I remember when I was a little kid, I'm talking maybe 6 years old, I saw a movie made in the 50's about a heroin addict. It's amazing how clearly I remember some of the scenes. There were two brothers and a father who was a complete extrovert, who didn't seem to regard feelings. I think in ends when his wife called the police and said "I'm married to an addict," It was so wierd to me, and I was so curious about what it ment and why someone would be an addict. I remember wondering what it would feel like and be like. I think I just couldn't grasp the idea of something taking you over like that - how could anything if you didn't want it.
Then I remember when I was about 8 years old, I decided to do an experiment. I wanted to know what it was like to be addicted to something. (Talk about unproductive behaviour - it never crossed my mind to maybe research it, but in my defense, I dont think I knew what research was, and even if I did , I wouldn't know where or how to find info.
I started taking two aspirin every day. This went on for several days , until my father saw me and asked me what the hell I was doing. I told him I wanted to know what it was like to be addicted to something. In his simple, straightforward way he told me to throw out the aspirin in my hand and not to do that anymore. He didn't make more out of it then it was - really why should he have? Maybe at most it crossed his mind that he had a strange son. IMAGINE HOW WE WOULD REACT TODAY TO SUCH A THING - KNOWING WHAT WE KNOW!
First I'd probably kill my kid, then send him to therapy, then sending him to drug rehab for a couple of years, and for good measure maybe beat him up, even though by the time he was 8 I think he could probably have handled me---He was already taller then me.
Seriously thou - I was so curious how something could control you and make you continue to take it even if you didn't want it. I think I maybe had some doubt to its truthfulness and at the same time figured I'd get addicted, see what it was like, and then get unaddicted.
THE WIERDNESS OF IT ASIDE, one insight I now draw from it is I comletely misunderstood the hijacking nature of addiction. I never considered the fact (why would I) that once addicted you are no longer (in a sense) you. I think there was still some of that ignorant thinking when I was an adult and began using. My brain, or my mind, had become hijacked by drugs. THAT IS NO EXCUSE, JUST A FACT.
I think some of you who are a long way into recovery and are working some kind of positive program are able to see that concept more clearly then me. And my guess is that the hijacking went way deeper then I am aware of. Thats something I really don't know, still kind of being in the shadows somewhere between recovery and relapse. I'D SURE BE INTERESTED IN GETTING OTHERS INSIGHT ON THIS CONCEPT.
A FEW OTHER PRE-DRUG CHILDHOOD BEHAVIOUR:
To this day, when I am in a store, and I see candles, I still get a little of the feeling I used to get as a kid. Me and my friends used to love going in our forts and making fires and lighting candles that we had stolen.
HOPPING TRAINS was another thing that gave me the same kind of feeling I got as an adult when copping. Everything about it to us was cool. It was dangerous, illegal, fun, and maybe a little mystery about it. I, and am sure most of my friends, literaly got high from the whole thing. I used to daydream about a slow train that would be easy to hop & we always talked about how good this one was, & how the cops chased us, and how this one guy hopped this real fast one. IN OTHER WORDS, WE TALKED ABOUT OUR WAR STORIES (and never considered the danger nor did we spend much time talking about this one guy getting his leg cut off a few years back.)
Another thing was firecrackers, which were illegal in Buffalo. The best of all was when you were the one involved in smuggeling a 10 cent pack of firecrackers from Canada. There was this railroad bridge that led from BUffalo to Canada, and a friend and I would often contemplate sneaking across it since there were no customs guys or anything. It never came to fruition.
There are a lot of things like the above, and the childhood experience and feelings associated with it, were very similar to, if not the same as, a drug high. I also remember at the time that there were often many, many kids involved in these types of dangerous activities. Almost all my friends, and most of the other kids that I can remember, did end up getting heavily involved in drugs.
I don't know if any of this means anything - other then maybe growing up when I did was a very wierd time.
But I do wonder , if anyone else remembers any really strange pre-drug behaviour, like popping aspirin to see what it is like to be an addict?
I don't remember that far back Harry. My brain is fried. I do remember always wanting to be numb. To not wanting to feel "feelings". Because in our family, you didn't talk about those kinds of things. You stuffed it.
Other than that, I think I had a pretty normal childhood. Nothing wierd, didn't steal, lie or cheat. Just was a normal little kid with alcoholic parents. Was it the best upbringing? Hell no. But we were kept fed, safe and warm.
Other than that, I think I had a pretty normal childhood. Nothing wierd, didn't steal, lie or cheat. Just was a normal little kid with alcoholic parents. Was it the best upbringing? Hell no. But we were kept fed, safe and warm.
me and my sis always played being a drunk. Always. Pooring bottles of water in each others mouth until we gagged. Then we would laugh hysterically.
I also "smoked" fake cigarettes when I was in 6th grade. Got caught by the teachers.
