(strangers) care...Youll All Never realize how much it means to the lost person I am right now
Stacey huny I hope you & K feel better.Hun if I could come & tend to you guys I would in a heartbeat
Sorry for being mushy...but I love you guys & thank you for wanting to be my shoulders...until later.....
molly
Stacey huny I hope you & K feel better.Hun if I could come & tend to you guys I would in a heartbeat
Sorry for being mushy...but I love you guys & thank you for wanting to be my shoulders...until later.....
molly
Hey, Brina,
That's why we come here. There is a LOAD of caring going on. It's so cold and miserable here in NYS and I think the weather plays a big part in how you are feeling. Next month, God willing and the river doesn't rise, you'll be fishing and I know that will bring you a lot of happiness. Prayers and ((((((hugs))))))).
That's why we come here. There is a LOAD of caring going on. It's so cold and miserable here in NYS and I think the weather plays a big part in how you are feeling. Next month, God willing and the river doesn't rise, you'll be fishing and I know that will bring you a lot of happiness. Prayers and ((((((hugs))))))).
Molly...
I have moments of exteme sadness, especially since I am clean. I was so close to relapsing last night, because I found out via phone that my brother took off and left Portland, Oregon without telling me. He has no where to go and no money. I fear for him and started crying. I felt like hurting myself. I used to self-mutilate when I felt really down this is just another addiction, but I looked at my arms which are all scarred from cutting myself in the past and was disgusted. I am used to being emotionally numb that not to being anymore is difficult. I am down visiting my friend in New Orleans. I feel confused about this situation, since I do have a boyfriend in Portland, but my friend Paul (in New Orleans) was my boyfriend back when he was living in Portland. I am tempted but I know I would feel horrible if we did something and than I had to go and face my boyfriend in Portland. What to do?
Deirdre
I have moments of exteme sadness, especially since I am clean. I was so close to relapsing last night, because I found out via phone that my brother took off and left Portland, Oregon without telling me. He has no where to go and no money. I fear for him and started crying. I felt like hurting myself. I used to self-mutilate when I felt really down this is just another addiction, but I looked at my arms which are all scarred from cutting myself in the past and was disgusted. I am used to being emotionally numb that not to being anymore is difficult. I am down visiting my friend in New Orleans. I feel confused about this situation, since I do have a boyfriend in Portland, but my friend Paul (in New Orleans) was my boyfriend back when he was living in Portland. I am tempted but I know I would feel horrible if we did something and than I had to go and face my boyfriend in Portland. What to do?
Deirdre
molly.......r u feeling better?
thinking of you .....
when walter comes, my friend who is a dr explained to me how important drinking water is....
how are you?
i like what stace said about changes.
jewels....stay close to the lord, he never leaves us...
we leave him...but he always takes us back and is so happy to.
you are lovely, beautiful, and kind.....
. . . morning l...o...v....e.. . s ...
thinking of you .....
when walter comes, my friend who is a dr explained to me how important drinking water is....
how are you?
i like what stace said about changes.
jewels....stay close to the lord, he never leaves us...
we leave him...but he always takes us back and is so happy to.
you are lovely, beautiful, and kind.....
. . . morning l...o...v....e.. . s ...