I have been in a relationship with someone going through addiction recovery for 5 months now. He did 30 days at an inpatient facility and then moved into a sober living community last month. He has been there for almost 60 days. Heroin was the drug he was using. Ever since we met and through out his recovery he always reminded me of how he felt about me. When he was at inpatient he called me every night and I visited every weekend. I have tried to be supportive and be there for him through all of this.I never turned my back on him. When he went to jail and I found out he was stealing from me even when it would've been easier to walk away I was there for him at his lowest point when he needed me.Well at the beginning of the month a little over 2 weeks ago he just disappeared. The last text he sent me was sweet and loving and then he just disappeared. He will not respond to my text or calls. It's like he wants nothing to do with me now. I felt so confident in the way he felt about me so I feel blindsided. We talked about getting through this and having a life together no matter how long it took. I've spent time with his family everything seemed to be on the right track and then without warning he disappears. I sent him a message and told him I can't do this anymore it's hurting me. I love him with all of my heart and I'll always be here for him and I told him that, but I don't understand why he can't communicate something to me. If he can't be in a relationship right now and it's not healthy I understand that. I would give him time and space to work on himself, but he won't tell me anything. No it's over, no I don't want you anymore, nothing. On his Facebook I can see that he going out with the new friends he's made in the "sober community" he's in. I know thats what he's there for and it's what he needs to be doing. It just hurts when I see that to know that he can be out spending time with these people and completely ignore me, someone he says he loves. At least break up with me and tell me. I don't know if his feelings have changed, if he just doesn't want me anymore or if it has something to do with what he's going through there? Has anyone had a similar experience?
Men always have hard times expressing themselves. And if he's anything like my boyfriend he doesn't want to put you through the heart ache anymore. Heroine is a hard drug to break. He is still using there is no doubt about that. But he doesn't want you to know. Or at least that's what I've seen. My sister told me with being with a person with an addiction you might not be what they want when they get sober. But dont give up if you love them let them go.
I'm totally speculating here. Were you with him while he was using? You may have unknowingly been enabling his habit if you were together while he was using. I'm NOT blaming you, but I know I was enabling my fiance' for years and didn't even realize how bad that was for him. Maybe being in the sober living home, they're pushing for no relationships so he can focus on himself? Maybe he feels it's easier to use when with you and he's just not wanting to use and being with you he feels he can use.
Whatever the reason, if I were in your shoes I would send a single, final text, "Are we done?" and see what he says and go from there. If he says "Yes" then move on, if he doesn't answer, move on. Don't pine away or drive yourself nuts over this. It's hard to be with an addict and sometimes when they want to get clean, it's easier to walk away from everyone that was around for any of their addiction.
Yes, I think he should tell you, it's a d*** move to not communicate with you that he's done with the relationship. In any case, as much as it hurts, and I'm sure it hurts like hell, just wish him well and move on. If he gets it together and reaches out and wants to talk, go from there, but at this point there's not much you can do. His addiction is his and his alone and you can't control his addiction or recovery, so it's best to just move on and if he reaches out, handle it at that point.
Whatever the reason, if I were in your shoes I would send a single, final text, "Are we done?" and see what he says and go from there. If he says "Yes" then move on, if he doesn't answer, move on. Don't pine away or drive yourself nuts over this. It's hard to be with an addict and sometimes when they want to get clean, it's easier to walk away from everyone that was around for any of their addiction.
Yes, I think he should tell you, it's a d*** move to not communicate with you that he's done with the relationship. In any case, as much as it hurts, and I'm sure it hurts like hell, just wish him well and move on. If he gets it together and reaches out and wants to talk, go from there, but at this point there's not much you can do. His addiction is his and his alone and you can't control his addiction or recovery, so it's best to just move on and if he reaches out, handle it at that point.