I loved the song "Cocaine" I definately glorified cool people on cocaine I didn't actually know anyone who actually used it. It just sounded so cool.
I also "smoked" fake cigarettes when I was in 6th grade. Got caught by the teachers.
I loved the song "Cocaine" I definately glorified cool people on cocaine I didn't actually know anyone who actually used it. It just sounded so cool.
Me and my friends used to rinse out old shampoo bottles and fill them with a concoction. Just a bit of this and a bit of that from our parents liquor cabinets. Man was that nasty. Herbal essense and god knows what.
Then we would hide it in an ally and go back and get it the next day. Sick, do ya think?
When I was 15 we were heading uptown to meet some boys. Of course we were smashed. At 12 midnight, someone shot a gun in the air and it lodged into my friends elbow. We weren't allowed out for the following two New Years. We went to the ER in a paddy wagon and they sent her home with a bandaid on it.
Then we would hide it in an ally and go back and get it the next day. Sick, do ya think?
When I was 15 we were heading uptown to meet some boys. Of course we were smashed. At 12 midnight, someone shot a gun in the air and it lodged into my friends elbow. We weren't allowed out for the following two New Years. We went to the ER in a paddy wagon and they sent her home with a bandaid on it.
Harry are you my husbands brother by any chance
The hopping trains, and love of all things that go boom, reading what you wrote is like listening to him talk...
Pre addictive behaviors.interesting concept.
Maybe it should be the sick things kids do.
The news had this on a couple years ago, it I guess became popular againthe choking game, choke your friends until they pass out.that is just so sick thinking about it nowtrying to hyperventilate until you passed outNot sure what this was, but insane surely fitsWe were like in 7th or 8th grade.
Alice
Shampoo bottles, hmmm now why didnt I think of that
Big glass, raid the liquor cabinet, a bit of this and that.the taste not pleasant then the race to who could drink it all down the fastest and if you didn't win then that was ok because it then went to who would not throw up...another fun game we played around the same age
The hopping trains, and love of all things that go boom, reading what you wrote is like listening to him talk...
Pre addictive behaviors.interesting concept.
Maybe it should be the sick things kids do.
The news had this on a couple years ago, it I guess became popular againthe choking game, choke your friends until they pass out.that is just so sick thinking about it nowtrying to hyperventilate until you passed outNot sure what this was, but insane surely fitsWe were like in 7th or 8th grade.
Alice
Shampoo bottles, hmmm now why didnt I think of that
Big glass, raid the liquor cabinet, a bit of this and that.the taste not pleasant then the race to who could drink it all down the fastest and if you didn't win then that was ok because it then went to who would not throw up...another fun game we played around the same age
Misty, I remember that hyperventalation thing. WHen I was in high school we would often skip class and hang around the boys room smoking. It was also one of the most popular places to go instead of lunch, and during the couple hours when lunch period was going on, it was wall to wall kids, everyone smoking cigarette after cigarette and just hanging out.
Someone there told us if u took 3 deep breaths, and held it in on the third, and someone stood behind you and squeezed your stomach, u would pass out and it would be really cool. I couldn't fathom why it seemed like everyone was afraid to try, it sounded pretty cool to me. So I did it and this big guy squeezed my stomach, and next thing I know i was completely out of it, in this sudden dream, and then my head started spinning and I came to, had no idea where i was for a second, then i remembered what happened, and realized I was at school. What a bummer. I think I was only out for a few seconds and when I went out the guy gently laid me on the floor. Then a whole bunch of kids said I was a faker.
I thought it was pretty cool, but I did have the sense not to do it again.
ONE TIME, WHEN WE WERE 14, my friends older brother whose name was Sal told us how we could get high on this asthma medicine. Now I gotta tell you, Sal was the coolest thing going. I think he was two years older then us, and he had already been in Juvie for a few months. He talked really cool, almost like a black guy and dressed in real sharp black guy clothes. He even smoked Kool (which we all eventually swithced to) cause, as Sal said "Kools keep you up (high) man..." When his girlfriend broke up with him, he took hundreds of dollars of his record albums, even his Jimi Hendrix, and smashed them all to bits. Well we all marched to this pharmacy, and about 5 of us in a row bought a box of this behind the counter asthma medicine. I have no idea why the old lady (i can still see her face) never hesitated in selling it to us or questioned us. I think his instructions were to take 12 or 8 pills which I did. WELL, These got you something, I'm not sure you could call it high.
I was up all night getting this like tingeling in my head which we called rushes. Even better, if you put your hand on your head, you could feel your handprint. That was really something. The other thing that was something was that you were completely and totally sick to your stomach every other minute. Then you would feel OK, but all jittery and unable to sleep, and you were rewarded with 'rushes'. Then you were sick. This went on all night.
