hey guys
i feel really bad as my sponsor and i got into a really bad argument...
it has taken alot of courage on my part to seek sponsorship because of my fear of people and from some real doozy's i have had in the past.
i have always admired this one girl at meetings who has 9 yrs clean, so i asked her to be my sponsor, she said she had a busy life with trying to go to olympia college etc and said she would be a temporary one for me.
i told her that i have a terrible phone anxiety and it would be diificult for me to call her everyday, she advised me that i needed to call every day and other addicts in the program too.
we decided to meet at a certain location to talk about what the plan was going to be and i was very p*ssed that she stood me up.
i sulked about it all day and then later that evening she called to apologize with a flimsy excuse and asked me if we could give it another try cuz i "fired" her. i said yes and accepted her apology.
things seemed to be going ok, and when i would try to share about my life and problems to her she would say i am not your family counselor, when i would discuss my health issues, i am not your doctor, etc, so the phone conversations left me feeling uncomfortable and confused as to what to talk about as i am in early recovery and we hadn't started any step work yet.
she assigned me homework for which i did and then we would meet before a meeting to go over my homework.
when i shared with her that i was on suboxone she became what seemed to me upset that i was on a "drug" still and didnt agree with sub no matter how much i tried to tell her what posititve changes were happening in my life. she made me feel as if i wasnt following my program and i wasnt "clean."
when i was in rehab there were people who attacked me at group meetings telling me and the counselor that my positive talk about suboxone upset them and since they was there for alcoholism and a marijuana addiction and didnt have the tool i had for drug addiction it upset them and they told me that my positive sharing of this drug was a trigger to them.
man i have had to defend myself and this drug so much!
i was so thrilled to be able to withdraw comfortably with absolutely no cravings at this certain rehab time....i guess i shouldnt have shared my joy in finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
so by now i am not liking this person for my sponsor yet was thrilled to have one finally and didnt want to have to go thru finding another one that i let our realtionship continue.
it took MUCH COURAGE on my part to finally open up and share at a meeting, before i never could muster up the courage to do so no matter how much i prayed or tried to convince myself it would be ok.
after being on sub for a few weeks now and realizing that this drug has made some positive changes in my emmotions, i finally shared about myself and how i was on suboxone ,blah blah, blah.
after the meeting my sponsor as well as others would tell me that i shouldnt mention sub at meetings, it is against NA tradtions..... it could confuse a newcomer, it could cause someone to relapse because i was triggering them.
ok, so i thought at the time... a few weeks later a member came up to me in the parking lot and said julie you should be able to talk about sub, it states in the basic text that sometimes addicts will need medications down the road of recovery.
many meetings went by and this sponsor gives me the impression that she is holier than thou and i still feel uncomfortable with her, but i do what i am supposed to do and i would call her daily and that would cause so much anxiety for me. i would say "hi. what are you doing?" and the responses were usually home work, i just got in the door or i am just leaving. then there would always be a long pause..... i would desparately try and think of something to say so in my anxiousness i would ask something stupid like, hows the weather? read any good books lately...?ANYTHING to break up this long silence, she would never ever offer to the conversation at all, so i would become so anxious that after our 2 minute phone call i would say, "well i guess i will let you go, just called to check in" and her answer was always ok. good bye.
so i am thinking how can i get to know her better? i invited her to come see my house at Christmas, she says will see what my schedule is and i will let you know, invited her to church at the 11 pm service on Christmas eve to come hear me play hand bells 11 pm is too late, past my bedtime.
i finally became so hurt and p*ssed at myself for allowing people to scare me all my life that at the next meeting i shared "hi my name is julie and i am an addict, i know that i am not supposed to talk about sub at meetings but you know what? tonight i am". so i went on to tell everyone how great sub has done for me. i even said to them, if there is anyone here tonight, there is hope... sub has kept me clean for almost 120 days, how wonderful that is cuz i never could make it the first month before with out relapsing, i finally look forward to living again, how i am not playing my doctor anymore or counting pills, my liver has gotton a break, i am not basing todays feelings on whether or not i have enough pills... and further more the traditions need to be updated as this drug was first introduced in 2000, the traditions nor the basic text know nothing about sub.... i was on cloud nine and so proud of myself.