The next day I went to work at this supermarket that I had started at 2 days before. There was this old italian guy in charge, who barely spoke english. "You maka em looka nice" were I think the only words he knew. There was also this older guy, maybe 18, who told me what to do. The big boss was the old man. As the day grew on I grew tireder and tireder. I probably worked slower to. I was leaning against the bananas, and doing some worrk when the other guy told me I was fired for sleeping on the bananas. Who cared, I just wanted to go home to sleep. I stopped for my pay on the way out the door and the guy gave me $36.00, cash. I couldn't believe how much money I had earned. I was f.....in rich.
I also remember when I was older and had actually started getting high, maybe 15 or so, Donovan came out with that song "mellow Yellow" and everybody in the world was talking about how you could get high on banana peals. "Youd get all mellow yellow, man" Well we chopped em, and fried em, and burnt em, and boiled em, and tried every thing we could think of, but no matter what, when you smoked them, nothing happened except you got dizzy for about 30 seconds. We were determined to figure out the right way to do them so they would work. We kept trying right up to the time when we learned the whold thing was a scam, a joke, made up by Donavan.
Another thing I tried was going up on the railroad tracks, and picking every kind of plant and weed growing wild. I would dry it up and smoke it in a pipe, figuring something was bound to work,but I never discovered a thing, on the other hand I never got poisoned either.
FINALLY, AS FAR AS THINGS THAT GO BOOM, my best friend and I attempted one of the stupidest things of all times. We were about 7 and to this day I am thankful to my nextdoor neighbor who I thought was the biggest jerk in the world at the time. This is so amazingly stupid, that the concept of stupid is smart compaired to how stupid it was.
We knew bombs exploded and when they exploded they made a big, cool, noise. Bombs also esplode and send something that desroys and kills people, but those were real bombs, we were gonna make the kind that just made a loud noise. We didn't know how to make a bomb, or what it was that could harm people, but we were playing it safe and not putting killing stuff in there. We took a glass jar and stood it upright. (I cant remember if we made a whole in the cap and put it on or just left the cap off.) We then filled the jar to the top, put in the midlle of my front lawn, dropped a match in it and both stood right over it looking directly at it, waiting for it to explode. Just then my next door neighbor, Harvey T, who was about 18 or so and the most uncool jerk you could imagine, saw what we were doing. He ran over screaming at us to get away, we backed up a little, looking at him like he was a complete dork, he then kicked the jar over and kept it rolling to make all the gasoline go out. We couldn't believe this idiot. I dont remember if he told on us, but I do remember him telling us that the whole thing, glass and fire and all could have exploded right in our faces. I think I realized he was right, but I still remember thinking he was really uncool. To this day I still do not like that family. They were all very smart, but very arrogant, and better then everyone. But on the other hand, I have nothing but love for that smart, arrogant, guy. Who knows what danger he saved us from. He also put himself at some risk by running over to it. Thank you Harvey T.
Someone there told us if u took 3 deep breaths, and held it in on the third, and someone stood behind you and squeezed your stomach, u would pass out and it would be really cool. I couldn't fathom why it seemed like everyone was afraid to try, it sounded pretty cool to me. So I did it and this big guy squeezed my stomach, and next thing I know i was completely out of it, in this sudden dream, and then my head started spinning and I came to, had no idea where i was for a second, then i remembered what happened, and realized I was at school. What a bummer. I think I was only out for a few seconds and when I went out the guy gently laid me on the floor. Then a whole bunch of kids said I was a faker.
I thought it was pretty cool, but I did have the sense not to do it again.
ONE TIME, WHEN WE WERE 14, my friends older brother whose name was Sal told us how we could get high on this asthma medicine. Now I gotta tell you, Sal was the coolest thing going. I think he was two years older then us, and he had already been in Juvie for a few months. He talked really cool, almost like a black guy and dressed in real sharp black guy clothes. He even smoked Kool (which we all eventually swithced to) cause, as Sal said "Kools keep you up (high) man..." When his girlfriend broke up with him, he took hundreds of dollars of his record albums, even his Jimi Hendrix, and smashed them all to bits. Well we all marched to this pharmacy, and about 5 of us in a row bought a box of this behind the counter asthma medicine. I have no idea why the old lady (i can still see her face) never hesitated in selling it to us or questioned us. I think his instructions were to take 12 or 8 pills which I did. WELL, These got you something, I'm not sure you could call it high.
I was up all night getting this like tingeling in my head which we called rushes. Even better, if you put your hand on your head, you could feel your handprint. That was really something. The other thing that was something was that you were completely and totally sick to your stomach every other minute. Then you would feel OK, but all jittery and unable to sleep, and you were rewarded with 'rushes'. Then you were sick. This went on all night.
The next day I went to work at this supermarket that I had started at 2 days before. There was this old italian guy in charge, who barely spoke english. "You maka em looka nice" were I think the only words he knew. There was also this older guy, maybe 18, who told me what to do. The big boss was the old man. As the day grew on I grew tireder and tireder. I probably worked slower to. I was leaning against the bananas, and doing some worrk when the other guy told me I was fired for sleeping on the bananas. Who cared, I just wanted to go home to sleep. I stopped for my pay on the way out the door and the guy gave me $36.00, cash. I couldn't believe how much money I had earned. I was f.....in rich.
I also remember when I was older and had actually started getting high, maybe 15 or so, Donovan came out with that song "mellow Yellow" and everybody in the world was talking about how you could get high on banana peals. "Youd get all mellow yellow, man" Well we chopped em, and fried em, and burnt em, and boiled em, and tried every thing we could think of, but no matter what, when you smoked them, nothing happened except you got dizzy for about 30 seconds. We were determined to figure out the right way to do them so they would work. We kept trying right up to the time when we learned the whold thing was a scam, a joke, made up by Donavan.
Another thing I tried was going up on the railroad tracks, and picking every kind of plant and weed growing wild. I would dry it up and smoke it in a pipe, figuring something was bound to work,but I never discovered a thing, on the other hand I never got poisoned either.
FINALLY, AS FAR AS THINGS THAT GO BOOM, my best friend and I attempted one of the stupidest things of all times. We were about 7 and to this day I am thankful to my nextdoor neighbor who I thought was the biggest jerk in the world at the time. This is so amazingly stupid, that the concept of stupid is smart compaired to how stupid it was.
We knew bombs exploded and when they exploded they made a big, cool, noise. Bombs also esplode and send something that desroys and kills people, but those were real bombs, we were gonna make the kind that just made a loud noise. We didn't know how to make a bomb, or what it was that could harm people, but we were playing it safe and not putting killing stuff in there. We took a glass jar and stood it upright. (I cant remember if we made a whole in the cap and put it on or just left the cap off.) We then filled the jar to the top, put in the midlle of my front lawn, dropped a match in it and both stood right over it looking directly at it, waiting for it to explode. Just then my next door neighbor, Harvey T, who was about 18 or so and the most uncool jerk you could imagine, saw what we were doing. He ran over screaming at us to get away, we backed up a little, looking at him like he was a complete dork, he then kicked the jar over and kept it rolling to make all the gasoline go out. We couldn't believe this idiot. I dont remember if he told on us, but I do remember him telling us that the whole thing, glass and fire and all could have exploded right in our faces. I think I realized he was right, but I still remember thinking he was really uncool. To this day I still do not like that family. They were all very smart, but very arrogant, and better then everyone. But on the other hand, I have nothing but love for that smart, arrogant, guy. Who knows what danger he saved us from. He also put himself at some risk by running over to it. Thank you Harvey T.
Wow. It's amazing. We are all sick people for sure. I did alot of stupid stuff like that. The good news is today that we can monitor our kids on facebook. They are so stupid that they actually post this stuff. I am so grateful that my girls are not addicted to facebook. They have arguments on there so the whole school can see. My one daughter posts only nonsense and everyone gets mad at her for not posting her true life. Her last post said she was "lunching with Secrest in preparation for her appearance on Ellen".
I remember someone telling me that if you suck on a penny you will get a fever. Go to the nurse after sucking on a penny and you will get out of school. Duuuuh.
I remember someone telling me that if you suck on a penny you will get a fever. Go to the nurse after sucking on a penny and you will get out of school. Duuuuh.
Banana peels that just so didnt work, and yet you could swear someone told you they got high that way
And whip its.crazy supermarket antics where we would rush in, huff quick and split
Could any of this just have been normal for the times normal for being a kid. I tend to think it was at times because I dont know many who did the some of these really sick things that went on to be addicts. Am I throwing a kink into your theory Harry?
For me what I did way to young makes so much sense now...I was not right lol
For as much as you didnt like that neighbor of yours boy he saved your a**, big time
I know a few different people who teach parents how to track their childs every move out of the house by cell phone, in the home by computerparents are going nuts for this information and for as much as I just cant get this to work in my head it plain scares me
I havent found the need yet to track my kids, even with my son being a recovering addict....
And whip its.crazy supermarket antics where we would rush in, huff quick and split
Could any of this just have been normal for the times normal for being a kid. I tend to think it was at times because I dont know many who did the some of these really sick things that went on to be addicts. Am I throwing a kink into your theory Harry?
For me what I did way to young makes so much sense now...I was not right lol
For as much as you didnt like that neighbor of yours boy he saved your a**, big time
I know a few different people who teach parents how to track their childs every move out of the house by cell phone, in the home by computerparents are going nuts for this information and for as much as I just cant get this to work in my head it plain scares me
I havent found the need yet to track my kids, even with my son being a recovering addict....
Addicted to facebook...Wow, I could think of worse things. However, if it keeps them from doing something productive...like homework.