my sponsor calls me maybe for the 2nd or third time since july and says that she needs to ask me something but first i need a nap and i will call you when i get up....never called me back,
so tues i call her to check in and asked her what she wanted to talk about the other day and this is where the s*hit hits the fan.... she says that her stomach was in knots when she heard me share what i did at the last meeting and that i went against her suggestions and that is so wrong for a sponsee to do, her and her sponsor discussed what i shared and i can only imagine what they said about me... well after many years of crawling into a hole thinking bad julie bad julie, i stood up to her and said that i was right, why is it that every other member can share their recovery and i cant, furthermore i am suggested to share and talk more at meetings, how can i talk about my recovery when my recovery is my higher power God and suboxone?????, she said i have NEVER had a sponsee talk to me like this before!!! guess what i am her first sponsee. the argument became so heated and was a shouting match! it reminded me so much on how my mom would treat me, silent treatments, hang ups, presently my mom and i arent speaking because i set a boundary with her. so after she realized she wasnt gonna get the upper hand with me and i am sobbing hysterically, she said you need a new sponsor and hung up on me.
5 min later she calls back she is calmer now and asked me if i would accept her apology??? i said yes. if she was so adament that i was wrong why in 5 min would she change her mind and apologize to me? i dont get it.
we saw each other that evening at a meeting, we hugged at the end and i asked: friends?? she said yes but it didnt feel good the way she answered me.
so now what do i do??? i am so emmotionally drained from my nov 9th nervous breakdown.
do i get another sponsor?
i know now that i could never converse with her over the phone comfortably.
i am FINALLY starting step work and have started step one, i am so close to learning how to change my "stinkin thinkin" once again satan has tried too destroy again.
i need guidance thru the steps. i almost considered an e-sponsor. i hate this, i hate having to go thru this all over again.
any one care to elaborate?
Jeez what a horrible story! I have only been in NA for 9 months, but I read these posts from time to time with people with sponsors from hell! Look, bottom line for me- is is the relationship working. Sub is a divisive issue. It creates very varied responses. But there MUST be respect for your choices.
My sponsor is a right wing Christiian. Very conservative. I am not a Christian, and harbourt deap resnetments to the Christian Church (step 4 outing all of them - Eiiish!) But he has good clean time, I like him, he used similar drugs to me. So I asked him to be my sponsor. But I said - I have a reservation - i do not want to be converted - my HP is not your HP. He said, thanks for raising it, I will keep it in mind. And today we discuss God all the time - with respect - and with a comitment to my recovery. My recovery.
NA is where i have always found acceptance, caring and love. And this experience is freaking you out to much to be healthy.
You know I have learnt we are pretty messed up bunch, we addicts. I am sometimes so surprosed by what happens. But my na text says some of us are sicker than others. And I always remember that.
I also despise this hierachy approach. My sponsor often tells me how much he learns from me. He has been clean and in AA NA rooms for ten years. But he is still willing to learn.
We run our meetings informally, newcomers can share. And sometimes a newcomer comes out with pearls of recovery wisdom that takes my breath away.
Anyway, what a long ramble. Get a new sponsor man. This is not helping you. And she sounds soo cold. You need someone you can be comfortable with.
I am NOT comfortable with everything my sponsor tells me. Sometimes he calls my BS. I DO NOT want to hear everything that comes from him. But I respect him, feel comfortable with him, trust him. So when he calls it as it is, I am often willing to look at it closely.
He keeps asking me - Why are you so scared of God!
Man that really freaks me - but its such a good question.
Do not give up on NA. It works wonders for me.