I did all the stuff young boyz do, blow stuff up, if it burns...set it on fire (no homes, animals or other kids) and of course experiment with booze and drugs. I never liked booze too much because vomiting and hangovers never appealed to me. When I reached my twenties and started the whole Rock and Roll touring thang, I continued to party like a rockstar. I got loaded all the time with my friends...slept about 3-4 hours a night and did it all again the next day. Numbing the pain was a solution to being tired and not being able to finish your job. I don't really think I had the 'classic' addictive personality during this time, but more of a 'gotta keep going' type thing and drugs were the best answer...not a smart answer, but it was the way things were done out on the road. My problems came to a head when I had my knee operated on and my father died right around the same time. Vicodin was just the best thing on earth...it cured the knee pain, numbed my feelings for my father and made the world a better place. No other drug affected me that way before...it was the arrow in the heal. I quit a hundred times and relapsed a hundred more times. I finally had enough and just had to identify why I NEEDED these pills to live. It was many months of self discovery and confronting my inner demons, but I moved on, began to grow and recover. I try to help others in my industry get clean and find a life without drugs. Some of my friends go to meetings and sometimes i will go with them. Other take sub and methadone, but they are taking steps to clean up their lives. Becoming an addict has changed my life and its the only regret I have, however, had I not become addicted to painkillers I might still be doing other drugs and following the paths of my past. I just never thought it could happen to me...I don't drink a lot of booze and don't do heroin, so what could possibly happen??? Life is funny like that..
I did all the stuff young boyz do, blow stuff up, if it burns...set it on fire (no homes, animals or other kids) and of course experiment with booze and drugs. I never liked booze too much because vomiting and hangovers never appealed to me. When I reached my twenties and started the whole Rock and Roll touring thang, I continued to party like a rockstar. I got loaded all the time with my friends...slept about 3-4 hours a night and did it all again the next day. Numbing the pain was a solution to being tired and not being able to finish your job. I don't really think I had the 'classic' addictive personality during this time, but more of a 'gotta keep going' type thing and drugs were the best answer...not a smart answer, but it was the way things were done out on the road. My problems came to a head when I had my knee operated on and my father died right around the same time. Vicodin was just the best thing on earth...it cured the knee pain, numbed my feelings for my father and made the world a better place. No other drug affected me that way before...it was the arrow in the heal. I quit a hundred times and relapsed a hundred more times. I finally had enough and just had to identify why I NEEDED these pills to live. It was many months of self discovery and confronting my inner demons, but I moved on, began to grow and recover. I try to help others in my industry get clean and find a life without drugs. Some of my friends go to meetings and sometimes i will go with them. Other take sub and methadone, but they are taking steps to clean up their lives. Becoming an addict has changed my life and its the only regret I have, however, had I not become addicted to painkillers I might still be doing other drugs and following the paths of my past. I just never thought it could happen to me...I don't drink a lot of booze and don't do heroin, so what could possibly happen??? Life is funny like that..
Don't forget about steroids.
[URL=http://www.hopeparr.com/web0723.jpg]
FORGET IT...What's haooend to all the web link and images since I switched to AT&T?
[URL=http://www.hopeparr.com/web0723.jpg]
FORGET IT...What's haooend to all the web link and images since I switched to AT&T?
We had big extended family parties and my cousins and I would go around and finish all the drinks people left on end tables, counters, and whatnot...no one ever noticed the drained glasses or the drunk kids. We also did the "JungleJuice" mixing of all things alcohol-based.
When we were just babies my grandmother and great aunt used to put Ouzo on the gums when teething, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
My uncles had a still in the basement making homemade ouzo and we found the hard way that adding water (to make the bottle appear not to have been raided) was a bad plan for ouzo as it turned the entire contents cloudy, so we just took it all and replaced it with water.
I started my brother smoking pot when he was 12, something that still troubles me...I did it so he couldn't rat me out...yuck.
Always was a risk-taker, so I guess it shouldn't surprise me that my apple fell right beside her tree.
When we were just babies my grandmother and great aunt used to put Ouzo on the gums when teething, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
My uncles had a still in the basement making homemade ouzo and we found the hard way that adding water (to make the bottle appear not to have been raided) was a bad plan for ouzo as it turned the entire contents cloudy, so we just took it all and replaced it with water.
I started my brother smoking pot when he was 12, something that still troubles me...I did it so he couldn't rat me out...yuck.
Always was a risk-taker, so I guess it shouldn't surprise me that my apple fell right beside her tree.
Yeah, I tried that sucking on a penny thing more then once (typical of my persistent behaviour when I wanted something to be so, I believed it could still work, even though I knew i couldnt.
I still remember my whipit kit. Those I had never heard of until an adult and goin out to a lot of low life bars. I used to love sitting at a table and just being essentially a jackass by inhalling that big baloon or whatever it was, in front of all these strangers, knowing they had to wonder what the hell I was doing. My use of those was very short lived even though ol Nancy Regan said "Just say NO" which obviously ment that when it came to using drugs we should just say Nitros Oxide please, or simply NO.