Take care
Calabash
My sponsor is a right wing Christiian. Very conservative. I am not a Christian, and harbourt deap resnetments to the Christian Church (step 4 outing all of them - Eiiish!) But he has good clean time, I like him, he used similar drugs to me. So I asked him to be my sponsor. But I said - I have a reservation - i do not want to be converted - my HP is not your HP. He said, thanks for raising it, I will keep it in mind. And today we discuss God all the time - with respect - and with a comitment to my recovery. My recovery.
NA is where i have always found acceptance, caring and love. And this experience is freaking you out to much to be healthy.
You know I have learnt we are pretty messed up bunch, we addicts. I am sometimes so surprosed by what happens. But my na text says some of us are sicker than others. And I always remember that.
I also despise this hierachy approach. My sponsor often tells me how much he learns from me. He has been clean and in AA NA rooms for ten years. But he is still willing to learn.
We run our meetings informally, newcomers can share. And sometimes a newcomer comes out with pearls of recovery wisdom that takes my breath away.
Anyway, what a long ramble. Get a new sponsor man. This is not helping you. And she sounds soo cold. You need someone you can be comfortable with.
I am NOT comfortable with everything my sponsor tells me. Sometimes he calls my BS. I DO NOT want to hear everything that comes from him. But I respect him, feel comfortable with him, trust him. So when he calls it as it is, I am often willing to look at it closely.
He keeps asking me - Why are you so scared of God!
Man that really freaks me - but its such a good question.
Do not give up on NA. It works wonders for me.
Take care
Calabash
calabash
thanks for your reply, i already feel better knowing someones on my side, i dont know why i always second guess myself when i know i am right. jewels
thanks for your reply, i already feel better knowing someones on my side, i dont know why i always second guess myself when i know i am right. jewels
Jewls,
I don't go to NA, But if I did and this was supposed to be my sponser then I would definetly get a new one. She sounds like a cold hearted bit*h. Maybe she doesn't know how to be a sponser, but anyways, you should find someone with more experience. It also sounds as if she is to busy to even be a sponser.
I don't go to NA, But if I did and this was supposed to be my sponser then I would definetly get a new one. She sounds like a cold hearted bit*h. Maybe she doesn't know how to be a sponser, but anyways, you should find someone with more experience. It also sounds as if she is to busy to even be a sponser.
You know how they say at meetings, in your recovery you have to put you first, well it sounds like she is taking that to far or should not be a sponser, I feel in your recovery someone bashing you does NOT help. I detoxed w/ meds and I am 35 days today.
Felicia
Felicia
Here's what I would do:

I had to do it before too Julie. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, and it's best for both people to move on.
Good luck,
Jim

I had to do it before too Julie. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, and it's best for both people to move on.
Good luck,
Jim
Just curious, but how long do you plan on staying on suboxone? You could always say youre tapering off the suboxone. They might be more accepting that way. And obviously your not comfortable with that sponsor, so just say, "its not working out" and move on. It happens all the time in NA and AA.
I think NA does things a little differently than AA. If someone asks me to sponsor them I tell them to call me that night. IF they do that much (and a lot don't) I tell them to read the Doctor's Opinion and get them started on the first step immediately. Recovery is not in meetings. Recovery is in the steps. I think NA sponsors have people wait a month, don't they?
If I had asked a woman to sponsor me when I was new I would have expected to get started in the steps right away. All five of my sponsors in my first 6 months did that. I did the first 3 steps 5 times with 5 different women. The first 4 didn't work out. My 5th did. I still have her. We are very good friends. The first 4 all went out. Moral of the story is if you are not comfortable with your sponsor and she is not taking you thru the steps, get a new one. But if you are uncomfortable with her because she has you doing things like calling her or listening instead of speaking in meetings, that doesn't count. If your sponsor has you talking more about her than you, get a new one. If you are uncomfortable on the phone, too bad. We all are in early recovery. That took a lot of practice for me. You can ask Brook, I'm still not crazy about phones. As far as the sub goes, I have no idea what NAs views are on it. Or AA for that matter. I don't think it's used very much down here. I know they use it in detox but I don't know anyone that takes it once they get out.
Trust your gut. If you feel you need another sponsor, get one.
If I had asked a woman to sponsor me when I was new I would have expected to get started in the steps right away. All five of my sponsors in my first 6 months did that. I did the first 3 steps 5 times with 5 different women. The first 4 didn't work out. My 5th did. I still have her. We are very good friends. The first 4 all went out. Moral of the story is if you are not comfortable with your sponsor and she is not taking you thru the steps, get a new one. But if you are uncomfortable with her because she has you doing things like calling her or listening instead of speaking in meetings, that doesn't count. If your sponsor has you talking more about her than you, get a new one. If you are uncomfortable on the phone, too bad. We all are in early recovery. That took a lot of practice for me. You can ask Brook, I'm still not crazy about phones. As far as the sub goes, I have no idea what NAs views are on it. Or AA for that matter. I don't think it's used very much down here. I know they use it in detox but I don't know anyone that takes it once they get out.
Trust your gut. If you feel you need another sponsor, get one.
Julie,
I'm not in the program. But, I would not spend another day with her as your sponsor. It seems unusual that in 9 years of sobriety she has never sponsored anyone, but again I am not in the program. Regardless of that, she is not a good fit for you. She doesn't seem committed to your recovery, nor does she respect your recovery. You are working with a doctor and have turned your addiction over to God. You are opening up and beginning step work. Unless I am missing something, it sounds like you are doing what you should be doing.
You should be proud of yourself for talking about this at the meeting. You have every right to do so, although I wouldn't dwell on suboxone as a miracle cure, it is not. I tried to view it as something to occupy my obsessive mind so I could focus on OTHER things, rather than the suboxone. I can understand her wanting you to talk about the step work or other general recovery topics, and not just suboxone, but it certainly should not be taboo. It's part of your program, as is total honesty, so it's hypocritical to pretend you are not on it.
From what you have said, she sounds like a busy person, as are most people. If she wants a commitment from you, she needs to be willing to commit to you. I would think a sponsor should be able to get through a 5-10 minute phone call without making you feel like you are interrupting or bothering her. I cannot see how that could help your recovery. Plus, since opening up has been a challenge for you, you need encouragement in that area. Instead she is making you feel punished. Everything sounds so contradictory.
You two are not on the same page. You need someone who can understand your needs, while keeping you on track at the same time. Please find another sponsor ASAP.
If you were able to open up to her, it will be even easier to open up to someone who is a better fit. Approach them and do the temporary sponsor thing again. Interview your new sponsor. Ask how she feels about certain things, like use of suboxone. She may not endorse it, but needs to be willing to respect your decision to use it.
You should never allow someone to make you feel bad about yourself. I think you are making progress.
Now, this may be a little redundant, but I would like to offer you some honest feedback, and I am not criticizing you in any way. Your conversations at meeting may be different from your posts. But here on the board, you talk quite frequently about suboxone, and usually mention it to newcomers. If that resembles what you are doing at meetings, I can see your sponsor's point of view.
It is my understanding that meetings are about certain topics or open discussion. If the topic is, for example step 4, and you are talking about suboxone, it may be off topic. If the discussion is open, you may want to try and focus on all those positive changes you have made, and NOT the tool (sub) that has helped you make them. Does that make sense?
Even though sub has assisted you in being able to make these changes, it's okay to take credit for the changes and not give the credit to suboxone.
Regardless of that, your sponsor is making you feel worse. If a sponsee is a burden to her, she shouldn't be sponsoring. She does owe you a certain amount of respect and a small amount of time, and she should not be standing you up or flip-flopping on what she feels is or is not appropriate. I am positive that someone else would be a better fit and that you would be able to open up again. A new sponsor is going to say things, and have you do things, that you may not want to hear or do, but I think that's part of their job. But if they are respectful and committed you are not going to be harboring this growing negativity and resentment. How is it going to work when you get to the 4th step and she fills a whole page of resentments?