ONE TIME I CALLED A DRUG CRISES HELP TYPE PLACE and asked they guy if that was dangerous. He pondered a moment and said "Thats the stuff the dentist uses, right. Na , thats pretty safe.
It wasn't more then a few years later that The Buffalo News Head story was about how this kid from a prominant family had just died (Im not sure if he suffocated, or stopped breathing or what) while using whipits which were sold OTC along with a wipit kit at a local head shop.
One of my first serious addictions occured when I was about 14 or so. I cant remember any of my friends who did not get really , seriously psychologically addicted to this, SOME WAY WORSE THEN ME, AND I WAS REALLY, REALLY , UNBELIEVABLY HOOKED ON THIS stuff. I am talking about sniffing glue. After school every single day we would all get together in my basement (which we painted black), burn incense, put on the velvet underground, and sniff. I still clearly remember a couple of my sick thoughts back then. Looking back I now clearly see a sick kid who was clearly in need of some serious mental health or there was no way he would not find himself solidly on the road to self destruction.
I REMEMBER RELIEF, FOR I HAD FOUND A MAGICAL REMEDY THAT TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING. It didnt matter what a terrible day I had at school today, it erased it. I didn't care about tomorrow either. It didnt matter that I was a dork (I felt) and didnt have a girlfriend cause as cool as I always thought I was gonna be -I simply wasnt. I was probably pretty ugly , I believed and had a giant nose, and would probably never have a girlfriend.. I really hated, and was bored out of my mind thru all classes, and was grounded every school night cause of my poor grades and on and on. But none of that mattered. I made the day that hat happened dissapear and I would make tomorrow dissapear. THAT WAS ONE SICK ASPECT OF IT. Eventually I somehow quit. I had gotten caught in the act once by my parents who made me promise never to do it again. It was also the only drug I ever got arrested for using &possesion.
WHEN I THINK OF THIS, that whole glue situation (today i think kids Huff) is really indicitive of some serious confusion in our society. Back in those days, pot was not readily available. It was, and is still illegal. LIKE IT OR NOT, AS PARENTS WE NEED TO DO THE BEST WE CAN IN PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN (please dont ever monitor them), but in spite of our best efforts some our going to want to get high & they will - on anything they can get their hands on. We all have an idea on how terribly destructive and deadly things like glue are.
HERE IS ONE INTERESTING THOUGHT THOU, as much as I at one time loved glue, the thought of it is discusting and repugnent to me. AS MUCH AS I at one time did love getting drunk, it is something that now when I think of it appeals to me not at all.
I will bet, once we are really and way past a certain point, drugs will no longer interest me or you.
I still remember my whipit kit. Those I had never heard of until an adult and goin out to a lot of low life bars. I used to love sitting at a table and just being essentially a jackass by inhalling that big baloon or whatever it was, in front of all these strangers, knowing they had to wonder what the hell I was doing. My use of those was very short lived even though ol Nancy Regan said "Just say NO" which obviously ment that when it came to using drugs we should just say Nitros Oxide please, or simply NO.
ONE TIME I CALLED A DRUG CRISES HELP TYPE PLACE and asked they guy if that was dangerous. He pondered a moment and said "Thats the stuff the dentist uses, right. Na , thats pretty safe.
It wasn't more then a few years later that The Buffalo News Head story was about how this kid from a prominant family had just died (Im not sure if he suffocated, or stopped breathing or what) while using whipits which were sold OTC along with a wipit kit at a local head shop.
One of my first serious addictions occured when I was about 14 or so. I cant remember any of my friends who did not get really , seriously psychologically addicted to this, SOME WAY WORSE THEN ME, AND I WAS REALLY, REALLY , UNBELIEVABLY HOOKED ON THIS stuff. I am talking about sniffing glue. After school every single day we would all get together in my basement (which we painted black), burn incense, put on the velvet underground, and sniff. I still clearly remember a couple of my sick thoughts back then. Looking back I now clearly see a sick kid who was clearly in need of some serious mental health or there was no way he would not find himself solidly on the road to self destruction.
I REMEMBER RELIEF, FOR I HAD FOUND A MAGICAL REMEDY THAT TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING. It didnt matter what a terrible day I had at school today, it erased it. I didn't care about tomorrow either. It didnt matter that I was a dork (I felt) and didnt have a girlfriend cause as cool as I always thought I was gonna be -I simply wasnt. I was probably pretty ugly , I believed and had a giant nose, and would probably never have a girlfriend.. I really hated, and was bored out of my mind thru all classes, and was grounded every school night cause of my poor grades and on and on. But none of that mattered. I made the day that hat happened dissapear and I would make tomorrow dissapear. THAT WAS ONE SICK ASPECT OF IT. Eventually I somehow quit. I had gotten caught in the act once by my parents who made me promise never to do it again. It was also the only drug I ever got arrested for using &possesion.