Again, I'm not in the program and may be off base with a bit of what I said. If I am wrong, I'm sure someone will correct me.
But, for sure, I think you need to find someone else. You deserve it. You are not bad for using suboxone, and your daily check in calls should not be making you sick with anxiety. I think you will feel a huge sense of relief once you have a new sponsor. Best of luck with your step work.
I'm not in the program. But, I would not spend another day with her as your sponsor. It seems unusual that in 9 years of sobriety she has never sponsored anyone, but again I am not in the program. Regardless of that, she is not a good fit for you. She doesn't seem committed to your recovery, nor does she respect your recovery. You are working with a doctor and have turned your addiction over to God. You are opening up and beginning step work. Unless I am missing something, it sounds like you are doing what you should be doing.
You should be proud of yourself for talking about this at the meeting. You have every right to do so, although I wouldn't dwell on suboxone as a miracle cure, it is not. I tried to view it as something to occupy my obsessive mind so I could focus on OTHER things, rather than the suboxone. I can understand her wanting you to talk about the step work or other general recovery topics, and not just suboxone, but it certainly should not be taboo. It's part of your program, as is total honesty, so it's hypocritical to pretend you are not on it.
From what you have said, she sounds like a busy person, as are most people. If she wants a commitment from you, she needs to be willing to commit to you. I would think a sponsor should be able to get through a 5-10 minute phone call without making you feel like you are interrupting or bothering her. I cannot see how that could help your recovery. Plus, since opening up has been a challenge for you, you need encouragement in that area. Instead she is making you feel punished. Everything sounds so contradictory.
You two are not on the same page. You need someone who can understand your needs, while keeping you on track at the same time. Please find another sponsor ASAP.
If you were able to open up to her, it will be even easier to open up to someone who is a better fit. Approach them and do the temporary sponsor thing again. Interview your new sponsor. Ask how she feels about certain things, like use of suboxone. She may not endorse it, but needs to be willing to respect your decision to use it.
You should never allow someone to make you feel bad about yourself. I think you are making progress.
Now, this may be a little redundant, but I would like to offer you some honest feedback, and I am not criticizing you in any way. Your conversations at meeting may be different from your posts. But here on the board, you talk quite frequently about suboxone, and usually mention it to newcomers. If that resembles what you are doing at meetings, I can see your sponsor's point of view.
It is my understanding that meetings are about certain topics or open discussion. If the topic is, for example step 4, and you are talking about suboxone, it may be off topic. If the discussion is open, you may want to try and focus on all those positive changes you have made, and NOT the tool (sub) that has helped you make them. Does that make sense?
Even though sub has assisted you in being able to make these changes, it's okay to take credit for the changes and not give the credit to suboxone.
Regardless of that, your sponsor is making you feel worse. If a sponsee is a burden to her, she shouldn't be sponsoring. She does owe you a certain amount of respect and a small amount of time, and she should not be standing you up or flip-flopping on what she feels is or is not appropriate. I am positive that someone else would be a better fit and that you would be able to open up again. A new sponsor is going to say things, and have you do things, that you may not want to hear or do, but I think that's part of their job. But if they are respectful and committed you are not going to be harboring this growing negativity and resentment. How is it going to work when you get to the 4th step and she fills a whole page of resentments?
Again, I'm not in the program and may be off base with a bit of what I said. If I am wrong, I'm sure someone will correct me.
But, for sure, I think you need to find someone else. You deserve it. You are not bad for using suboxone, and your daily check in calls should not be making you sick with anxiety. I think you will feel a huge sense of relief once you have a new sponsor. Best of luck with your step work.
Wanted to add that kat said it better than I did. I have actually been waiting to see what she would say. I agree with the talking on the phone issue. It is something you should force yourself to do.
Kat,
What do you think about my post, especially in regard to the meetings and sponsorship? Honestly, I can take it.
Fire,
Just curious what you meant by your post. Did you mean IF she is tapering, to let people know? Or were you suggesting that she just say she is tapering, even if she isn't? Just don't want to misunderstand. How have you been? Good to see you posting.
Kat,
What do you think about my post, especially in regard to the meetings and sponsorship? Honestly, I can take it.
Fire,
Just curious what you meant by your post. Did you mean IF she is tapering, to let people know? Or were you suggesting that she just say she is tapering, even if she isn't? Just don't want to misunderstand. How have you been? Good to see you posting.
Kat said it best...and sometimes a sponsor might work miracles with one sponsee and not mesh with the next one....For me, it's not so much that I like the person or am friends with that person, I look for do they have what I want and are they working a strong recovery program....And Julie, the phone thing will become easier but you have to do it on a regular basis and before you know it, it becomes a habit....Today, for me, I enjoy the phone and I try to call not only for myself but I call newcomers too just to see how they're doing.......I have one friend that it took her almost 3 months before she dialed that phone but today, she calls me regularly, sometimes just says hi but that's okay because I know how nervous and how much effort it takes her to do that.....and it is so true, when you call another alkie/addict, you are also helping them.....
Pray to your HP and ask for his guidance and be true to yourself....
Take care,
Stacey
Pray to your HP and ask for his guidance and be true to yourself....
Take care,
Stacey
You've got it, Atlas. They just don't seem to be a fit. It happens. That's why I had 4 sponsors before I found the one that fit. You are also right about most meetings have topics. I've never been to one that was just open discussion but that doesn't mean they don't happen. I think that's called therapy though. Ideally, meetings focus on recovery topics. No one wants to hear the stupid things we did when we were high. We've all done stupid things. We want to hear how to recover. But I have never heard sub discussed in meetings. Again, doesn't mean it doesn' t happen. I really don't see WHY it would even come up. There's no need for it. AA and NA are based on the 12 steps. Sub is not a part of either program. That's not saying it's wrong, it just doesn't fit. I really can't say what I would think if it was brought up but I go to AA and it doesn't treat alcoholism so I don't think it would ever happen. In the meetings I go to drugs are touched on lightly for the most part. We focus on alcohol. For NA's views on sub you would have to talk to someone that goes to NA. Can't help ya there.
Thanks Kat. I have a schedule of both AA and NA meetings in my area. There are a few that say open discussion. I have been told that means the group picks the topic and they go from there, not just a big chit chat session.
I can see how easy it would be to get carried away and start telling stories, and how that would be a bad thing.
I can see how easy it would be to get carried away and start telling stories, and how that would be a bad thing.
There are always two sides to every story.IMO........if a sponsor is not pissing you off,you need a new one.
A sponsor's role is not to be your best friend,therapist,astrologer,banker or love connection.Their only role is to guide you through the steps,like Kat mentioned.There is a reason why she's been clean for 8 years.You initially saw something in her that you wanted.When she suggested you not talk about Sub in the meeting,she may have had her reasons.I would have set up a meeting with her and told her everything you said in this thread without the drama.The relationship could have been salvaged?....
AA/NA are not perfect .The principles and steps are.Find a new sponsor but be careful what your expectations are.A conscientious one will have you start on the steps immediately.It's also standard protocol to call once a day.If you get angry at them....tell them why.Don't run and tell everyone else that they are making your life miserable.
I've gone through ton of sponsors and most of them were just doing what they were supposed to.The problem was me.I'm a self centered egomaniac that needs some tough regulating.
Today I've had the same sponsor for the last 3 years.After a period of time you will become friends but at the beginning,stick to business.
In fact I shared with him how this BB was starting to piss me off and he told me it was my own ego and people weren't doing what I wanted.