WHEN I THINK OF THIS, that whole glue situation (today i think kids Huff) is really indicitive of some serious confusion in our society. Back in those days, pot was not readily available. It was, and is still illegal. LIKE IT OR NOT, AS PARENTS WE NEED TO DO THE BEST WE CAN IN PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN (please dont ever monitor them), but in spite of our best efforts some our going to want to get high & they will - on anything they can get their hands on. We all have an idea on how terribly destructive and deadly things like glue are.
HERE IS ONE INTERESTING THOUGHT THOU, as much as I at one time loved glue, the thought of it is discusting and repugnent to me. AS MUCH AS I at one time did love getting drunk, it is something that now when I think of it appeals to me not at all.
I will bet, once we are really and way past a certain point, drugs will no longer interest me or you.
I think I may have been in your basement Harry.
Mom - Jungle Juice OMG That's what we called it. We also used to put a fifth of vodka in a watermelon and soak it. I was thinking that this thread starting to become a bit of romanticizing. I think it's okay to look back and maybe even reconnect with a feeling that we might have had. What were we thinking at the time? I was curious about all things adult. I wanted to grow up and be wild. I didn't think about the consequences. I don't think I initially experimented because I was a tortured soul. I thought it was fun because we would laugh our butts off after smoking pot. Everything was funny. Then we would go to my house and raid the refrigerator.
I sometimes wonder about the theory of self-hatred causing addiction. I am prone to think that the addiction caused self-hatred. When I quit drinking over 23 years ago I thought that the bad was outweighing the good.
In any case I am working the steps and continuing in NA. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. The thought of plugging a watermelon in grain alcohol no longer appeals to me.
Mom - Jungle Juice OMG That's what we called it. We also used to put a fifth of vodka in a watermelon and soak it. I was thinking that this thread starting to become a bit of romanticizing. I think it's okay to look back and maybe even reconnect with a feeling that we might have had. What were we thinking at the time? I was curious about all things adult. I wanted to grow up and be wild. I didn't think about the consequences. I don't think I initially experimented because I was a tortured soul. I thought it was fun because we would laugh our butts off after smoking pot. Everything was funny. Then we would go to my house and raid the refrigerator.
I sometimes wonder about the theory of self-hatred causing addiction. I am prone to think that the addiction caused self-hatred. When I quit drinking over 23 years ago I thought that the bad was outweighing the good.
In any case I am working the steps and continuing in NA. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. The thought of plugging a watermelon in grain alcohol no longer appeals to me.
I used to spin around in a circle till I was dizzy. Lots. Even from when I was a small child. It was an altered state and I liked it.
Then when I found I could achieve pleasure from masturbation, I constantly chased that feeling.
I just recently thought back on that and feel like that was a sign of addictive behavior...
Once I found pot and all the other drugs at age sixteen, I slowed down a bit with the hand love.
I "experimented" with the various drugs every weekend and smoked pot virtually every day. I couldn't understand why they didn't legalize pot, it was so cool! Even driving stoned, I just drove slower so no problem.
Then I joined the Air Force at eighteen to avoid the draft. Me and my buddies all smoked pot there too.
Then in Thailand we topped off the load of pot in the bong with a sprinkle of white heroin.
Yikes. One step too far. For this addict, that was the beginning of a long and disastrous affair with opiates.
Then when I found I could achieve pleasure from masturbation, I constantly chased that feeling.
I just recently thought back on that and feel like that was a sign of addictive behavior...
Once I found pot and all the other drugs at age sixteen, I slowed down a bit with the hand love.
I "experimented" with the various drugs every weekend and smoked pot virtually every day. I couldn't understand why they didn't legalize pot, it was so cool! Even driving stoned, I just drove slower so no problem.
Then I joined the Air Force at eighteen to avoid the draft. Me and my buddies all smoked pot there too.
Then in Thailand we topped off the load of pot in the bong with a sprinkle of white heroin.
Yikes. One step too far. For this addict, that was the beginning of a long and disastrous affair with opiates.
Spare us the details Mark.
OK
A little too graphic, but I think that obsessive behavior definitely fostered addictive thinking. Enough about that.
It was a late night post and I hesitated before hitting "post." Too late to take it back now.
A little too graphic, but I think that obsessive behavior definitely fostered addictive thinking. Enough about that.
It was a late night post and I hesitated before hitting "post." Too late to take it back now.
Well, think next time before u send the post!
Can't understand why the mod's haven't deleted r post. They have the capabilities to erase even one post. It is vulgar!!! It Hurts!!! Shows & tell who's operating this site, not the good Dr. Nor, the operators of this site. It's the judgment of the Mod's. Do u hear men? Time to contact ~ a call to Dr. W.
There are woman & men who have undergone & are still living in sexual abuse trauma. Drinking & drugging to escape, people who are addicted to their sexual self.
This is a pp board not sexual addiction board. Please see other addiction forums. As u seem to be pre-occupied with r self. There is a board 4 this @ this site too.
Most forums have volunteers, taking scheduled turns. They aren't pd. participants. They aren't hired by the owner & operators of sites ~ forums. Many whom are studying pyso & or cadcc1-3. Or just been here for a while.
I don't care what u named the title of r post. Some things should not be shared here!
Can't understand why the mod's haven't deleted r post. They have the capabilities to erase even one post. It is vulgar!!! It Hurts!!! Shows & tell who's operating this site, not the good Dr. Nor, the operators of this site. It's the judgment of the Mod's. Do u hear men? Time to contact ~ a call to Dr. W.
There are woman & men who have undergone & are still living in sexual abuse trauma. Drinking & drugging to escape, people who are addicted to their sexual self.
This is a pp board not sexual addiction board. Please see other addiction forums. As u seem to be pre-occupied with r self. There is a board 4 this @ this site too.
Most forums have volunteers, taking scheduled turns. They aren't pd. participants. They aren't hired by the owner & operators of sites ~ forums. Many whom are studying pyso & or cadcc1-3. Or just been here for a while.
I don't care what u named the title of r post. Some things should not be shared here!
Hey Old Dog - while I usually keep my sharing to what is going on with me today, I just could not let this one past. Like Mark, as a child, I used to spin around in circles until I got so dizzy and would collapse to the ground witnessing a great big kalidescope in the sky.
Other favorites of mine were smelling magic markers and going to the esso station with my fathers - wow - that stuff he pumped into the car to make it go was a "gas" *wink wink*.
Speaking of Donovan's song - and the bananas one would smoke. Zig Zag made a banana flavored paper - I'm sure your imagination can insert what filled them.That's where the "mellow yellow" came from - the Zig Zags.
Oh well - sorry if any offense Twilight, but once in a long while, I do take a trip (no pun intended) down memory lane. It's just good that I ride that trip to the top and back down to the bottom.
Lovin' ya, Harry ~
Saffron Sammy
Other favorites of mine were smelling magic markers and going to the esso station with my fathers - wow - that stuff he pumped into the car to make it go was a "gas" *wink wink*.
Speaking of Donovan's song - and the bananas one would smoke. Zig Zag made a banana flavored paper - I'm sure your imagination can insert what filled them.That's where the "mellow yellow" came from - the Zig Zags.
Oh well - sorry if any offense Twilight, but once in a long while, I do take a trip (no pun intended) down memory lane. It's just good that I ride that trip to the top and back down to the bottom.
Lovin' ya, Harry ~
Saffron Sammy
The log upon my garden gates a snail thats what it is
First there is a mountain then there is no mountain then there is
Hey Saffron Sammy - I was just thinking about you yesterday and here you are. Hope you are doing well!
First there is a mountain then there is no mountain then there is
Hey Saffron Sammy - I was just thinking about you yesterday and here you are. Hope you are doing well!
Well, most of us have "spinned". Lived a life of "dizzness", a life became, or still is becoming. Becoming is a far better place, from where we have been.
Sexual graphics, r right or mine? I too take trips to the top & bk down again. Call it "Candy Lane". No Pun intended.
"Smelling a banana flavored paper". "Smelling gas". It doesn't discount a persons accountability to post on a public forum, this is PP board.
"Riding it from the top or bottom". Recovery isn't a mark that reaches a specific target. Except self will.
My rights are to protect.
His post is still disgusting! It is far too detailed & graphic.
In fact the Dr. should think about who she's entrusting to monitor this site to.
His language isn't appropriate period. Reflecting bk up, down sides ways, is fine. Within guidelines. Once again this isn't a sexual addiction board.
His details are left with nothing to the imagination. I have no control over what is posted. Not even the time they are posted, but I do have a right to speak out against, such commentaries as his & contact the real owner of this site & others.
Detailed graphics & recent posts of this poster have been noted.
This is a public forum.
The poster has other options, than to speak of his masturbation history, present & future on pp board.
Rosemary & Basil
Sexual graphics, r right or mine? I too take trips to the top & bk down again. Call it "Candy Lane". No Pun intended.
"Smelling a banana flavored paper". "Smelling gas". It doesn't discount a persons accountability to post on a public forum, this is PP board.
"Riding it from the top or bottom". Recovery isn't a mark that reaches a specific target. Except self will.
My rights are to protect.
His post is still disgusting! It is far too detailed & graphic.
In fact the Dr. should think about who she's entrusting to monitor this site to.
His language isn't appropriate period. Reflecting bk up, down sides ways, is fine. Within guidelines. Once again this isn't a sexual addiction board.
His details are left with nothing to the imagination. I have no control over what is posted. Not even the time they are posted, but I do have a right to speak out against, such commentaries as his & contact the real owner of this site & others.
Detailed graphics & recent posts of this poster have been noted.
This is a public forum.
The poster has other options, than to speak of his masturbation history, present & future on pp board.
Rosemary & Basil