In other words.....Get over my cheap self.LOL
don't think I felt all warm and fuzzy after that little tidbit.Azzhole.LOL
Have a great day.
A sponsor's role is not to be your best friend,therapist,astrologer,banker or love connection.Their only role is to guide you through the steps,like Kat mentioned.There is a reason why she's been clean for 8 years.You initially saw something in her that you wanted.When she suggested you not talk about Sub in the meeting,she may have had her reasons.I would have set up a meeting with her and told her everything you said in this thread without the drama.The relationship could have been salvaged?....
AA/NA are not perfect .The principles and steps are.Find a new sponsor but be careful what your expectations are.A conscientious one will have you start on the steps immediately.It's also standard protocol to call once a day.If you get angry at them....tell them why.Don't run and tell everyone else that they are making your life miserable.
I've gone through ton of sponsors and most of them were just doing what they were supposed to.The problem was me.I'm a self centered egomaniac that needs some tough regulating.
Today I've had the same sponsor for the last 3 years.After a period of time you will become friends but at the beginning,stick to business.
In fact I shared with him how this BB was starting to piss me off and he told me it was my own ego and people weren't doing what I wanted.
In other words.....Get over my cheap self.LOL
don't think I felt all warm and fuzzy after that little tidbit.Azzhole.LOL
Have a great day.
AUH!............i am pised from just readding this...............
shes a stupid jerk.
when you called her and said hi how are you , what are you doing and she said home work and all the other short rude things.........
that would of been it for me........
ya know some people get clean and think they know everything...............
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
get real.
it really burnes me up that she said .i am not your doctor, i am not your family counselor...ect................i cant stand it when folks say that.
its a turn OFF .............
i know you were just reacing out for help, love and support....
dont ever talk to her again........
tell her she is fired and if she asked why tell her shes not your type......
tell her your bust, hang up and walk away.......
she toxic, she upsetting you and she a big fat loser.....
love you..................thumper
shes a stupid jerk.
when you called her and said hi how are you , what are you doing and she said home work and all the other short rude things.........
that would of been it for me........
ya know some people get clean and think they know everything...............
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
get real.
it really burnes me up that she said .i am not your doctor, i am not your family counselor...ect................i cant stand it when folks say that.
its a turn OFF .............
i know you were just reacing out for help, love and support....
dont ever talk to her again........
tell her she is fired and if she asked why tell her shes not your type......
tell her your bust, hang up and walk away.......
she toxic, she upsetting you and she a big fat loser.....
love you..................thumper
AMEN THUMPER
Hello
Hey Atlas-- Um- I guess Im a dumba$$ about the suboxone, but I just ASSumed that everyone tapered from suboxone. Like I thought once you were on it, it was custom to taper down until you were off it. Unless you were on it forever.. thats why i asked her how long or whatever i asked. anyway, im just throwing in 2 cents-- as for how Im doing, Im going crazy--busy busy-- etc. just like all of you-- anyway, take care, fire
Hey Atlas-- Um- I guess Im a dumba$$ about the suboxone, but I just ASSumed that everyone tapered from suboxone. Like I thought once you were on it, it was custom to taper down until you were off it. Unless you were on it forever.. thats why i asked her how long or whatever i asked. anyway, im just throwing in 2 cents-- as for how Im doing, Im going crazy--busy busy-- etc. just like all of you-- anyway, take care, fire
Atlas
Open meeting means anyone can go. Closed meeting means it's for alcoholics only. Same with NA, closed means addicts only.
Open meeting means anyone can go. Closed meeting means it's for alcoholics only. Same with NA, closed means addicts only.
well Tim...........your a man.............and my husbands sponsor died....
my husband goes to AA has been going for 16 years.
i hear they way they talk to one another on the phone......
it's respectful..........
i see they way his friends in the fellowship of AA treat one another......
its respectful..........
and these are OLD timers.......
some are in their 40's, 50's and 60's, and have been going for many many years..
they get together an have barbeques......and they are so respectful of one another..........i see how they treat new men....they go out of ther way to embrace the new people...........
i dont go to meetings...but i have been to a barbeque.....
and trust me if i told him this he would tell you to be kind to her but find someone that will help you GROW............
this is not helping you grow...........
this is giving you more anxiety........
and instead of calling her.... CALL someone that cares, that can lift you up.....
shes rude.............flat out.
your tried to call, you invited her to the bell chruch program,
SHE STOOD YOU UP..........thats not a responsible SPONSOR.
SHE DID NOT KEEP HER WORD.
you invited her to your HOME>>>>>>>>>>>
these are very kind gestures.........
so if i were you i would treat her like a drug.........AND PUT HER DOWN.
dont pick her back up.
please dont tell me that she is younger than you.........
my husband goes to AA has been going for 16 years.
i hear they way they talk to one another on the phone......
it's respectful..........
i see they way his friends in the fellowship of AA treat one another......
its respectful..........
and these are OLD timers.......
some are in their 40's, 50's and 60's, and have been going for many many years..
they get together an have barbeques......and they are so respectful of one another..........i see how they treat new men....they go out of ther way to embrace the new people...........
i dont go to meetings...but i have been to a barbeque.....
and trust me if i told him this he would tell you to be kind to her but find someone that will help you GROW............
this is not helping you grow...........
this is giving you more anxiety........
and instead of calling her.... CALL someone that cares, that can lift you up.....
shes rude.............flat out.
your tried to call, you invited her to the bell chruch program,
SHE STOOD YOU UP..........thats not a responsible SPONSOR.
SHE DID NOT KEEP HER WORD.
you invited her to your HOME>>>>>>>>>>>
these are very kind gestures.........
so if i were you i would treat her like a drug.........AND PUT HER DOWN.
dont pick her back up.
please dont tell me that she is younger than you.........
It may be hard to understand the relationship between a sponsor and a sponsee and probably each relationship is different. My sponsor has always been hard on me especially in the beginning. She gave me assignments and if I didn't do them I got yelled at. If we were to meet somewhere and I missed it, I got yelled at. Not literally, but you know what I mean. I did not expect to be treated with kid gloves by her. It is up to me to do the work, she already did it. She taught me how to make amends, how to get some self discipline, how to be respectful of others, things I had forgotten when I was wrapped up in myself and my addiction. She taught me how to be a lady. Yes, there is mutual respect but it has to be earned. Newcomers have not earned respect. They have been cheating and lying and manipulating.
If a new sponsee does not call me, I don't go looking for her. It is up to her to call me. The reason for this is to see how willing she is and to teach her to be accountable. I rarely call sponsees in their first 6 months. I've had too many of them relapse. It's too heartbreaking to get attached. I learned that early.
On the other hand, sponsors also need to stick to their commitments. If my sponsor couldn't make an appt. she always let me know ahead of time and we set up another date. I had one sponsor in early recovery that talked on and on about her boyfriends. I didn't keep her for long. Sponsors are not perfect. They are just drunks trying to stay sober. It is up to each individual to take responsibility for they own recovery, sponsors and sponsees alike. Like Tim said, there are two sides to every story. I think I'm rambling now.
If a new sponsee does not call me, I don't go looking for her. It is up to her to call me. The reason for this is to see how willing she is and to teach her to be accountable. I rarely call sponsees in their first 6 months. I've had too many of them relapse. It's too heartbreaking to get attached. I learned that early.
On the other hand, sponsors also need to stick to their commitments. If my sponsor couldn't make an appt. she always let me know ahead of time and we set up another date. I had one sponsor in early recovery that talked on and on about her boyfriends. I didn't keep her for long. Sponsors are not perfect. They are just drunks trying to stay sober. It is up to each individual to take responsibility for they own recovery, sponsors and sponsees alike. Like Tim said, there are two sides to every story. I think I'm rambling now.